daisygirl2000

Hello! I'm wondering if my fiancé is becoming a functional alcoholic. He is a 31 yr male, 6ft, 210lbs, father of an 11 yr old son, and he was just promoted to an E7 in the army last month. We have been dating 2 yrs. He is very functional & does not drink every day, but when he does drinks, he consumes A LOT. He says he has to drink so much in order to get a buzz. He claims his tolerance is "naturally very high...that drinking has always been something he is good at." His drink of choice in Jack Daniel’s & Coca Cola. He loves Jack Daniel’s paraphernalia. He says other brands of whiskey don't digest as well for him. He failed out of college due to alcohol & marijuana abuse, but he no longer uses drugs & he just started drinking again 3 yrs ago. He also has a history of high blood pressure & has to take medication for it. He is constantly on a diet & says Jack is very bad for his blood pressure & weight. Multiple times I have seen him say he is not drinking that weekend and then he buys a bottle the next day. Then after he drinks, he weighs himself, sees that he gained weight, and feels regretful that he drank so much.

I first became alarmed by his alcohol consumption in Jan 09 when I saw him put back 7 doubles of Jack & Coke in about 2-3hrs. After all that, he was just buzzed. One of his buddies noticed too & commented that my fiancé can really drink. That night I expressed my concern & asked darling fiancée if he could limit it to just 2 doubles/day. He got really angry, but agreed. For a few months he did it...but he has slowly escalated back up. I think his army unit has several big drinkers & they drink heavily when on their 1-2 week training trips out-of town (The trips usually occur monthly or every other month). Darling fiance likes to drink by himself while sitting on the couch watching TV. He pours himself a tall glass of half whiskey/half coke. Multiple times I've seen him consume a 34ounce bottle of Jack that way in 48 hrs. Last Friday he again said that he is not drinking that weekend but by Saturday night, he bought a whiskey bottle. This time, he consumed about 26 ounces in less than 24 hrs (about 18 ounces from 11PM-1Am on Sat & another 8 ounces from 5PM-8PM on Sunday.) He slept in on Sunday morning until 10AM & consequently blew off our plans to go for a morning jog & broke a promise to his son to call him at 9AM. The broken plans were not a big deal, but they are highly unusual for Darling Fiancé....he is always on schedule and on-time. Unfortunately Darling Fiancé & I have been dating long-distance for the past year, so I only see him 5 consecutive days/month. I know he drinks when on the training trips & when I visit, but he could possibly be drinking more frequently. A year ago he never even talked about drinking in front of his son & always hid the whiskey bottle, but now he talks about it, leaves the whiskey bottle in the frig, & drinks in front of him.

Do you think he has an alcohol problem or could be on the path to having a problem? Why does he feel the need to get a buzz while watching TV? If he does have a problem, please help me understand his perspective. Thanks so much.

artsoul

Hi daisy - I'm not sure anyone here can say if your husband is truly an alcoholic but there are several red flags for me in your post. Firstly, the amount that he's consuming is dangerous. Also the fact that he's made promises about his drinking that he's been unable to keep. We alcoholics often drink even when it causes problems in relationships, jobs, and finances. Hiding our alcohol consumption is also a good sign.

I feel for you and hope your fiance recognizes his problem. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do to make him stop. You'll find alot of support in the thread for Friends and Families of Alcoholics here at SR.

I'm hoping for the best for you both.:ghug3

daisygirl2000

Thanks so much for your reply artsoul.

Sudz No More

He has all the signs I had and I still have some of them. Excusing the tolerance as a strength is something I always did. It was a way of saying, look how strong I am instead of look how sick I am.

Let's just say even if he really isn't an alcoholic right now. If he continues on this path, he will eventually become one as his body adjusts to the addiction. The behavioral traits alone that are becoming ingrained in his psyche will stay for a long time even after he stops for good.

Take it from a bonafide alcohol addict, he is on the path.

daisygirl2000

Wow. Yes, I get the feeling he has the same thought process. Being able to out-drink others is empowering & manly. Thanks for your feedback Sudz No More.

shaun00

Alcoholism is a complex illness in my experience..

Some may appear to be alcoholic and yet when push comes to shove they can stop......and stop for long periods.

Over the years ive notice two main symtoms of alcoholism.....in myself (chronic alcoholic) and in others.

once drinking commences alcoholics are gripped by a allergy...in the form of craving......craving more and more.
unlike a normal temperant drinker......whom drink and slowly top up ..reach their level and stop.......an alcoholic will continue to drink....the more they drink the more they want.

second when an alcoholic isnt drinking.......they absorbed with thoughts of drinking.......they may be irritable.........restless.
this obsession can become all consuming.........they try to fight it but normally they day comes when they reach for a drink again unable to refrain.

that is my view and experience over the time ive been sober......with me and other alcoholics ive come to know.

they may start out normal temperate drinkers........or drinking heavy from the get go.....

Dee74

Because this thread is identical to one to our FFA forum, I'll direct everyone there

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

D