Looking For Help :)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Buffalo Ny
Posts: 1
Looking For Help :)
Im a 35 yr old attractive women who holds a full time job and appears to be content with her life. What others dont know, is that im extremly lonely and dislike myself in many ways. Ive been struggeling now for a long time with my issues. For many years now I have come home after work to a "few" drinks. Always enough just to get a good buzz, then i stop. However when im out socially, i always find myself drinking Before i go out, and then more when im out. Along with the drinking, I smoke pot off and on. My friends are amazing people, and NEVER pressure me into drinking or smoking pot. However I find it hard not to as they all do. And most in excess. I dont want to cut them off, as my friends are the only people in my life. I come from an estranged family and only speak to my 2 sisters.
Im here asking for help and direction as I am extremly embarrassed to talk about this with the people in my life.I want to stop, and have some type of control over my life. Im stuck in a rut (life in general) and would like start anew.
Does this sound like a serious drinking problem? Any help would be appreciated!!
Im here asking for help and direction as I am extremly embarrassed to talk about this with the people in my life.I want to stop, and have some type of control over my life. Im stuck in a rut (life in general) and would like start anew.
Does this sound like a serious drinking problem? Any help would be appreciated!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 711
Welcome to this reovery site called SR barn175!
I can't or wouldn't want to label you or even try to analyze if you have a problem. Figuring out if there is a problem is something that only you can do - it's your own little puzzle to solve. Once you answer that question, you can decide what to do with yourself.
I stayed in denial for way too long until it finally just clicked that yes I was an alcoholic and yes I definitely 100% had a problem. The good news is that you will find tons of support, tons of useful information for research, advice, etc. This is a great place to sort things out, but only one of the many tools you can use.
There are groups, AA meetings, therapists available for you to sort things out. If you feel you want to stop, then I'm thinking that's a red flag. You sound like a logical person, so play things through and get that answer you desire.
I can't or wouldn't want to label you or even try to analyze if you have a problem. Figuring out if there is a problem is something that only you can do - it's your own little puzzle to solve. Once you answer that question, you can decide what to do with yourself.
I stayed in denial for way too long until it finally just clicked that yes I was an alcoholic and yes I definitely 100% had a problem. The good news is that you will find tons of support, tons of useful information for research, advice, etc. This is a great place to sort things out, but only one of the many tools you can use.
There are groups, AA meetings, therapists available for you to sort things out. If you feel you want to stop, then I'm thinking that's a red flag. You sound like a logical person, so play things through and get that answer you desire.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Hmm.. I did have to lose the drinking buddies, but my friends were just that. If your friends aren't just the drinking pal type, start thinking of other 'non-drinking' stuff to do, like hikes, movies, coffee out, etc.. (there's SO much more to do than drinking!). I don't talk about the details of my issues with alcohol with anyone in my life, other than my therapist and my husband.. and even then, I never will expect my husband to 'get it'. He doesn't have to.. neither do my friends. I'm simply a non-drinker, and I find enjoyment in other things in life. Plus, you never know who you might meet down the road in your new sober life, if you choose to quit.. might find some very good quality folks to surround yourself with.
Have you considered going to any meetings? Counseling? I tried both.. and found what worked for me.. but there's lots of ways. The most important thing is action, and support.
Have you considered going to any meetings? Counseling? I tried both.. and found what worked for me.. but there's lots of ways. The most important thing is action, and support.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Boy, can I relate to those feelings.
It seemed like some days, I was bullet proof. I was in love with myself, I was the best, and I darn-well knew it. Then, with little warning and many times for no reason, my thinking would just "flip" and all I could see were my shortcomings, my weaknesses, my past failures and, if I thought about it hard enough, I could see all my future failures (lol). I'm sure some doctor would have loved to put my under his care, prescribe a bunch of meds for me, and get me into psychiatric care.
Little did I know....those are all symptoms of alcoholism too - that feeling that you just don't fit, that something's just "off" or not quite right. The AA book talks about feeling restless, irritable and discontent (when not drinking) but.....once a couple drinks go down my throat......life seems to come back into focus (for a while anyway). I felt comfortable around ppl I wouldn't have felt comfortable around had I not worked up a decent buzz. Most importantly though......I could see my shortcomings for what they were - just shortcomings - they didn't define me. I'd recognize that I had another shot at this life-game again tomorrow and, this time, it'll be different. I felt great, I felt hope, and I was optimistic. Then.......I'd wake up the next morning......and all that good thinkin' was gone and it was replaced by all those fears, those deficiencies, and my good friend "self-lothing." Heck, I wasn't an alcoholic, alcohol made me feel GOOD (I thought). Alkies are ppl who live on park benches, drink from bags, and alcohol ruined and is ruining their lives - it made my life BETTER (so I thought).
I dunno if you're an alcoholic or not but everything you typed......well......it fits. You may not be an out-and-out "real" alcoholic now (or maybe you ARE), but if you're not, it seems like you're studying hard to be one. Try some controlled drinking.......try to leave it alone for a while... like 6 months or a year. If drinking is your problem, then not drinking should yield some pretty good benefits. On the other hand, if your life DOESN'T get better......you're problem isn't alcohol.....your problem is alcoholism.
If you're like me.......well.........the thought of "not drinking for 6 mos or a year" had you shaking your head thinking, "Ugh..... well......THAT'S not gonna happen!" If that's the case......you're probably alcoholic and you're probably suffering from alcoholism. And my experience is, if you keep drinking and don't treat the illness head on, it'll get worse, and worse, and worse....until it kills you, lands you in jail, or you kill yourself. Worst of all.....it's slow........and it's patient.......and if you've got it like I've got it, you better do something about it - and fast.
Some heavy drinkers can moderate or even stop altogether and their lives get better. My experience when I stopped was life got worse...I felt worse....and I couldn't take it much longer. That, my friend, is alcoholism and it's VERY serious. Thankfully, your life doesn't have to end the way I described... there is an alternative - recovery - and it's FAR more than "I just don't drink." It's a new way of living, a new way of thinking....it's like being reborn - and it's the BOMB. I sincerely hope you find YOUR truth and are able to make the decisions you need to make.
It seemed like some days, I was bullet proof. I was in love with myself, I was the best, and I darn-well knew it. Then, with little warning and many times for no reason, my thinking would just "flip" and all I could see were my shortcomings, my weaknesses, my past failures and, if I thought about it hard enough, I could see all my future failures (lol). I'm sure some doctor would have loved to put my under his care, prescribe a bunch of meds for me, and get me into psychiatric care.
Little did I know....those are all symptoms of alcoholism too - that feeling that you just don't fit, that something's just "off" or not quite right. The AA book talks about feeling restless, irritable and discontent (when not drinking) but.....once a couple drinks go down my throat......life seems to come back into focus (for a while anyway). I felt comfortable around ppl I wouldn't have felt comfortable around had I not worked up a decent buzz. Most importantly though......I could see my shortcomings for what they were - just shortcomings - they didn't define me. I'd recognize that I had another shot at this life-game again tomorrow and, this time, it'll be different. I felt great, I felt hope, and I was optimistic. Then.......I'd wake up the next morning......and all that good thinkin' was gone and it was replaced by all those fears, those deficiencies, and my good friend "self-lothing." Heck, I wasn't an alcoholic, alcohol made me feel GOOD (I thought). Alkies are ppl who live on park benches, drink from bags, and alcohol ruined and is ruining their lives - it made my life BETTER (so I thought).
I dunno if you're an alcoholic or not but everything you typed......well......it fits. You may not be an out-and-out "real" alcoholic now (or maybe you ARE), but if you're not, it seems like you're studying hard to be one. Try some controlled drinking.......try to leave it alone for a while... like 6 months or a year. If drinking is your problem, then not drinking should yield some pretty good benefits. On the other hand, if your life DOESN'T get better......you're problem isn't alcohol.....your problem is alcoholism.
If you're like me.......well.........the thought of "not drinking for 6 mos or a year" had you shaking your head thinking, "Ugh..... well......THAT'S not gonna happen!" If that's the case......you're probably alcoholic and you're probably suffering from alcoholism. And my experience is, if you keep drinking and don't treat the illness head on, it'll get worse, and worse, and worse....until it kills you, lands you in jail, or you kill yourself. Worst of all.....it's slow........and it's patient.......and if you've got it like I've got it, you better do something about it - and fast.
Some heavy drinkers can moderate or even stop altogether and their lives get better. My experience when I stopped was life got worse...I felt worse....and I couldn't take it much longer. That, my friend, is alcoholism and it's VERY serious. Thankfully, your life doesn't have to end the way I described... there is an alternative - recovery - and it's FAR more than "I just don't drink." It's a new way of living, a new way of thinking....it's like being reborn - and it's the BOMB. I sincerely hope you find YOUR truth and are able to make the decisions you need to make.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 197
Hello. I found that I had to move away from my drinking friends. The good news is that it wasn't that many at all, just my best friend at the time. I kinda lead a network of little real life friends.
I have made many attempts to quit drinking. Right now I am at 2 months and doing good at staying away from alcohol. But in my past a couple years back I did have to slowly move away from my friend in particular. I just couldn't take watching him drink and all the while wondering why i wasn't or always making sure i didn't want one. And then to watch him get drunk wasn't very fun at all either. I became out of place and no longer wanted to hang with him.
Right now I really want friends who don't drink. I especially want to find a girlfriend who doesn't drink at all. All my girlfriends in the past drank which always pulled me into it. But this time I will seek a non-drinker so we fit together well.
If you can still hang out with your friends and not drink and still have the desire to hang with them after you quit that's fine. But you may not be interested anymore after you quit.
I'm sober now for 2 months. I went late night to a diner and there was drunk people everywhere. I looked at this one lady and her eyes were red and she just stared at me for a few seconds with an empty stare. She was dressed kinda sexy but looked sloppy at the same time. And some other people talking about stupid stuff and just plain old sexually crude things. I don't want this anymore. I just don't.
I hope you quit drinking and good luck with deciding who your friends will be.
I have made many attempts to quit drinking. Right now I am at 2 months and doing good at staying away from alcohol. But in my past a couple years back I did have to slowly move away from my friend in particular. I just couldn't take watching him drink and all the while wondering why i wasn't or always making sure i didn't want one. And then to watch him get drunk wasn't very fun at all either. I became out of place and no longer wanted to hang with him.
Right now I really want friends who don't drink. I especially want to find a girlfriend who doesn't drink at all. All my girlfriends in the past drank which always pulled me into it. But this time I will seek a non-drinker so we fit together well.
If you can still hang out with your friends and not drink and still have the desire to hang with them after you quit that's fine. But you may not be interested anymore after you quit.
I'm sober now for 2 months. I went late night to a diner and there was drunk people everywhere. I looked at this one lady and her eyes were red and she just stared at me for a few seconds with an empty stare. She was dressed kinda sexy but looked sloppy at the same time. And some other people talking about stupid stuff and just plain old sexually crude things. I don't want this anymore. I just don't.
I hope you quit drinking and good luck with deciding who your friends will be.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Welcome!!!
I honestly can't say, and in any event, various people and the government told me that I might have a drinking problem, but it did little good at that time.
My 'friends' quickly got lost when I announced my new found sobriety, and tried to save the world-happens to a fair number of people.
These days, that 'life' has little attraction for me, I've subjected myself to it on occasion, the jokes weren't funnier, the conversation wasn't wittier.
I'm a firm believer in the statement, if you want to change your life, you have to change just about everything in it.
And in this process, you'll find out who your real friends are.
I honestly can't say, and in any event, various people and the government told me that I might have a drinking problem, but it did little good at that time.
My 'friends' quickly got lost when I announced my new found sobriety, and tried to save the world-happens to a fair number of people.
These days, that 'life' has little attraction for me, I've subjected myself to it on occasion, the jokes weren't funnier, the conversation wasn't wittier.
I'm a firm believer in the statement, if you want to change your life, you have to change just about everything in it.
And in this process, you'll find out who your real friends are.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi and welcome!
For me, drinking fueled all my feelings of depression, anxiety and worthlessness. I am also the type of person who had a life that looked pretty darn amazing on the outside but it didn't reflect what was going on inside. I tried therapy, counseling and self-help books while I still drank to try and help my problems. They worked but not well enough, nothing really made a huge difference until I removed alcohol from my life...since then everything that was bad is fading from my life. Most of my friends don't drink or don't drink much, we are in the second half of our 30's and that lifestyle no longer appeals...the last couple of years I drank by myself since my friends no longer wanted to hang out at bars. The handful of friends had that still did were drinking friends and not real friends.
I was also very lonely, but the drinking only fueled that. I am learning how o be happy by myself now.
Good luck and I hope you hang around!
For me, drinking fueled all my feelings of depression, anxiety and worthlessness. I am also the type of person who had a life that looked pretty darn amazing on the outside but it didn't reflect what was going on inside. I tried therapy, counseling and self-help books while I still drank to try and help my problems. They worked but not well enough, nothing really made a huge difference until I removed alcohol from my life...since then everything that was bad is fading from my life. Most of my friends don't drink or don't drink much, we are in the second half of our 30's and that lifestyle no longer appeals...the last couple of years I drank by myself since my friends no longer wanted to hang out at bars. The handful of friends had that still did were drinking friends and not real friends.
I was also very lonely, but the drinking only fueled that. I am learning how o be happy by myself now.
Good luck and I hope you hang around!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by DayTrader 
Boy, can I relate to those feelings.
It seemed like some days, I was bullet proof. I was in love with myself, I was the best, and I darn-well knew it. Then, with little warning and many times for no reason, my thinking would just "flip" and all I could see were my shortcomings, my weaknesses, my past failures and, if I thought about it hard enough, I could see all my future failures (lol). I'm sure some doctor would have loved to put my under his care, prescribe a bunch of meds for me, and get me into psychiatric care.
Little did I know....those are all symptoms of alcoholism too - that feeling that you just don't fit, that something's just "off" or not quite right. The AA book talks about feeling restless, irritable and discontent (when not drinking) but.....once a couple drinks go down my throat......life seems to come back into focus (for a while anyway). I felt comfortable around ppl I wouldn't have felt comfortable around had I not worked up a decent buzz. Most importantly though......I could see my shortcomings for what they were - just shortcomings - they didn't define me. I'd recognize that I had another shot at this life-game again tomorrow and, this time, it'll be different. I felt great, I felt hope, and I was optimistic. Then.......I'd wake up the next morning......and all that good thinkin' was gone and it was replaced by all those fears, those deficiencies, and my good friend "self-lothing." Heck, I wasn't an alcoholic, alcohol made me feel GOOD (I thought). Alkies are ppl who live on park benches, drink from bags, and alcohol ruined and is ruining their lives - it made my life BETTER (so I thought).
I dunno if you're an alcoholic or not but everything you typed......well......it fits. You may not be an out-and-out "real" alcoholic now (or maybe you ARE), but if you're not, it seems like you're studying hard to be one. Try some controlled drinking.......try to leave it alone for a while... like 6 months or a year. If drinking is your problem, then not drinking should yield some pretty good benefits. On the other hand, if your life DOESN'T get better......you're problem isn't alcohol.....your problem is alcoholism.
If you're like me.......well.........the thought of "not drinking for 6 mos or a year" had you shaking your head thinking, "Ugh..... well......THAT'S not gonna happen!" If that's the case......you're probably alcoholic and you're probably suffering from alcoholism. And my experience is, if you keep drinking and don't treat the illness head on, it'll get worse, and worse, and worse....until it kills you, lands you in jail, or you kill yourself. Worst of all.....it's slow........and it's patient.......and if you've got it like I've got it, you better do something about it - and fast.
Some heavy drinkers can moderate or even stop altogether and their lives get better. My experience when I stopped was life got worse...I felt worse....and I couldn't take it much longer. That, my friend, is alcoholism and it's VERY serious. Thankfully, your life doesn't have to end the way I described... there is an alternative - recovery - and it's FAR more than "I just don't drink." It's a new way of living, a new way of thinking....it's like being reborn - and it's the BOMB. I sincerely hope you find YOUR truth and are able to make the decisions you need to make.
It seemed like some days, I was bullet proof. I was in love with myself, I was the best, and I darn-well knew it. Then, with little warning and many times for no reason, my thinking would just "flip" and all I could see were my shortcomings, my weaknesses, my past failures and, if I thought about it hard enough, I could see all my future failures (lol). I'm sure some doctor would have loved to put my under his care, prescribe a bunch of meds for me, and get me into psychiatric care.
Little did I know....those are all symptoms of alcoholism too - that feeling that you just don't fit, that something's just "off" or not quite right. The AA book talks about feeling restless, irritable and discontent (when not drinking) but.....once a couple drinks go down my throat......life seems to come back into focus (for a while anyway). I felt comfortable around ppl I wouldn't have felt comfortable around had I not worked up a decent buzz. Most importantly though......I could see my shortcomings for what they were - just shortcomings - they didn't define me. I'd recognize that I had another shot at this life-game again tomorrow and, this time, it'll be different. I felt great, I felt hope, and I was optimistic. Then.......I'd wake up the next morning......and all that good thinkin' was gone and it was replaced by all those fears, those deficiencies, and my good friend "self-lothing." Heck, I wasn't an alcoholic, alcohol made me feel GOOD (I thought). Alkies are ppl who live on park benches, drink from bags, and alcohol ruined and is ruining their lives - it made my life BETTER (so I thought).
I dunno if you're an alcoholic or not but everything you typed......well......it fits. You may not be an out-and-out "real" alcoholic now (or maybe you ARE), but if you're not, it seems like you're studying hard to be one. Try some controlled drinking.......try to leave it alone for a while... like 6 months or a year. If drinking is your problem, then not drinking should yield some pretty good benefits. On the other hand, if your life DOESN'T get better......you're problem isn't alcohol.....your problem is alcoholism.
If you're like me.......well.........the thought of "not drinking for 6 mos or a year" had you shaking your head thinking, "Ugh..... well......THAT'S not gonna happen!" If that's the case......you're probably alcoholic and you're probably suffering from alcoholism. And my experience is, if you keep drinking and don't treat the illness head on, it'll get worse, and worse, and worse....until it kills you, lands you in jail, or you kill yourself. Worst of all.....it's slow........and it's patient.......and if you've got it like I've got it, you better do something about it - and fast.
Some heavy drinkers can moderate or even stop altogether and their lives get better. My experience when I stopped was life got worse...I felt worse....and I couldn't take it much longer. That, my friend, is alcoholism and it's VERY serious. Thankfully, your life doesn't have to end the way I described... there is an alternative - recovery - and it's FAR more than "I just don't drink." It's a new way of living, a new way of thinking....it's like being reborn - and it's the BOMB. I sincerely hope you find YOUR truth and are able to make the decisions you need to make.
Good post.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Barn, welcome to SR. I could have written your post 15 yrs ago. I found myself single when I was in my late 30s, great job, dates whenever I wanted, estranged from my family, and very lonely and often filled with self loathing. I would get home from work and have a couple of drinks 2-3 maximum, when I went out I always drank before going out and drank more than I intended. As the years went by I started doing more and more of my dranking at home alone, eventually the 2 glasses of wine turned into the whole bottle of wine and on the weekends it was 2 or more bottles of wine. The more I drank the lower my self-esteem became until it was finally so low I tried to end my life. I quit drinking, I still have the same job/same home/still live thousands of miles from my family, BUT I no longer have low self-esteem, I still live alone but I'm no longer lonely. Alcohol fuels loneliness and feelings of worthlessness and w/o the alcohol many, myself included find life a whole lot more worthwhile.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome.....
When I was a drinker....my social circle consisted of drinkers.
Of course....they all thought I was nutso when I told them
I was going to quit...had joined AA...and declared my
apartment was now a non drinking zone....
I gave up the bar scene and accepted no
invitations from the drinking crowd.
This gave me time to explore how I wanted to spend
the rest of my life I found new friends who shared
my goal of living sober in AA meetings....
Glad you are here and I hope you will be soon
heading into a sober healthier future.
When I was a drinker....my social circle consisted of drinkers.
Of course....they all thought I was nutso when I told them
I was going to quit...had joined AA...and declared my
apartment was now a non drinking zone....
I gave up the bar scene and accepted no
invitations from the drinking crowd.
This gave me time to explore how I wanted to spend
the rest of my life I found new friends who shared
my goal of living sober in AA meetings....
Glad you are here and I hope you will be soon
heading into a sober healthier future.
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