coffeeclub

A couple of weeks ago I was very manic and was drinking heavily. Well I am better now. I have been sober for 2 weeks. Now I just have to deal with the triggers Yesterday I had to fight 2 triggers.

Some of my triggers are different. One minute I am fine the next minute something just triggers. Yesterday I was watching VH1’s 40 Greatest Hard Rock Songs. After listening to all those songs and watching the video’s I was pumped and ready to party.

I fought the urge and won.

Then later I had to go outside to get something. It was misty, a little foggy and wet outside. There was a nice breeze out side. The kind of breeze that lets you know that spring is coming. In that type of weather I usually like to drink, smoke p0t and walk and just think of the good and bad things of my life.

I was able to fight the urge and win again. I am not looking forward to these urges again.

I have a cycle of binge drinking that I hope to break someday. I do believe the binge drinking is stress related. I have not been drinking for only 2 weeks so right now I am pretty strong and able to fight the urges but as the weeks turn in to months I get weaker and my stress level rises and the urges become harder and harder to fight.

The thing that p1sses me off the most is that alcohol and getting sloppy drunk does relief some stress. Of course it comes back but at least it relieves the stress for a while. On the last binge I had 10 stressful things going on. Then one day I just snapped and did nothing but ruin my life for the next month. I sincerely believe that other people could have handled the stress I was under much better but I am sincerely not that strong.

And of course after the binging I have to fix the things that I broke. Usually my relationship with my wife, save more money because when I drink I waste money. But that is only the tip of the things that I have to fix. I can not control my drinking and when I drink I am out of control. I will just drink until I pass out.

When I used to drink but was not manic. I was in control but I would drink daily and nightly. I did not party and I drank at home. I was still able to save money because I brought the cheapest beer I could find.

I was slowing running my relationship with my wife and child.

For the longest time if drinking was not involved I would not want to do it. If we would go to a friend’s house I would not go if there was no alcohol. If we went to a family gathering I did my best to find a way to drink. My family doest (except for my brother) drink so he and I would try our hardest to find a way to drink. Sometimes it would work and sometimes it would not work.

If I did not drink at the family get together I would make sure to cut it short so I could go and drink. In fact if drinking was not involved I would always find a way to cut the get together short and go drink.

My wife’s family is not so much against drinking so I liked hanging around with them more.

Every extra day off was just another reason to drink. When I had a weekday off I was happy because I still wake up early but I would just start drinking smoking p0t at 8:00. Weekends I would start drinking between 11:00 and 1:00.

Heck I remember times when I used to carry a flask around (even at work).


Bottom line I still like to drink but I know I can’t. Sincerely I’m not saying my life is happier without drinking. I would love to drink and party but that would mean I have to choose between drinking any my family. And my family is more important. But dinking is not far behind them. Isn’t that sad?

Make no mistake I love my family very much and that is the only reason I do not drink and party.

I could go on but I will stop.

Kerbcrawler

You pretty much have written my script too...My family an health have gotta come first this time Though...

Ceres

Some people can go one day at a time. Some people need to go one hour at a time. It might help to call an AA hotline if this forum isn't enough. Better yet, why not go to a meeting. :-)

CarolD

2 weeks is a good beginning on finding your way
into a healthier more positive future. ....
Well done CC!

Are you doing a structured recovery program?
AA has been an awesome adventure for me.

AlwaysGrowing

Coffee
Sounds like you are aware of things. For longer term soberity we need to feel that urge with something or find ways to soften the urge. There will be days that will overwhelm you and the urge will win IF you don't take some action before hand.
There is life away from the drink. Do you really want to the drink to be your reality?

AG- And 18 years sober and what a blessing it has been.

Kerbcrawler

Reached a conclusion on this, commitment to being or stayin sober,or commitment to carrying on drinking dangerously? the best of both worlds=Flitting in and out of the 2 is a no Brainer= As only one is going to be the Victor= hence one will eventually Dominate=Simple Maths Really= Why so long for me to get this=DuhhhR,

Nevertheless

As others have said, 2 weeks is a very good start.
And as others have said, AA will be a great help if you go in with an open mind.
Quitting on your own is very difficult. It is easier if you are around other people that are going through, or have been through what you are trying to do.
Congrats on 2 weeks.
I wish you the best.
Fred

walkertall

believe it or not life without alcohol is just fine. It doe take some getting used to though. I had to learn how to have fun without drinking while everyone else drank. again it's just fine. Do your family a favor and quit drinking.

DetroitRock

Hang in there dude. I am at the two week mark right now, too. I've finally gotten back to regular sleeping and eating and I'm not feeling so bitchy now. That's good that you have a family to keep you stable. I am on the verge of starting one, and I had to make a choice recently of being single and staying drunk or sobering up so I can spend the rest of my life with a woman I love.
I think that sometimes it doesn't really matter what reason you have for staying sober as long as it motivates you to stay strong and resist the urge. The way I look at it is, id I were single, I would have no motivation to do it for myself. But with her, making her happy is enough motivation for me.
Ugh, that sounds kind of Hallmark-ish, doesn't it? Sorry for the extra "cheese"

Omega10

I used to drink to relieve stress as well. Funny think is, the drinking was making me less able to handle stress than not drinking. In some cases, it actually caused me more stress. I just couldn't see it at the time when I was in the thick of things.

What has helped me the most is coming straight home after work, eating a balanced meal, going to bed at approximately the same time every night, and getting up at approximately the same time every morning. My body is no longer dealing with the physical abuse that alcohol, poor diet, and lack of sleep does to it. That, in turn, has enabled my body to be able to overcome the other stresses that are placed on it.

Working through my stress and finding healthy ways to deal with it head-on is much better in the long run than self-medicating and hiding my stress. Because, like you said, the stress always comes back, particularly if you just hide it.

fragrantrose

my twopence -
Am now 11 days again and fighting random cravings
Stress + pick up a drink = small window of escape = MORE STRESS +++

B27

I have no doubt whatsoever that you do love your family very much.
In fact, I bet that just like me you would willingly die to save their lives.

And in fact I bet that your family, just like mine at one time, feels like they are watching you die slowly from your addiction.

Man, that has gotta hurt.

IMHO you may be able to get sober for other people, but you'll never be able to stay sober for other people no matter how much you care about them.

In getting and staying sober for yourself you simultaneously give your loved ones the thing that they desire most.....you give them you back.

The you they know and love and miss and need and want desperately to come back to them.

You are off to a good start.
No I take that back....a GREAT start.

You can do it.