Sick of it but need a good diversion!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On the beach
Posts: 163
Sick of it but need a good diversion!!
Hi
I'm getting to the stage i think, where, as i have read on here, that my mind & body is letting me know when the time is right to quit.
I've been there before though, this is the problem.
I'm just drinking to quash my anxiety, that i know is caused by drinking, the vicious circle that i guess you all know. To kill that burning fire of anxiety that arrives everyday at the same time.
I don't particularly like to drink, feel so much more relaxed after time without. Don't exactly enjoy the buzz anymore, its just become a habit & all the negatives like money, weight gain, liver ache are just not worth it & am feeling sick & tired of feeling sick & tired, but here i am looking forward to cracking open a tin later!! Weird!
My doc reffered me to the substance misuse unit where i was offered a home or inpatient detox using Chlordiazepoxide, counselling & support that i'm considering.
I am just wary of how to get through the day knowing that when i wake, i'll feel that way all day, as i'm so used to drinking. I see an analyst because of anxiety, seperation, rejection issues. I drink to escape & numb reality & kill my pain of lonliness.
I've quit before when with a none drinker as a partner, a great diversion, but i know thats not the answer.
I do lots of things alone as all my associates, not friends, are in the bars. I exercise each day by running or cycling, i then drink as i cook & have read here on the sticky threads about things to do to take mind off. All of which i can imagine doing with a drink!! Thats the problem!!
I fix my bike with a beer, i cook with a beer, watch tv etc etc. The only time i don't drink is when i'm at work, asleep or exercising. All other times i can but don't! I hold out!
I am wondering if anyone has found a way of replacing that needing for the feeling of wanting to feel medicated!!
Its getting worrying!!
wf
I'm getting to the stage i think, where, as i have read on here, that my mind & body is letting me know when the time is right to quit.
I've been there before though, this is the problem.
I'm just drinking to quash my anxiety, that i know is caused by drinking, the vicious circle that i guess you all know. To kill that burning fire of anxiety that arrives everyday at the same time.
I don't particularly like to drink, feel so much more relaxed after time without. Don't exactly enjoy the buzz anymore, its just become a habit & all the negatives like money, weight gain, liver ache are just not worth it & am feeling sick & tired of feeling sick & tired, but here i am looking forward to cracking open a tin later!! Weird!
My doc reffered me to the substance misuse unit where i was offered a home or inpatient detox using Chlordiazepoxide, counselling & support that i'm considering.
I am just wary of how to get through the day knowing that when i wake, i'll feel that way all day, as i'm so used to drinking. I see an analyst because of anxiety, seperation, rejection issues. I drink to escape & numb reality & kill my pain of lonliness.
I've quit before when with a none drinker as a partner, a great diversion, but i know thats not the answer.
I do lots of things alone as all my associates, not friends, are in the bars. I exercise each day by running or cycling, i then drink as i cook & have read here on the sticky threads about things to do to take mind off. All of which i can imagine doing with a drink!! Thats the problem!!
I fix my bike with a beer, i cook with a beer, watch tv etc etc. The only time i don't drink is when i'm at work, asleep or exercising. All other times i can but don't! I hold out!
I am wondering if anyone has found a way of replacing that needing for the feeling of wanting to feel medicated!!
Its getting worrying!!
wf
Last edited by waterface; 08-16-2009 at 06:30 AM. Reason: title
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
"I am wondering if anyone has found a way of replacing that needing for the feeling of wanting to feel medicated!!"
I thought this was impossible for me.
A therapist suggested the 12 step program. B*llshit, I thought.
So I set out to prove that the 12 steps would NOT work for me.
As a result... I now have years & years of a drug & alcohol free life.
I failed in my attempt to prove the 12 steps wrong, but I succeeded in the real mission.
I'll offer you up the same challenge, okay? Prove that the 12 steps won't work, lol.
Keep coming back.
I thought this was impossible for me.
A therapist suggested the 12 step program. B*llshit, I thought.
So I set out to prove that the 12 steps would NOT work for me.
As a result... I now have years & years of a drug & alcohol free life.
I failed in my attempt to prove the 12 steps wrong, but I succeeded in the real mission.
I'll offer you up the same challenge, okay? Prove that the 12 steps won't work, lol.
Keep coming back.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'd be listening to my doctor and I would also be connecting
to AA ......if I were you.
Things are not improveing for you as it stands.
Welcome back to SR...
to AA ......if I were you.
Things are not improveing for you as it stands.
Welcome back to SR...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
WF
You sound kind of like me when I am getting off booze. I have tried to quit many times, and think back to all the times I failed.
The next step is to do whatever it takes to avoid those situations. A lot of folks will disagree here. but for me . the first couple weeks I did "nothing". Just sit in my easy chair, and put off most things I had to do.
So for the first couple weeks all I did while not at work was watch TV. (I also went to some AA meetings). A lot of folks say to stay busy, but Idono. For me staying busy = reward when not busy. And when drinking reward = BEER. So I just relaxed for the first few weeks.
And one of the areas I always failed at was between week 2 and week 3. I always had a craving sneak up on me out of the blue( well actually from doing too much). ( the kind of craving that was relentless). relaxing and taking it easy that craving doesnt come to me.
Then it just keeps getting easier, but I have to keep going to AA meetings. My alcoholic mind will forget how bad it can be, in just a few days without being reminded. But every day it does get easier. I am somewhere over 140 days sober, but it is very important not to ever forget how hard it is the first few days to get away from this crap. I believe that is one of the keys(don't ever forget).
After a little time the feeling of needing to be "medicated" goes away. But those first few days it's hard to believe. Just put staying sober at the top of the list, and before you know it, you'll have fun things on your list also. Things you will really look forward to doing.
Hope something here helps....Fred
You sound kind of like me when I am getting off booze. I have tried to quit many times, and think back to all the times I failed.
The next step is to do whatever it takes to avoid those situations. A lot of folks will disagree here. but for me . the first couple weeks I did "nothing". Just sit in my easy chair, and put off most things I had to do.
So for the first couple weeks all I did while not at work was watch TV. (I also went to some AA meetings). A lot of folks say to stay busy, but Idono. For me staying busy = reward when not busy. And when drinking reward = BEER. So I just relaxed for the first few weeks.
And one of the areas I always failed at was between week 2 and week 3. I always had a craving sneak up on me out of the blue( well actually from doing too much). ( the kind of craving that was relentless). relaxing and taking it easy that craving doesnt come to me.
Then it just keeps getting easier, but I have to keep going to AA meetings. My alcoholic mind will forget how bad it can be, in just a few days without being reminded. But every day it does get easier. I am somewhere over 140 days sober, but it is very important not to ever forget how hard it is the first few days to get away from this crap. I believe that is one of the keys(don't ever forget).
After a little time the feeling of needing to be "medicated" goes away. But those first few days it's hard to believe. Just put staying sober at the top of the list, and before you know it, you'll have fun things on your list also. Things you will really look forward to doing.
Hope something here helps....Fred
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
Your post reminds me of me. I had terrible anxiety and didn't know what was wrong. When I realized that it was the years of alcohol abuse, I was scared s**tless. I couldn't imagine not getting through the day without my precious beer (12-18 cans per night). It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster; but now, 57 sober days later, I can't imagine going back to that dark place.
If you do decide to give up the booze, it will only get better.
If you do decide to give up the booze, it will only get better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On the beach
Posts: 163
I know i have been here before & posted & i guess some people thought they were banging their heads against a brick wall with me & they were kinda right, but coming here & reading & posting gave me strength to at least stop for some days & yeh i felt better & i guess as i've read it gets to a point where my body & head are starting to tell me something about what i need to do.
That craving will go with help of the medication, so the doc says, but won't make me not want to drink.
As Nevertheless says, i would need to cut out the things that make me feel ok, like a fulfilling day, doing something worthy or a reward.
Work would need to stop for a while as going into the city in the summer with all the bars, people at work, doing a good day, going to the football, are all triggers!!
I recall when i did have 6 months sober, i felt like i hadn't before, but always could so easily get knocked off when something negative happened as it did & i did get knocked off.
Just the starting of the process, that 1st week.
That craving will go with help of the medication, so the doc says, but won't make me not want to drink.
As Nevertheless says, i would need to cut out the things that make me feel ok, like a fulfilling day, doing something worthy or a reward.
Work would need to stop for a while as going into the city in the summer with all the bars, people at work, doing a good day, going to the football, are all triggers!!
I recall when i did have 6 months sober, i felt like i hadn't before, but always could so easily get knocked off when something negative happened as it did & i did get knocked off.
Just the starting of the process, that 1st week.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Your story reminds me of a quote from Alan Watts, a brilliant writer and man who died from alcoholism.
In very many cases he knows quite clearly that he is destroying himself, that for him liquor is poison that he actually hates being drunk, and even dislikes the taste of liquor. And yet he drinks. For, dislike it as he may, the experience of not being drunk is worse. It gives him the ‘horrors’ for he stands face to face with the unveiled, basic insecurity of the world. Herein lies the crux of the matter. To stand face to face with insecurity is still not to understand it. To understand it, you must not face it but be it,”
-Alan Watts-
and this: “Trying to push away physical or emotional pain is like creating a dam for the impermanent experience: it doesn’t get rid of the pain; it just keeps it around for a longer period of time. Eventually the floodgates burst, however, and we are faced with the truth of our own self-made suffering.”—Noah Levine
I desire for you that which you most need. Namaste
In very many cases he knows quite clearly that he is destroying himself, that for him liquor is poison that he actually hates being drunk, and even dislikes the taste of liquor. And yet he drinks. For, dislike it as he may, the experience of not being drunk is worse. It gives him the ‘horrors’ for he stands face to face with the unveiled, basic insecurity of the world. Herein lies the crux of the matter. To stand face to face with insecurity is still not to understand it. To understand it, you must not face it but be it,”
-Alan Watts-
and this: “Trying to push away physical or emotional pain is like creating a dam for the impermanent experience: it doesn’t get rid of the pain; it just keeps it around for a longer period of time. Eventually the floodgates burst, however, and we are faced with the truth of our own self-made suffering.”—Noah Levine
I desire for you that which you most need. Namaste
Recovering Swill Master
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 14
waterface,
I'm having to confront this unpleasant fact. I do everything f&cked up. House hold chores, paying bills, grocery shopping, playing my favorite computer games, even troubleshooting my companies software on occasion. I guess I fear to answer the question how can I perform needed tasks or have fun without that warm and comforting burn in my guts? I figure the only way is to do these things sober. I've grown accustomed to doing it wasted, so therefore I must get re-accustomed to doing it sober. And that my friend is a tall order but one that will make one stronger.
I'm having to confront this unpleasant fact. I do everything f&cked up. House hold chores, paying bills, grocery shopping, playing my favorite computer games, even troubleshooting my companies software on occasion. I guess I fear to answer the question how can I perform needed tasks or have fun without that warm and comforting burn in my guts? I figure the only way is to do these things sober. I've grown accustomed to doing it wasted, so therefore I must get re-accustomed to doing it sober. And that my friend is a tall order but one that will make one stronger.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On the beach
Posts: 163
MyCoolFitz
I know that feeling, i am so low & un motivated & weary of ife at the moment, i feel all i have to look forward to is my drink & yet that now is not fulfilling as i drink what i drink & yet feel unfulfilled! Maybe this is a wake up call.
I just have nothing in life that is fulfilling in the way that getting out of it is!! I never had anything in normal life that fulfilled me other than the love of someone a occasionally & i quit, but even before drink it was other drugs
.
The escapism of my lonely life where can i get that?, the pain i get mentally from family & life issues in general, i relieve with drink, to quosh & escape, i hate doing it but i do & yet knowing i would be better without drink is something i think of a lot & crave!, just the stress of each day i live is hard to hack now, but i know long term would go away!
I'm feeling my tolerance is high, i waste money, i hate it but i do it & as you say i must live it instead of facing it & turning away!
So true, the self made suffering, i just hope i get the feeling, the bursting of the floodgates & that i will then see the light.
I think its getting close, may be it in a physical way as opposed to a mind altered way.
I just feel so low & lonely at the moment.
wf
I know that feeling, i am so low & un motivated & weary of ife at the moment, i feel all i have to look forward to is my drink & yet that now is not fulfilling as i drink what i drink & yet feel unfulfilled! Maybe this is a wake up call.
I just have nothing in life that is fulfilling in the way that getting out of it is!! I never had anything in normal life that fulfilled me other than the love of someone a occasionally & i quit, but even before drink it was other drugs
. The escapism of my lonely life where can i get that?, the pain i get mentally from family & life issues in general, i relieve with drink, to quosh & escape, i hate doing it but i do & yet knowing i would be better without drink is something i think of a lot & crave!, just the stress of each day i live is hard to hack now, but i know long term would go away!
I'm feeling my tolerance is high, i waste money, i hate it but i do it & as you say i must live it instead of facing it & turning away!
So true, the self made suffering, i just hope i get the feeling, the bursting of the floodgates & that i will then see the light.
I think its getting close, may be it in a physical way as opposed to a mind altered way.
I just feel so low & lonely at the moment.
wf
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