New Method....
I'm just saying, when someone comes looking for help with their alcoholism (yaknow, that fatal disease many of us struggle with?) Maybe they should listen to those who have managed to stay sober for multiple years, and not multiple days. I tried to help everyone when I was sober a week too, and I ended up doing far more harm than good, in retrospect.
Debs, hang in there. I'm sorry if I in any way contributed to this thread being chaotic for you. Above all, dont drink, go to meetings..the rest you can bite off little by little as you feel comfortable..
Debs, hang in there. I'm sorry if I in any way contributed to this thread being chaotic for you. Above all, dont drink, go to meetings..the rest you can bite off little by little as you feel comfortable..
Over the years I've found I've gotten something from everyone here...some had years, some had days
I get what you're saying tho Preta - I especially appreciate the people with years sobriety who share their time here - I never worry about the advice given out here - wrong notes might be hit from time to time but there's always wiser heads to offer opposing views
I hope you weren't upset by this threads twists and turns Debs - we seem to be going through a debate fad recently....these are discussion threads sure, but it seems basic respect to always try and remember the OP to me...
D
I get what you're saying tho Preta - I especially appreciate the people with years sobriety who share their time here - I never worry about the advice given out here - wrong notes might be hit from time to time but there's always wiser heads to offer opposing views
I hope you weren't upset by this threads twists and turns Debs - we seem to be going through a debate fad recently....these are discussion threads sure, but it seems basic respect to always try and remember the OP to me...
D
I'm not bothered... Happy to see any and all input from folks... especially if it ends up being helpful to themselves or another member... That's what it's all about, right?
Still, the posts in my defense are taken well... and very much appreciated.
We're all just a bunch of people trying to get better or trying to help others get better anyway.... I don't think we can argue about that.
Still, the posts in my defense are taken well... and very much appreciated.
We're all just a bunch of people trying to get better or trying to help others get better anyway.... I don't think we can argue about that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
You go to any meetings?
get any phone numbers?
call anyone?
Calling other alcoholics (women) will help many ways, one, you will begin to feel comfortable using the phone so maybe will be able to do so in event you want to take a drink, frequently another alcoholic can "talk us down" and you can start getting a feeling for what woman are stable, have a good head on their shoulders, appear happy, joyous and free, in other words a woman you can ask to take you through the steps.
preta for example, someone who makes good sense, this is not a time when you need "emotional support" (you get that from a support group also by attending meetings and using the phone) but someone with the nuts and bolts experience on how to get and stay sober.
You wouldn't ask the students that kept getting held back year after year in math class how to ace a Calculus test, you'd go to the calc professor, however those other students are who you would go through study groups with in order to learn together, they are all needed, but just be sure not to confuse anyone's roles.
If you want to learn to fly a plane you ask someone who has demonstrated the ability to do so, not the person who keeps crashing his.
Doesn't make him a loser but doesn't make him much of a pilot.
Personally, I crash cars, 23 at last count, so have some experience with running into sh1t
Keep coming back, we are all rooting for ya kiddo.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Debs.....
I did return to drinking quite often after I decided to quit.
I was in AA 5 years before I earned a 1 year chip...
Please don't give up on yourself.
Yes you too can win over alcohol
Prayers continue for you
I did return to drinking quite often after I decided to quit.
I was in AA 5 years before I earned a 1 year chip...
Please don't give up on yourself.
Yes you too can win over alcohol
Prayers continue for you
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Boston
Posts: 10
Debs,
I feel your pain. Asking someone to be my sponsor or as I was calling it "my new BFF" was very difficult for me.
I also had ( or have: I am working on it) a perfectionism problem. So I was stuck. If I didn't have a Sponsor, I was not doing AA correctly. If I wasn't doing AA correctly then why bother to go at all?
Well, I liked the way I felt after a meeting and then I would beat myself up for doing doing it "right" and feel like crud. Horrible cycle!
By going to meetings this is what I learned because at the time I wasn't really talking but I was listening:
1. Just keep coming.
2. It is progress not perfection.
3. Join a group and get active with the group and they will show you the way.
So I joined a group and became quietly active. Got there early and helped set up. Stayed a little later and put away the banners. The people in my group started talking to me because I was THERE. Then as we spoke, I got to know them, as I got to know them they guided me to where I needed to be. I found a sponsor through my group, I found the steps through my group, I found a new type of social life through my group....I could go on and on.
It took the anxiety out of the whole sponsor thing.
Recovery is a journey and journeys take time. Sometimes we even get a little lost but if we stop and ask directions someone will point us back in the right direction!
Peace!
AuntieAuntie
I feel your pain. Asking someone to be my sponsor or as I was calling it "my new BFF" was very difficult for me.
I also had ( or have: I am working on it) a perfectionism problem. So I was stuck. If I didn't have a Sponsor, I was not doing AA correctly. If I wasn't doing AA correctly then why bother to go at all?
Well, I liked the way I felt after a meeting and then I would beat myself up for doing doing it "right" and feel like crud. Horrible cycle!
By going to meetings this is what I learned because at the time I wasn't really talking but I was listening:
1. Just keep coming.
2. It is progress not perfection.
3. Join a group and get active with the group and they will show you the way.
So I joined a group and became quietly active. Got there early and helped set up. Stayed a little later and put away the banners. The people in my group started talking to me because I was THERE. Then as we spoke, I got to know them, as I got to know them they guided me to where I needed to be. I found a sponsor through my group, I found the steps through my group, I found a new type of social life through my group....I could go on and on.
It took the anxiety out of the whole sponsor thing.
Recovery is a journey and journeys take time. Sometimes we even get a little lost but if we stop and ask directions someone will point us back in the right direction!
Peace!
AuntieAuntie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 65
I'm just saying, when someone comes looking for help with their alcoholism (yaknow, that fatal disease many of us struggle with?) Maybe they should listen to those who have managed to stay sober for multiple years, and not multiple days. I tried to help everyone when I was sober a week too, and I ended up doing far more harm than good, in retrospect.
Lost another job.
This shitt is killing me... inside and out...
And now I may lose my home.
Those of you that are beating this thing, please, please keep going...
The alternative truly isn't worth it.
This shitt is killing me... inside and out...
And now I may lose my home.
Those of you that are beating this thing, please, please keep going...
The alternative truly isn't worth it.
I know when I started out Debs my life was completely unmanageable. I couldnt keep a job or a place to live, not even a rented room. I had to seek help from social services, an outpatient rehab (in addition to inpatient because of physical withdrawal), and the structure of a halfway house. These are not available in all areas to all people. If they are and you think you might need any of that stuff, please dont let pride get in the way. Remember you have a medical condition, that is recognized by the medical community.
Dont drink today, we are praying for you. Dont be worried about "letting anyone down". One day, one hour, one breath at a time if necessary. And call someone.
Dont drink today, we are praying for you. Dont be worried about "letting anyone down". One day, one hour, one breath at a time if necessary. And call someone.
If you truely want to quit drinking you have to want to quit. The hard thing I've found out is that I don't think I'll ever not want to drink. But I am only 18 maybe someday I will just mature and grow up.
I am going to have to go with it is the fear of unknown that is getting the best of you. I knew little about getting sober and felt very uncomfortable with many things during the process. I think in time, you will find a woman you will feel comfortable with. It really isn't as bad as it sounds. As far as you being shy, I think this will help you to overcome that. The experience is an experience in growth. Don't worry about it. Go to a meetings and let the process fall into place. If you aren't finding that person, keep looking. It may take a few meetings to find the one where you feel the most comfortable. You can do this Deb. Remember, it starts by making the right choice.
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