digderidoo

Thank you, thank you, thank you! .... this is where i'm at and what i've been thinking of late, after 15 months sobriety, why can't i do that??

There are two good secular sections to this site if you can't work AA.

Paul

walkertall

It's stories like yours that makes this site and other so valuable. I'm 6+ years sober and every now and then I think just a little ol' beer. I've got the wisdom not to do it because I know the outcome. A little old reminder such as you've posted is priceless. Thanks and good luck.....Walker

Overman

I'm interested in knowing what kept you sober for 5.5 years. What stopped working?

Zebra1275

Besides falling apart in August of 2003, I was really, really tired of the alcoholic lifestyle. I had the opportunity to be offered a promotion (in early 2004, which makes you wonder how in tune the folks above me were) which led to a great job with a ton of responsibility, and 60 - 70 hour weeks. I'm really devoted to my kids (one of my strong points, I also have several weak points!) and pretty obsessive/ compulsive in doing a great job at work which basically led to a lack of time to continue the drinking lifestyle. In some way's I suppose I would be classified as a "functioning alcoholic." Prior to my promotion, many is the time I would get a buzz at night (after a 12 hour work day) and on the way to work in the morning, stop at McDonald's for some type of greasy breakfast item, read the USA Today and down a couple of beers in the McDonald's parking lot so I would feel OK before I headed into the office. Pathetic.

Once I stopped drinking, the first month was psychologically hard. After awhile, I just didn't drink and never really thought about it, or wanted too. Took up a couple of hobbies, and started spending time on things I had enjoyed previously, but had neglected. And I was basically a closet drinker anyway, so the social aspect with friends was not an issue I needed to face. Once I got past the first couple of months, it was actually pretty easy. Depression was also a huge factor for me, and as time went by, the depression lifted. (Gee, I wonder if alcohol abuse was making me depressed?)

But, don't think that I didn't have an addiction problem since I quit (for a while at least) without AA. The stories I could tell! I'm in my mid 50's, if I had to fill a swimming pool with the alcohol I consumed over my lifetime, it would be Olympic size. In graduate school I basically quite drinking for a year. But I ask you, how many graduate students, who quit drinking, sell their clunker car for $400 and a pound of home grown marijuana, which they pretty much consume over the summer for personal use? Looking back on that era, I feel like a poster child for the Woodstock generation.

So, you wonder, why did I fall off the wagon after 5.5 years? Again, I believe the root cause is depression. I'm not making excuses, but it's been the most difficult year of my life on several fronts. It pisses me off that I've went back to substance abuse as my solution. But I'm resolved to continue to address difficult life issues on a sober basis.

A retorical question for all of you. If your spouse or kids were to die suddenly in a violent car accident, or your child were killed in a war over seas, or your wife discovered a lump in her breast, how many of you would fall of the wagon in an attempt to cope with that tragic news? Your answer will tell you a lot your ability to cope with tough issues that may be ahead of you without alcohol. I believe that inoculation now, is the best way to deal with the unknown future.

walkertall

I myself would just use the tools I learned in detox and outpatient. I was taught why alcoholics think and do the things they do. That was key for me.

Boleo

You are right, rationalization doesn't help. Long periods of abstinence don't make any difference in the progression of this disease. You are now worse than you were the first time you quit and may need a much stronger program.

Overman

@ zebra
So, you wonder, why did I fall off the wagon after 5.5 years? Again, I believe the root cause is depression.

I was wondering what kept you sober, not what caused the relapse. Sounds like hobbies and a social network was helpful.

An empowerment perspective is sorely needed here at times. IMO, people tend to get too focused on what doesn't work or what the 'problem' is vs what helps us stay resilient.

ANEWAUGUST

I see alot of similarities in your story and mine.

I have a high level job, in an industry that has been rocked to its core this past year. I did get depressed and stop "self-care" that I so desperately need to do to fight depression and anxiety.

I don't want to say I took my sobriety for granted but, maybe I did.

Whatever the reason, I know now, I can't drink. The little experimentation into social drinking, etc. failed miserably.

I am an alcoholic and sober 9 days today.

c49

I would strongly consider boozing again... I know I would. My already damaged-drunken brain would take shots at my sobriety with one liners like "my life's over now, why bother."

Now, whether I would actually pick up?... probably not. As long as its not within reach and I'm smart enough to keep it that way then I'd likely be safe.

If I were to have a sip at that critical moment, or had it in the house while I was alone... Game Over.