coffeenut

Wow....to deal with this in very early sobriety, truly shows how commited you are to staying sober.

None of us wants to have to deal with something like this....but all of us will.

I so applaud you for coming here, rather than to a bar.

My condolences on your loss.

av001

sorry to hear of your loss... get well

bjork

Steve,

Thanks for posting this. You are proof that someone can get through these trying times sober.

My condolences.

Charmie

hi steve,first off i am sorry for your loss and you are in my prayers.my uncle mike died when i was about where your at earlier in the year.he was an inspritation to my sister and i,we worked for him,he loaned us the money to buy our first car,he used to take us to allsorts of places as kids,the best photos in the albums uncle mike took.he was only 59.i went back to my home town for his funeral at the end of april.my mum asked my sister and i to say some words about him.i would not and could not have done this if i had still been drinking,i wouldnt have been asked anyhow.but at the end of the day,i got into bed in the hotel and despite everything it was a good day.we were all happy in our rememberance of uncle mike,sad yes,but i am so glad that i had that day sober.it wouldnt have meant nearly as much if i had been drinking.

littlefish

So sorry to hear of your loss. Maybe a strategy to help you weather this storm is to be of extra service to his family? If you were a drinker anything like I was, I ran as far as I could from positions of responsibility and service. I made little effort when people were having difficult times, because I was...always hungover, or...always drinking.
Families can use so much help when there is a loss: driving, running errands, bringing food, helping the family with day to day tasks so they can concentrate on the arrangements, etc.

DayWalker

Just want to talk a bit more about this if that's okay....


Long/short.... I'm still sober an plan on being that way, but...

Been tryin to help his daughter the past few days with business stuff that Ed had going on, and I feel bad about saying this...but every time I talk to his daughter and help her, either on the phone or email....5 mins later I feel like drinking.

Trust me in all honestly I havent and wont drink....but why does that thought enter my mind after every time I do something "good" to help his family??

just doesnt make sence to me. Is that normal? why does my mind go there when I talk to her? because it shouldn't at all IMO.

Steve

laurie6781

(((((Steve)))))

For years your way of dealing with any kind of stress, good stress or bad stress was to drink to numb yourself.

So your reaction and thoughts are normal. It takes a long time to learn 'new' behaviors to replace the old. Of course, drinking is going to pop into your head, this is the way you handled things IN THE PAST.

Just by accepting that, that is 'an old way' of dealing, will change the context of the thoughts. You can acknowledge it, out loud if necessary, and say, out loud if necessary, .............................................. "that is not how I handle these things today." Believe it or not, is does calm the thoughts.

I am sure your friend is smiling down on you, and how you are helping his daughter and is very proud of how you are doing in this stressful time for you in your recovery.

As each day passes, although those thoughts may continue to 'pop up' and 'flit through your brain' they will be less powerful.

You are doing good. Keep up the good work!!!!!

Love and hugs,

DayWalker

Thanks Laurie, apprecite the help. Because even after about 50 days sober now, this past week has honestly been so hard, even harder than the first week!. It just kills me that one minute I can do something that's helping his family, and feeling good about myself. Yet not even 1 min later....my mind is thinking about drinking and pushing off all my commitments and just all the old ways I use to be. I don't want to be that person again man...seriously don't.

Just seems so insane at times ya know. I know I'm not "crazy" lol....but I swear a few times these past few days, I almost feel that way where I wonder WTF is wrong with me at times. How can I go from feelings one way on my mind one second...and totally the oppisite the next? just doesnt make any sence.

Do appreciate the reply/help though....thanks!

Steve

chrisinaustin

Me desire to drink in early sobriety and when I was drinking was always tied to some fear. In a situation like this, it would probably be fear of my own mortality. I'm going to assume your friend was of similar age. When I get that way my thoughts start to spiral -- thinking of what I've done, the damage I must have done to myself, not eating right, smoking, of course the drinking, etc. I could get to the point where my own death seemed inevitable, right that second. I would become paralyzed with fear, and felt that only drinking could alleviate it.

Now, through all of the things that make up the program I've worked, those thoughts don't spiral anymore. When they come, i acknowledge them and let them go.

I'm sure I will face incredibly trying situations down the road. I will pray for the strength to be able to handle them in the same way I handle lesser ones now.

Dee74

Its a natural response to just about any powerful stimuli Steve...especially in the early days. That you're aware of it, and that you're not giving in, is great

D

DayWalker

Thanks guys. It's just a scary thing ya know. You think your doin so good with dealing with a friend passing.... then all the sudden you get these old thoughts that are so over powering ya know. Just crazy stuff. Even right now it's got me thinking. I know whats right and what to do. But my Mind still tells me something different ya know.Wish I could just revert my mind and change some thing in that past that make me think this way. Ugh..

I'm okay though, going to bed. Just needed to talk out some of these goofy thoughts I guess.

Steve

NewMe11109

Steve -

My thoughts are with you. Part of being human is to experience pain so we can also experience and understand joy. Know that you can grieve sober while also celebrating the good things in your friend's life.