Nikole

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to everyone. Things just got hectic.. my boyfriend just got home from a long deployment and everything so I've been busy. but, a good kind of busy I haven't gotten to see him yet, we are waiting for leave here in a couple weeks, bu just knowing he's home safe and sound is a huge weight off my shoulders.

I'm still thinking about things... not really sure what I want to do. But I really appreciate everyone's responses. I think I'm going to at least check out an AA meeting once I get a car, which should be in a week or two. The thought of doing that really scares me to death to be honest... but I think it would be good for me. I can at least see what it's all about bc I don't know hardly anything about the AA program. I did go one day without drinking... it was I think the day before yesterday but everything seems to just run together sometimes so I'm not sure. It wasn't TOO bad. I was kind of cranky and shaky all day long. Soon as I got paid though first thing I bought was alcohol. Tonight I've only had like... three beers, though, and I don't think I drank much of anything during the day, so for me that's not as bad as it could be. I don't really know what considered normal drinking, but it's probably not an every day event for most people I guess.

I just have to figure out how to broach the subject with him... I'm not really sure how to go about explaining to him that I didn't handle his deployment, or anything else really.... nearly as well as I seemed to. I know he won't be mad... he's absolutely amazing and he supports me in everything I do. I just don't want him to worry about me. I've gotten so used to handling everything by myself and doing it all on my own, so it bothers me that I even need help to begin with right now and I really don't want to be a burden on anyone. Discussing it with anyone in my family is out of the question. The only other person I could discuss it with besides my boyfriend is his mother, but I'm afraid she'll think badly of me. We spent a lot of time together during his deployment though so I'd be more comfortable talking about it with her rather than my own family. But I know I'm going to have to at least talk to him about it... I've never kept anything hidden from him, ever, and I don't really want to start now.

CarolD

Good to know he is back safely....
Best wishes to both of you

Here is info for you to think a bout

Charmie

hello nikole,welcome.i spent 20 years deciding wether i was alcoholic or not/trying to drink like other people.those 20 yrs were one disaster after another and progresiivly got worse as the years went by,including a trip to a mental hospital,loss of my daughter,near loss of family,,the mental obsession with alcohol was the worst.24/7 it was booze.how i was going to get my next drink,when i was going to be able to have it,did i have enough money,how was i going to get it,how much i was going to drink,,blah.fast forward to today.i have peace in my life and happiness and the mental obsession has been lifted.i couldnt quit on my own.i went to AA.if you have a desire to stop drinking this may be the route for you.you sound like you are willing to give it a go.the only requirment for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.dont be scared,everyone there has experienced what you have.i joined sr at the begining of the year and have made many friends and recieved much support,this site is a fabulous tool in recovery.i wish you well in whatever you decide to do.you need never be alone with this again.:ghug

spen71

I too used to and still do wonder if I am an alcoholic or do I just drink too much. Sometimes i go 4 days without a drink as I get into a zone of working hard. Come Friday afternoon all I can think about is my first beer, this does not stop for a couple of weeks. So yes I am an alcoholic. As someone posted have a look at the AA website.

Tazman53

Hey Nikole glad your boyfriend made it home safe and sound, my son did 2 tours before he got medically discharged so I know the worry, I was still drinking when he was deployed both times, it was not pretty and just got worse.

Glad to hear you are considering AA, why wait until you get a car, give the AA hotline a call, I bet they could arrange for a lady to give you a ride to some meetings.

navysteve

Hi Nikole,
Steve here currently residing in Pennsylvania. Have you tried contacting AA in your region? I know you say that they are far away but if you reach out by phone or email you may find out that there are others near you. We can help online but can only do so much. You can PM me if you wish. I will be happy to help you find some face to face support

Mark75

If you are an alcoholic, you most likely cannot quit drinking and become sober, happy and free without help! This alcoholism thing is bigger than we are, we need help. Some of the best help we can get are from other alcoholics. You find them, in recovery mode, at AA !!

I agree with those that have suggested calling the hotline and find a way to the meeting. Getting a ride would be a great way to start a dialog with a recovered alcoholic... AND you'll get to your first meeting....

Hope things go well... Keep posting!

Mark

joedris

It sounds like your boyfriend is in the service. If so, he's been pretty well educated about alcoholism. You should just be direct and honest with him and tell him that you're an alcoholic and need to do something about it. If he's worth anything, he'll be behind you 100%. And don't be concerned about him worrying. He'll feel much better knowing that you're getting help. And I know this sounds callous, but you need to be concerned about yourself right now, not about him. He can take care of himself. You need to take care of you.

Taking5

Here's a great link about your first AA meeting:

Your First AA Meeting

Sara9009

Welcome to SR! My husband is in the military as well and with the drinking culture I am sure he will have some understanding. Deployments are their own private little hell and drinking fits nicely with them, unfortunately. I have met a lot of spouses and girlfriends that use alcohol as a coping mechanism during deployments and as we all know that is a slippery slope to be on.

If drinking is causing you to have negative feelings or impacts you negatively I think it is better to just quit. I don't think you really need to decide right now how you want to or if you want to label yourself. If you quit now and find that it is relatively easy and you do not have any problems afterwards then maybe later down the road you can enjoy a glass of wine with a meal. If you stay on this road it will guaranteed and without a doubt lead to Alcoholism.

The way I see it if you quit, you win either way.

McGowdog

I commend you for taking the path of consideration as to whether you are an alcoholic or not; because let's face it, either you're an alcoholic or you're not.

This is my personal opinion here, so please take this with a grain of salt or a mad dash of hotsauce; A.A. might not be the best place to determine whether you're an alcoholic or not. I'd say it's not a good place to find out, these days. Neither is the treatment center nor is the recovery sites.

The book does say, "We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself."

Then if offers two methods to find out if you're an alky or not; one involved drinking and one involves trying to abstain for a year without outside help.

It would be nice to know whether you're an alcoholic or not. If you are, the A.A. program of recovery through the 12 steps as outlined in the book Alcoholics Anonymous is a gr8 solution. If you're not an alcoholic, but merely a hard drinker, A.A. may not be a good solution at all, for your or the recovered alcoholic or the still suffering untreated alcoholic.

So, what can you do? Here's a suggestion; read from the Title page of the A.A. book to page 43 (I think that's about page 55 of the 1st edition) and find out for yourself if you're an alcoholic or not. That will cover the forwards, the Dr's Opinion, Bill's Story, There is a Solution, and to the end of More about Alcoholism.

You can do this with or maybe perhaps without the aid of a recovered alcoholic. But in the end, I agree that you have to determine for yourself whether you're an alcoholic or not and if you're ready to do something about it.

Quickly diagnosing yourself is great and all, but as you can see, many of us cheated that anyway. In the end, to get Step 1, you have to "fully concede to your inner most self that you're alcoholic." What better way to do that than going through all of that section in the book? You may find yourself confused or worried. You may find yourself wanting to talk to some recovered alcoholics about it. That's great. But don't just be so quick to label yourself as a real alcoholic. Maybe you're not. Maybe you are. If you're not, there's help for you. If you are, there's help for you.

Go well.

CAPTAINZING2000

Your post is many of our stories on here!!!


Being able to even acknowledge a problem is the first step. Shame, I didn't get into AA at your age, I'd of saved myself and loved one's a lot of grief.