My mind tried to trick me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
My mind tried to trick me
On Day 2. Here I am thinking about my evening. I have to stop at the grocery store...then go home...go for a quick run....fix dinner...then...
hmmm. There are 6 beer at home(thank you again, My Love). Sheesh. Last night wasn't so hard. I enjoyed the tea...and the water. Gosh...it was so easy that I mustn't be an alcoholic. That's it. This is all in my head and hubby is right...I just have to stop at 2 instead of 6 or 10 or 12. So yay...now I get to entertain the thought of a cold beer while I make dinner.
screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech.
The brakes came on.
Wow. My mind is full of poisonous thoughts....but boy, are they sneaky!
I hope Day 2 ends like Day 1 did.
in bed. tea. pride. hope.
Kimberly
hmmm. There are 6 beer at home(thank you again, My Love). Sheesh. Last night wasn't so hard. I enjoyed the tea...and the water. Gosh...it was so easy that I mustn't be an alcoholic. That's it. This is all in my head and hubby is right...I just have to stop at 2 instead of 6 or 10 or 12. So yay...now I get to entertain the thought of a cold beer while I make dinner.
screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech.
The brakes came on.
Wow. My mind is full of poisonous thoughts....but boy, are they sneaky!
I hope Day 2 ends like Day 1 did.
in bed. tea. pride. hope.
Kimberly
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hold onto the thought of having peace and clarity in the morning tomorrow. We're so used to wanting to change our mood NOW, instead of developing it naturally and meaningfully. Each day that you stay sober will get better and better. All you have to do today is not drink...... the rest is just gravy! So ignore that little demon of habit. You can do it!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
I've thought this so many times:
Of course, my husband never made polite noises about me not being an alcoholic. On the contrary. He practically thanked the heavens when I announced I was done. However, he gave me the easiest out anybody could ever imagine. He said, "I'll never judge you if you decide to start again."
Later, when I got desperate, my mind helpfully said:
"Okay. Vodka doesn't have much smell. I could drink a half-pint of that and probably be over my drunk before anybody caught me."
Then, it hit me: If I needed to hide and didn't want anybody to know I was drinking, then, I probably didn't need to be drinking.
Our natural reflex is to stop discomfort as soon as it starts. That goes for mental discomfort, too. The challenge is not to give into temptation. Here's how I see it: If you can stand running on a regular basis, I know you can make yourself keep going in spite of physical (and, sometimes, mental) discomfort. You're tough. You're tough enough to resist the temptation to drink. As someone who used to run and who also got sober, I know you can do this.
Originally Posted by trailrunbyday
This is all in my head and hubby is right...I just have to stop at 2 instead of 6 or 10 or 12. So yay...now I get to entertain the thought of a cold beer while I make dinner.
Later, when I got desperate, my mind helpfully said:
"Okay. Vodka doesn't have much smell. I could drink a half-pint of that and probably be over my drunk before anybody caught me."
Then, it hit me: If I needed to hide and didn't want anybody to know I was drinking, then, I probably didn't need to be drinking.
Our natural reflex is to stop discomfort as soon as it starts. That goes for mental discomfort, too. The challenge is not to give into temptation. Here's how I see it: If you can stand running on a regular basis, I know you can make yourself keep going in spite of physical (and, sometimes, mental) discomfort. You're tough. You're tough enough to resist the temptation to drink. As someone who used to run and who also got sober, I know you can do this.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
I think it's very insightful of you to recognize the "trick" your mind played on you! And likely means that you will succeed in not falling for it.
Curl up in bed again with some of that Wild Sweet Orange. I'll be drinking my own tea and watching Shark Week on the Discovery channel... it's these little things that keep us entertained and away from thinking about drinking
Curl up in bed again with some of that Wild Sweet Orange. I'll be drinking my own tea and watching Shark Week on the Discovery channel... it's these little things that keep us entertained and away from thinking about drinking
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
I have always said that the physical withdrawls were easier than the mind games the brain plays with us after it's out of our system. That, to me, is the hard part.
It helps to know (it helped me anyways) that the "Bad voice" will shut up over time, as long as you don't feed it. It may occasionally raise it's ugly little head later on down the road to see if you'll give it what it wants, but it gets weaker and weaker every time it's ignored.
Ok, now I think I sound crazy!
It helps to know (it helped me anyways) that the "Bad voice" will shut up over time, as long as you don't feed it. It may occasionally raise it's ugly little head later on down the road to see if you'll give it what it wants, but it gets weaker and weaker every time it's ignored.
Ok, now I think I sound crazy!
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Originally Posted by SlvrMag 
I have always said that the physical withdrawls were easier than the mind games the brain plays with us after it's out of our system. That, to me, is the hard part.
It helps to know (it helped me anyways) that the "Bad voice" will shut up over time, as long as you don't feed it. It may occasionally raise it's ugly little head later on down the road to see if you'll give it what it wants, but it gets weaker and weaker every time it's ignored.
Ok, now I think I sound crazy!
It helps to know (it helped me anyways) that the "Bad voice" will shut up over time, as long as you don't feed it. It may occasionally raise it's ugly little head later on down the road to see if you'll give it what it wants, but it gets weaker and weaker every time it's ignored.
Ok, now I think I sound crazy!
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
If I were that fixated on the beer in your house, I would get rid of it. I have been able to tolerate the wine my wife keeps and the beer my son brings home... But once we got a gift of rum... I rarely drank the stuff .... But for whatever reason it's existence in my house somehow affected me, I became a little fixated on it... I wanted it gone and asked my wife to get rid of it.
She did.... She made a freaking rum cake!!! God bless her, she doesn't get it, but the rum was gone...
Get rid of the beer and ask you husband to quit bringing it around for awhile.
She did.... She made a freaking rum cake!!! God bless her, she doesn't get it, but the rum was gone...
Get rid of the beer and ask you husband to quit bringing it around for awhile.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
BLAH..this sucks. He just offered me one and I know this means we have to talk but if I do so right now I will likely not be very nice. I am so angry inside and I am trying to keep it in until he finishes the f***ing box of beer. I drink most when upset(sad, hurt).
I will get on here a million times tonight if I have to. Please please let me not touch it.
I will get on here a million times tonight if I have to. Please please let me not touch it.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,902
You told him that you don't want to drink, right? So, he offers you a cold beer? The man is afraid. He's afraid you are going to be successful at sobriety and that means things are going to change. He is out of his comfort zone.
Have you considered going to AA meetings? It would get you out of the house and away from the beer and his efforts to sabotage you. If you don't have support at home, you are going to have to get some strong face-to-face support.
Have you considered going to AA meetings? It would get you out of the house and away from the beer and his efforts to sabotage you. If you don't have support at home, you are going to have to get some strong face-to-face support.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Anger is usually a reaction to feeling hurt, and you have every reason to feel that way right now. If my husband did that to me, I'd be very very hurt, and would have to tell him that.
The question is, will it be productive to talk when you're feeling so emotional? It might be best to wait for the anger to dissipate - maybe agree to talk tomorrow (maybe before he starts drinking?). Another idea that came to mind: writing things out can help to regain some calmness and sort out the feelings and thoughts we're having.
Do whatever is best for you. If that means going in another room and closing the door, or getting out of the house, or talking with him right away..... do what's necessary for your sobriety. I'll pray for you both.
And I think Suki's right - he's trying to maintain the status quo for some reason.
The question is, will it be productive to talk when you're feeling so emotional? It might be best to wait for the anger to dissipate - maybe agree to talk tomorrow (maybe before he starts drinking?). Another idea that came to mind: writing things out can help to regain some calmness and sort out the feelings and thoughts we're having.
Do whatever is best for you. If that means going in another room and closing the door, or getting out of the house, or talking with him right away..... do what's necessary for your sobriety. I'll pray for you both.
And I think Suki's right - he's trying to maintain the status quo for some reason.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
maybe just maybe he honestly doesn't know I am serious????
I hope so because to think the alternative makes my heart very heavy.
I am in a town of only a few thousand people. Meeting here is on Sunday only AND there is no way I am going. I know for a fact that someone I know goes and she is a huge gossip.
no way.
still on water though....
cracking into some books(doing a course online).
I hope so because to think the alternative makes my heart very heavy.
I am in a town of only a few thousand people. Meeting here is on Sunday only AND there is no way I am going. I know for a fact that someone I know goes and she is a huge gossip.
no way.
still on water though....
cracking into some books(doing a course online).
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,902
Journal! That's what I was trying to remember and had a brain fart! (Thanks artsoul!) Journal your feelings. Journal what you want to say to him. Journal whenever you feel cravings. Many people here journal on a daily basis. It's great for venting and many times keeps you from saying something to someone before you really figure out what you want to say. Yeah...journal.
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Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
oooooooooo...suki....I likie.......
I have kept a journal before. I love to write too.....good call! I kept a journal both times my daughter moved out to live with her dad. She is 17 and the most recent move was in July. She moved clear across the country after living with me most of her life so it's been a little tough. TRIGGER!!! LOL.
Alright. I am going to hit the kettle. Tazo sahWEET Orange...here I come.
I have to give him the benefit of the doubt at this point.
I have kept a journal before. I love to write too.....good call! I kept a journal both times my daughter moved out to live with her dad. She is 17 and the most recent move was in July. She moved clear across the country after living with me most of her life so it's been a little tough. TRIGGER!!! LOL.
Alright. I am going to hit the kettle. Tazo sahWEET Orange...here I come.
I have to give him the benefit of the doubt at this point.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,902
Well, I guess I'm on a roll! 
Another thing that really helps is coming here and helping others. You may think that just because you are so new at this that you don't have much of anything to offer. Nothing could be further from the truth. You could be the lifeline that someone so desperately needs just to make the decision to quit drinking. Never underestimate your value here. We need you just as much as you need us!
Another thing that really helps is coming here and helping others. You may think that just because you are so new at this that you don't have much of anything to offer. Nothing could be further from the truth. You could be the lifeline that someone so desperately needs just to make the decision to quit drinking. Never underestimate your value here. We need you just as much as you need us!
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