sleepie

I didn't get the job. A job I wanted more than anything in the world right now. I made it to the second interview and I was even told I was the favorite pick- AND it's at a place I have worked at before. I know the place, I know I'm a good fit- I have the qualifications. It was to work at an art school- and I have a degree from a VERY reputable art school!!! I can't take much more. I haven't had a full time job for over two years now and I live in a scary ghetto, and I am so SO tired of trying, and I hate being dependent on someone for room and board. I feel like I will never, ever, get out of this hell. I am SO sick and tired of coming home to gang bangers and drug dealers littering my street, my gateway- SO tired of being afraid to walk out or into this place- and the sirens, and the shootings, and the police. I need a job to regain my autonomy. I need a job so I can live in a safer neighborhood. All I want is a place to call my own and a cat. I don't have any family to help me, and I am so SO immensely tired.

suki44883

I'm sorry you didn't get the job. I know how that sucks. Hang in there, though...something will come along as long as you keep trying. As dark as things may seem, it could always be worse, so don't forget that, okay?

Bamboozle

(((sleepie)))

sleepie

I'm living the nightmare we all fear. No job, no income, no insurance, no family and no friends and I have had health issues that sent me to the state hospital. Aside from death, I think I've been through some of the top fears. And I attempted last fall. I just don't see a point anymore.

suki44883

Instead of dwelling on what you don't have, why not think about what you do have. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have food to eat? A bed to sleep in? Clean clothes to wear? I'm sure you can think of other things to be grateful for if you try.

Toronto68

Well, I don't want to associate myself with a topic that is yucky to you, but I have to reply: What do you think you can take from this, is there anything salvageble as a learning? I have to do this in my own search. And especially as an alcoholic, I need to do it.

I can share your opinion about not getting the position though: *&^$$^&)))*&##$% !!!! <-----swearing, cursing, cussing and venting.

mercurial me

A lot of people would crumble after going through what you have. You sound like you have a very strong constitution and you should be very proud of that. If you maintain sobriety that is definitely something to be proud of because (statistically) it is one of the hardest things in life to achieve.

Toronto68

"No job, no income, no insurance, no family and no friends and I have had health issues that sent me to the state hospital. "

You can count on yourself to get these back, one tiny step at a time, thanks to what you have started in the last month. That's the foundation. There are people with tons more wealth than what you are describing (or what I could describe) that are miserable through the same experiences we had in addiction. The job can't be an Answer, it can be an add-on. So without this job, the interview process was leaning one inch closer to the better end of the spectrum. And you have a foundation you didn't have a month ago. You have to keep going up, not down or back.

Sudz No More

Sleepie, we've all been in your position in some way or another regarding jobs. I remember driving home from having been hired to get a phone call that I didn't pass the background check. They found out I had been busted for pot when I was 19 and this was already more than 10 years later. I didn't even make it home, they called my cell and I went from super happy to feeling robbed in two seconds. My whole world came crashing down and for a few days I felt horrible. But you know what? I still had a roof over my head like you do, a place to call home. Before too long I did find another job and everything got better. The same will happen for you. Keep your chin up, dust yourself off and go back at it.

sleepie

No, I'm sorry but I have had a few beers. I have not maintained sobriety- yes I know I took the easy way out. Please don't judge to harshly. I have been through so much in the past 2 years- I won't bore you with the details and I can already hear the "Excuses, excuses to drink" comments coming... But jeez people, I'm not infallible. Any points for honesty?

suki44883

No need to be so defensive. No one here is going to beat you up any worse than you are beating yourself. Most all of us slipped a time or two, but as the saying goes, there's nothing so bad that alcohol can't make worse. Just start over and keep moving forward.

ninja7

Keep sobriety first, sleepie! That is our priority. Then we can think healthy. Any negative thoughts are amplified by alcohol. We know it is very hardest thing to keep sobriety, but it is most important for us.

Chops

Points for still being here and still posting....keep coming. Please keep going to AA, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. AA works sleepie, I was at plenty of meetings drunk, taking pulls of vodka in the bathroom at break before I "got it."

If anybody judges you then "F" them, staying sober ain't easy.

Hang in there sleepie, it is against my wishes and natural character since most of humanity annoys me but you've grown on me and I am definetly rooting for you.

sleepie

Thanks Chops, I will try again tomorrow... I have already made a plan to meet a friend in the a.m. downtown, where I will bike- to meet for a healthy lunch. That will require relatively early awakening- so I'll be sure not to hit it too hard tonight. I will attend my meetings.

pongo

I'm new here and you don't know me but I'm proud of you. One step forward two steps back will still get you there.

sleepie

Thanks Pongo, those are exceptionally kind words from a newbie- please don't take me as an example. Maybe Chops or Toronto- but not I!

Toronto68

Sleepie, I am giving you points for honesty, and maybe even a half point if you saw it coming (buying beer) when the final decision about the job went the wrong way on you. Actually that is where you should get points for the next time and the next time (whatever the "triggering reason" is) and using that recognition to your advantage and not giving in.

I'm flattered you suggested me as an "example," thanks, but don't spoil me, ha ha; I am only so good and have to live 24h a day just like everybody else who has crossed that Unfriendly Line and had to get up out of the mess.

For a lot of us, this is a time when we really get to see how we have been avoiding living. There's a lot of discovery in that.

Do you think you want to get a sponsor after you have gotten used to the women's group some more? (Hope I am not being forgetful, I don't think you were at that point yet.)

sleepie

I want a sponsor a.s.a.p. more than anything! But everyone says I have to go to meetings and find someone who resonates with me- and then ask if they might be willing to be my sponsor. So, I am hoping that somewhere I find a willing sponsor. I am a pain in the butt, and I have some issues (brain and emotionally related) that would send even me running- so it's a bit difficult. I really feel that I am on my own. And, thanks for all your replies! You're sweet and I cherish that I truly appreciate you all taking the time to give me your input.

TheSunAlsoRises

Everyone feels alone in this disease... you don't have to be. There really isn't anything new under the sun. If you are/have gone through something I am sure someone else in AA has as well...

BullDog777

i know it can be a terrible let down to not get the job you wanted. that sucks...alot, and i'm sorry it happend.

...but you've got to give yourself a chance sleepie. everytime you relapse, you set yourself back and it gets harder and harder to get back up. it's no wonder you're tired.


however, there are TONS of ways to work in the art field without ever stepping out of your house.

i've always said if you have a digital scanner, you can make a living.

one example.....

i have a friend that has been selling his paintings on ebay for the past 7 years. it started out selling couple of paintings a month for extra money, and now, he's selling 12-18 a month and it pays all of his bills and then some.

if you need some ideas, or career advise, i've been in the art field professionally from the time i was 18. i'm 38 now.. i've worked the whole gambit. from hollywood to advertising for private sector companies... if it's one thing i know, it's how to market yourself. so, i'm here if you ever want to bounce some ideas off, i'b be happy to bend an ear.

i'm not sure who coined the phrase, but it does - and always holds true if actions follow good intentions...talent will survive.

chin up sleepie.