alcoholism and love/relationships
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 3
alcoholism and love/relationships
i am only a few days sober and part of the reason i got sober in the first place is because i lost someone i love because of the lies i told while drinking. i understand that recovery is a time during which we really need to work on ourselves. i also know from word of mouth that it is not advisable to get into a relationship until you have one sober year behind you.
Doesn't that get lonely? So no dating, no sex, no relationships for a year?
Sounds a little depressing. I am wondering how many people stick to this rule. I am on the rebound right now. UGH.
Doesn't that get lonely? So no dating, no sex, no relationships for a year?
Sounds a little depressing. I am wondering how many people stick to this rule. I am on the rebound right now. UGH.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Erie, Pa.
Posts: 91
Trying to work thru it
My b/f of 4 1/2 years refused to believe his drinking was a problem, after all, it made him "feel good". I never unstood that things you can't remember that were bad, VERY bad, but he still "had fun".
He quit drinking last August, but unbeknowst to me, had a second addiction to crack cocaine, that reared its ugly head to the fullest, when he set the achohol aside. I NEVER SAW HIM, NEVER HEAR FROM HIM, drinking I could hit the bars with him sometimes. Even when I was done, his day still continued, just the faces of his drinking partners changed. But drugs was a Secret, thus my name SecretLife... the one I didn't know about.
He DID lose me, I started dated someone else after 6 months of sheer boredom for me, and just DONE trying to find him... he made SURE that never happened. Lies I know now still hurt, but I'm able to forgive and try to build something less superficial with him all these months later, after he entered a 28 day inpatient program, but not at first. I didn't trust his intentions, not his ability to stick with it.
Hurts from the past are a daily issue for me, but I'm attending both Alanon and Nar-non groups now... FOR ME. Trying to fucus less on HIM. But it's NOT easy. He DID lose me, but I'm back, not exactly sympathic, but I'm learning compassion for this as an illness. I really have no advice, other than to get involved with your AA group, make sincere friends, not drinking pals, and work the program. Things will fall together as they should, if you stick to your end of this commitment. A life time commitment that you never look at that way, just take each sober day as it comes and be grateful for it. The next day, do your best to make the effort again just for that day.
Good luck to you, Sweetie. Being on the receiving ends hurts very much too, and I wanted you to know how hard it is no matter which side of the fence you are on...
He quit drinking last August, but unbeknowst to me, had a second addiction to crack cocaine, that reared its ugly head to the fullest, when he set the achohol aside. I NEVER SAW HIM, NEVER HEAR FROM HIM, drinking I could hit the bars with him sometimes. Even when I was done, his day still continued, just the faces of his drinking partners changed. But drugs was a Secret, thus my name SecretLife... the one I didn't know about.
He DID lose me, I started dated someone else after 6 months of sheer boredom for me, and just DONE trying to find him... he made SURE that never happened. Lies I know now still hurt, but I'm able to forgive and try to build something less superficial with him all these months later, after he entered a 28 day inpatient program, but not at first. I didn't trust his intentions, not his ability to stick with it.
Hurts from the past are a daily issue for me, but I'm attending both Alanon and Nar-non groups now... FOR ME. Trying to fucus less on HIM. But it's NOT easy. He DID lose me, but I'm back, not exactly sympathic, but I'm learning compassion for this as an illness. I really have no advice, other than to get involved with your AA group, make sincere friends, not drinking pals, and work the program. Things will fall together as they should, if you stick to your end of this commitment. A life time commitment that you never look at that way, just take each sober day as it comes and be grateful for it. The next day, do your best to make the effort again just for that day.
Good luck to you, Sweetie. Being on the receiving ends hurts very much too, and I wanted you to know how hard it is no matter which side of the fence you are on...
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Good to see you again.....
Well done on your new sobriety
Did you get to that AA meeting you spoke about
in your earlier posts? Is that where your "1 year
of no relationships" came from?
That's not actually true....if so.
Well done on your new sobriety
Did you get to that AA meeting you spoke about
in your earlier posts? Is that where your "1 year
of no relationships" came from?
That's not actually true....if so.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 174
People who have never drank/gave up drink for reasons other than being an alcoholic also find love and have sex and get married and have kids etc you know 
Alcohol is a barrier to relationships in my opinion, not a help.
Alcohol is a barrier to relationships in my opinion, not a help.
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