Opinions needed please!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 1
Opinions needed please!
Ultimately it will be my decision, however I would like some opinions from others.
I just finished a 60 day rehab (AMAZING program) last night. I had some home issues arise and began feeling depressed. I wanted to drink...bad. So bad I could almost taste it. But I didn't. I decided that I would stay sober for that day (Just for today mentality). I went to bed, woke up and was still fighting some pretty bad cravings. I went about my day running errands and such, still using coping skills and trying to take my mind off alcohol. I came home and continued using the tools I learned from the program I returned from. I began throwing out old pills just to rid myself of temptations. I came across an old bottle of diazepam with 3 5mg pills. As I've had recent back pain, I took them. Never really thought of the effect of them until afterwards when I felt sorta loopy, which continued to trigger me towards alcohol. However, I did not drink, nor have I touched any other substance. I even called a friend in recovery who picked me up and we went to a meeting. When I came clean with all of this at the meeting, the chair person (who also happens to be my temp sponsor) told me that I had to start over on days now...I tried to explain the circumstances, however she stated that it was a relapse.
I don't really see it that way. I didn't use it to get high, nor did I give in to temptation to drink (which was a rough battle). I am to get my 60 day chip tomorrow and I have worked very hard to get there, throughout my program and today. I see my sobriety date as the last day I had a drink and the first day I committed my life to fighting this disease of alcoholism. I'm just thrown back a bit about my sponsor saying that I basically have to start over at day 1 again.
Anyone have any opinion on this? Apologize for it being so long, thank you for taking the time to read!
I just finished a 60 day rehab (AMAZING program) last night. I had some home issues arise and began feeling depressed. I wanted to drink...bad. So bad I could almost taste it. But I didn't. I decided that I would stay sober for that day (Just for today mentality). I went to bed, woke up and was still fighting some pretty bad cravings. I went about my day running errands and such, still using coping skills and trying to take my mind off alcohol. I came home and continued using the tools I learned from the program I returned from. I began throwing out old pills just to rid myself of temptations. I came across an old bottle of diazepam with 3 5mg pills. As I've had recent back pain, I took them. Never really thought of the effect of them until afterwards when I felt sorta loopy, which continued to trigger me towards alcohol. However, I did not drink, nor have I touched any other substance. I even called a friend in recovery who picked me up and we went to a meeting. When I came clean with all of this at the meeting, the chair person (who also happens to be my temp sponsor) told me that I had to start over on days now...I tried to explain the circumstances, however she stated that it was a relapse.
I don't really see it that way. I didn't use it to get high, nor did I give in to temptation to drink (which was a rough battle). I am to get my 60 day chip tomorrow and I have worked very hard to get there, throughout my program and today. I see my sobriety date as the last day I had a drink and the first day I committed my life to fighting this disease of alcoholism. I'm just thrown back a bit about my sponsor saying that I basically have to start over at day 1 again.
Anyone have any opinion on this? Apologize for it being so long, thank you for taking the time to read!
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by oneill31b 
I came across an old bottle of diazepam with 3 5mg pills. As I've had recent back pain, I took them.
Does it mead pain in the past?
If so, why take them ahead of time?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Oneill, I thought about this...
To me it comes down to the reason you took the pills.
I question why you couldn't have called someone up and said, "Listen, I have this back pain and I am concerned about taking these pills I still have from the recent past, will it make me crave drinking, am I doing anything wrong by taking them?" The fact that the pill-taking is buried inside all the other emotional details you described since returning home makes it look like self-indictment. But if back pain happened when it happened, I suppose that makes a person shrink in their questioning stance. But an objective party could still ask why you didn't call (because, if you hypothetically flipped off the porch and pain ensued, well, wouldn't you call about that issue and not just take a pill that was still there?). They could also ask why all 3 pills, but I don't know anything about the dosage and the potency.
If you don't believe you should be starting at day 1 again, then I don't know what you are supposed to do, is it seek out a different sponsor? If you did go along with the restart to day 1 again, the worst thing that happened is that the initial time is not counted. But that doesn't mean it is really lost if you did not take the pills to "use."
To me it comes down to the reason you took the pills.
I question why you couldn't have called someone up and said, "Listen, I have this back pain and I am concerned about taking these pills I still have from the recent past, will it make me crave drinking, am I doing anything wrong by taking them?" The fact that the pill-taking is buried inside all the other emotional details you described since returning home makes it look like self-indictment. But if back pain happened when it happened, I suppose that makes a person shrink in their questioning stance. But an objective party could still ask why you didn't call (because, if you hypothetically flipped off the porch and pain ensued, well, wouldn't you call about that issue and not just take a pill that was still there?). They could also ask why all 3 pills, but I don't know anything about the dosage and the potency.
If you don't believe you should be starting at day 1 again, then I don't know what you are supposed to do, is it seek out a different sponsor? If you did go along with the restart to day 1 again, the worst thing that happened is that the initial time is not counted. But that doesn't mean it is really lost if you did not take the pills to "use."
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Oneill
What you decide is ultimately up to you, and your sponsor I guess.
If the pills were recently prescribed to you for this specific injury and you took a recommended dose? I don't see it's anyone else's business. As you seem to suggest it's an old bottle - if it were me I'd be looking at my motivations - for no other reason that if we can't be honest with ourselves in recovery, we're doomed.
If it were me, I'd be thinking about the inconsistencies in these statements - maybe it's how you wrote it...
D
What you decide is ultimately up to you, and your sponsor I guess.
If the pills were recently prescribed to you for this specific injury and you took a recommended dose? I don't see it's anyone else's business. As you seem to suggest it's an old bottle - if it were me I'd be looking at my motivations - for no other reason that if we can't be honest with ourselves in recovery, we're doomed.
If it were me, I'd be thinking about the inconsistencies in these statements - maybe it's how you wrote it...
I began throwing out old pills just to rid myself of temptations.
I came across an old bottle of diazepam with 3 5mg pills. As I've had recent back pain, I took them.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
I had a history of relapse, and all kinds of reasons/excuses why. But as it says in the AA BB....I really didn't know why, because picking up again after so much suffering and misery...taking that risk....was pure insanity. It's not like you gave those pills to someone else to dispense to you according to the Rx.
I learned early on that the thinking I needed to ignore was my own. Since it takes several months for the brain to begin significant healing from the damage I did by drinking, part of my insanity was expecting it to function properly. Sorta like resuming skiing with a cast on my leg.
I'm hearing your wounded pride speaking here, but my suggestion is that, right or wrong....it is much wiser (and more sober) to simply follow your sponsor's direction. After all....what's the downside.....loss of bragging rights? There's an old AA saying: "expectations are premeditated resentments." I think you're disappointment at not realizing that 60 day expectation may be a potential resentment against your sponsor, although in reality, you are probably angry with yourself. Keep coming back.
blessings
zenbear
I learned early on that the thinking I needed to ignore was my own. Since it takes several months for the brain to begin significant healing from the damage I did by drinking, part of my insanity was expecting it to function properly. Sorta like resuming skiing with a cast on my leg.
I'm hearing your wounded pride speaking here, but my suggestion is that, right or wrong....it is much wiser (and more sober) to simply follow your sponsor's direction. After all....what's the downside.....loss of bragging rights? There's an old AA saying: "expectations are premeditated resentments." I think you're disappointment at not realizing that 60 day expectation may be a potential resentment against your sponsor, although in reality, you are probably angry with yourself. Keep coming back.
blessings
zenbear
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
In what I said last time, I don't quite like the last line, because it sounds like the sober time is wasted even if the pill was the sign of a relapse. I wouldn't say that; I think there is still something gained even if this was a case of "How could I do this, I took the pill after being sober." A shorter way of saying that is summed up in "progress, not perfection," which is an important way of looking at things.
Oneill, I also notice that I am of two minds in my answer. I want the reality to be that the pill was not taken out of caving in but I also cross-examine (nicely, I hope, ha ha). This could also be a case of you being of two minds at the moment when you were tossing the pills and found the ones that you did take.
So I guess I would liken this to getting an A in English and most other disciplines and a C (or F) in Geometry or something else - and focus on the fact that good work was done on sobriety and there is more where that came from today, whether the pill-taking was a relapse or not. No matter how much time we accrue, we have to live in the present day and be proud of that, so if the start date changes, this should not be given power of being a blight on progress.
Oneill, I also notice that I am of two minds in my answer. I want the reality to be that the pill was not taken out of caving in but I also cross-examine (nicely, I hope, ha ha). This could also be a case of you being of two minds at the moment when you were tossing the pills and found the ones that you did take.
So I guess I would liken this to getting an A in English and most other disciplines and a C (or F) in Geometry or something else - and focus on the fact that good work was done on sobriety and there is more where that came from today, whether the pill-taking was a relapse or not. No matter how much time we accrue, we have to live in the present day and be proud of that, so if the start date changes, this should not be given power of being a blight on progress.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
It's your date. Do what you want to with it. Integrity, Rigorous Honesty, Good Recovery... They all depend on one another. Why build your recovery on anything other than a rock solid base?
Two months, what is that in a lifetime of months? Is it worth compromising yourself, leaving the door open to future slips? To ignore what happened and why is to allow history to repeat. Isn't that the point of recovery, to stop the insanity, doing the same things and expecting a different result?
Welcome to SR
Two months, what is that in a lifetime of months? Is it worth compromising yourself, leaving the door open to future slips? To ignore what happened and why is to allow history to repeat. Isn't that the point of recovery, to stop the insanity, doing the same things and expecting a different result?
Welcome to SR
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
I understand about this frustration.
From what I read basically you took the pills to aliviate cravings, to get a bit of peace of mind.. - Right? Can't bullsh*t a bullsh*tter.
It's about humility. That is, changing the date when we've violated sobriety. Do you think you violated your sobriety?
It's just a date afterall.
From what I read basically you took the pills to aliviate cravings, to get a bit of peace of mind.. - Right? Can't bullsh*t a bullsh*tter.
It's about humility. That is, changing the date when we've violated sobriety. Do you think you violated your sobriety?
It's just a date afterall.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
DIAZEPAM (dye AZ e pam) is a benzodiazepine. It is used to treat anxiety and nervousness.
I knew I'd recognized the name of the pills you took. It's not for pain, but for anxiety. I used to eat these b/c they got me f-ed up especially mixed with a few beers.
You need to ask yourself if you're being 100% honest with yourself. You already know the answer to your question.
I knew I'd recognized the name of the pills you took. It's not for pain, but for anxiety. I used to eat these b/c they got me f-ed up especially mixed with a few beers.
You need to ask yourself if you're being 100% honest with yourself. You already know the answer to your question.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Exactly.. if I took any pills I randomly found (as I was trying to get rid of pills due to craving a buzz) that weren't precribed to me for the symptom I was hoping to alleviate, I wouldn't be living clean and sober in my mind, at all. Come on now.. how's that sober living to you?
I would re-set my sober date for sure..
Benzos aren't for back pain.. but I'm sure I've used even sillier reasons to grab a few pills back in my active addiction days
I would re-set my sober date for sure..
Benzos aren't for back pain.. but I'm sure I've used even sillier reasons to grab a few pills back in my active addiction days
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
hi oneill - I can see your sponsor's side of things. After all, she's only wanting the very best for you. Still I know it's a downer to hear that. Whatever you decide, don't let it totally rob you of your peace of mind. I mean, you've just now gotten out of treatment and are trying to re-enter your life. The last thing you need is to add to your anxiety. You can give yourself more time to think about it, or just follow your sponsor's advice. But even if you picked up the chip you can always change your mind later. Just so that you know your sobriety does not hinge on this. Congratulations on your 60 days anyway!!!
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Yes, you haven't drank! I didn't quite get the whole having to change my date deal either. After getting over-the-counter nerve calming stuff. But taking three times the dosage! Didn't work anyway, but it wasn't the point. I was mad. But, I decided that I trusted my sponsor and I'd do what she told me because I really needed to do this thing right! In hindsight, it was absolutely the right thing to do.
I was slow, cause I had to change it two more times even. I'm celebrating three years in July - 100% certain that it was July 19th 2007 since I last screwed up!
I was slow, cause I had to change it two more times even. I'm celebrating three years in July - 100% certain that it was July 19th 2007 since I last screwed up!
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