5 1/2 years sober, fell off the wagon
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Join Date: May 2009
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5 1/2 years sober, fell off the wagon
The title of this thread sums it up. I detoxed in August of 2003 for four days in the hospital. Slipped up a couple of times in the fall of 2003, but basically I didn't have a drink since the end of 2003. AA was not for me, I just did it on my own and once I got going it was pretty easy. I didn't even think about drinking. I could go into a long rationalization about why it happened, but it doesn't matter, this April after a week in Florida on spring break, I fell off the wagon. A good beer in a fancy restaurant with a good steak got the best of me. I didn't order it, but several of the folks I had dinner with did every night, and I thought, damn, why can't I do that? I fell of the wagon later that week, and the wagon has backed up and run me over a several times since then. And today I'm starting over again. After 3 sober weeks I had an attack of stupidity Sunday and have had alcohol in my system for the past 48 hours.
Since April when I first slipped I have had several 2 - 3 week periods when I didn't drink. But then I slip and have one big blow out and then go for about 3 - 4 days trying to gradually wean my self off. The physical symptoms, (shakes, headache, etc.) are a pain in the xxx, but the biggest problem is my self esteem is in the toilet. When I don't drink, my self esteem is good.
Anyway, I have been lurking here for awhile, and thought I would post my story. With 5 1/2 years sober, I think I can get back there again, but I need to keep my guard up, alcohol is pretty sneaky. As I said before, AA is not for me, but this site is helpful.
Since April when I first slipped I have had several 2 - 3 week periods when I didn't drink. But then I slip and have one big blow out and then go for about 3 - 4 days trying to gradually wean my self off. The physical symptoms, (shakes, headache, etc.) are a pain in the xxx, but the biggest problem is my self esteem is in the toilet. When I don't drink, my self esteem is good.
Anyway, I have been lurking here for awhile, and thought I would post my story. With 5 1/2 years sober, I think I can get back there again, but I need to keep my guard up, alcohol is pretty sneaky. As I said before, AA is not for me, but this site is helpful.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Zebra, welcome to SR. Your post frightened me but I am very glad you posted. I've gotten sober on my own and done it my own way as well, and I fear one day taking my sobriety for granted. Your post is a great reminder that even after years of sobriety if we are not vigilant we can regress.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 26
Hi. I am the wife of an RAH. You say that "AA is not for you". Just wanted to kind of put this on the table. RAH isn't a HUGE fan, but when he's struggling, he'll go to meetings and takes what he wants/needs and leaves the rest. So, maybe when you're struggling and feel alone, hit a meeting, try different ones, and different days of the week, and find that one that might give you something to get thru that day.
I feel the same way about al-anon. I don't think it's for me. Maybe I need to do what I just typed.....
Good luck to you.
I feel the same way about al-anon. I don't think it's for me. Maybe I need to do what I just typed.....
Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Wow, 3 1/2 years, in my 47 year drinking carreer I never came close to that. Made a 6 month chip once and drank to celebrate :-) Well, you fell off the wagon but you obviously know how to get back on. You go Zebra, the next 5 1/2 years will pass in a heartbeat. Self-esteem in the toliet, puke in the toliet, whatever, thats what toilets are for. Flush it and move on.
Here's a message for the faithful
what is it that you cherish
to find the Way to see your nature
your nature is naturally so
what Heaven bestows is perfect
looking for proof leads you astray
leaving the trunk to search among the twigs
all you get is stupid—Han-shan
Namaste, my friend
Here's a message for the faithful
what is it that you cherish
to find the Way to see your nature
your nature is naturally so
what Heaven bestows is perfect
looking for proof leads you astray
leaving the trunk to search among the twigs
all you get is stupid—Han-shan
Namaste, my friend
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by FindingBalance 
...but when he's struggling, he'll go to meetings and takes what he wants/needs and leaves the rest.
To each their own, though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 26
He's been sober for 3 1/2 years. He works very hard at it. During that 3 1/2 years, he's spent more time away than in. I support his choices. He told me, just last night, that he doesn't want to drink. He's sober today, and that's what's important. One day at a time, right?
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
One day at a time, may be the most misquoted misunderstood catch phrase in all of AA.
What this term refers to is how we live our spiritual life. We have a daily reprieve contigent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Nowhere in the Big Book does it say we just don't drink one day at a time. It says for good and all. The directions for working with a newcomer say to ask the prospect if he is done drinking for good and for all.
By working the steps, the problem is removed, hence recovered. We maintain this recovered state by applying practical spiritual principles to our daily lives.
What this term refers to is how we live our spiritual life. We have a daily reprieve contigent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Nowhere in the Big Book does it say we just don't drink one day at a time. It says for good and all. The directions for working with a newcomer say to ask the prospect if he is done drinking for good and for all.
By working the steps, the problem is removed, hence recovered. We maintain this recovered state by applying practical spiritual principles to our daily lives.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 187
That's a long time to be sober, but it should remind everyone NOT to ever drink again just because alot of time has passed. As for AA, I went to a meeting last night, and didn't really feel "connected". Don't know when or if I'll go again. I refuse to drink, regardless.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Glad to have you Zebra1275 
you may want to also post this in the "Newcomers" section. I will be back with a link. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/
All of the best in your recovery.
Take Care,
NB
you may want to also post this in the "Newcomers" section. I will be back with a link. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/ All of the best in your recovery.
Take Care,
NB
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Abstinence is the leading cause of relapse. Sounds kind of comical when heard for the first time. Almost like a contradiction of terms. In theory, abstinence is supposed to PREVENT relapse. How can it be RESPONSIBLE for relapse?
It turns out that the recovery process cannot be done in one simple phase. Not unlike getting a car or truck rolling along it takes more than one gear. Abstinence is comparable to first gear in a motor vehicle. It is the best and sometimes the only way to get a massive vehicle in motion but not unlike a car going down the highway, being stuck in first gear is destructive. At some point the cars engine will blow apart from too much stress.
Rehab programs seldom talk about this matter because it is simply not their job to talk about long-term recovery strategies. Their goal is typically one of getting the subject to reach some short-term goal that can be achieved and measured within a short time frame,
typically 30 to 90 days.
So what is the equivalent of second gear in the recovery process? Principles to live by. Specifically rules to live by that can be used to day in and day out without overloading ones psychic engine. Some of these principles can be summed up in simple to grasp slogans like; one-day-at-a-time, easy-does-it and first-things-first. These are more or less psychological tricks and tips that can be used in times of stress.
There is more to recovery however than just psychology. There is an even higher set of principles that can be viewed as the equivalent of over-drive in an automobile. That is spiritual instead of psychological principles.
Spiritual principles are harder to learn than psychological principles because some of them are hard to grasp at first. In fact, many of them are closer to paradox’s than logic. That is why it is best to leave them for last in the learning process.
The fundamental spiritual principles are not too bad to deal with like honesty, open-mindedness and willingness but some of the deeper principles like humility and serenity are beyond the grasp of those new to the recovery process.
Perhaps the most esoteric spiritual principle to grasp is true humility. A word often confused with humiliation. The easiest way to distinguish between the two is to remember that humiliation leads to fear, guilt and shame where humility leads to insight into new truth. Another important difference between them is that humiliation is 100% pain where humility is 50% pain and 50% gain. As body-builders would say “no pain, no gain.
All those who are suffering from an addiction have a serious lack of insight. Humility, more than any other tool, can circumvent this problem and provide new and lasting paths to the truth about themselves, their disease and their potential to change. Think of spiritual principles as the over-drive that allows an auto to cruise for countless hours of stress-free progress on the life-long journey to recovery.
It turns out that the recovery process cannot be done in one simple phase. Not unlike getting a car or truck rolling along it takes more than one gear. Abstinence is comparable to first gear in a motor vehicle. It is the best and sometimes the only way to get a massive vehicle in motion but not unlike a car going down the highway, being stuck in first gear is destructive. At some point the cars engine will blow apart from too much stress.
Rehab programs seldom talk about this matter because it is simply not their job to talk about long-term recovery strategies. Their goal is typically one of getting the subject to reach some short-term goal that can be achieved and measured within a short time frame,
typically 30 to 90 days.
So what is the equivalent of second gear in the recovery process? Principles to live by. Specifically rules to live by that can be used to day in and day out without overloading ones psychic engine. Some of these principles can be summed up in simple to grasp slogans like; one-day-at-a-time, easy-does-it and first-things-first. These are more or less psychological tricks and tips that can be used in times of stress.
There is more to recovery however than just psychology. There is an even higher set of principles that can be viewed as the equivalent of over-drive in an automobile. That is spiritual instead of psychological principles.
Spiritual principles are harder to learn than psychological principles because some of them are hard to grasp at first. In fact, many of them are closer to paradox’s than logic. That is why it is best to leave them for last in the learning process.
The fundamental spiritual principles are not too bad to deal with like honesty, open-mindedness and willingness but some of the deeper principles like humility and serenity are beyond the grasp of those new to the recovery process.
Perhaps the most esoteric spiritual principle to grasp is true humility. A word often confused with humiliation. The easiest way to distinguish between the two is to remember that humiliation leads to fear, guilt and shame where humility leads to insight into new truth. Another important difference between them is that humiliation is 100% pain where humility is 50% pain and 50% gain. As body-builders would say “no pain, no gain.
All those who are suffering from an addiction have a serious lack of insight. Humility, more than any other tool, can circumvent this problem and provide new and lasting paths to the truth about themselves, their disease and their potential to change. Think of spiritual principles as the over-drive that allows an auto to cruise for countless hours of stress-free progress on the life-long journey to recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Boleo
Abstinence is the leading cause of relapse. Sounds kind of comical when heard for the first time. Almost like a contradiction of terms. In theory, abstinence is supposed to PREVENT relapse. How can it be RESPONSIBLE for relapse?
It turns out that the recovery process cannot be done in one simple phase. Not unlike getting a car or truck rolling along it takes more than one gear. Abstinence is comparable to first gear in a motor vehicle. It is the best and sometimes the only way to get a massive vehicle in motion but not unlike a car going down the highway, being stuck in first gear is destructive. At some point the cars engine will blow apart from too much stress.
Rehab programs seldom talk about this matter because it is simply not their job to talk about long-term recovery strategies. Their goal is typically one of getting the subject to reach some short-term goal that can be achieved and measured within a short time frame,
typically 30 to 90 days.
So what is the equivalent of second gear in the recovery process? Principles to live by. Specifically rules to live by that can be used to day in and day out without overloading ones psychic engine. Some of these principles can be summed up in simple to grasp slogans like; one-day-at-a-time, easy-does-it and first-things-first. These are more or less psychological tricks and tips that can be used in times of stress.
There is more to recovery however than just psychology. There is an even higher set of principles that can be viewed as the equivalent of over-drive in an automobile. That is spiritual instead of psychological principles.
Spiritual principles are harder to learn than psychological principles because some of them are hard to grasp at first. In fact, many of them are closer to paradox’s than logic. That is why it is best to leave them for last in the learning process.
The fundamental spiritual principles are not too bad to deal with like honesty, open-mindedness and willingness but some of the deeper principles like humility and serenity are beyond the grasp of those new to the recovery process.
Perhaps the most esoteric spiritual principle to grasp is true humility. A word often confused with humiliation. The easiest way to distinguish between the two is to remember that humiliation leads to fear, guilt and shame where humility leads to insight into new truth. Another important difference between them is that humiliation is 100% pain where humility is 50% pain and 50% gain. As body-builders would say “no pain, no gain.
All those who are suffering from an addiction have a serious lack of insight. Humility, more than any other tool, can circumvent this problem and provide new and lasting paths to the truth about themselves, their disease and their potential to change. Think of spiritual principles as the over-drive that allows an auto to cruise for countless hours of stress-free progress on the life-long journey to recovery.
It turns out that the recovery process cannot be done in one simple phase. Not unlike getting a car or truck rolling along it takes more than one gear. Abstinence is comparable to first gear in a motor vehicle. It is the best and sometimes the only way to get a massive vehicle in motion but not unlike a car going down the highway, being stuck in first gear is destructive. At some point the cars engine will blow apart from too much stress.
Rehab programs seldom talk about this matter because it is simply not their job to talk about long-term recovery strategies. Their goal is typically one of getting the subject to reach some short-term goal that can be achieved and measured within a short time frame,
typically 30 to 90 days.
So what is the equivalent of second gear in the recovery process? Principles to live by. Specifically rules to live by that can be used to day in and day out without overloading ones psychic engine. Some of these principles can be summed up in simple to grasp slogans like; one-day-at-a-time, easy-does-it and first-things-first. These are more or less psychological tricks and tips that can be used in times of stress.
There is more to recovery however than just psychology. There is an even higher set of principles that can be viewed as the equivalent of over-drive in an automobile. That is spiritual instead of psychological principles.
Spiritual principles are harder to learn than psychological principles because some of them are hard to grasp at first. In fact, many of them are closer to paradox’s than logic. That is why it is best to leave them for last in the learning process.
The fundamental spiritual principles are not too bad to deal with like honesty, open-mindedness and willingness but some of the deeper principles like humility and serenity are beyond the grasp of those new to the recovery process.
Perhaps the most esoteric spiritual principle to grasp is true humility. A word often confused with humiliation. The easiest way to distinguish between the two is to remember that humiliation leads to fear, guilt and shame where humility leads to insight into new truth. Another important difference between them is that humiliation is 100% pain where humility is 50% pain and 50% gain. As body-builders would say “no pain, no gain.
All those who are suffering from an addiction have a serious lack of insight. Humility, more than any other tool, can circumvent this problem and provide new and lasting paths to the truth about themselves, their disease and their potential to change. Think of spiritual principles as the over-drive that allows an auto to cruise for countless hours of stress-free progress on the life-long journey to recovery.
......Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
Thanks for all of the responses and encouragement. I need to get through the next couple of days and then I will start to feel better, 24 hours makes a big difference physically, and 72 hours is even better. When I first quit drinking I used to keep track of my soberity by the hour, eventually I passed 40,000 consecutive hours (which is a loooooog time) and I guess I figured I was cured. I had forgotten what beer even tastes like (and actually it doesn't taste that good). I think the lesson here for others is not to let your guard down, alcohol is patient and it will wait 5 years or so before it bites you again.
Raised from the Dead
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Chicago
Posts: 376
thank you for posting about your relapse after 5 1/2 years. I have 3 1/2 years and am just as scared about relapsing today as I was when I first came in. AA is not for everyone (as you stated) but it absolutely is for me. AA is the best thing that ever happened to me. I mean that quite literally. I owe everything I have in my entire life to AA.
the other day I heard a lead from a woman who relapsed after 8 years. She now has 19 days. It was one of the best leads I've heard in a really long time.
I am so grateful to be sober right now.
AA might not suit you, but you are welcome here any time!
the other day I heard a lead from a woman who relapsed after 8 years. She now has 19 days. It was one of the best leads I've heard in a really long time.
I am so grateful to be sober right now.
AA might not suit you, but you are welcome here any time!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 185
Being hard on ourselves lowers self esteem and makes future goals appear more difficult than they are. 5.5 years is a major achievement which should not be forgotten, so you may have broken your continual sobriety, but I would rather have 5.5 years sober behind me with a break in sobriety then 5.5 years drunk. Well done, glad you have joined us, and try to not be so hard on yourself, and you will find that spirit within yourself to do it again. x
Why is a mouse when it spins?
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 138
Even though others have stated this as well, i thought once more can't hurt. It is a sobering thought to not just imagine, but have a posted example of someone able to relapse after such a long sober time. Far from judging that situation, i'm glad you are able to see where this was leading you and leaving alcohol behind again. I'm just over six months in and am glad to see this sort of story, helping to keep me and hopefully others vigilant in our struggles against alcohol. Thanks again and keep moving forward. Cheers.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
an update
As readers of this thread know, I feel off the wagon after 5 1/2 years. A few weeks ago I told my wife (who didn't realize I'd slipped, I guess I'm still pretty skilled at hiding it) and that same morning I went to see my Doctor who gave me some Valium to get me through the shakes. I was surprised at how quickly the physical withdrawal symptoms re-appeared. After 5 1/2 years I had taken my "recovery" for granted, something I'm not going to let happen again. I'm taking several positive steps to work my recovery this time, something I'd neglected in the past. One of the triggers for me this year is that I supervise about 150 employee's at work, and was taking ownership for their issues (because I want my department to be successful, and I'm probably a bit of a perfectionist) and it was a very rough year. Ultimately however, I can only be responsible for my own behavior (and as you know, that's plenty hard enough). Because of my work position I was never comfortable with the public AA thing, but this site and other on-line stuff is helpful. I've also discovered the world of alcohol recovery and AA related podcasts on iTunes, there is some good stuff out there. I hadn't seen others mention the podcast stuff so I thought I would plug it in case others want to check that out. Anyway, I'm taking a multifacted approach to working my recovery, kind of like having 14 clubs in my golf bag and picking the appropriate one, depending upon the situation. I wanted to let you folks know that I'm still around, lurking mostly, currently sober. Many of you regulars have tremendous insight and perspective which I learn from. I'm going to try to beat my 5 1/2 year mark this time, and then keep going from there (and yes I know, it's one day at a time). As someone else said, "it's time for my drinking career to be over." I may post from time to time if I feel a need, or if I think I might have some insight to provide others. Thank you for this site. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 679
Originally Posted by Zebra1275
I'm taking several positive steps to work my recovery this time, something I'd neglected in the past. One of the triggers for me this year is that I supervise about 150 employee's at work, and was taking ownership for their issues (because I want my department to be successful, and I'm probably a bit of a perfectionist) and it was a very rough year.
Sounds like you have a great plan. I am not an AAer either and have used a lot of books in my recovery so if you want any suggestions I think I have pretty much read it all and there is some really good stuff out there. I am sure the podcasts and stuff are awesome as well. I am not sure if this would work for you or not but you might want to give some structure to your recovery by signing up for one-on-one therapy— this could be with an addiction specialist or since you already had extended sobriety maybe just a general therapist. I find that therapy really gives me a structure because ultimately I am semi-accountable to someone else. I also think that it has been immensely helpful and enlightening. Good luck!
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