DayWalker

Well I'll be 9 months sober on Nov 2nd. I've been doing great, got over all the urges the first month or two, worked the 12 steps, very happy with my life the way it is now, tryin to keep in touch with sober people (such as people here) in short...couldn't be better. Until this past weekend. Let me say up front I didn;t drink...just so that's clear but I had some feelings over the weekend that I never thought I would have ever again.

I had about 5 good buddies over this weekend to watch the UFC fight, we had a great time, enjoyed the company and friendship of guys I've known for years. They know I don't drink anymore, but I didn't want to be a kill joy and tell them they can't drink here. I've been around people drinking over the past 9 months and I didn;t think for a second it would bother me having them drink here. I don't know if it was just because all 5 guys were good friends that were drinking or what, but I had such urges to drink while they were here it wasn;t even funny. I hate to say it but I actually couldn't wait till the UFC fight was over just so they would leave because I needed so bad for them to get out of here with the alcohol.

I thought for sure I was over those feelings like 6+ months ago, but this past weekend those thoughts came back with a vengeance.

Anyway...just needed to vent and talk about the way I felt because it's been eating me up the past 2 days.

Steve

bellakeller

Just feelings. They ain't gonna bite ya.

Sorry you had to go through that. It passed, though, didn't it?

Dee74

I don't think it's surprising when we put ourselves in old situations, that we can sometimes react in old ways Steve.

if I decide I'm gonna let guests drink as they like (which incidentally I don't - I keep my house alcohol free...yep, I have a much quieter social life LOL but I'm ok with that) then I'd best be prepared for that, mate.

Maybe a sober buddy or two if there's a next time...a few numbers handy...maybe even hit a meeting?

Ultimately, tho - the fact you didn't drink, and haven't since, is great

D

Mark75

Congrats on the 9 months...

Hey, don't be too hard on yourself... I was still prone to self pity at 9 months... I remember the annual canoe trip we take every memorial day weekend... Friends and Family... My first one sober... There were difficult times for sure... Last memorial day I was fine, more than fine actually... Even though nearly everyone was drinking. It took time and continued work on recovery....

You are about where I was at this stage... Hey, you didn't pick up ... way to go!!!

Easy does it my good friend... It gets better, I promise. Thanx for sharing!

LawMama

Well I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you felt. I only have 3 months but I still have a lot of trouble with the urge to drink when I am in old situations or with old drinking buddies. As a result I avoid those situations. I must admit I am slightly jealous of all the people who say the urge to drink left them completely early in recovery. I hope that happens for me but so far no such luck.

DayWalker

Thanks guys. And thanks much Mark for letting me know you kind;a felt tha same way at 9 months. Because that's what's been bothering me a lot these past 2 days was that I thought I would be way past having those feelings again. So when it didn;t take 15 mins of them being here for me to feel like the odd man out, I really just felt just plain bad. And been feeling even worse now since then because having those thoughts again after all this time made me feel somewhat week. But hearing it's not "odd" to have those feelings after this long a time does make me feel better. Thanks.

Steve

AA4life

Glad you didn't drink. For me, I operate under an alcohol free home. I don't let the sh!t in that could ruin my new life. The safety of my own home is one place I want to be where I don't have to worry about having a slip.

That is what I do and then I don't have to deal with stuff like that. I have found that I don't think about drinking unless I am around people that are drinking.

So, to play it safe, I stay in situations where alcohol isn't an issue.

Congrats on the nine months, that is awesome. I just celebrated my 18 month birthday on the 17th.

Sobriety is awesome.

Anrkist

One thought might be to hold the get together at their place as opposed to yours. That way they can drink and if you feel overwhelmed, you can always just leave.

Congrats on sticking it through.

loveon2legs

Hi DW... (((Big Hugs)) It's funny how these urges creep up out of no where..I'm 9 months sober as of yesterday...I think it is totally natural to have these urges...to us 9 months may seems like along time, but really it isn't...we are still "babies" learning to walk,talk and be our "real" selves....I dont know if these urges ever really do go away....it's wonderful you didn't drink, you have the tools now to overcome them...I just suggest we don't let our guard down....and play the why me card...I've done that, and it goes no where....and just always remember where that "one" drink can lead you.....

Take it easy! xo

rws177

Ironically aside from two weddings the only time I have been around drinking is at UFC parties so I can relate to what you are saying here. If I buy the pay-per-view event at my house then I don't allow anyone to drink and provide pizza & soda. However sometimes I go to my buddies house and he will have it and the same group of friends will be drinking. So far it has not gotten to me too bad but I do have to leave as soon as it is over. I love the sport and want to be able to enjoy it with my friends. I'm glad to hear that you did not drink. I'd recomend not allowing them to drink if it is at your place.

Freedom1990

My house is an alcohol-free zone like Dee's.

If people want to drink, they can do it elsewhere!

I clearly remember being extra batsh*t crazy around those early anniversaries-3 months, 6 months, 9 months, a year.

Those were the times I had to really be careful about potentially setting myself up.

Glad you didn't drink, and talked about those feelings!

lildawg

Let me first congratulate you on not drinking. You crossed a threshold. You now know you can abstain even when the urge is there. That right there is wonderful.

I've had the very strong urge to drink hit me a few times over the past 2+ years. It always snuck up on me, like one of those f@rts you trumpet out while your favorite aunt is saying grace. That urge is miserable. It's like an itch you can barely keep from scratching.

Sometimes, I imagine the alcoholic urge to be another entity living within me. This entity is like a blood-starved vampire, lying in wait for the moment when I let down my guard. It uses doctored memories to make me think I'll have a good time if I drink. It whispers convincing lies in my ear, for this alcohol-starved demon knows me better than any lover ever has.

One thing that calms the urge for me is to remind myself that it wouldn't just be one drink. It would be many drinks. And the binge might go on long enough for me to do something I can't just walk away from. Like Dee says sometimes, I play the tape all the way through.

You've gotten some good suggestions on what to do next time. The thing is, though, there's always going to be that moment when you feel that impossible, almost bloodthirsty urge. Maybe some day, the day will come that you never feel it again. Until then, keep on doing what you're doing.