Those triggers can creep up on you
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 91
Those triggers can creep up on you
I am 7 and a half months pregnant. I stopped drinking in July when I found out. In October I thought it would be alright if I just had a couple beers while watching football with my husband. Yeah, right! Having a couple beers is not an option for someone like me. I ended up drinking 10.
This was the biggest wakeup call of my life. I realized that if I can't control myself under the circumstance of being prego, I really do have a problem. The only way to deal with this problem is to never ever drink again... even after I am no longer pregnant. I need to admit once and for all I am an alcoholic and deal with it. I haven't had a single sip since.
Nonetheless, it's funny how once I made the declaration that I would never drink ever again, the "alcoholic voice" in my head started panicking. Over these last few months I've heard it try to convince me that I'm not really an alcoholic and that once I have this baby I can drink again. It used to be louder and more frequent, but I have really had resolve. I have figured out tools to defeat it and it doesn't really bother me as much as it used to. I have been imagining the rest of my life sober and I'm ok with that. In fact, I'm happy about it. I have been making plans. I think I have been on the right track.
But, you know, it's funny how this disease can creep up on you. This weekend my husband and I were cleaning out the garage and organizing everything. I pulled out some folding camping chairs that I haven't seen in awhile and BOOM, it hit me. I remembered sitting in those chairs, my husband and I, drinking beer and talking. I remembered how much FUN it was to drink. How relaxing it was... how happy I was... how happy my husband was... how much fun he was to hang out with when we were drinking. Now that we don't drink together, things are alot more serious all the time. More stressful.
All this over some stupid chairs!!
This struck me at a time when I was not expecting it. Over the next few days, I couldn't shake the thought of how much fun drinking was. I started thinking about when I would no longer be pregnant... "if I only drink once a month, it will be perfectly fine". "Maybe if we plan something special once a month, get a babysitter, and make it special I can handle drinking again".
I started thinking about all I've accomplished in my life while being a somewhat functional alcoholic. My family and my husband didn't even think I had a problem. I never got a DUI. "Maybe I'm just normal and I just think I'm an alcoholic because my Dad is".
I entertained all this thinking for about 3 days.... Then I decided to THINK THE DRINK THROUGH, something I learned about on this site. I imagined myself going out to drink with my husband in a few months when things had gotten easier with the new baby. It would be fun. I would be SO happy and have this... well, euphoric, feeling. I would keep drinking and drinking trying to make the feeling last. I would get sloppy. I would blackout. I would embarrass myself. Then I would have a hangover and throw up all day the next day. I would eat crap that whole day and ignore my children. I would feel guilty and ashamed. It would be a few hours of fun, followed by 10 times that number of hours of misery. Not hardly a logical or worthy trade off. The fact that I would even entertain the thoughts of drinking again considering consequences is proof of how cunning this disease is.
And would I be able to contain my drinking to only once a month? Well, after I had my first baby, I decided to keep my drinking to only once a week. That worked only when I devoted 100% of my energy toward that goal. I had to keep myself busy and preoccupied in order to do it. After about a year and a half, I started escalating to more times in the week.
No, there is no reason to think I could be successful at only drinking once a month. I remember all these posts from this site of people who were sober for years and thought they might be able to handle drinking in moderation again... it was always the same result. I am no different than them. I would have the same result.
So now, mentally, I am back on track. I am convinced once again that I cannot drink ever again. I think the key to maintaining sobreity when I'm no longer prego is going to be to think things through. I cannot impulsively allow myself to make a decision to drink. One thing on my side is that I'm not usually an impulsive person, unless I've been drinking. I am in control as long as I don't drink. As soon as I have one sip though, I have lost all ability to control myself.
Of course, working against me is the fact that this opponent, this alcoholism, sneaks up on you. It is cunning and also patient. It will wait until I'm least expecting. It will make arguments that seem to make sense at the time. I cannot imagine all scenerios I will have to encounter and stay sober through.
I have to admit I'm scared I won't be strong enough. All it takes is one weak moment.
This was the biggest wakeup call of my life. I realized that if I can't control myself under the circumstance of being prego, I really do have a problem. The only way to deal with this problem is to never ever drink again... even after I am no longer pregnant. I need to admit once and for all I am an alcoholic and deal with it. I haven't had a single sip since.
Nonetheless, it's funny how once I made the declaration that I would never drink ever again, the "alcoholic voice" in my head started panicking. Over these last few months I've heard it try to convince me that I'm not really an alcoholic and that once I have this baby I can drink again. It used to be louder and more frequent, but I have really had resolve. I have figured out tools to defeat it and it doesn't really bother me as much as it used to. I have been imagining the rest of my life sober and I'm ok with that. In fact, I'm happy about it. I have been making plans. I think I have been on the right track.
But, you know, it's funny how this disease can creep up on you. This weekend my husband and I were cleaning out the garage and organizing everything. I pulled out some folding camping chairs that I haven't seen in awhile and BOOM, it hit me. I remembered sitting in those chairs, my husband and I, drinking beer and talking. I remembered how much FUN it was to drink. How relaxing it was... how happy I was... how happy my husband was... how much fun he was to hang out with when we were drinking. Now that we don't drink together, things are alot more serious all the time. More stressful.
All this over some stupid chairs!!
This struck me at a time when I was not expecting it. Over the next few days, I couldn't shake the thought of how much fun drinking was. I started thinking about when I would no longer be pregnant... "if I only drink once a month, it will be perfectly fine". "Maybe if we plan something special once a month, get a babysitter, and make it special I can handle drinking again".
I started thinking about all I've accomplished in my life while being a somewhat functional alcoholic. My family and my husband didn't even think I had a problem. I never got a DUI. "Maybe I'm just normal and I just think I'm an alcoholic because my Dad is".
I entertained all this thinking for about 3 days.... Then I decided to THINK THE DRINK THROUGH, something I learned about on this site. I imagined myself going out to drink with my husband in a few months when things had gotten easier with the new baby. It would be fun. I would be SO happy and have this... well, euphoric, feeling. I would keep drinking and drinking trying to make the feeling last. I would get sloppy. I would blackout. I would embarrass myself. Then I would have a hangover and throw up all day the next day. I would eat crap that whole day and ignore my children. I would feel guilty and ashamed. It would be a few hours of fun, followed by 10 times that number of hours of misery. Not hardly a logical or worthy trade off. The fact that I would even entertain the thoughts of drinking again considering consequences is proof of how cunning this disease is.
And would I be able to contain my drinking to only once a month? Well, after I had my first baby, I decided to keep my drinking to only once a week. That worked only when I devoted 100% of my energy toward that goal. I had to keep myself busy and preoccupied in order to do it. After about a year and a half, I started escalating to more times in the week.
No, there is no reason to think I could be successful at only drinking once a month. I remember all these posts from this site of people who were sober for years and thought they might be able to handle drinking in moderation again... it was always the same result. I am no different than them. I would have the same result.
So now, mentally, I am back on track. I am convinced once again that I cannot drink ever again. I think the key to maintaining sobreity when I'm no longer prego is going to be to think things through. I cannot impulsively allow myself to make a decision to drink. One thing on my side is that I'm not usually an impulsive person, unless I've been drinking. I am in control as long as I don't drink. As soon as I have one sip though, I have lost all ability to control myself.
Of course, working against me is the fact that this opponent, this alcoholism, sneaks up on you. It is cunning and also patient. It will wait until I'm least expecting. It will make arguments that seem to make sense at the time. I cannot imagine all scenerios I will have to encounter and stay sober through.
I have to admit I'm scared I won't be strong enough. All it takes is one weak moment.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
It's such a mindgame, isn't it? I have had similar thoughts and summed it up this way - I have to remember that alcohol makes me feel bad when I'm under the delusion that it's going to make me feel good. Good luck sister!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: nj
Posts: 541
Originally Posted by LBW 
I am 7 and a half months pregnant. I stopped drinking in July when I found out. In October I thought it would be alright if I just had a couple beers while watching football with my husband. Yeah, right! Having a couple beers is not an option for someone like me. I ended up drinking 10.
This was the biggest wakeup call of my life. I realized that if I can't control myself under the circumstance of being prego, I really do have a problem. The only way to deal with this problem is to never ever drink again... even after I am no longer pregnant. I need to admit once and for all I am an alcoholic and deal with it. I haven't had a single sip since.
Nonetheless, it's funny how once I made the declaration that I would never drink ever again, the "alcoholic voice" in my head started panicking. Over these last few months I've heard it try to convince me that I'm not really an alcoholic and that once I have this baby I can drink again. It used to be louder and more frequent, but I have really had resolve. I have figured out tools to defeat it and it doesn't really bother me as much as it used to. I have been imagining the rest of my life sober and I'm ok with that. In fact, I'm happy about it. I have been making plans. I think I have been on the right track.
But, you know, it's funny how this disease can creep up on you. This weekend my husband and I were cleaning out the garage and organizing everything. I pulled out some folding camping chairs that I haven't seen in awhile and BOOM, it hit me. I remembered sitting in those chairs, my husband and I, drinking beer and talking. I remembered how much FUN it was to drink. How relaxing it was... how happy I was... how happy my husband was... how much fun he was to hang out with when we were drinking. Now that we don't drink together, things are alot more serious all the time. More stressful.
All this over some stupid chairs!!
This struck me at a time when I was not expecting it. Over the next few days, I couldn't shake the thought of how much fun drinking was. I started thinking about when I would no longer be pregnant... "if I only drink once a month, it will be perfectly fine". "Maybe if we plan something special once a month, get a babysitter, and make it special I can handle drinking again".
I started thinking about all I've accomplished in my life while being a somewhat functional alcoholic. My family and my husband didn't even think I had a problem. I never got a DUI. "Maybe I'm just normal and I just think I'm an alcoholic because my Dad is".
I entertained all this thinking for about 3 days.... Then I decided to THINK THE DRINK THROUGH, something I learned about on this site. I imagined myself going out to drink with my husband in a few months when things had gotten easier with the new baby. It would be fun. I would be SO happy and have this... well, euphoric, feeling. I would keep drinking and drinking trying to make the feeling last. I would get sloppy. I would blackout. I would embarrass myself. Then I would have a hangover and throw up all day the next day. I would eat crap that whole day and ignore my children. I would feel guilty and ashamed. It would be a few hours of fun, followed by 10 times that number of hours of misery. Not hardly a logical or worthy trade off. The fact that I would even entertain the thoughts of drinking again considering consequences is proof of how cunning this disease is.
And would I be able to contain my drinking to only once a month? Well, after I had my first baby, I decided to keep my drinking to only once a week. That worked only when I devoted 100% of my energy toward that goal. I had to keep myself busy and preoccupied in order to do it. After about a year and a half, I started escalating to more times in the week.
No, there is no reason to think I could be successful at only drinking once a month. I remember all these posts from this site of people who were sober for years and thought they might be able to handle drinking in moderation again... it was always the same result. I am no different than them. I would have the same result.
So now, mentally, I am back on track. I am convinced once again that I cannot drink ever again. I think the key to maintaining sobreity when I'm no longer prego is going to be to think things through. I cannot impulsively allow myself to make a decision to drink. One thing on my side is that I'm not usually an impulsive person, unless I've been drinking. I am in control as long as I don't drink. As soon as I have one sip though, I have lost all ability to control myself.
Of course, working against me is the fact that this opponent, this alcoholism, sneaks up on you. It is cunning and also patient. It will wait until I'm least expecting. It will make arguments that seem to make sense at the time. I cannot imagine all scenerios I will have to encounter and stay sober through.
I have to admit I'm scared I won't be strong enough. All it takes is one weak moment.
This was the biggest wakeup call of my life. I realized that if I can't control myself under the circumstance of being prego, I really do have a problem. The only way to deal with this problem is to never ever drink again... even after I am no longer pregnant. I need to admit once and for all I am an alcoholic and deal with it. I haven't had a single sip since.
Nonetheless, it's funny how once I made the declaration that I would never drink ever again, the "alcoholic voice" in my head started panicking. Over these last few months I've heard it try to convince me that I'm not really an alcoholic and that once I have this baby I can drink again. It used to be louder and more frequent, but I have really had resolve. I have figured out tools to defeat it and it doesn't really bother me as much as it used to. I have been imagining the rest of my life sober and I'm ok with that. In fact, I'm happy about it. I have been making plans. I think I have been on the right track.
But, you know, it's funny how this disease can creep up on you. This weekend my husband and I were cleaning out the garage and organizing everything. I pulled out some folding camping chairs that I haven't seen in awhile and BOOM, it hit me. I remembered sitting in those chairs, my husband and I, drinking beer and talking. I remembered how much FUN it was to drink. How relaxing it was... how happy I was... how happy my husband was... how much fun he was to hang out with when we were drinking. Now that we don't drink together, things are alot more serious all the time. More stressful.
All this over some stupid chairs!!
This struck me at a time when I was not expecting it. Over the next few days, I couldn't shake the thought of how much fun drinking was. I started thinking about when I would no longer be pregnant... "if I only drink once a month, it will be perfectly fine". "Maybe if we plan something special once a month, get a babysitter, and make it special I can handle drinking again".
I started thinking about all I've accomplished in my life while being a somewhat functional alcoholic. My family and my husband didn't even think I had a problem. I never got a DUI. "Maybe I'm just normal and I just think I'm an alcoholic because my Dad is".
I entertained all this thinking for about 3 days.... Then I decided to THINK THE DRINK THROUGH, something I learned about on this site. I imagined myself going out to drink with my husband in a few months when things had gotten easier with the new baby. It would be fun. I would be SO happy and have this... well, euphoric, feeling. I would keep drinking and drinking trying to make the feeling last. I would get sloppy. I would blackout. I would embarrass myself. Then I would have a hangover and throw up all day the next day. I would eat crap that whole day and ignore my children. I would feel guilty and ashamed. It would be a few hours of fun, followed by 10 times that number of hours of misery. Not hardly a logical or worthy trade off. The fact that I would even entertain the thoughts of drinking again considering consequences is proof of how cunning this disease is.
And would I be able to contain my drinking to only once a month? Well, after I had my first baby, I decided to keep my drinking to only once a week. That worked only when I devoted 100% of my energy toward that goal. I had to keep myself busy and preoccupied in order to do it. After about a year and a half, I started escalating to more times in the week.
No, there is no reason to think I could be successful at only drinking once a month. I remember all these posts from this site of people who were sober for years and thought they might be able to handle drinking in moderation again... it was always the same result. I am no different than them. I would have the same result.
So now, mentally, I am back on track. I am convinced once again that I cannot drink ever again. I think the key to maintaining sobreity when I'm no longer prego is going to be to think things through. I cannot impulsively allow myself to make a decision to drink. One thing on my side is that I'm not usually an impulsive person, unless I've been drinking. I am in control as long as I don't drink. As soon as I have one sip though, I have lost all ability to control myself.
Of course, working against me is the fact that this opponent, this alcoholism, sneaks up on you. It is cunning and also patient. It will wait until I'm least expecting. It will make arguments that seem to make sense at the time. I cannot imagine all scenerios I will have to encounter and stay sober through.
I have to admit I'm scared I won't be strong enough. All it takes is one weak moment.
So I tried AA and the 12 Steps did work fro me.
Obession to drink? GONE.
Triggers? No such term for me.
Yeah, it works.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
There's a reason they call this disease "cunning, baffling, powerful." It's the one disease that tries to convince you that you don't have it. And while you struggle with the cravings, this thing is doing pushups in the parking lot, just waiting for you. And it's very, very patient. Tom just made an interesting statement that he tried AA and the 12 steps worked for him. They worked for me and millions of other people, too. You're right to admit that you're afraid you won't be strong enough. AA teaches you how to handle that fear. It will give you the emotional sobriety and strength to live a happy and fulfilling life without alcohol. I suggest you try it for a while. You've nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by LBW
...and BOOM, it hit me. I remembered sitting in those chairs, my husband and I, drinking beer and talking. I remembered how much FUN it was to drink. How relaxing it was... how happy I was... how happy my husband was... how much fun he was to hang out with when we were drinking. Now that we don't drink together, things are alot more serious all the time. More stressful.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 161
LBW you sound exactly like me (minus the husband - lol). I have a lot of the same thoughts regarding past good time I've had with my friends, or wife, and to think that I won't have those memories again makes me sad. Having said that, I haven't had those good memories in a few years. Lately it's just me drinking and watching TV or sitting alone. I completely know where you're at and can relate to it well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
Yea, This stuff certainly does sneak up on us. I can relate to the lawn chair scenario. Someone told us at an AA meeting.
Our rememberer's broken, but our forgetter works very well,when it comes to booze. I think that is a quick little phrase to remember(I know my rememberer is busted, but this phrase is easy to remember<G>). I have thought of it a few times if I even start thinking a beer sounds good.
Fred
Our rememberer's broken, but our forgetter works very well,when it comes to booze. I think that is a quick little phrase to remember(I know my rememberer is busted, but this phrase is easy to remember<G>). I have thought of it a few times if I even start thinking a beer sounds good.
Fred
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