Amazing
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Springfield, MO
Posts: 11
Amazing
Last weekend I volunteered for the first time in years. I used to be a member of big brother big sister for about a year, quit that after my required year with a child, and that's when I started drinking heavily. I was basically binge drinking for 3 years, realized I needed help, and finished an outpatient program last Friday.
That is my short story of which I've already told.
So Friday afternoon until last Sunday evening, I volunteered for a camp for children with mental disabilities, and it was AMAZING! It was frustrating at first, but by Sunday I was wishing it wasn't over. It teaches you so much, and gives the children an experience they've never had before, where they are the norm. I'll tell about that experience in another post also, but it was fantastic.
This thread is about something else amazing that happened last night, and it had to of been an act of God.
Sunday night wasn't hard to go to sleep without drinking, I was absolutely exhausted from camp. Monday, was a different story. I didn't call my sponsor, was bored throughout the day/night, and had a hard time going to sleep. I was convinced nothing would make me drink last night, and so far this is the longest I've gone without drinking since I started binging..Not much, but two weeks now.
Well I went to bed, had a weird dream, woke up (thinking it was morning), but realizing it was only 1 am. I looked outside and could see the moon, so it was clear, so no storms, but it was a bit windy, I figured it was that which woke me up.I don't know why this happened next, I felt like I was in a trance; But I grabbed my keys, some money, and headed to the liquor store. I knew I wouldn't be caught, my sister was sound asleep. Every second heading there was a battle, I knew everything I had worked for would be crushed, and I had even convinced myself I wasn't going to buy any alcohol, just a pack of smokes or anything. But I walked in, walked around for about five minutes, and finally picked up some vodka and orange juice.
Literally within seconds of picking it up, I heard the attendant at the store say "whooa"! I saw he was looking outside, and out of nowhere there was sideways rain, and what looked like a mild tornado!? It was like..some sort of sign?!? ....nah.. So I bought the alcohol, fought my way to my car, and headed home, still in what seemed like a trance (not an excuse, I bought liquor, but remembering it that's what it felt like). I get home, one step left before drinking, get it inside, which is never a problem. My sister sleeps like a rock.
I walk up to the door, it stops raining, and the thunder and lightning from the 5 minute storm had awoke my sister. She didn't catch me walking by her room, or hear me walking in; She was waiting at the front door looking at the clearing sky. I set the alcohol at her feet, ran to the driveway, and just almost collapsed thinking about what I was doing. I just sat there for about ten minutes thinking about what had happened then went and talked to my sister. It's like she woke me up from my "trance", and it was scary to think how easily I would give up sobriety. In a sense it was a wake up call. But if it hadn't been for that 5 minute storm, I would have done just that last night. Four days after finishing outpatient and one day after being gone volunteering for the weekend. Incredible. It just shows how much more effort and work I need to put into this.
when I was bored I could have gone to an AA meeting, called my sponsor, visited the forum, anything. But I thought I would be fine for last night.
Nope.
This is a picture of the storm currently that brewed from last night (obviously not near where I live anymore), the circled black part is what the radar looked like when I checked it right after pouring out the vodka.
That is my short story of which I've already told.
So Friday afternoon until last Sunday evening, I volunteered for a camp for children with mental disabilities, and it was AMAZING! It was frustrating at first, but by Sunday I was wishing it wasn't over. It teaches you so much, and gives the children an experience they've never had before, where they are the norm. I'll tell about that experience in another post also, but it was fantastic.
This thread is about something else amazing that happened last night, and it had to of been an act of God.
Sunday night wasn't hard to go to sleep without drinking, I was absolutely exhausted from camp. Monday, was a different story. I didn't call my sponsor, was bored throughout the day/night, and had a hard time going to sleep. I was convinced nothing would make me drink last night, and so far this is the longest I've gone without drinking since I started binging..Not much, but two weeks now.
Well I went to bed, had a weird dream, woke up (thinking it was morning), but realizing it was only 1 am. I looked outside and could see the moon, so it was clear, so no storms, but it was a bit windy, I figured it was that which woke me up.I don't know why this happened next, I felt like I was in a trance; But I grabbed my keys, some money, and headed to the liquor store. I knew I wouldn't be caught, my sister was sound asleep. Every second heading there was a battle, I knew everything I had worked for would be crushed, and I had even convinced myself I wasn't going to buy any alcohol, just a pack of smokes or anything. But I walked in, walked around for about five minutes, and finally picked up some vodka and orange juice.
Literally within seconds of picking it up, I heard the attendant at the store say "whooa"! I saw he was looking outside, and out of nowhere there was sideways rain, and what looked like a mild tornado!? It was like..some sort of sign?!? ....nah.. So I bought the alcohol, fought my way to my car, and headed home, still in what seemed like a trance (not an excuse, I bought liquor, but remembering it that's what it felt like). I get home, one step left before drinking, get it inside, which is never a problem. My sister sleeps like a rock.
I walk up to the door, it stops raining, and the thunder and lightning from the 5 minute storm had awoke my sister. She didn't catch me walking by her room, or hear me walking in; She was waiting at the front door looking at the clearing sky. I set the alcohol at her feet, ran to the driveway, and just almost collapsed thinking about what I was doing. I just sat there for about ten minutes thinking about what had happened then went and talked to my sister. It's like she woke me up from my "trance", and it was scary to think how easily I would give up sobriety. In a sense it was a wake up call. But if it hadn't been for that 5 minute storm, I would have done just that last night. Four days after finishing outpatient and one day after being gone volunteering for the weekend. Incredible. It just shows how much more effort and work I need to put into this.
when I was bored I could have gone to an AA meeting, called my sponsor, visited the forum, anything. But I thought I would be fine for last night.
Nope.
This is a picture of the storm currently that brewed from last night (obviously not near where I live anymore), the circled black part is what the radar looked like when I checked it right after pouring out the vodka.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Seattle
Posts: 49
Great job on powering through the storm...I truly believe helping others has a bigger pay out then what we give, Always! It took me a long time to learn this. How could I help others when I was such a mess myself.
I think we need to be extremely cautious with fighting this addiction. Just when you feel like "ya, I got this". You don't.
Hang in there. We are here for each other.
I think we need to be extremely cautious with fighting this addiction. Just when you feel like "ya, I got this". You don't.
Hang in there. We are here for each other.
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