Jason88

I'm 21 years old, I started drinking very heavily after my best friend died due to suicide when i was 17. We were so incredibly close to eachother, i loved him so much. We did everything together, We both suffered from depression, an i suffered from frequent panic disorder. I'm almost 22 years old now and DAILY i drink around a fifth an a quarter a day. I lost my job, my girlfriend, an my apartment because of my alcoholism. My family has showed concern and tried to help but i always did my best to ignore them. I'm living with my older sister now because i have no were to go an im too ashamed to ask my mom or dad to live with them. They know the extent of my alcoholism but kinda pretend it isent happening. 3 days ago i was kinda drunk, not exactly hammered but i was feelin it pretty good, an i got behind the wheel of my motorcycle an crashed it into a ditch on a rural road near my sisters house (comming back from the liquor store...it was a long walk and my sister was asleep at 4am) i really hurt myself badly, i fractured a rib and broke my finger. I in extreme pain pushed my bike a few more hundered yards to her house and went to sleep. The next day she woke me up SCREAMING because she saw my totaled bike in the middle of the driveway, i went to the hospital the next day. and was treated. I was too afraid to go that night because i dident want to go to jail. I really wish i was making this all up, but i swear every word is true. Now few days later, im laying in bed still drinking trying to overcome the pain and treating my addiction the only way i know how. I realize the extent is had gone now, i want to quit...My sister said i was so lucky i was not dead and she cried for almost 2 hours...that broke my heart. I never want to see her like that again, I'm ruining my familys lives, i want to quit so badly but its not like i do this for fun....its a real addiction...i never really believed alcohol was addictive until it happened to me...please...what should i do. I honest to god want to quit, i cant do this anymore. I give up...

Jason88

I honest to god blackout nearly 4 times a week. I forget what day it is almost everyday. I wake up thinking what happened last-night happened 2 or 3 days ago, I'm not drunk right now, just yet...but im buzzed. Im in so much physical and mental pain, its unbearable...god...I wonder what my purpose is on this earth...Why do i keep waking up in the morning?

DesertKate

Jason-

get on the phone to AA right now. You need to speak to a live person and it's obviously too late to go to a meeting. get offline and call the 24 hour AA number in your city. Get through tonight and go to a meeting first thing in the morning. I did exactly what I am telling you to do when I was your age and it worked. Now- get moving and good luck.

thirtybubba

Yeah, the AA line might just be good for you right now. Your story is not as unbelievable as you might think... Happens to a lot of us.

You sound like you're going through a lot right now, and it's all fixable... just like the bike. Just get started, be open minded and give what people say--here on SR or AA or whatever, there are other ways than AA too--a chance. You can get over this, get your life back on track, and you won't have to feel like this ever again...

Take care,
TB

ps or if you like, come join us in the chat room. it's at the top of your screen...

Dee74

Welcome to SR Jason88

You'll find many people here whose circumstances mirror yours, and many more who've successfully made it into recovery.

Keep reading and posting - reaching out for help is a great first step - if you can't approach your parents just now, pls do think of something like AA as DesertKate suggested, or counselling, a doctor or rehab...find whatever is available to you, see what seems to make sense to you, grab it and use it.

D

TheSunAlsoRises

Hey man sorry to hear about your circumstances. Many go through worse before coming out of denial. I use AA in my recovery, everyone has to walk their own path though. I would recommend calling the hot line at least you can talk to someone live... That is a high amount of alcohol to be drinking daily, please see a doctor about safely detoxing... acute alcohol withdraw can be dangerous or lethal... You can recover from this illness--props on being young and addressing the problem now.

baldjim

i know i'm starting to sound just a tad boring now but the only person who can stop you drinking is you

if you really want to drink no more and you have reached that moment when you think life is not worth living any more like this something has to change,well change it ,be that change you need,no one can stop you but you ,same as no one could stop me but me from drinking,people could say ,you are drinking to much,blah blah till they where blue in the face i all ready knew that its only when i listened to me and made the change happen it happened

same as if god forbid i started drinking again its my fault its down to baldylocks i have to make sure it just aint gona happen ,you are young man with your whole life ahead of you i wish i could go back to your age and stop me drinking ,you have a great chance to stop the rot now please do it ...jim

yeahgr8

If you could have quit by yourself you would have already, please give AA a chance, give them a call...they will be only too happy to hear from you!

Jason88

Also with most alcoholics, I smoke entirely too much. I have smoked god....sense i think i was about 15. I smoke almost a pack an a half during a 24hr period. About a half pack when im sober for about 5hrs of the day, then when i start drinking i start smoking almost every 30minutes. I want to quit tha as well, but for now, my main focus is on quitting drinking. thank you to all that supported my decision. I really am kinda hesitant to call AA though...just seems like a very extreme thing to do, its like calling a number if your getting ready to kill yourself....idk..

Bamboozle

Active alcoholics are killing themselves. I was...it's a slow death.

Just pick up the phone and call. This is your life. Do what you have to do to get out of this mess...a meeting, a couselor, doctor, hospital...

Jason88

Ok

Jason88

Is it a 24hr call center?

anono

hey jason, i'm in aussie land.. but over here we have a 24 hr line as the office phone diverts to whomever is on the roster.. i would imagine it would be similar??

just put AA into google and you should be able to get a location guide for your area... good luck, you have taken the first step... next step pick up the phone. i know it is hard.. but after i did it the first time i certainly felt so much better..

take care and keep posting

kate

Dee74

I'm not an AA member Jason but Anono's advice is great.

We have some national USA numbers in our links...

Hope these may be of service to you.
D

Jason88

Thank You Dee, Are all of you recovering alcoholics? Why did you start drinking to begin with? Thanks for every ones advice by the way, you have no idea how much i appreciate this

Lionne

Hi Jason,
I think the advice the previous posters have given you is a good one in your current situation.

As for your questions, yes I am a recovering alcoholic, 149 days sober today and it took me 7 more years than you to finally do something about my alcohol problem. Very good for you that you want to do someting now.
I drank to numb out painful things from my past in the first place. Then I just drank and it caused even more and more pain. That's why I needed to quit, and I needed it also to finally adress the underlying issues.

No offense, but if you are ready to drive drunk, you are ready to kill yourself, and potentially also others.
Please take care and get also help irl. You can get better

Mark75

Jason88

Welcome to SR! Sometimes it takes a crisis to bring about change, it's up to us whether or not we take the opportunity.

You said that you drink about a fifth and a quarter a day and blackout 4 times a week. Hmm, if you drink that much.... go to the ER, hospital, whatever. Tell them how much you drink and that you can't stop on your own. You will need medical help (detox) to quit.

Just do it! Then you can deal with the loss of your friend and start rebuilding your life.

Mark

Wolfchild

adore79

Hi Jason talking to your doctor about quitting is also a good idea, he might be able to help. Good luck and keep coming back.

Dan Dare

You have 4 years of hard drinking under your belt and look at the misfortune it has brought on.
Let this be a warning and a realization that this path is only going to lead you to places much more horrible than you can probably imagine, until, possibly, you end up in a place where imagination is not an option any more.
Stick around here, and listen to everyone. There is so much to learn and be inspired by.
It is helping me survive, and it will help you, too.
Best of luck, kid. Hang in there every second.