BKP

I woke up in a town 2oo miles from my college with some people i didn't know with someone elses shoes on the wrong feet.

sfields

getting drunk in one state ending up in another with no memory of how I got there

Waterman

Another recalled experience.....One saturday night, also about 25 years ago, I was in a local bar with some friends, and it was about 1am. A friend approached me with some tickets to the Darlington, S.C Nascar race. He said "It's too late for me to go, so if you want these tickets, give me 1.00 each(3 tickets). That was all I needed to hear. 3 of us left Va.(at 2am) with a cooler full of beer, driving a car that had one of those small temporary spare tires on the front(you know, the ones that are only supposed to be driven 60 miles or less). We got down there with no problems around 6:30 that morning. Watched the race, but NOBODY came around to collect our tickets! The main reason we went was because I had 3 tickets! Made it back home late Sunday night, and I was supposed to go to work at 11:00 Sunday night. Called in "sick". I must have been sick.....I don't even remember who won the race.

kwigers

peed my pants at a big festival, three years sober!

Never wet my pants drinking, but sober me up and all hell breaks loose!
~Cheryl

Waterman

Somebody at my AA meeting was trying to make a point last night.. They said that "whenever I pee on myself, I'm the only one that's gonna get wet". I think I got the meaning of their statement, but thought it was funny.....:rotfxko. I guess it's alot better than doing the #2...

Zencat

Lets see...plenty of criminal moments of the not comical type. Ok one was doing lawn burnouts in ******hills. I and a car load of friends...unwilling accomplices really, did a long night of "lawn jobs" across the ritzy front lawns of the well to do. I was doing figure eight...burn outs...slide outs all across some well manicured laws. Smoking tires and all.

The next day I saw my work made the local paper and it took me hours to clean the grass from underneath my car.

MycoolFitz

Well it wasn't while drinking but from a popular drug in the 60s that rhymes with placid but isn't. Under the influence about 1970 in Buffalo, NY I had quiet a far-out trip. It started out by droping this drug and going to see Phantasia. While milling in a large and slightly unruley crowd of hippies an usher asked us to "back up against the wall". I started screaming, by God he's going to shoot us all. After being calmed down I proceeded to watch reality unfold across a screen that kept changing size,color tecture and was really freaked to discover I was in the film watching me. As we left the theatre by the rear exit as we were rather parinoid by now we needed to descend a flight of stairs which suddenly grew to about the size and shape of the a mountain. Shaken and determined to be safe and sane I got down on my hands and knees and began crawling down the stairs frontwards. About half way down I thought,oh s--t I'm tripping and everybody knows it. I looked around to see what spectacle I had made of myself and was relieved to see about 2 dozen fellow travelers crawling on their hands and knees. I decided I hadn't lost my mind after all. Leaving the movie house I decided it would be a good idea to go to a pay phone and call the Buddha because I suddenly realized I was enlightened and wanted to share the good news and see if he needed an assistant and what would it pay. After feeding all my lose change into the phone without making contact I decided to rip it off the wall to take home so I could try calling him later,which I proceeded to do. Payphone cradeled in my arms I hitch hiked home. I forgot about Buddha when I began carving into a pumpkin (it was halloween)only to feel its life seeping out and into my body. Distraught that I had killed a beautiful living pumpkin I talked another stoner into driving me tothe police station where I turned myself in for pumpkincide. Imagine my shame when not only wasn't I arrested,I was escourted out of the station and told not to come back. That wasn't the end of my trip but I think I'll end my story. I kept the payphone for several years as a keepsake but buried the murdered pumkin in the back yard while crying profusely from remorse. Needless to say I didn't drop again for almost a week. The living end.

BarstoolBlues

The stupidest thing I ever did drunk and the subsequent effects was calling the cops on myself...I know, wtf? lol. So I was drinking one night. I live with my grandmother and I bought two half pints of maker's mark whisky and had taken 40mg of my grandmothers valium. Anyway I was online and made a chat room titled "everything must die" or something and accidently invited my mom, so she freaked out and called (I guess, she said she did but I didn't remember...I was drunk) and the next thing I know her and her bf show up at the house and she says for me to come home with her or she'll the cops so being the drunken genius that I was I said "okay, *grabs the phone and dials 911 and throws it on the table* there you go, i'm going to bed". This was after punching walls and doors, yelling for them to leave me alone and i'm fine. So anyway, I go shut the hall door, go into my room shut the door and turn off the lights and go to bed...next thing I know, someone is in my room telling me to get up and then this lady cop grabs my arms and handcuffs me behind my back. That's when I completely lost it and to the best of my memory yelling "you ******* ****, take these off of me right now, you stupid *****, I didn't do anything". Next thing I know i'm sat down on a chair in the living room and there are like 4 or 5 cops and I'm just like wtf? Don't you have anything better to do, like go catch murderers or rapists. I'm just been an insufferable ***** the entire time, telling them **** you, this and that, that poor lady cop got it the worst. I'm sure if my mom and bf weren't right there I probably would have gotten a billy club upside my head lol.

So anyway, eventually my mom has the ambulance come because she wants me to be taken to the hospital to be "psycho analyzed" probably do to another ingenious idea when I showed the healing cuts on my arms and legs and burn scars on my legs that I had done. So they take my vitals and eventually decide it's time to go to the hospital and say I have to lay on the gurney. I say I don't need to, but I'm basically forced. Finally when I'm on it that lady cop uncuffs me and they take me to the hospital. I'm just agitated saying this is a waste of time and I don't need to go and the paramedic says "hey this is my day off, I don't want to be here anymore than you do" and eventually I ask if they have any sedatives they can give me laughing lol. So anyway we get to the ER and i'm just laying on the gurney saying how I have to ******* **** and let me up and the guy is like "watch your mouth, there are women around" and I'm like "I don't give a ****, I have to ******* ****" and this lady at the front desk ER area is giving me dirty looks. Eventually I notice this cute girl and she comes up to me asking me my name this and that and then goes "whats your number" and I respond "whats yours?" causing the paramedics to laugh right there lol. She said something about her bf wouldn't like that to the best of my memory and then someone else came to take my info. Eventually I'm put into a room and my mom and bf show up and I tell her to get out of her, yelling at her, saying this is her fault and I don't need to be here, just really pissed off and drunk.

Now to act 3. So i'm there, waiting to have blood taken and I get impatient and get up and tell that one lady who was giving me dirty looks that I'm just going to leave and her and some black nurse I guess are like "you can't leave, we'll call the cops" and I'm like, you can't keep me here against my will and then go back to my room. So a nurse comes and takes some blood and I get up to go to the bathroom. Next thing I know, when I come out there are god damn four new cops (one was even a swat team cop on patrol I guess) standing right by my room and I'm just like "jesus christ, dont you guys have anything better to do?". So I go into my room and they tell me to sit down, so I do at first and then I'm like, **** this I don't want to sit down and stand up and start walking towards the door where this asian cop is. He tells me to sit down like 2 or 3 times and I just keep going till he grabs me and puts me in like a choke and takes me to the ground yelling at me to "stay down, stay down". I'm like alright alright then after I'm like wtf, I was just getting up, i'm going to ******* sue you for police brutality. Anyway I was an insufferable ***** for a good 45 mins to an hour till I finally started to sober up and eventually my mom came back and picked me up. Sad to say I have other stories like this...

yeahgr8

I was at college and already had a reputation so suprisingly did not get invited to many parties. There was a girl who i mananged to talk into letting me come to her party at her parents house by swearing that i was a changed man and wanted to get to know some people. So my friend Bill and i decide we are going to tank up before the party for some dutch courage using scotch. I did not know anyone at this party and was dressed to impress, determined to make a good impression. Knocked on the door, hello come in. I apparently walked into the living room, every body sitting against the wals round the room, straight through the patio doors at the back and went flat on my face in a pool of my own vomit. I did make an impression though!

Oh yeah and later rang the fire brigade to a neighbouring house so i could see the flashing lights...oh wow...and this is at 17, im 38 now and just dealing with the problem!!!

hb3

Dumbest thing I ever did was:

I got pulled over by a cop, he saw I was way too drunk, he told me to park my car to the side. I was like.. damn! here comes the DUI! I was so disappointed, angry, etc. He tells me to get in the back of his car, so I'm sure at this point I'm f*cked. He asks me if I still live on the address on the DL, I said yes.. and he starts driving. He drives me home and says some warning things like, you know what you're doing. At this point, I start fretting how I'll get a ticket in the morning. I'm like, no way I can wake up to avoid the ticket I'm too plastered. So I don't even come into the house, I wait for him to disappear, I hail a taxi and go back to the car. I get in the car, turn the engine on and I see a cop car coming down the street shining that light. It's him. I quickly start scrambling around the car... I remembered I had my brother's house keys in there and I find them. He pulls up to me and I just start walking out and locking the car and I hold up both sets of keys and give him a "couldn't get in the house". And he warns me and tells me to hail the next cab, which I did.

Imagine just how stupid. Interestingly enough, I ended up getting my DUI about 7-10 days after that incident. It wasn't enough to have such a close call, I actually had to get one to smarten up. Getting a DUI was definitely a blessing for me, everything turned around after I got in trouble.

Interestingly enough, as nice as this cop was, the guy that ended up giving me the DUI was a complete opposite. He was a monster. He was plainly one of biggest d*cks I've ever met. He even drag raced my car to the police station while I was in the back of a squad car of his partner (law requires they tow the car, god forbid drag racing).

Edit - Here's another one:

I had known a girl for a while whom I liked. We had a bit of a fling when very young but I never "closed the deal" so she was my target. Anyways, I went out with a friend someplace, and I smoked some truly impressive weed and proceeded to get drunk. I succeeded. I met another girl there with same name, who lived in same part of town, I exchanged numbers with her and completely forgot about the event.

Well, about a month later I get a call from this first girl (I thought), and I am all excited like... hell yeah, I knew she wanted me. Anyways, I go to meet her someplace, and I see this strange girl walking up to me smiling going for a hug. I'm all confused, she's like heyyyyy! So I'm like.. erm.. where is she? And she's like, what do you mean? Well, where is (let's say her name is Jane) Jane? She's like - I'm Jane! Anyways, I went back and forth with her for about 30 mins interrogating her. I had figured "Jane" was trying to hook me up with her friend, or pass me off or something, I donno. Well, I even asked for her ID to check her name. At some point I considered if I had lost my mind, because obviously she knew what she was talking about and I didn't. After about 30 mins of being supremely confused, she tells me, "don't you remember hanging out with me at that place?". Then it all comes back to me. True to my nature, I didn't skip a beat, I quickly started running some game and proceeded to try to get in her pants.

bah..!

hb3

Ok, this is just hilarious!

Jeb18

Latte

My funny stories were no longer funny when I got clean and sober.

I've got some doozies since I've gotten C&S though.

Took my daughter to the ER (just a few weeks ago as a matter of fact). We just moved from AK to OR and it's 3am. She has a raging ear infection. I got to the ER fine, no problem. I was so tired by the time we were done. They had given my daughter a stronger pain reliever so she was fine. I got turned around really bad. I was talking to my loving husband on the phone because I just couldn't figure out how to get back home. At first we were both angry but by the time I got back we were both laughing so hard. My daughter said, "I'm never going anywhere with Mom at night again..what a night." Poor kid. At least she was feeling better by the time we got home.

navysteve

Me and a friend went to a Burger King one night ( Of course we were hammered drunk and under the influence of psycho-delics). He went straight to the bathroom and I got in line. When he came back he was as naked as the day he came into the world. I pretended like I didn't know him, but everyone was getting out of his way as he came towards me shouting out my name- Steve!!!!! Steve!!!!!!!!!! Get me a double cheeseburger, I'll pay you back when I find my wallet!!!!

Of course the manager was quite upset and I never did get my burger that night. I did have a slight moment of clarity and decided not to party with that guy anymore.

Another time I left a concert at Merriweather Post Pavilion in Columbia MD and came out of a blackout in Red Rocks Colorado at a Grateful Dead concert sitting next to some women staring at her hand and crying because she lost her marbles ( Literally, apparently she was carrying around a handful of them and misplaced them) Another semi moment of clarity I decided that drugs were the problem, of course I did not remember that the next time I drank

CALYNN

I don't have too many stories (maybe I block them out on purpose), but I do remember one because it cost me a lot of money. I had planned to go the lake for the weekend and take the waverunner one Friday evening. Of course, I had several glasses of wine before attempting to put the trailer on the hitch. I had an uneven driveway and it was difficult to do sober. I finally got the trailer on the hitch after smashing my finger, which blead profusely (needed stitches but wouldn't go to the hospital). Instead, bandaged it up and drank more wine to numb the pain. When I was all ready to go (after dark at this point), I got in the Jeep to leave but I couldn't find my keys and I had locked myself out of the house. I proceeded to break out one of my windows, which cut another finger badly (also needed stitches), climbed through and landed on my laptop, which I badly damaged and finally found my keys on the kitchen table. I then had another glass of wine (mad at myself for breaking the laptop), and decided to drive over the hill (lived in the mountains at the time) to my boyfriends house to get him (45 minutes away through windy roads). I got about 1 mile and decided I was too drunk to drive and went back home. I called my boyfriend and told him I couldn't pick him up because I was too drunk, so he said he'd come over. When he got to my house, he told me there was a sobriety checkpoint at the bottom of the hill. The next morning when we went to leave, the inside of the car was covered in blood and I then remembered (sober) that my spare house key was in the console. So, it cost me $600 to get the window and the laptop repaired and I almost got a DUI. I still have the laptop and I'm reminded of that evening every time I look at the screen and see where the glass damaged it. Oh, and I still have the scars on both fingers because I didn't get the stitches I needed. That was 3 years ago and you'd think that would have been enough to get me to stop drinking, but it didn't!

CALYNN

Oh, and I know $600 isn't a lot of money, but at the time all I could think of was how much wine I could buy for $600. Is that what you all refer to as "stinkin thinkin"?

Charmie

mycoolfitz and navysteve you have made my evening!,,,my sister and i had some particularly strong hallucagenics one evening.we were sat in our bedroom tripping off each other.she looked like jesus to me,had the crown of thorns and all,just then both at the same time we saw a tunnel and bright flashing light at the end of it,,,didnt take acid again after that.my worst thing i did in booze,,,hhhmm.i live in a very small village where just bout everyone knows each others business.i was in one of the 3 local boozers one sunday afternoon.there was only me and a bunch of rowdy lads on a stag do.cut long story short they dared me to do strip,,for cash,i needed money for booze so you can guess the outcome.let me just add that i am not "elle the body" mcpherson! ugh,the shame.i can laugh about it now,,but only just (she says with flaming cheeks)

CALYNN

Ugh, you just reminded me of the time my friend bought me a bunch of shots of Patron and I entered a wet T-shirt contest at a lakeside resort. Way embarrasing!!! Not something I would ever do sober. I think I still have the T-shirt...

jamdls

I no longer see anything funny in the stupid things I did while drunk and I was a total blackout drunk so I don't remember much of anything anyhow. But the last time I got drunk I I did the stupidest thing, I thought it would be great to sleep for a couple of days so I swallowed about 20 Ambien/10-12 Darvocet/and 10-12 Vicodan...yea fun times...

navysteve

Nothing wrong with acknowledging that some stuff was funny in our past.

There is, however, a vast amount of fun about it all. I suppose some would be shocked at our seeming worldliness and levity. But just underneath there is deadly earnestness . Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish.
BB page 16

Sobriety is not a veil of tears. Having been rescued from the tragedy of our lives we have the freedom to laugh at what was once a horrible