Change or not - Sobriety Date
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Wa
Posts: 7
Change or not - Sobriety Date
I am putting this out here to see what your responses are. This is something I need to resolve. I don’t believe I will drink.
I had a very strong foundation in AA. And, I have never had any doubt I was an alcholoic. After 7+ years, being busy with work, school I found myself attending less meetings. I also found myself judging more and putting personalities before principles. Approximately 10 years ago I slowly stopped going to meetings. About 8 years ago, I was dating someone who drank and was not going to meetings at all. We were camping and he kept pushing a beer towards me, I finally took it and took a sip and then handed it back to him saying I can’t do this. I didn’t go back to AA because I didn’t want to tell people about it. I never did anything like this again. My disease almost had me. I am angry that I even got in this place to begin with. When I finally did take the beer , I did think about it and that I would have to change my sobriety date. After that drink, I thought what in the world did I just do! Well, I don’t have to go back to AA unless I start drinking. So, let’s see if I can go alone. I honestly believe, that the small amount was enough to start the physical cycle. Somewhere the power off AA stayed with me that I could not ever take a drink. I knew what would happen. So why put myself in the position to go out.ly, I believe the power of AA stopped me – had I not had that strong foundation. But the disease and the thoughts kept me away. I started meetings again 1 ½ year ago, got a sponsor and worked the steps.
I talked to three people about this, my sponsor and new sponsor and a friend. One sponsor ran it by another sponsor. The sponsors said it was ultimately up to me, but to look at the original intent. Mine was not to drink until it was pushed at me and in my hand. My friend said a drink is a drink. I wrestle with this as I don’t want to give up my sobriety and I am angry that I ever allowed myself to get in that position to begin with. I grew up in the old AA. There is no gray area. I do know it’s all or nothing for most of us.
I came back to AA to work on my sobriety which means my emotional sobriety. I have had it both ways living with AA and not. AA is the easier way. Glad to be back. I would like your thoughts.
I had a very strong foundation in AA. And, I have never had any doubt I was an alcholoic. After 7+ years, being busy with work, school I found myself attending less meetings. I also found myself judging more and putting personalities before principles. Approximately 10 years ago I slowly stopped going to meetings. About 8 years ago, I was dating someone who drank and was not going to meetings at all. We were camping and he kept pushing a beer towards me, I finally took it and took a sip and then handed it back to him saying I can’t do this. I didn’t go back to AA because I didn’t want to tell people about it. I never did anything like this again. My disease almost had me. I am angry that I even got in this place to begin with. When I finally did take the beer , I did think about it and that I would have to change my sobriety date. After that drink, I thought what in the world did I just do! Well, I don’t have to go back to AA unless I start drinking. So, let’s see if I can go alone. I honestly believe, that the small amount was enough to start the physical cycle. Somewhere the power off AA stayed with me that I could not ever take a drink. I knew what would happen. So why put myself in the position to go out.ly, I believe the power of AA stopped me – had I not had that strong foundation. But the disease and the thoughts kept me away. I started meetings again 1 ½ year ago, got a sponsor and worked the steps.
I talked to three people about this, my sponsor and new sponsor and a friend. One sponsor ran it by another sponsor. The sponsors said it was ultimately up to me, but to look at the original intent. Mine was not to drink until it was pushed at me and in my hand. My friend said a drink is a drink. I wrestle with this as I don’t want to give up my sobriety and I am angry that I ever allowed myself to get in that position to begin with. I grew up in the old AA. There is no gray area. I do know it’s all or nothing for most of us.
I came back to AA to work on my sobriety which means my emotional sobriety. I have had it both ways living with AA and not. AA is the easier way. Glad to be back. I would like your thoughts.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by dattoll 
I grew up in the old AA.
i was in and out of AA for almost 20 years. imo, time dosen't necessarily equal wisdom especially if your program is suspect and you find them taking everyone elses' inventory.
sadly, in some of their eyes, it seems like unless you have the 7 year chip, you can't be of any service to anyone. those are people i stay away from.
imo, you asked if you ought to change your date, but you also stated what you believe it to be. i think you already answered your question. i think what's making you conflicted is how much value your putting on the black and white old school way.
keep it in perspective..it's a date. it's not the what defines your sobriety. your program does.
take care.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Wa
Posts: 7
I eventually married someone sober. Although I did not relapse per say and go back out, I didn't work a program for a long, long time. Coming back into the rooms that saved me, is saving me once again this time for emotional sobriety.
I get confused with the dates. The last drink and only drrink was 8 years ago. The last drunk was 18 years ago. My sobriety date is what I now wrestle with and I know it is ultimately up to me. It's no longer a secret. That secret would have taken me back out, but I am not really open about it in meetings. I was taught that it is all or nothing early on and that stuck with me. I was also told recently that not everything is so black and white.
My dates I am wrestling with in my mind: 18 years, 8 years or when I came back to work on myself again and my recovery 1 1/2 years ago. What is that date to me and to the newcomer. It's not ok to keep going out. For me I had to work the program as suggested by those before me.
I get confused with the dates. The last drink and only drrink was 8 years ago. The last drunk was 18 years ago. My sobriety date is what I now wrestle with and I know it is ultimately up to me. It's no longer a secret. That secret would have taken me back out, but I am not really open about it in meetings. I was taught that it is all or nothing early on and that stuck with me. I was also told recently that not everything is so black and white.
My dates I am wrestling with in my mind: 18 years, 8 years or when I came back to work on myself again and my recovery 1 1/2 years ago. What is that date to me and to the newcomer. It's not ok to keep going out. For me I had to work the program as suggested by those before me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
For me there is little point in me going to meetings other than to help the newcomer, AA doesn't keep me sober my HP does...that said which is the better message to the newcomer, i drank a sip of beer but it wasn't a full blown relapse so i didn't change my sobriety date or my sobriety date is the last time i imbibed alcohol?
I hope this post comes across ok because i am trying to be more objective when i write but i honestly do not understand what there is to think about? My sponsor is 24 years sober and is quite old school too but i know friends of one year sober who would not understand either...would be great of you would share some more as to why you want to keep the old sobriety date:-)
I hope this post comes across ok because i am trying to be more objective when i write but i honestly do not understand what there is to think about? My sponsor is 24 years sober and is quite old school too but i know friends of one year sober who would not understand either...would be great of you would share some more as to why you want to keep the old sobriety date:-)
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
This debate could go on and on....
Truth is, I don't think it's anyone's business when your last drink was (other than for the "sober time" to be motivational for newcomers and to hold you accountable to something) or whether you "slipped" or not. That's ultimately between you and God.
I don't really know what to think on this subject.... it would definitely be something I'd have to take to prayer and meditation to find out what God wants me to do.
The main goal is that we recover from our alcoholic problem, (re)connect with God, and help others to do the same. Dates, sponsors, even the steps are TOOLS we use to accomplish this. They're not the be-all/end-all.
Truth is, I don't think it's anyone's business when your last drink was (other than for the "sober time" to be motivational for newcomers and to hold you accountable to something) or whether you "slipped" or not. That's ultimately between you and God.
I don't really know what to think on this subject.... it would definitely be something I'd have to take to prayer and meditation to find out what God wants me to do.
The main goal is that we recover from our alcoholic problem, (re)connect with God, and help others to do the same. Dates, sponsors, even the steps are TOOLS we use to accomplish this. They're not the be-all/end-all.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
It is of course up to you..
If I ever took a purposeful (no matter how small) drink of alcohol, a small snort of cocaine or a tiny bump of heroin, I would reset my sobriety date. That's what I would do..
If I ever took a purposeful (no matter how small) drink of alcohol, a small snort of cocaine or a tiny bump of heroin, I would reset my sobriety date. That's what I would do..
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
......although, purposeful or not, if it's bugging you EIGHT YEARS LATER, you should probably give some strong consideration to doing the opposite of what you've been doing.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi there-
I'm reading your post and all the responses and one word keeps coming into mind - ego.
Please understand I'm not attacking you, but just something to think about. I know my ego was a big reason for a lot of my troubles. Could this be the case with you? If so, I'd recommend starting your date over. What's the worst thing that can happen? You go through the steps again?
I'm reading your post and all the responses and one word keeps coming into mind - ego.
Please understand I'm not attacking you, but just something to think about. I know my ego was a big reason for a lot of my troubles. Could this be the case with you? If so, I'd recommend starting your date over. What's the worst thing that can happen? You go through the steps again?
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Wa
Posts: 7
Thanks everyone for the responses. This is an argument I have over and over with myself. It's great to hear your opinions.
My original intent was not to drink. I didn't want to. It was someone I trusted and that knew background and that one time pushed and pushed it in my face, then my conversation changed for that instance and then going all my, I may have messed up my sobriety.
I think I am more angry that I got into that position to begin with.
Why do/would I change my sobriety date? I don't want to. I feel like I have to to be honest about it.
Technically, I had a drink and wasn't living in recovery. However, I did stop and say what am I doing. I had no doubt and have never doubted my alcoholism. I made some poor choices in sobriety.
My original intent was not to drink. I didn't want to. It was someone I trusted and that knew background and that one time pushed and pushed it in my face, then my conversation changed for that instance and then going all my, I may have messed up my sobriety.
I think I am more angry that I got into that position to begin with. Why do/would I change my sobriety date? I don't want to. I feel like I have to to be honest about it.
Technically, I had a drink and wasn't living in recovery. However, I did stop and say what am I doing. I had no doubt and have never doubted my alcoholism. I made some poor choices in sobriety.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Wa
Posts: 7
BTW, I did work the steps over again and have done so several times. Why does it keep bugging me? Because I feel like it is dishonest. Because I have to have this debate in the first place. It was STUPID! I have a lot of AA friends and actively work in recovery.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
That's why they say progress not perfection.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
You took a sip, a light bulb goes off in your thought process and you say, whoa.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
You took a sip, a light bulb goes off in your thought process and you say, whoa.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by dattoll
BTW, I did work the steps over again and have done so several times. Why does it keep bugging me? Because I feel like it is dishonest. Because I have to have this debate in the first place. It was STUPID! I have a lot of AA friends and actively work in recovery.
Not changing it = guilty / dishonest feelings for eight years.
Maybe the next 8, things will be different......
Changing it = well, I don't want to.
Seems like 'ol HP's been workin' on you for a while.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Wa
Posts: 7
I welcome the all the point of views. I need to hear the various arguments to finally decide once and for all. It doesn't bother me on a regular basis. When it comes up, then I relook at it and why. What I have to come to terms with myself is acceptance no matter which way I choose to go. I haven't made any decisions because I am not sure.
If I had taken the sip and said oh well and kept going, then there would be a definite answer to yes it would need changed. If I had taken the sip without the pushing, then yes, it would have to be changed.
I took the sip after being pushed, but once it was in my hand I didn't stop it, only after the fact.
If I had taken the sip and said oh well and kept going, then there would be a definite answer to yes it would need changed. If I had taken the sip without the pushing, then yes, it would have to be changed.
I took the sip after being pushed, but once it was in my hand I didn't stop it, only after the fact.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Ya know....it's your sobriety you're messing with. What's the difference between what you did, and a person who goes out and really ties one one? The amount you drank? The thinking is the same! You tried to push it off on a friend who you say "pushed it at you" but the fact remains, you took it. You tipped it, and you drank it!! Can you say truthfully that you have X number of years without a drink? "They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty." I don't claim to be "sober" for 33 years because I think sobriety dictates that I display a healthy state of mind, body and spirit. There's no way I can say that I've accomplished that. What I can say though is that I've not taken a drink for 33 years.
You do what you want, but that question will always come up when you think about your sobriety date. For example: Well, I have 10 years without drinking...except for one night when a friend pushed a drink at me and I took it and drank from it and then....blah, blah, blah. Is that what you want???
You do what you want, but that question will always come up when you think about your sobriety date. For example: Well, I have 10 years without drinking...except for one night when a friend pushed a drink at me and I took it and drank from it and then....blah, blah, blah. Is that what you want???
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