ShwiftyFive

Well, I decided last Thurs that I would sober up and deal with my problem. Friday went nicely, but the cravings and being in a good mood got the best of me.
I manipulated my husband in allowing me to have some vodka. He really was very willing to let me have it, as he got to have some too. Then again on Saturday, and yesterday.
I am pretty upset that he is not as supportive as I need. I was going to head out for some OJ and breakfast food and he asked me to get a half of vodka. I said no, cuz thats not fair to me when I am really trying and I want to feel good come Monday morning. When he went out to grab some fixins for dinner, he came back with one. He tried to hide it from me, but fate kicked him in the butt... see, after he took a nice long swig, he immediately started to throw up. After drinking cider all morning, I guess his body said NO!
But guess who drank the rest of the bottle while he napped.
So here I am Monday, hungover, having the familliar DT shakes and feeling like poop for not getting through 2 days.
There are no local meetings that I can find to get me started and I'm starting to think that I wont be able to do this with a husband who cant even do me the justice of not getting booze when I beg him not to. I dont know right now what to do and how this is going to work...
Mondays really stink.

catch-22

I don't think you will ever manage to stay sober with a boozing husband next to you, drinking like that... obviously, he wants you to take part, because drinking on his own is boring... And I don't quite get your couple's dynamics... has he a problem as well? "Drinking cider all morning"??? Sounds like it...

Good luck! I'm on day 6 and I feel foggy... luckily, nobody drinks in my family, otherwise I would be doomed for sure!

Attempt number.... erm, I don't remember!

Nevertheless

I don't know how many "false starts" I've had. It's a lot. I agree it's going to be a lot tuffer living with someone else who drinks.
All I can say is if you really want to stay sober you have to make it your #1 priority In my case that means avoiding situations that really tempt me to drink. I have somehow managed to put together over 3 months, and it sure is nice to somewhat live like "normal" people do. But I'm just 1 drink away from hiding in my bottle.
Fred

tommyk

Good honesty.

Keep coming back.

Taking5

I agree that is good honesty. What does your husband say to this? There has to be thousands of meetings in London! Someone there should be able to help.

I kinda doubt those are DTs though. DTs can be fatal and involve a lot more than shaking:

Delirium tremens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

ShwiftyFive

At first I was a little hurt by your response, because I was hoping for some supportive advice, but on second thought, you are right. It seems that I dont have an ice-cubes chance in hell. My husband likes his drink and yah, is no better than me with self control.
I'd say that our relationship is very strong, and loving. I think he does want me to succeed here, because he will always do what he pleases and I never nag. He had said no before and its always me that gives him kitty eyes and say that "just one" isnt going to be bad. It must be frustrating for him to see me go through the cycles.
I will keep coming back because I know the accountability will help me stay strong.
Thanks peoples!

nelco

Thanks for sharing your experience and I hope you can get the strength to get up and try again. It is possible..My experience with alcohol goes as follows.......My husband and I both drank alcoholically for years. My husband got sober with the help of a higher power, 12 steps of AA, a sponsor and good support network through the fellowship. I continued to drink right under his nose, not in the slightest way supportive of him ,selfish with the bottle and in a lot of emotional pain......actually I resented his sobriety and the support he was getting, because I tried to sober him up for years and failed, I also blamed him for my own alcoholism......

He stayed sober........ and a year and a half later I also got sober. We are both sober now and members of AA. He 13 years and I almost eleven and half years.

keithj

Hi Shwifty,

I read and decided not to respond to your thread from last week. My impression from reading it was that you had no interest in AA, and therefore did not want what I had to offer. What AA has to offer is a life free from booze, free from the delusions, rationalization, justification, and manipulation of which you speak, and a life full of purpose and usefullness.

Of the many things I've learned in recovery, one is that I usually can not see clearly my own rationalization and justification until I'm well past them. I see them only in hindsight after substantial psychic change.

Here is the truth. Your husband's drinking has no effect on your sobriety. It's a great excuse to keep drinking and keep blaming him. If you want to get sober and are willing to go to any lengths, noone can stop you. And many can help you.

Another grain of truth is that you never have to wake up another Monday feeling like you do right now. Ever. Provided certain steps are taken, you can be more free than you've ever known in your life. Far beyond the life you thought possible for yourself.

catch-22

sorry if I was too direct... wasn't my intention to hurt you, but I'm finding it difficult as it is and you have someone there drinking in front of you! I wouldn't be able to do it in those conditions. Having said that, you have to stop nagging your hubby with alcohol requests and concentrate on your staying sober. Easier said than done, I know... you might fail a few times, but keep trying...

mistycshore

Too bad he has a drinking problem too. Maybe you can ask him to escort you to your first meeting, that you need the moral support! Whatever you decide, good luck.

I went looking for a meeting list and found it, but it is huge. Here's the link:

Alcoholics Anonymous. How to find AA in England. The meeting list

I didn't count, but I'm guessing there are close to 100 meetings in London today. These are the listings for meetings in London on Monday:

London Monday 0600 St Edmund the King Church, Lombard Street, side entr in George Yard EC3
London Monday 0730 St Edmund the King Church, side entrance, Lombard Street EC3
London Monday 0730 Youth and Social Club, Malcolmson House, Tachbrook Estate, off Lupus Street /
Aylesford Street
SW1
London Monday 0730 St Luke's Church, Sydney Street O SW3
London Monday 0730 1 Bayham Road, West Ealing, W13 OTQ O W13
London Monday 0730 The Boardroom, International Students House, 229 Great Portland Street, Regents
Park
W1W
London Monday 0800 Bow Road Methodist Church, 1 Merchant Street, Bow, E3 4LY E3
London Monday 1000 St Columba's Church of Scotland, Pont Street, Knightsbridge, SW1X 0BD WS SW1
London Monday 1100 Methodist Church, 19 Hinde Street / Thayer Street, W1U 2BD W1
London Monday 1130 Bishop Creighton House, 378 Lille Road, Fulham SW6
London Monday 1200 Bryant Street Methodist Centre, Bryant Street, Stratford E15
London Monday 1230 Prayer Room, Church Hill Place, below Barclays Tower & behind Waitrose O E14
London Monday 1230 St Michael's, Cornhill EC3V
London Monday 1230 Our Lady of Hal Church, 165 Arlington Road, Camden Town, NW1 7EX NW1
London Monday 1230 Cambridge House, Addington Square / Camberwell Road, Camberwell O SE5
London Monday 1230 Drake House, 44 St George's Road WS SW19
London Monday 1230 St Mary of the Angels Church, Moorhouse Road, W2 5DJ SL W2
London Monday 1300 Chelsea Methodist Church, 155a Kings Road, Chelsea SW3
London Monday 1300 Methodist Church, 19 Hinde Street / Thayer Street, W1U 2BD W1
London Monday 1300 Community Centre, Green Man Lane, West Ealing W13
London Monday 1400 The Library, Beacon House, 7 Dock Street E1
London Monday 1630 St Jude & St Paul's Church, Mildmay Grove North O N1
London Monday 1700 Sisters of Charity Mission, 116 St George's Road, Elephant & Castle SE1
London Monday 1800 St Columba's Church of Scotland, Pont Street, Knightsbridge, SW1X 0BD SW1
London Monday 1800 Acton Green Church, 21-23 Cunnington Street, Chiswick Park O W4
London Monday 1815 St Mary's Church, Upper Street YS EC1
London Monday 1830 Gospel Oak Methodist Church, Agincourt Road NW3
London Monday 1830 St Peters Church, 119 Eaton Square, Belgravia SW1
London Monday 1830 St. Charles Borromeo RC Church, 8 Ogle Street, W1W 6HS W1
London Monday 1830 Methodist Church, 19 Hinde Street / Thayer Street, W1U 2BD W1U
London Monday 1900 St Mary Abchurch, Abchurch Lane, King William Street, EC4N 7BA O EC4N
London Monday 1900 All Saints Church, Carnegie Street / Caledonian Road, N1 9NQ N1
London Monday 1900 St Mary's Church, The Boltons, Earls Court SW10

London Monday 1900 Methodist Church, Lakeside Road, Shepards Bush W14
London Monday 1900 St Peter's Church, Elgin Avenue / Chippenham Road P W9
London Monday 1900 St Saviour's Primary School, Shirland Road / Formosa Street W9
London Monday 1930 St Mark's Church, Kennington Park Road, SE11 5SW SE11
London Monday 1930 St Columba's Church of Scotland, Pont Street, Knightsbridge, SW1X 0BD SW1
London Monday 1930 The Boltons Nursery School, Servite Hall, 262b Fulham Road SW10
London Monday 1930 The Cardinal Hume Centre, 3-7 Arneway Street, Horseferry Road O SW1P
London Monday 1930 Hall of Remembrance, Flood Street, Chelsea O SW3
London Monday 1930 St Peter's Church, Clapham Manor Street, off Clapham High Street SW4
London Monday 1930 St Stephen's Church Hall, 48 Emperors Gate, SW7 4HJ SW7
London Monday 1930 Lazy Daisy Café, 59A Portobello Road W11
London Monday 1930 St Johns Church, Mattock Lane, West Ealing W13
London Monday 1930 Medical Centre Soho, 1 Frith Street, Soho Square, W1D 3HZ G W1D
London Monday 1930 Advent Centre, 39 Brendon Street, off Crawford Place, W1H 5HD O W1H
London Monday 1930 Carpenter Hall, Our Lady Queen of Heaven, 4a Inverness Place, Queensway W2
London Monday 1930 Methodist Church, Crestfield Street, (opp Kings Cross Station/next to Northumberland
Hotel)
O WC1
London Monday 1930 The Dragon Hall, 17 Stukeley Street GS WC2
London Monday 1945 Elsie Marshal Memorial Hall, St John's Park, Blackheath SE3
London Monday 2000 Ashville Room, Leytonstone United Free Church, Fairlop Road/Wallwood Road,
Leytonstone
E11
London Monday 2000 Methodist Church Hall, Derby Road, South Woodford E18
London Monday 2000 St Bartholomew's Church, 292 Barking Road, East Ham E6
London Monday 2000 The Junction, ground floor, new Psychiatric Building, Homerton Hospital, Hackney E9
London Monday 2000 Christ Church United Reform Church, Friern Barnet Road, New Southgate N11
London Monday 2000 Baptist Church, 207-217 Greens Lane, Palmers Green N13
London Monday 2000 St Thomas Church Hall, 79a Prince George Avenue, Oakwood N14
London Monday 2000 Friends Meeting House, 594 High Road, Tottenham N17
London Monday 2000 Archway Methodist Church, Archway Close, opp Archway Tube N19
London Monday 2000 Nottingham Hall, rear Joan of Arc Chruch, entr Kelros Road N5
London Monday 2000 The Crypt, St Mary Magdalene Church, Holloway Road, opp Central Library N7
London Monday 2000 The Crypt, St Mary Magdalene Church, Holloway Road, opp Central Library N7
London Monday 2000 Our Lady of Hal Church, 165 Arlington Road, Camden Town, NW1 7EX NW1
London Monday 2000 The Unitarian Church Hall, Hoop Lane, Golders Green, nr Central Hotel NW11
London Monday 2000 North West Centre, Lyndhurst House, 120 Bunns Lane, Mill Hill, NW7 2AP NW7
London Monday 2000 Colindale Hospital, Conference Room, Colindale Avenue, nr Colindale Tube NW9
London Monday 2000 Community Care Centre, Monkton Street, behind Ship Pub, Kennington Road,
Kennington
SE11
London Monday 2000 Health Centre, Monkton Street O SE11
London Monday 2000 A.R.P Shopfront, 318 New Cross Road, New Cross SE14
London Monday 2000 Friary Church Hall, Bird in Bush Road, Peckham SE15
London Monday 2000 Medical Diagnostic Centre, Queen Elizabeth Hospital, Stadium Road O SE18
London Monday 2000 1 Woolwich New Road, Woolwich SE18
London Monday 2000 The Beresford Project, 36-42 Hare Street, Woolwich SE18
London Monday 2000 Phoenix Centre, Westow Street, Crystal Palace SE19
London Monday 2000 St Chads Guildhall, Burgoyne Road/Whitworth Road, South Norwood SE25
London Monday 2000 St Andrew's Church, Court Road, Mottingham SE9
London Monday 2000 St Peters Church, 119 Eaton Square, Belgravia SW1
London Monday 2000 Barnes Room, 2nd Floor, Queen Mary's Hospital, Roehampton Lane, SW15 5PN SW15
London Monday 2000 Holy Trinity Church, Trinity Road, Tooting, nr Tooting Bec Tube SW17
London Monday 2000 St Marks Church, Compton Road, Wimbledon SW19
London Monday 2000 Methodist Church, Askew Road, Acton W12
London Monday 2000 St Augustines Parish Centre, 55 Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith W6
London Monday 2000 St Luke's Church, Fernhead Road, Queens Park W9
London Monday 2030 Christ Church Vestry, Christ Church, Manchester Road, Isle of Dogs E14
London Monday 2030 Montessori School, Kenley Walk, Princedale Road, Holland Park W11

littlebluedog

I know it's hard having a spouse who continues to drink when you decide to get sober. My husband is pretty much a "normal" drinker. Drinks a few beers after work, but never gets drunk, except Saturday. Saturdays, I can always count on coming home from a late meeting and finding him drunk. But it makes me that much more thankful that I'm not. It's hard to know that I was just like that.

False starts are more than common around here. Maybe pick a Monday instead of a weekend? That way you'll have a good 5 days under your belt come that dreaded weekend trigger.

Keep posting! :ghug3

sugErspun

There is some good advice here.

Let me say this: drinking again when you were set not to is not a matter of you not wanting it bad enough (there was a suggestion that perhaps being sober was not your #1 priority ~ in my experience, it mattered little how bad I wanted to be sober because alcoholics drink NO MATTER WHAT..at least this one did). You husband need not be blamed for not keeping alcohol away from you, or enabling you as it has been called. I know that if I asked someone to NOT give me liqour no matter how I begged ~ and they stuck to it, this is what would happen:

I would find a way to get that drink. Call a friend, a neighbor, or ~ just walk to a bar or other place where one could obtain alcohol. I would ferment grape juice if need be, or drink some common household item that contained it.

I was surrounded by people who knew that for me to drink was a REALLY bad idea...so I started hiding it, I drew away from them, I waited for them to have their drinks before slipping in a few myself so they would be less likely to notice or smell it.


Getting sober, for me, has been more about giving up the notion that somehow I could stay sober by trying harder. It is about surrendering to the fact that I can't keep myself sober ~ even through manipulating others to support me (therefore making them easy targets to blame). Alcoholics are going to drink, even when they don't want to....for me, that problem had to be removed. And it has been.

nolaspiral

As a veteran of one doomed and drenched affair after another, I agree with many in this thread: You need to address this issue of your husband drinking. We all have glaringly obvious triggers. I'm willing to bet that I have or have had more than most (stories for another day). The thing is, your decision to get a handle on things can't be successful until you address some of the most obvious reasons you 'enjoy' boozing. Find them (unless they're as obvious as you state), neutralize them in whatever way you feel is appropriate, and get one with saving your own ass from the misery I'm in and out of.

ShwiftyFive

Okee, I made it through Monday. It wasnt as hard as last week, suprisingly enough.
I am torn about going to meetings. The reason being, when I was in the hospital for being passed out, I had to go to meetings in order to be released. The leader posed a question, basic "What do you do to stay active?" He called on me and I plainly told the group that I am a regular at the gym, I go out and do my photography, enjoy skating with friends etc. and so I really didnt have this as an issue in my life. He seemed to be disturbed at this and after the meeting came up to me and asked my why I was trying to deceive myself. He told me I had a problem and further pushed me. I felt really uncomfortable. Others I know that went to AA have relayed similar stories.
I know that there are hundreds of places to go for meetings in London, but that requires a fair amount of travel for me. I dont have a car, and transport is sh*t. There is no way I could have gone to one last night because the trains from my town were not running and taking a bus after 10 can be dangerous.
I know it sounds like I am making excuses, but please take a step back to see that I am reaching out for advice. THIS place is where I came to. Some of you have given me much to think on (i.e. Living with a husband who wants to continue) and truly that has been taken on board.
Today is another day for me to enjoy, continue to look for a job, get out into the sunshine and get to the gym.
Thanks and I hope some of you can understand.
I still have foggy head, so this might not make too much sense?

catch-22

you make very much sense... I lived in London for many years and I now what's it like if you don't drive and you have to rely on buses after 10pm... it's no fun and it's dangerous...

I'm very foggy too... day 7... going to the gym later!

MagicMan08

when it comes to me staying sober, I always ask myself if the things I went through drinking and only because I was drinking would have happened to anyone else if they would still drink. I seem to come out with a no. Good luck

mumbai78

I would not hold your husband responsible for drinking in front of you.It's obvious he does not understand what alcoholism is, believe me half the treatment industry know what it is. They think it is something that can be controlled and moderated through will-power. The fact is it cannot be controlled, the obesssion has to be removed.

There are many ways to remove this obsession, but so far the only way that has proved to be successfull is AA.You need to stay plugged into a society that recognizes alcoholism as a progressive disease that only gets worse over time, not better.

mistycshore

All available evidence states otherwise. AA is no more successful than any else, Sorry, but I'm going correct that misinformation every time I see it because it's not helpful for anyone to be misinformed. Heck, maybe I'll just make into a sig line.

Now back to you regularly scheduled Shwifty thread.

(sorry Shwifty).

nelco

Hi again, just wondering had you ever thought that maybe he was trying to help you, and get to the root of why you abuse alcohol. Why did you??
Congrats on starting again, I think its great that you are here. Regardless of stats, I think each of us have only our own experience/ sober time to share about. I use AA, it works for me and has done for eleven years... Other people use other methods, I dont know how they do it and its none of my business. But I hear you loud and clear looking for peoples experience and advice. For what its worth thats mine. If I can help you at I will.
I hope you keep posting.

Chamabama

1 day under your belt, moving on to day 2... Congrats Swifty!