just frustrated
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 320
just frustrated
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im not even sure this is where i should post this here, so i just picked this one... i am not a "new comer" i have been "sober" from alcohol now for 18 months. which is HUGE for me...last week i stole some pills from my father in law, oxycodone, and i took......5. at once......i know thats alot, but oh it gets worse....after about an hour and half, i felt nothing, so i took 3 more.
here's the kicker... i felt NOTHING...isnt oxycodone vicodin? i am on ritalin because I truly do have ADD, so maybe that counteracted it??? or maybe psychologically my body just kind of rejected it, knowing it was wrong??
anyway, ive been going through something mentally that i dont know how to handle...i am 37 yrs old, and all of my life there has been some kind of "chaos" since i ahve been 14, i started drinking, smoking weed, and got my first boyfriend and we were very on and off, alot of fighting, etc...we broke up when i was 18, and i immediately got a new boyfriend, and we got married 5 days before i was 20...then for the next few years, i started stealing alot., which was exciting to me then i started partying alot ... to the point where my marriage failed because he just wasnt into it, he was a homebody, and bored me to death.
so we got a divorce, and i moved out of town and REALLY started partying,... like a rockstar ... so then it was ON. i then met my best friends brother, .. constant party... we broke up for a few months, and then he came to me and said he wanted to get back together, and so that night, we impulsively took off to Reno, and got married..., and we still partied like crazy together... but then he began using meth way more that recreational, and that has never really done anything for me,allthough i did it a few times, he was out of control...so he went into jail for a while, then into a rehab program, when he got out, he promised me that he was DONE with all the partying and i agreed, no more alcohol, or weed, and we were going to really straighten up our life, i was all for it, ... for a couple months, and i just didnt realize that i wouldnt be able to keep my promise, I began partying behind his back, he works nights and i would stay up all night alot of times, had an affair, and it got really out of hand... well my husband found out about all of this, and did stay with me if i promised to go to rehab...so i did, but it didnt work for me, so i had to go again exactly 1 yr later...that was in March that i came home, and i havent touched a drop of alcohol since, I have on 2 occasions taken the pills, but now, my husband is wonderful to me, i have 3 beautiful kids, and everything is just about perfect in my life... here is my problem,... for the last month or so, i have been mean...just plain mean to everyone around me, very anxious feeling, just plain BORED to be quite honest, i have even thought about asking a close friend of mine to get me some dope ( i dont know why, it doesnt even do much for me) but it would be something "exciteing, sneaky" if you will... i have allways been a thrill seeker, but goodness gracious, as I said, i am allmost 40 years old, and this kind of behaviour is teenager behaviour i feel... i dont know how to live this way, without something exciteing going on...
I would really love some understanding and advise on this, i am at my witts end
if anyone has any advice i would so greatly apprecieate it
ty
im not even sure this is where i should post this here, so i just picked this one... i am not a "new comer" i have been "sober" from alcohol now for 18 months. which is HUGE for me...last week i stole some pills from my father in law, oxycodone, and i took......5. at once......i know thats alot, but oh it gets worse....after about an hour and half, i felt nothing, so i took 3 more.
here's the kicker... i felt NOTHING...isnt oxycodone vicodin? i am on ritalin because I truly do have ADD, so maybe that counteracted it??? or maybe psychologically my body just kind of rejected it, knowing it was wrong??
anyway, ive been going through something mentally that i dont know how to handle...i am 37 yrs old, and all of my life there has been some kind of "chaos" since i ahve been 14, i started drinking, smoking weed, and got my first boyfriend and we were very on and off, alot of fighting, etc...we broke up when i was 18, and i immediately got a new boyfriend, and we got married 5 days before i was 20...then for the next few years, i started stealing alot., which was exciting to me then i started partying alot ... to the point where my marriage failed because he just wasnt into it, he was a homebody, and bored me to death.
so we got a divorce, and i moved out of town and REALLY started partying,... like a rockstar ... so then it was ON. i then met my best friends brother, .. constant party... we broke up for a few months, and then he came to me and said he wanted to get back together, and so that night, we impulsively took off to Reno, and got married..., and we still partied like crazy together... but then he began using meth way more that recreational, and that has never really done anything for me,allthough i did it a few times, he was out of control...so he went into jail for a while, then into a rehab program, when he got out, he promised me that he was DONE with all the partying and i agreed, no more alcohol, or weed, and we were going to really straighten up our life, i was all for it, ... for a couple months, and i just didnt realize that i wouldnt be able to keep my promise, I began partying behind his back, he works nights and i would stay up all night alot of times, had an affair, and it got really out of hand... well my husband found out about all of this, and did stay with me if i promised to go to rehab...so i did, but it didnt work for me, so i had to go again exactly 1 yr later...that was in March that i came home, and i havent touched a drop of alcohol since, I have on 2 occasions taken the pills, but now, my husband is wonderful to me, i have 3 beautiful kids, and everything is just about perfect in my life... here is my problem,... for the last month or so, i have been mean...just plain mean to everyone around me, very anxious feeling, just plain BORED to be quite honest, i have even thought about asking a close friend of mine to get me some dope ( i dont know why, it doesnt even do much for me) but it would be something "exciteing, sneaky" if you will... i have allways been a thrill seeker, but goodness gracious, as I said, i am allmost 40 years old, and this kind of behaviour is teenager behaviour i feel... i dont know how to live this way, without something exciteing going on...
I would really love some understanding and advise on this, i am at my witts end
if anyone has any advice i would so greatly apprecieate it
ty
Well, I'm on my way
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: El Paso, Texas
Posts: 276
Newbie or not. This is a great place to heal. I may have nothing helpful to say. Have you tried something like a physical hobby - riding, rollerblading, tennis - something to burn off some of that energy and anxiety? Doing some kind of volunteer work or nonvolunteer work might take up some of those energies. Have you tried AA?
As I said, might not be at all useful, but welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 320
thank you for your advice, ...i will take anything at this point...
. i cant work due to my extreme anxiety, and other issues, ...but i just realized that my son just started kindergarten last month, maybe that has something to do with it? i dont know... i just know that ive been bored, and mean lately, I had signed up for a psychology class, but i cant drive, and my girlfriends car broke down that was going to take it with me...
. i cant work due to my extreme anxiety, and other issues, ...but i just realized that my son just started kindergarten last month, maybe that has something to do with it? i dont know... i just know that ive been bored, and mean lately, I had signed up for a psychology class, but i cant drive, and my girlfriends car broke down that was going to take it with me...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 158
I found that having a spiritual aspect to my life, reconnecting myself to my fellow man and woman, nature, and all of existance in a radical yet simple way changed everything for me, turning a life that was at its foundation restless, agitated and never satified into something very much the opposite. Attempts at true sobriety always proved to be a fool's errand until I did this.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Here's where you can find some local meetings for your area, this is the website for the Fresno/Clovis offices of AA:
Meetings Fresno Alcoholics Anonymous
Hope that helps.
I would also suggest talking with your doctor about the medication you took as he/she would be the one who would know of what if any reaction there will be with your ADD meds.
Love and hugs,
Meetings Fresno Alcoholics Anonymous
Hope that helps.
I would also suggest talking with your doctor about the medication you took as he/she would be the one who would know of what if any reaction there will be with your ADD meds.
Love and hugs,
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
Mid life woes we all have them. Why don't you drive? I do not know your story,but I would go crazy if I could not drive. I would also learn to ride the bus if I could not drive to get around. Lots to think about. You could also try taking classes on line to take up time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 320
Originally Posted by laurie6781 
Here's where you can find some local meetings for your area, this is the website for the Fresno/Clovis offices of AA:
Meetings Fresno Alcoholics Anonymous
Hope that helps.
I would also suggest talking with your doctor about the medication you took as he/she would be the one who would know of what if any reaction there will be with your ADD meds.
Love and hugs,
Meetings Fresno Alcoholics Anonymous
Hope that helps.
I would also suggest talking with your doctor about the medication you took as he/she would be the one who would know of what if any reaction there will be with your ADD meds.
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 320
Originally Posted by zoomer
Mid life woes we all have them. Why don't you drive? I do not know your story,but I would go crazy if I could not drive. I would also learn to ride the bus if I could not drive to get around. Lots to think about. You could also try taking classes on line to take up time.
hey, you mentioned classes online?? how do i go about doing that??? that sounds great!
ty
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
You can go to your local community college and see what classes are on line or google up schools on line. (or you can call your local community college or go on line to find classes on line LOL so you do not have to drive there). I too have fear of driving,but I force myself because I hate being in the house all the time. I have to drive about 20 miles to see my shrink on the Northway. I make my appoinment for later in the morning to miss rush hour traffic. It's not my driving so much as I fear other people's driving LOL. I just got my degree from the community college and I was 45. Anything is possible!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by crzylilmndfreak
well i dont drive due to my anxiety, feel like im going to get in a wreck, im just a mess when i drive, so i only do it when i HAVE to, like my husband works the day shift on mondays, and i have to take the kids to school... i dread it every day of the week, ugh..
hey, you mentioned classes online?? how do i go about doing that??? that sounds great!
ty
hey, you mentioned classes online?? how do i go about doing that??? that sounds great!
ty
I found the longer I was in AA, working those 12 steps, the more my anxiety diminished.
If I start isolating again, the anxiety starts to come back.
It's difficult to step outside our comfort zone, but the rewards are great when we do!
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
I have three kids so I do understand the stress that can be caused by them. It was certainly part of my excuse for drinking.
What I try to do now (and not always successfully) is to get up 30 minutes before my kids wake up. I use the first 5 minutes to get myself in the right place mentally. Some call this meditation, I just think of it as a way to start my day very calm. As others have mentioned, focusing on your breathing can be very calming and I do this. Then, I spend the next 20 minutes or so getting ready for the morning so I feel that I am ahead of the kids and not behind. This is incredibly simple yet powerful as I take control of the situation (vs. having it done to me).
Then, I make sure I start the day with a smiling "hi" to my kids - even if they are waking up on the wrong side of the bed
Thanks for your post.
What I try to do now (and not always successfully) is to get up 30 minutes before my kids wake up. I use the first 5 minutes to get myself in the right place mentally. Some call this meditation, I just think of it as a way to start my day very calm. As others have mentioned, focusing on your breathing can be very calming and I do this. Then, I spend the next 20 minutes or so getting ready for the morning so I feel that I am ahead of the kids and not behind. This is incredibly simple yet powerful as I take control of the situation (vs. having it done to me).
Then, I make sure I start the day with a smiling "hi" to my kids - even if they are waking up on the wrong side of the bed
Thanks for your post.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 320
Originally Posted by me11109
I have three kids so I do understand the stress that can be caused by them. It was certainly part of my excuse for drinking.
What I try to do now (and not always successfully) is to get up 30 minutes before my kids wake up. I use the first 5 minutes to get myself in the right place mentally. Some call this meditation, I just think of it as a way to start my day very calm. As others have mentioned, focusing on your breathing can be very calming and I do this. Then, I spend the next 20 minutes or so getting ready for the morning so I feel that I am ahead of the kids and not behind. This is incredibly simple yet powerful as I take control of the situation (vs. having it done to me).
Then, I make sure I start the day with a smiling "hi" to my kids - even if they are waking up on the wrong side of the bed
Thanks for your post.
What I try to do now (and not always successfully) is to get up 30 minutes before my kids wake up. I use the first 5 minutes to get myself in the right place mentally. Some call this meditation, I just think of it as a way to start my day very calm. As others have mentioned, focusing on your breathing can be very calming and I do this. Then, I spend the next 20 minutes or so getting ready for the morning so I feel that I am ahead of the kids and not behind. This is incredibly simple yet powerful as I take control of the situation (vs. having it done to me).
Then, I make sure I start the day with a smiling "hi" to my kids - even if they are waking up on the wrong side of the bed
Thanks for your post.
wow, that is great advice, i will do that, i will set my alarm at 6 30, my kids get up at 7 and wake me up...it is not a relaxing way to wake up, mind you, lol so i think that will really help me, thank you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
If you want recovery, then my suggestion is to become an active participant in your recovery instead of your relapse. There's several recovery programs. I use AA, and it works for me, but there are others. Taking classes, learning to dance, getting a new BFF, etc. may mask the problem or prolong it for awhile, but they are temporary solutions, like putting a bandaid over a big gaping wound. That's been my experience, anyway.
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