mimi54321

So I had a complete freakout earlier, the kind of stuff I drink on. I sat in tears thinking, help me please, my head feels like it will explode, the tears anger and sadness feel out of control, I feel physically sick, I try to rest and calm down but the sadness won't go.

Part of all this is that I've lived my whole life pretending things are ok, that I'm totally in control, that I'm f-i-n-e...and surpressing all my real feelings. I didn't allow myself to feel anything or rather I didn;t kinow who how to feel anything. Its way too painful.

Well I guess I can't stop these feelings crashing into my reality now, but I find it so hard to deal with them. I'm in therapy and have been for a few years now but I've still found it hard to tap into these extreme emotions that keep me in self-destruct mode.

Gah, just needed to share....

Dee74

I think sharing helps mimi.

It is hard for anyone who's ever had that real self destructive drive to try and turn that around - but it's not impossible.

I see success stories here every day - I think you're one of them

You've come a long way - all of us have - sometimes I think we need to focus on that side too

D

NewBeginning010

Sorry to hear that you are struggling mimi54321 I have been there. After my first couple of weeks sober I had some really big emotional breakdowns. It was like someone just turned on a bright light that showed what my drinking life had become, all of the things I was missing out on, the mistakes I made etc etc etc.

After a while sober you can start to look at things in a new way and see that there is hope. Reading the Big Book & going to AA meeting to hear others story has helped me a lot.

I have started to feel pretty good most of the time & have done more fun/active things in the last couple of months than I have in years.

Keep at it & it and peace & happiness will follow.

Keep sharing & take care,

Cheers,

NB

24hrsAday

Thanks For Sharing mimi.. Even Though it Seems Like it Won't Some Days.. it Does Get So Much Better! Feeling Things is Hard When You Are Not Used To it! Take Care and Keep Posting..

Paulos

Mimi... I'm sorry how you feel, I feel horrific myself... I feel like ... like my mind has been ruined and blasted and my body there's no going back for me, it's despair... we cannot fall to it, even how bad how it feels. I will wish you the best... please msg me whenever you need to.

coffeenut

Mimi...glad you came to SR and shared....and I hope it makes you feel better.

I have found in sobriety (and yes, it took awhile)....those things I was so worried about feeling/thinking about....really aren't that bad. And....the longer I'm sober....the more I'm able to easily deal with those past issues. They don't weigh on me like they used to.

I'm learning that others have faced greater obstacles, and they didn't need a drink in their hand to do it. That gives me strength that I can do it, too.

Having a therapist is a big plus. Best of wishes to you!

Catkill23

just remember there is a higher power that cares what you are, and keep knocking at the door and you will be let in.

stay sober, and tommorow will happen.

DetroitRock

Wow. That has to be the best quote I've read all evening.

Toronto68

Detroit, it's a good one, I agree.

yeahgr8

This is exactly where i was before working the steps in AA...and had been for a long time before...obviously when i was drinking i didn't feel a thing and as soon as something i was uncomfortable with came along i would drink...then putting down the bottle and all these feelings that i simply couldn't live with...i didn't go to AA and beg for help cos i thought it would be an option i went because i had no other choice...

I remember being where you are and i would get suggestions like go for a walk, have something to eat, get some sleep...you should get xxxxx tapes and listen to them they are really positive...wtf??? I was literally trying to keep myself together so i could walk to the bathroom and brush my teeth without pulling my hair out and screaming and dropping to my knees along the way...drink some herbal tea...yeah gr8 thanks;-)

Keep posting here, there are better days ahead but you gonna have to take some action asap...take care (that used to annoy me, take care are you taking the **** hehe)!