Wilde10

trialrun,
Sorry you are going through this difficult time. Nothing to add. Just showing support in case it helps. Think that we have chosen many partners/friends precisely because they did not interfere or they actively enabled our drinking. It makes things more complicated.

trailrunrbyday

Wow...the support is amazing. My husband may have a problem too...I am not certain. he says he can take it or leave it but his bringing it home last night knowing that I was making my first real attempt to stop drinking sent me on a rollercoaster of emotions. I am not even sure if he simply *forgot*...didn't' take me seriously(as I have never stated out loud that I am quitting before now), panicked about not being able to carry on life as he likes it or complete sabotage of my attempt(I have a hard time believing he would do that purposefully).

For the record...the day prior when I went to buy wine....I had woken up that morning very very annoyed that I drank so much the night prior and when he asked me why I was so down in the dumps I told him that I was sick of feeling out of control..drinking too much and that it had to stop. To me it was a big deal to say it out loud as we have only joked about being alcoholics but never seriously voiced concern in sober conversation.

I thought that was pretty clear. I'm done drinking.

Then he brings it home the next day. Maybe he didn't realize that I was serious but he has known me for over 10 years and when he was cracking beer #5 and I hadn't had one I would lay down my life that he knew it was purposeful. I am usually through the beers quicker than he when they are available. Not only did he not bring up conversation but he was irritable with me all evening. He's a little passive/aggressive that way.

So...I avoided confrontation all night because I suspected it would not lead anywhere good(he was already drinking and I did not want to feel like I need a drink to calm down from a heated discussion).

I think I will try to discuss it with him again tonight but it's a little tough to anticipate how night #2 will go with 6 beers calling my name.

Thanks for the support.
Kimberly

flutter

My husband had a hard time with me being sober in the beginning. I think part of it was he didn't want to think of me as having a 'problem', (he's a normie, he cannot fathom why I cant' just have 2 and stop.. I had to let go of trying to make him understand it, and just say I am never drinking again), but it also then put a mirror on his drinking.. which at the time was a lot, but he's not an alcoholic. We went through "it's your problem, I'm not changing for you" deal for a bit, and I ended up drinking again, for a while.. and sliding down in life even further than before. I begged him, for just a while.. to keep it out of the house. I actually never drank what he brought around, but I just couldn't deal with it for the time being. Once HE was out of the habit of drinking so much (because he lost his drinking buddy!), he realized he had no need to keep it around anyways and for at least the first year and a half, there was no alcohol in the house. I think he has a few beers in the bar fridge in the basement, but he's the type of guy, NOW.. that can make a 12 pack last a couple of months.

All that rambling to say, he might need to find HIS place in this new lifestyle of yours, because it IS a new life, not just the same thing minus alcohol.. it has to be. I would just keep asking him not to bring alcohol to the house, and think of other fun stuff to do together with your evenings. I don't think he's this mean disrespectful thoughtless monster, considering that you did bring your OWN alcohol into the house a mere few nights ago.. and I KNOW you said you're done, and mean it this time.. I said that a lot too, and when I finally meant it, it was almost like the boy who cried wolf. I had to just do it, and leave the rest alone.

recycle

Kim don't animate alcohol. The beers are not calling your name. They don't stalk you, or prey on you. You seem to be too bright to love a thing. It sounds trivial, but imagery and self-talk we use does affect how and where we store things in our brain. Beer is 5% poison. A poison that robs you of your youth, your freewill, your self control, and your ability to process the world outside yourself. (Wow, that sounded preachy - I'm sorry, I think I was writing that for myself.)

Despite my chatty Nancy nature here on SR, I don't talk much about where I am in real life. After a few days my wife asked me what was going on. I told her "As of today, I would rather not take another drink the rest of my life, than go back to feeling dependent on alcohol." That is about as true and succinct a statement as I can come up with. Anything more would just be me talking about what I'm gonna do, who I am gonna be.

“Do or do not... there is no try.” Yoda

trailrunrbyday

Thanks Flutter. I appreciate your insight and your experience. I will say that I have NEVER said I was quitting before this week. I am one of those kind of stubborn people(bite your tongue oneday!) and will only say something if I am positively meaning it.

I hope to just get through his finishing the box of tonight and when there are safely none in the house Wednesday(our 9 year wedding anniversary coincidentally) maybe we can have a safe/calm/sober discussion about it. I am hoping for a nice evening so we can throw the canoe on the car and spend the evening talking on the river.

trailrunrbyday

Thanks for the reality check Recycle. is it okay to say that I true love cheese though? (crap...that used to be cheese and wine!)

I really do love Applewood Smoked Cheddar eaten in the Alpine after conquering several thousand feet of elevation gain. oh oh....and apples cored and filled with peanut butter, nuts, raisins and honey.