Charmie

hi debs.my experience was this,i wanted to get on the steps and in my case it was imperative (thats just me im talking about!) and i was looking around the rooms,i didnt really see anyone that had what i wanted,so i prayed and prayed on it,like taz said,"when the pupil is ready the teacher will appear".one day at a regular meeting a lady visited,she chaired the meeting and when i heard what she had to say that was it,,bingo! of course i didnt know if she was going to say yes,but the way it happened and the timing were not coincidence i believe today.you said you have a firm belief in the power of prayer,that my friend is a fabulous start.

tomvlll

I just had a converstaion today about this.

I'm of the opinion that either you get your sh%t down in black and white or you live it in color.

I doubt there's a threrapy protocol anywhere which would advise keeping your sh%t bottled up inside.

EvilBunny

I've been in therapy a few times and was never advised to make a detailed list of every immoral or self-destructive thing I'd ever done while intoxicated. Even if this were helpful, why "God and another person"? It's a holdover from AA's religious roots. It's going to confession, plain and simple. I think you can recognize that your behavior has been unhealthy in the past without sharing the gory details of it with someone who has no legal obligation to keep it confidential.

Freedom1990

So I take it you personally worked through the steps, or at least through step 5 and this was your own experience?

Mark75

It is a list of resentments....

Almost nothing on my list of resentments has anything to do with something I did while intoxicated. Yea, I have some regrets, and some shame, from actions of mine while intoxicated... But resentments or "character defects" were there before my alcoholism...

My 2 cents

Mark

EvilBunny

Yeah, when I tried AA I was all in. I did everything that they suggested. I don't really buy the "Rarely have we seen a person fail..." thing. I saw plenty of people fail, and all I heard was that they must not have really tried, but there was no evidence that the failures (myself included) weren't giving it our best.

NEOMARXIST

I can relate to what your saying Debs, I attended a good few AA meetings and whils't I found much of it very useful I found it off-putting how people would be constantly nagging about getting a sponsor/steps etcetc.

I use AA to suit myself and what I have found works with me, I do not wish to be a slave to a program/sponsor how I was to alcohol and I do not wish to feel pressure/unease at not doing things how certain characters feel they must be done. As long as I ain't drinking or getting resentful about not drinking then I'm doing just fine.

So I use AA meetings as a place to go when I feel I need to be mixing with a group of recovering alkies and when I may need to be brought back down to earth in the way that hearing some of the hard-core shares can do so well, I learned a lot from AA meetings and picked up lots of valuable experiences, but I choose not to attend religiously...

chrisinaustin

It wasn't easy when I asked my sponsor to be my... sponsor. I'm naturally an introvert. I didn't realize this until a few weeks of sobriety. I had to steel myself to ask him, and that was after a few I chickened out on. I'm glad I did, it worked out fantastically. I've never felt pressured; the 5th step was a relief in ways I couldn't have imagined.

Also remember that as a sponsee you're helping your sponsor. It's really a two-way partnership. After a certain point you're getting more out of the program by helping others and passing on what you've learned. By seeing someone else get better like you did.

preta

Meetings felt good, so I went. And I went, and I went and...

I was scared to death
to talk to anyone, so I never got a sponsor.
A year and a half went by and I was still sick and miserable, but sober.
Then I used. Like a robot. I didnt have any choice in the matter, I could watch myself doing it, and I knew what was going to happen, but I did it anyway. Ended up hospitalized within a week. Almost dead...
I came back and got honest, and I asked a guy who I'd known from meetings to be my sponsor. We were able to form a bond of trust. I would never spill some of my secrets to a 'stranger'. Thats ridiculous. My sponsor is the only one on earth who knows some of these things next to myself. I feel confident he wont spill the beans. I worked the steps and i've never been happier or more sane. Life still sucks sometimes, but thats the nature of things.


So if AA is the route you choose, I would advise if you dont get a sponsor sooner than later, that you get a home group, and do some service work for that group. Make friends. Make it known that you dont have a sponsor and your kinda lookin around. Remember that these people need to sponsor others as part of their program. Thats how it works.
I wish you the best in your recovery!

CarolD

preta ...good to see you here in our SR Alcoholism Forum

Thanks for sharing part of your story with us

Forward we go..side by side

CarolD

chrisinaustin.....
Welcome back to SR

Good to see you again...

Charmie

good post preta.

keithj

That's what AA is. Working the steps that lead to a spiritual awakening. It may be off-putting to you, but that's what the program is. I'm glad that you find certain elements useful to you, and that you are not drinking.

I do find it amusing, however, that you are put off by exactly what AA is. You don't have to like it, you don't have to go, but that's what it is. Always make me laugh a little when people complain about AA preaching XYZ (the program of AA). AA is a fellowship who's only purpose is to preach XYZ. It's like walking into a Catholic church and complaining about all the Jesus and Mary stuff you hear. Or going to a sushi bar and complaining about all the raw fish.

Glad you can make use of something there.

Charmie

good post keith,,i found when i stopped disagreeing with what folk were saying,stopped fighting it in other words and completely surrendered my old thoughts and ideas,,stopped trying to still hold on to a corner of the towel and still try and do things just a little "my way" then things got alot better,no dry drunk here,happy,joyous,free and in the midst of a spritual awakening.magic.my way was cr£p anyhow,proved that time and time again.

NEOMARXIST

I do not wish to get into a debate about AA, it's nice to know it is there, though I do think it is somewhat "cliquey" and the statement of "the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking" is somewhat forgotten by some of the charcters who attend and it turns into somewhat of a contest between who's done the steps the most rigourously etcetc.

At the end of the day if the way that someone is doing it is working and they are happy just attending meetings then pressure should not be applied to them to get a sponsor/steps etc. All the talk of that turned me back to drinking the first few times I went, so I am somewhat warey of it. Then again I have always been a free-spirit and a little bit rebellious so the thought of tying myself into a program to be judged by someone who I know next to nothing about sets alarm bells ringing to me.

Like I say it's nice to know that AA is there when/if I need it but the pressure that is placed on newcomers to find sponsors/steps can often be very off-putting.

70 Days Sober today!

Charmie

thats great neomarxist.that is your experience and im glad that you seem to be the type of alcoholic that can just go to meetings and stay sober,in other words when you stop drinking your alcoholism goes.however,there is another side to the coin,i am the type of alcoholic that suffered from the spiritual malady.i NEEDED a sponsor and the spiritual awakening as a result of the 12 steps.if i didnt have that then im going nowhere anyhow because step one becomes obsolete,i will drink again.in the area where i am there is plenty of folk that get sober in the rooms and that is fine,however where i am is the polar opposite regarding sponsors and the 12 steps to where you are,they actively encourage folk (as i think is your gist) not to worry about the Big Book,or sponsorship or the steps.again,fine,,,if you are an alcoholic NOT of my type.this advice if i hadnt had experience of AA before and not taken it could have killed me.i may never have got back after my last drink.i too dont want an argument,i dont do that these days.i just think that as adults we should be given all the tools on offer.there is lots of folk that can take what they like and leave the rest,there are folk like me that need everything that they can get their hands on.guidance through the 12 steps to have a spiriual awakening and then life for one.white knuckle sobriety and constant relapses are my idea of h£ll.i dont have that worry today.congrats on your 70 days.

EvilBunny

AA's only purpose is to preach the steps?? AA is ostensibly, according to the preamble, primarily a fellowship whose purpose is to help alcoholics. Period. I was told it was a place where alcoholics supported each other and shared experience, strength and hope. When I got something out of a meeting it was when people were sharing and supportive. I got nothing out of folks parsing the Big Book like scripture and blindly reciting trite platitudes (over and over and over again). I know I'm not alone, because I went to quite a few Step Study meetings and noticed that it was nearly impossible to keep people on topic. People who preach the steps make it sound like a formula or a recipe. It doesn't work that way. There are thought processes and emotions which accompany the journey to sobriety that are unique to each recovering addict. Articulating those experiences is far more helpful than discussing nebulous concepts such as character defects ad nauseam.

bugsworth

Debs....there are so many opinions on and about aa it boggles the mind. The FACT is that aa and/or sponsors don't get or keep you sober...you do that. If you choose to follow the dictates of the aa "program" getting a sponsor is a very important decision. I have experience in this area as I didn't pick my sponsor she picked me....not an ideal situation. If aa is helping you (the meetings) keep going and pay careful attention to the members that you see often. I can't stress how important it is to get someone who you can identify with. It's not a race and I feel making a smart decision instead of a rushed one would be prudent. During my time in aa I met more than a few people with the title "sponsor" who quite frankly I wouldn't let dog sit much less be someone who I would take religious advise from. A sponsor is suppose to guide you thru the steps which lead you to God, personally if it is a religious remedy you want maybe church might be helpful too. Just be smart about the choices you make in your life. I wish you the very best of luck and remember sobriety is an inside job...you have all the power just tap into it.

JohnnyZ

Honestly, I didn't know anything about AA until I attended my first meeting. I had no idea what "steps" were, or that there was a "big book". I had no idea about sponsorship. I had no idea that there was a money collection (I have no problem donating, just that I was unprepared). I had no idea that we were going to hold hands and chant to end the meeting. All I knew is that it was a meeting of alcoholics (and DUI offenders like me) sharing experiences and helping one another. Didn't know the process. So to me, it was like going into a sushi bar not knowing what sushi is. It was during my first meeting and several thereafter that I realized that "sushi" just wasn't for me...

Mark75

Debs... (remember Debs??) You out there? How you doin'

Mark