damienx

Hi i'm Damien and i've been 'lurking' on here a while.

After many years of having an increasing problem with alcohol, i recently decided to quit drinking for a while and see what happens. It's been 21 days since i stopped and it has had such a positive effect on
me and my life and work that i think i may stop completely. It has had a far greater and more positive effect physically and mentally than i would have imagined.
This evening was the first time i ventured out to a bar or club since and the experience was not a happy one! Perhaps people will say this is obvious, but being around people who were drinking, drunk, etc. was very difficult and stressful. Thankfully i didn't have a drink though i feel like one right now! Tonight I suddenly seemed completely out of my depth and hugely self conscious, in the wrong place and as if i didn't belong there at all. I was enjoying having stopped drink very much until tonight.

I'd be interested to hear people's stories of the first month or few months of giving up drinking and what experiences they might
have had in the company of others/friends who were drinking. What alternatives are there to staying at home? How do people
socialise without alcohol, like they used to?

I'm glad this forum even exists it seems like a brilliant place for support. Apologies if this sounds a bit disjointed and all over the
place.

Hello everyone.

wanttolive

Welcome Damien! I am on day 25 this time and I still wouldn't feel ok going to a bar yet. Not sure I would trust myself just yet and might feel like I am the only one suffering when everyone is having fun. I know in my case that is not true as I suffer more when drinking. I am past the clubbing age anyway so it isn't something that was really a part of my life at this point. I have more problems at cookouts and bbq's at peoples houses. If I were you I would be very proud to have made it through the experience and not picking up a drink! That is a HUGE accomplishment and people without alcohol problems will not get how big of a deal it is for you.

This is a great site with so many supportive and helpful people. You should pick up alot of good advice and pointers!

Taking5

I found sober friends and activities. I enjoy hiking and fishing a lot now, as well as the occasional movie and dinner. I find I can do it all without alcohol.

While I do go into a few places that serve alcohol, I don't go into bars at all. Or casinos - too big of a trigger for me.

ElegantlyWasted

I am so on the same page with you, my brother. 17 Days sober. Baby sat my tipsy GF (while totally sober) last night wile club/bar hopping. Everything was intense and I was edgy. Made it through though and I know it will get better. I love live music.

CarolD

Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum....

When I decided to quit drinking....I began going to AA meetings.
To support my new lifestyle....
I wanted sober positive friends.
.

We had a blast....did all sorts of things of interest ...
all without the destructive fog of alcohol.

Glad you are here with us....Sobriety Rocks!

Mark75

As early in sobriety as you are, I bet you found it difficult...

It gets much better, but I bet as you move along through your sobriety you won't be finding yourself in bars too often.

There is plenty to do without drinking... You just need to look around, try new things, hang out with people who don't center their activities around drinking.

Welcome to SR Damien... Congrats on your sobriety!!

Mark

MycoolFitz

Congrads on all your sobriety and noble efforts. I'm 5 months sober and been around drinkers--family and in bar and grill to eat while on business and even an outdoor concert with a big bar set up. People drank some got drunk. I didn't drink and I didn't get drunk. I also wasn't tempted or envious. In my sobriety my life is getting so could if I felt anything towards the drinkers it was sadness that they weren't experiencing life like I was. Felt like the character in Matrix, awake to see all about me sleeping and only dreaming their lives. I've said it before I wouldn't trade my worst day dru8nk for my best day sober.

One of his students asked Buddha, "Are you the messiah?"
"No", answered Buddha.
"Then are you a healer?"
"No", Buddha replied.
"Then are you a teacher?" the student persisted.
"No, I am not a teacher."
"Then what are you?" asked the student, exasperated.
"I am awake", Buddha replied

In our sobriety we're all Buddhist, what we called life in our active addiction was nothing but an illusion, like stars fading and vanishing at dawn; like bubbles on a fast moving stream; like morning dewdrops evaporating on blades of grass; like a candle flickering in a strong wind, echoes, mirages, and phantoms, hallucinations, and like a dream.
Namaste my friends.

tommyk

Welcome.

coffeenut

Welcome to SR....and a big congrats on not drinking!

CAPTAINZING2000

I'm an alcoholic, I stay away from bars.

The primary purpose of being in a club, is to drink nothing else and socialize etc.

Unless, you have to work there, I'd tell you to stay out.

If, a person goes to a barber shop enough times, they'll get a haircut. I go to a place to eat enough times, I'll get something to eat.

The list goes on.

soberdude70

My experience in bars early in sobriety has been intense boredom. It's really depressing to think that I was only having a good time in bars because I was drinking. I tend to be socially reserved, so the alcohol helped with that. Without a drink, I don't talk with as many people and that is just boring. And as the night goes on, everyone gets drunker so I don't really want to talk with them anyways because they are acting like morons.

CAPTAINZING2000

amen to that

Seeing people drunk when, you're sober is a painful reminder of what, we looked like drinking

debs

Oh gawd I could NEVER go in a bar/club/place like that socially!

It'd be a sure fire way to mess up my sobriety...

I honestly don't even have a desire to go in those places anyway, so I guess it's not a problem...

Congrats on staying strong tho!

Sikkisirus

I dislike clubs either way. Ghastly places.

Jade19

HI there, WELCOME!!!

I am on day 48 and early on I had to go to a few parties and I had to walk out because I felt like I was gonna jump out of my skin. I wanted to grab the alcohol and just chug it. But once the night when on I saw some that were completely wasted...ACKK such a reminder of myself and then there were those that would switch to coffee or water. I had no choice but to attend these functions and I am happy to say it doesn't bother me at all anymore. I was at a bar tonight with friends celebrating a birthday. I am amazed at how they can stop at 3 drinks and order a coffee....who knew they had coffee in bars?? I sure didn't, well I never asked either. You have to find your own comfort zone....don't push yourself to feel comfortable...the first few times I had to go out to catch my breath now I don't think about it......only you know your level of comfortableness... Hope to see more of you on the boards!!

Jade

baldjim

well done to all you people for not drinking

its tough but well worth it

NEOMARXIST

Hi . Good thread. Very relevant to my situation. I am 39 days sober and staying away from pubs/bars/clubs at the moment TBH. Though I wish to be able to still go out and socialise with people, just minus the booze, as realistically in England Most people of age 18-35 pretty much socialise in Pubs, also I don't really want to be mixing with merely recovering alkies from AA (I have yet to find anyone close to my age and with much in common anyway TBH) But I am just prioritising my sobriety above anything at the moment, so spending alot of time at home TBH. When I get a sad that I ain't mixing and socilaising at weekends etc I just remind myself why I cannot afford to drink alcohol. I cannot go back to that Life. I feel way too good to jeopardise it by even taking one-sip. With alcohol I don't socilaise anyway TBh but would rather take the drinking back alone so I can drink to my levels and just get utterly obliterated, The thought of how I feel when the booze is wearing off keeps me from even considering drinking as an option TBH.

I know that in the long-run sobriety is worth it so the sacrifices I make in the short-term will be worth it.

krrk

I have much empathy for you. It's a tough thing. I have not been in a bar/club environment yet, (5.5 months) and the desire has waned to a certain extent. Before I got sober, I was usually uncomfortable in bars and drinking loosened me up. It may be some weird classical conditioning, but the whole club scene shoots my anxiety through the roof.

That said, I have a friend who just turned a year and he has done the DD thing on a few occasions. I am shuddering now thinking about it...whew!

BDP

I've been in clubs/bars sober before and it really wasn't that hard. I think it's a good exercise for working on your social skills. instead of relying on liquid courage you have to rely on your people skills. if they're lacking forcing yourself to talk to people is a good way to make them stronger. just my opinion though.

jamdls

Early in sobriety I didn't go anywhere near a bar, just the thought of it made me sick to my stomach. I was barely comfortable with my own self much less with others. Now I could go anywhere and it's the drinkers (heavy drinkers) that I would feel ''pity'' for because they NEED that buzz to have a good time and I DON'T. I find drunk people to be really pitiful and boreing so I wouldn't want to be around them anyhow. I recently had lunch with a friend I had not seen in years, we used to be casual drinking buddies, we went to a restaurant/bar that we had gotten drunk at numerous times; he is newly sober just 30-40 days and he commented several times on "how content and at peace" I now am, and he wants that for himself. He spent a lot of the time noticing all the people at the bar drinking, I never even looked and our table was right next to the bar. I can be friends with people that casually drink it doesn't bother me but I have found that even those I know that drink casually choose to NOT drink around me because it's not necessary.