UniqueNewYork

I've had this happen twice. The first time another AAer was convincing me to clean their friend's house as "service work". The second time was an AAer ranting against me because I have only been going to 2 meetings a week lately. I think its incredibly rude and it hits a nerve with me. Have you had to deal with people like this in AA?

Music

I refuse to deal with people like those you mentioned. AA is made up of people just like any small society. Some have nothing better to do than to mind someone else's business. I've always had a sponsor I could turn to so I didn't really care what anyone else said, or thought. My sponsor told me to take what I could use and leave the rest. He also told me there is only one program in the Big Book and to find a way to work it that suits me. I suggest you do the same.

Kjell

Some people are "sicker" than others. Stay away from those folks and maybe find a better group.

Stick with the winners (just like in life).

DetroitRock

You've got to be kidding me! Clean their friend's house as "service work"? What the hell is that?

shaun00

guess what........get enough drunks together and your gonna get the odd...bad apple.

luckily i was quiet unapproachable as a newcomer..lol.......i dont remember anyone telling me to clean someones house......

just my sponsor telling me to clean my side of the street..if you get me...lol..

reach out to a suffering alcoholic..........there are millions out there and none are to bothered about you cleaning there house.

welcome a newcomer.......buy a skid row drunk a sandwich....much can be done in your own way without taking on board others nonsense.

hows your step work going?..

DetroitRock

Solid words there, my friend.

UniqueNewYork

I have began step 4 on my own and hope to have a new sponsor in the next couple of weeks. Thanks for all the helpful words

ian_g

I need to ask being from NYC, did this happen at a particular AA group?

Taking5

There are sick groups out there. I know a guy who has newcomers do his yardwork. I couldn't leave quick enough and go find a new group.

ian_g

Yeah I heard this nonsense in groups too. Ridiculous...I wouldn't want any of that nonsense and early on I probably would have told the person to go fck off if this is what sobriety is gonna be.

My sobriety is certainly not contingent of the number of lawns I clean or houses of members I work in. Steer far away...manipulative nonsense going on apparently.

fragrantrose

Yes, I have met some "controlling" people in AA ... would you believe a sponsor who hung up on me because i didnt ring exactly at appointed time!
Silly me one time allowed myself to be twelve stepped by another sponsor (who happened to be much older)..one time I experienced the "date from hell" with a man 20 years in the program.
Must say with all due respect to the principles, AA is made up of very "human" people and like everwhere, one has to exercise discernment..often mixing with AA er's makes me want to head for the nearest bar!!!!!

DayTrader

There are controlling ppl everywhere. Some are bound to be in AA. That there are controlling folks in AA doesn't reflect upon AA so much as it does on the human race.

FWIW, I've got a sponsor whom I call everyday at 7:15 (that's my time). I know better than to call late. He's got sponsees who call him from 6:00am to 7:45am every day. Out of respect for him and his time, I try not to call late.....even by a minute. If I'm "late" he doesn't hang up on me but he'll typically comment on it.

Frag - Perhaps your sponsor was trying to teach you to honor your commitments, do what you said you'd do, and be more responsible. One thing we alcoholics don't like early on is responsibility and accountability.

DetroitRock

Yeah, that's totally fooked. I'd tell them where to go.

stugotz

I have met more useless, needy, and controlling people in AA than in prison. But I dont go to meetings to make friends. AA meetings have one purpose. They are not dating services, day labor offices, or taxi stands. Another thing, my sponser once told me " If you like everyone you meet in AA, you arent going to enough meetings." Just sayin...

Boleo

"You can stay sick in the fellowship and find plenty of company. You can get well in the fellowship and find plenty of company. It just depends who you choose to listen to."

(Joe Hawk)

Toronto68

Unique, what do you think you will do? Do you have to change groups or confront the topic?

UniqueNewYork

Thanks for all the advice guys.

What I am going to do is try to limit my contact with the people who cause problems like these for me. A big issue in my groups is that they are CLIQUEY. They are cliquey as .. So if you tell one person what they really deserve to hear, they can blacklist you with a group of dozen+ people.

To give an example, someone I really respect and who is a real friend in AA told me to get such and such person to be my new sponsor. I refuse to do this for a few reasons including

1. I am 99% sure he will tell anything I say to him to the entire clique.
2. If things go sour with him, don't work out, etc, he will bring the drama into the clique.

To avoid this I'm going to go to a group that this clique NEVER goes to to find my sponsor, and continue being friends with some of the people in the clique while minimizing contact with the offenders.

I actually had to learn this lesson the hard way. The clean houses guy; I told him off. His entire clique turned their back on me, won't make eye contact during meetings, won't shake my hand, etc. I am lucky in that they are a different age demographic so its easier for me to cope with their attitude. It also helps that since I stopped drinking I actually have a life of my own.

Anyway I hope you guys aren't getting the wrong picture of me. As some of you have said I am trying to "take the good and leave the bad". The things I have vented about so far on this website are the bad. The good things in AA far outweigh the bad.

Toronto68

I wasn't jumping to any conclusions like that. What others said above about how you run into microcosms of the same world (politics, cliques, nonsense, or just plain differences, plus all the good too) in an AA group made sense to me.

Ha ha, I think we've got that here too, but I think it is mostly good. Maybe overwhelmingly good.