debs

So I am starting new today... Haven't had a drink yet! And it's 2PM....

Sadly enough that is a huge accomplishment for me...

I have to be at work in an hour and a half and I can actually go sober...

Tomorrow I plan on attending an AA meeting.. I would go today but I have to work soon...

I know how the meetings work...

I love how you can just slip into the back and not say a word unless you choose to.

I also know how good it feels to speak up if you can manage to gather the courage.

So here is my question:

What exactly is a 'sponsor' and how do you get one?

I used to go to meetings and I even had some times when groups of people would gather around me at the end and offer me their phone numbers...

But I never truly 'got' what a sponsor was.

Is that something that comes along with regular attendance at meetings?

Do you have to ask for it?

I am absolutely petrified of even just showing up to a meeting- so the idea of asking for a sponsor sends a shiver up my spine.

How do I get ahold of a 'Big Book'?

Maybe I've been going about this all wrong but I've not been successful before and I so want to be this time.

Astro

A sponsor is someone who "has what you want" so I'd recommend listening to people share until you start to identify with someone. I chose my sponsor because he's a single father of 4 teenage girls, he's a great model of the parent I strive to be in recovery. In the meantime, ask someone to be your temporary sponsor, they can get you started on the Steps, and get lots of phone numbers and be sure to use them.

You should be able to buy a Big Book at your meeting, or you can order one online. You can also read it online at AA's website.

There's an excellent pamphlet that explains sponsorship much better than I can, you can read it here http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

Firehazard

Way to go!!! A sponsor in A.A. is a individual (same sex) that will guide you

through the steps. They should have #1) Have a sponsor themselves #2)

Have gone thru the steps at least once #3) Have a quality that you want to

have #4)Want to hear from you regularly. I trusted my higher power and

honestly shared at a meeting that I needed help and was immediately engaged.

It's also my personal opinion that she should have more than 5yrs. sober.:praying

Wolfchild

You could also sit up front where there are less distractions!

Even though i "knew" how meetings worked, i acted like i didn't
know so i would have an excuse to introduce myself and begin
getting to know the people who were helping me stay sober.

Take it easy and do not take that first drink today!

Boleo

1. Think of a sponsor as a spiritual-mentor for the program and a tour-guide for the steps.

2. Watch out for 13th steppers.

3. See #1

4. In most cases you must seek out a sponsor. I would suggest you look for one who has worked the steps and has had a spiritual awakening.

5. Again, in most cases you must make the initial inquiry

6. Don't worry about making a mistake. You can always "Fire" your sponsor and get another one.

7. Most meetings have them for-sale in the $5 to $9 range depending on the size and cover. Bigger bookstores sell them as well but charge about $5 more.

digderidoo

Hi debs

You have to ask someone to be your sponsor, it's not the done thing for someone to offer themselves up as it has to be somebody that you're comfortable with.

People offering phone numbers are there for support, it's good to use them.

My advice would be to get to many meetings, listen carefully to people's shares and then see if there is somebody who you feel you can identify with.

Some people prefer their sponsor to have many things in common, others prefer a total opposite. It took me time to ask mine, purely because i felt as though i was asking alot for somebody to do it and didn't want to put anyone out. I chose mine because he has had similar history to myself, so he can empathise with my issues, but i only found this out through listening to his shares. He is also AA through and through, works the program to the letter, i guess i needed this because i have been very anti AA in the past and fought the steps.

Regarding the Big Book, you should be able to get hold of one at most meetings, just ask someone, they're usually out on a table with other literature.

Hope this helps

Paul

laurie6781

Here you go, the AA pamphlet on sponsorship on line. You can pick up a copy at your next meeting on the literature rack. This should answer a lot of your questions:

http://aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

A sponsor is usually a 'guide' to the first 164 pages of the Big Book of AA and has usually completed the 12 steps.

You can start out with a 'temporary sponsor' who may or may not become your permanent sponsor. Try to listen as much as possible to the folks in the meetings and when you hear someone (preferably of the same sex) that seems to be doing and have what you want put them on your list. When you get a few names on the list, then you can narrow it down.

Sponsors are a great asset! They can see when we are still in old ways, and if we are willing to listen, get us back on the correct path before we do something stupid again, lol

Hope that helps a bit.

Love and hugs,

tommyk

There is truly nothing to fear except fear itself.

False Events Appearing Real.

Fear the dentist and/or a root canal... AA is nothing even close to that.

debs

Wot's that?




Thanks everybody for your responses.... Means so much to me. :ghug2

Pinkcuda

People of the opposite sex (possibly same sex too) that are interested in more than your sobriety.

Astro

13th steppers are the predators in the rooms, they're looking for encounters with members of the opposite sex. Do your best to stay focused on your recovery and stick with members of the same sex.

I agree with this most of the time, and I don't want to start a debate or a flame war. Firehazard, I know you meant well with this comment. But I heard a circuit speaker share something recently that really carried a good message......

What if Dr. Bob and Bill W. had to wait on each other for 5 years? Or what if everyone had to wait until the Big Book and 12 & 12 were written?

The program is about alcoholics sharing with each other. It doesn't say anything in the Big Book about the amount of time needed to sponsor someone, and I consider the Big Book the manual for my recovery.

My first sponsor had a year of recovery, I was 6 months sober when I asked him. And while I eventually found another guy who had more experience, Harry P. saved my life. I'm deeply indebted to him and grateful for his continued friendship.

gerryP

Hey Debs,

Not having a drink at any point in time on the first day is HUGE! Today is the first day of the rest of your sober life, I think that's bigger than huge. Best to you.

keithj

At one meeting in my local town, they have all the newcomers (defined by less than a year sober) raise their hand, then all the old-timers (defined by more than a year sober) raise their hand in the attempt to let everyone know who they can choose for sponsors.

I say that this is BS. Well, I mean I don't say that out loud, but that's my personal opinion. A far, far better criterion is who has had a spiritual awakening as the result of the 12 steps. If someone can't unflinchingly declare this, and demonstrate it by their actions, look elsewhere for sponsorship.

If the whole point of a sponsor is to help guide someone through the 12 steps so they can have their own spiritual awakening as a result, then the sponsor needs to have experience with that.

I like the idea of a sponsor with multiple years of sobriety simply because they've been around to see what works and what doesn't. They have observed who stays sober and who does not. But I've seen people with 6 months have way more 'experience' with the steps than people with 20 years.

But that just my personal opinion, and I have a lot of silly ideas.

I also think that the fashion of sitting back and waiting for someone to ask you to sponsor them is BS. At every decent meeting, there are going to be a couple of folks that will approach the newcomer with some feelers. Might be as simple as ,"How are you doing", strike up a conversation. Those are the folks that know how vital it is to reach out a hand to the newcomer who is scared and confused. They are the folks that won't pass the buck and hand you a phone number you'll never use, but rather sit down with you and explain our program of recovery. If done right, the newcomer starts taking the steps the same day.

digderidoo

I agree with this totally and flabbergasted that a meeting has people raise their hands as to whether they have over a year or less than a year. Surely that causes those with less sobriety to feel less worthy somehow.

I have seen some in AA with years and years of sobriety and still have issues with aspects of the program. I agree that a sponsor should have worked the steps, if not they are not in a position to advise on the steps.

Paul

kurtrambis

Debs, I felt exactly the same. I recommend attending many many meetings. That's what I did and now meetings are almost like a second home I am so relaxed. You'll be able to find a sponsor quicker and your confidence will soar.
All the best

Firehazard

Getting a sponsor with over five years is like I said a personal opinion. I base

this opinion on my experience with sponsors. The one I have now has had

seventeen years to live thru many of lifes ups and downs and being sober one

day at a time. He also has witnessed the mistakes that some has made and

the things that work for him and others. The more experience and know how

a person has as a sponsor the better. I have some experience in AA and

after doing a rigorous inventory really would not trust someone with equal or

less time than me to sponsor me. Like I said this is my opinion.

One more suggestion is to find a sponsor that bases guidance and

on personal experience or big book teachings. Not one that "makes it up as

they go" Good luck with your search.Debs

barb dwyer

Hi Debs - congrats on the sober time!

Laurie sent you a link to the pamphlets thingy -
the 'On Sponsorship' or something like that.

I don't know about any five year time thingy.
Here in Butte, there's not enough women with the sober time to cover all the needed sponsor spots so we're a good bit more relaxed about that part.

You'll be amazed at the realtionship
that will develop
between you and your sponsor.
They're supposed to take you through the steps
and that's the main thing.

I asked the one woman who scared the crap outa me.
Because of her direct honesty and no nonsense approach to life.
Because I'm a master manipulator
and I know how good at it I really am.
So I HAD to have someone who wouldn't 'buy' my BS.

She was perfect for me.

I hope the same for you!

FightingIrish

I've both asked for someone to be my sponsor and had someone offer to work with me. My experience is that I can offer someone "help getting started." My current sponsor said, "do you want to go through the book together?"

Zencat

When I was interviewing prospective sponsors and telling other people in the program of my quest, they thought I was crazy. They never heard of such gall. What became of it, other than some raised eyebrows, was a few temporary sponsors...they were on a probationary trial basis.

The deal was I didn't want someone that couldn't take on a real challenge...that is working with a knucklehead like me. It worked out well, I ended up with a sponsor that had wisdom, grace and an innate ability to work with the obstinate nut jobs like myself. Unfortunately he died of old age with 35+ years of sobriety...geese I miss that old dude. He learned to quit fighting everything and everybody...a lesson I am still learning today.

R.I.P. old dude .

CarolD

Regardless of others experiences on finding a sponsor
or their opinion of what factors they needed ......

please bring the official AA pamplet

Questions and Answers on Sponsorship

home to read and reference .

I do that with all my sponsees so we can be on
the same path and continue to move forward together.


Sometimes on line is just not as effective
as having your own literature.

Yes....you too can recover....