YaDude

OK, I need some advice please. I'm supposed to go out with this girl tonight and I know she will want to get some drinks after dinner. I know her through a friend but this would be our first date.
Right now i'm thinking of calling her and canceling because I feel like I will be pressured to drink so that I wont come off as a party pooper.
Or I could call her and tell her the truth up front and let her decide if she still wants to go out tonight or not.
At this point I would rather stay sober than try to impress her.
What is everyone thoughts on this.

SASA

I think you can just tell her that you don't drink. This is no big deal. If she is inot you she will accept this

smacked

Unless she has some issue of her own with alcohol.. you being a non-drinker really should be a non issue.

YaDude

i'm not sure if she has an issue with drinking. but i think she likes to party.

smacked

That's what I used to say...

I know it's just a date, but seriously.. do you really want to have a "party girl" girlfriend? That sounds rather counterproductive when you're working on recovery.

Sudz No More

If you are worried that you will cave in at the bar then I would tell her before you go. If she doesn't like that you don't drink and that you even don't want to be in a bar then she is not the right girl for you.

Can you imagine trying to a have relationship with someone who wants to go out and party and you don't? Tell her you are trying not to drink because you drink more than you think you should and ask if she would like to get ice cream or something like this after dinner. If she says no, no time wasted for either person.

Jfanagle

I have dated several women over the course of sobriety and with rare exception they all drink to some degree. I have simply told them up front that I am a recovered alcoholic, but have no opinion on others drinking and they can be assured that if they drink too much, they will have a safe ride home.

I Just attended the Emmy Awards and the parties that followed a few days ago with one lady, who is a moderate drinker and a repeat nominee and winner (I am very proud to know her and proud of her) and as this was with many of her peer group, some of whom know that I don't drink, I didn't seem to have any effect on the other people’s ability to "party" with MY NOT DRINKING.

FYI, in almost all cases when I have told a lady that I am a "former" drinker, they have said, "good for you, because I know (this guy or that guy, or my Dad, or someone) who needs to stop drinking." In short, your sobriety speaks to the fact that you are at least in one area of your life, responsible, and what woman doesn't like that?

Jon

sandrawg

I agree w/the others. I have a friend who does not drink -it's not because she's a recovering alcoholic, but because she just really does not like it. I've seen people barrage her w/questions about it, which kind of annoys me. Why is it so socially acceptable to drink that people who don't are looked on as, at worst, like something is wrong with them, or at best, as total curiosities or freaks of nature?

Something is seriously wrong w/our society and its priorities.

I no longer drink; this is because my ex is an alcoholic and I just can't stand to be around it anymore-I have seriously bad associations with alcohol and bars now. And it's not like I miss it, either. I'd have no problem telling someone that on a date, and if they don't like it, they can move on to the next woman.

CarolD

Hmm....
You asked her out for dinner ... yes?
You pick her up....pay for dinner....drop her home.

That's a dinner date in my world.....

What she chooses to do after...it's her deal.
She can go wherever....on her own.

Sudz No More

My Wife read all of the above. She has never drank in her life and she has never thought this was abnormal to not drink. She went to bars and had juice. If she can't understand his position it is better to not go near her.

Larkspur

Like most things, I suspect that the reality of the pressure you're imagining will turn out to be much easier to deal with than you expect, if you just decide to deal with it.

You take her out to dinner; maybe you go to a bar afterwards; you ask her what she wants to drink and order a soda (or whatever) for yourself. If she asks you why you're not drinking, you tell her you don't drink (anymore, if she knew you as a drinker). And then you pick the thread back up from the conversation you were having before you ordered the drinks. If you treat it as a non-issue, it'll most likely be a non-issue. If you apologise for yourself or tense up, she'll be uncomfortable too.

Maybe she will pout and act like you're being a party pooper. Most likely she'll be fine, maybe she'll ask questions. But as others have said, do you really want a girlfriend who's going to pressure you to drink? I'd see the situation as a filtering device. If she packs a sad, she's not the right girl for you.

YaDude

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

stugotz

Newsflash for ya......Pepsi is a "drink"