WantsOut

I'm not going to minimize it and I'm not going to awfulize it either - last night I slipped. Drank 4 or 5 beers which might not sound like much but at this stage in my alcoholism it gets me way effed up. Blacked out. I do know nothing much happened - sheer luck as always.

I had been thinking about beer. I was almost at a month and I felt boring - like my life is boring. Boyfriend was out at a club but I said I didn't want to go meet him there. I did it for two reasons - one, I didn't want to be around all those people who were drinking and two cause I wanted to drink behind his back. One turned into two, two turned in to four. And that was enough to make me black out. I know - pathetic.

So here I sit - kinda hungover, unhappy that I'm starting from day one again, and rethinking my belief that I don't need meetings. If nothing else, I need them to remind me that I can't drink. Even if nothing happens it's still bad. I don't feel good. I like feeling good. Tired of feeling bad.

TheMaster

I know how you feel. I've been thinking of doing it again, myself. I just know that if I do, I will just open the flood gates to depression and negativity.

You'd think that knowing this would stop me from even thinking about how fun it is.

CarolD

I sure hope this will be your final beer/blackout/hang over.

Meetings? why the heck not?
Many of us had false starts on our way to solid sobriety

CoF1984

Meetings definitely can't hurt. I'm a year sober and been going to meetings the whole time, haven't seen or heard anything bad happen to anyone from going to meetings. Just climb back up, dust yourself off and give it another go. As long as you at least try to do the next right thing you're doing good. Wishing the best of luck for you.

Wes

Wolfchild

i am living clean & sober today.

What are you gonna do today?

penny74

These things happen.
Very few never have a moment of doubt and pain.
Dust yourself off and carry on.
Wish you the best.

WantsOut

Thank you everyone. I'm feeling much better today. There is nothing in the bottle for me. Nothing good anyway.

So today I start again. I can tell you this - I am not drinking today.

I remember going to a meeting last year where a woman who was sharing was talking about a relapse that she had. She was indignant that her husband was angry over it. She and the speaker agreed that it was no big deal and relapses happen. I felt then that they were just enabling each other. A relapse should be considered a serious matter - a big sign that you're on the wrong track.

At the same time I have beat myself up over them too. Badly. I will not let this make me feel like a loser. I am human. I made a mistake. I was blessed that nothing bad happened. Now it's time to refocus and take a new approach. I can do this.

sunrise1

Yes, you CAN do this! The meeting idea is not a bad one.

Every once in a while a waitress will walk by with drinks on a tray, and I'll have 5 seconds of "mmmmm" before the "bad idea, Sunrise" kicks in. So I know those feelings. I try to see them for what they are, and move right along.

I always bring something special to the clubs to drink-- flavored water, or diet sprite(almost NOPLACE carries it)... or even one of those Lo-Ball energy drinks (now THAT's MMMMM). If I ever even start whining to myself I grab one of those, give God the signal and carry on.

(I decided that God and I should have a signal if I should need him in public or while onstage. He and I know what it is... but if I give it- He knows I'm asking for His help and strength. So far, He's been behind me with the catcher's mitt the whole time).

littlebluedog

In the very beginning of my sobriety, I kept busy by going to meetings in the evening. As a result of that, I made a host of sober friends. Definitely not a boring group of people.

Today, I still attend one meeting every day in the evenings, and I've become close friends with some of the most wonderful, supportive people.

Glad you're trying again, hope you're ready for good this time around.