I'm a mess
Trying to find myself sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 25
I'm a mess
I have probably been an alcoholic since I was about 18 years old...I'm 31 now. I was in a 5 day detox in September and then got out and went right back to drinking daily. The most I have managed to stop since has been about 11 days (and that was a few weeks ago). My therapist is at the point where she thinks I might need inpatient and I kind of do to. However, I have a responsible job (haven't managed to screw that up yet) and it would be really hard right now to leave for 30 days. I keep saying I'll stop on my own or go to AA meetings or whatever, but then I figure...well I'm gonna end up in rehab anyway so why bother fighting it on my own...and then I drink. So, I keep battling myself constantly. It's hard for me to go to AA meetings because if I drive to them and go I end up in a bar afterwards...I am messed up. Does anyone know what I should do?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by FindMyselfSober 
Does anyone know what I should do?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
No, I still attend meetings. Simply because I love sharing this recovery. I do tend to stick more with solution based, in the book meetings, though. I was just pointing out the difference between going to AA and really diving into the program of AA. Worlds apart in my experience.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by findmyselfsober
my therapist is at the point where she thinks i might need inpatient and i kind of do to.
Sounds like you definitely know that you have a problem but are reluctant to take action like so many others including myself for so many years. Yeah I had the important job and couldn't afford to be off work because I thought I just couldn't afford to take the time off. My story does not have a very happy ending and if you are indeed an alcoholic this disease is most definitely progressive. The earlier we are willing to do something about it the easier the whole process is and the less consequences we have to deal with.
So if you have had trouble getting sober before maybe both you and your therapist are correct. The 30 day rehab really can make a difference if you are ready to stop drinking. The tough part of this is that alcoholism never goes away so we need some type of maintenance program. I immersed myself in AA after a hospital detox visit and found that it has completely removed my need to drink today.
When I finally got sober I found out that being sober is a wonderful way of life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
What about an accredited 14 day program to get started, then find a good meeting like Keith says and actually do steps.
I agree that meetings can get in the way of doing steps, but at very least 1 good meeting a week isn't too much to ask... unless of course you spend less than 1 hour a week drinking.
We AAers have a funny way of looking at things. Don't take it to heart.
I don't agree with the do 90 meetings in 90 days bit. I did 90 meetings in 90 days once. It was cool and all. But I didn't have a life and it was easy for me. But I didn't get like a 90 in 90 medal or a Super Sober status or anything.
My point is... you hear a lot of stuff about and in recovery. Reconcile that stuff with your intuition and get an AA book if you're gonna do AA and find your own truth in that.
There's still the minute chance that you're not an alcoholic but a hard drinker... hard to tell until you have a talk with a couple of recovered alcoholics. You may start there. You could call your local AA Central Office and tell them you'd like to meet a couple of alcoholics for a talk. That may include a meeting too, but if they're knowledgeable about the Program they could maybe help you see your truth in your 1st Step.
Just some thoughts.
I agree that meetings can get in the way of doing steps, but at very least 1 good meeting a week isn't too much to ask... unless of course you spend less than 1 hour a week drinking.
We AAers have a funny way of looking at things. Don't take it to heart.
I don't agree with the do 90 meetings in 90 days bit. I did 90 meetings in 90 days once. It was cool and all. But I didn't have a life and it was easy for me. But I didn't get like a 90 in 90 medal or a Super Sober status or anything.
My point is... you hear a lot of stuff about and in recovery. Reconcile that stuff with your intuition and get an AA book if you're gonna do AA and find your own truth in that.
There's still the minute chance that you're not an alcoholic but a hard drinker... hard to tell until you have a talk with a couple of recovered alcoholics. You may start there. You could call your local AA Central Office and tell them you'd like to meet a couple of alcoholics for a talk. That may include a meeting too, but if they're knowledgeable about the Program they could maybe help you see your truth in your 1st Step.
Just some thoughts.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
You are the only one who can determine if you need inpatient or not. I also used the excuse of a good job and can't take the time off as a reason to not go inpatient. I kept drinking. It's ironic, I thought I didn't have time to get Sober. I kept drinking, missing work, going in late, reaking of the night before's alcohol, and eventually I lost that great job. As others have said, alcoholism is a progressive disease.
I would also go to Meetings and have it planned to stop on the way home and buy a bottle. In my sick mind, I told myself that I wasn't getting anything out of these Meetings because they did not take away that craving. It's like I expected sitting in a Meeting and nodding my head in agreement was supposed to cure me or something. I was just physically attending Meetings, I didn't work the Steps (I just knew those weren't necessary) didn't get a Sponsor (I didn't want to commit myself to calling someone everyday. And what was I supposed to talk about if I did?) And this Higher Power thing? (I wasn't buying any of that crap. You seek if God cared about me, none of these horrible things would have happened to me in the first place.) The bottom line is, I wasn't ready. I just hadn't hurt enough yet. And quite honestly, I didn't want to stop drinking, I just wanted someone to tell me how I could stilll drink but not have any of the consequences.
I don't know if you're working the Steps,have a Sponsor or a conscious contact with your HP, if you don't, going inpatient, IMO, isn't going to be the answer.
Judy
I would also go to Meetings and have it planned to stop on the way home and buy a bottle. In my sick mind, I told myself that I wasn't getting anything out of these Meetings because they did not take away that craving. It's like I expected sitting in a Meeting and nodding my head in agreement was supposed to cure me or something. I was just physically attending Meetings, I didn't work the Steps (I just knew those weren't necessary) didn't get a Sponsor (I didn't want to commit myself to calling someone everyday. And what was I supposed to talk about if I did?) And this Higher Power thing? (I wasn't buying any of that crap. You seek if God cared about me, none of these horrible things would have happened to me in the first place.) The bottom line is, I wasn't ready. I just hadn't hurt enough yet. And quite honestly, I didn't want to stop drinking, I just wanted someone to tell me how I could stilll drink but not have any of the consequences.
I don't know if you're working the Steps,have a Sponsor or a conscious contact with your HP, if you don't, going inpatient, IMO, isn't going to be the answer.
Judy
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Good to see you here again.....
I too had difficulties in staying sober
even tho I desired to.
Then I read a book....
"under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham
I took that info...re connected to God and AA
I've never had another drink...
Yes, I do consider working the AA Steps was
vital to my continuing recovery.
Yes, AA meetings are where I learned how to
do Step work. I found a meeting that was
held before my work hours....
If you are interested in "Under The Influence"
here is a link to excerpts .....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Hope you find your way....recovery rocks
I too had difficulties in staying sober
even tho I desired to.
Then I read a book....
"under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham
I took that info...re connected to God and AA
I've never had another drink...
Yes, I do consider working the AA Steps was
vital to my continuing recovery.
Yes, AA meetings are where I learned how to
do Step work. I found a meeting that was
held before my work hours....
If you are interested in "Under The Influence"
here is a link to excerpts .....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Hope you find your way....recovery rocks
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by FindMyselfSober
I have probably been an alcoholic since I was about 18 years old...I'm 31 now. I was in a 5 day detox in September and then got out and went right back to drinking daily. The most I have managed to stop since has been about 11 days (and that was a few weeks ago). My therapist is at the point where she thinks I might need inpatient and I kind of do to. However, I have a responsible job (haven't managed to screw that up yet) and it would be really hard right now to leave for 30 days. I keep saying I'll stop on my own or go to AA meetings or whatever, but then I figure...well I'm gonna end up in rehab anyway so why bother fighting it on my own...and then I drink. So, I keep battling myself constantly. It's hard for me to go to AA meetings because if I drive to them and go I end up in a bar afterwards...I am messed up. Does anyone know what I should do?
I have been in the same situation for at least the last 10 years. I just can't leave my job. So finally I really set my mind to it. It's like the last time I quit smoking. I decided I had enough and its been almost 11 years since I've had a cigarette. I'm only 40 days sober but I feel the same way as I did when I quit smoking. I do go to 2 AA meetings a week, but that wasn't till I was sober about a week and a half. I drank at least a 12 pack a day for 30 years. (I never drank till after work) My alcoholic mind always knew thats the best way to support my habit. I believe the first prerequisite is you really have to want to quit. You have to realize there is going to be a huge empty spot where the booze used to be and thats normal. After that AA meeting will help. You said you went 11 days and thats a big start. Iduno, but I believe I would rather keep working than go to rehab even if I could easily take off(although I have never been to rehab). Don't know what else to say except I hope something in here helps.
Fred
problem with authority
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 870
I was 35 when I asked for help. Also worked in a very responsible, white-collar job...and still do. I went to my boss and said, "I need to stop drinking," and he said, "I'm so relieved." They sent me to rehab (28 days) as a requirement for keeping my job. One shot deal. When I got out I did 90 meetings in 90 days, I got a sponsor, I got a home group, I took a commitment in that home group, and I did all twelve steps with my sponsor in about two months. I am now about 20 months sober. First time ever trying to sober up with help. Couldn't put more than four days together before that.
I committed myself to following allthe suggestions that were made to me, and I can report successful results.
Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk or need help.
M
I committed myself to following allthe suggestions that were made to me, and I can report successful results.
Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk or need help.
M
Trying to find myself sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 25
Well, you guys all gave me so many things to think about...like the possibility of a 14 day rehab (not as scary to me), like just setting my mind to this and DOING it and giving AA a chance. I guess part of me doesn't want to stop either. I have so many friends who are probably alcoholic too and they "lure" me out nightly. I know deep down that they love seeing me because then we can all make each other feel better about how messed up we are. They hate when I stay home and stay sober because maybe that threatens them in some way. I need NEW FRIENDS.
Anyway, this morning (after being out until 2AM drinking and yep driving) I actually just got down on my knees and admitted I am POWERLESS over alcohol and asked someone, anyone, the universe whatever (I don't really have any connection to a HP yet) to just help me and please keep me sober today. I also put notes all over my bedroom reminding myself why I don't want to drink. So, I will try to sweat tonight out...usually after the first night I am fine. I can go a few days no problem but when a week hits it's like I want to be rewarded for not drinking (and then convince myslef I'm not really an alcoholic cuz I made it a whole week) so I go out and get tanked and then I just drink every night again for weeks and weeks and can't break the pattern.
Anyway, this morning (after being out until 2AM drinking and yep driving) I actually just got down on my knees and admitted I am POWERLESS over alcohol and asked someone, anyone, the universe whatever (I don't really have any connection to a HP yet) to just help me and please keep me sober today. I also put notes all over my bedroom reminding myself why I don't want to drink. So, I will try to sweat tonight out...usually after the first night I am fine. I can go a few days no problem but when a week hits it's like I want to be rewarded for not drinking (and then convince myslef I'm not really an alcoholic cuz I made it a whole week) so I go out and get tanked and then I just drink every night again for weeks and weeks and can't break the pattern.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Colorado Springs CO
Posts: 889
I remember I'd use any excuse. Anything that would seem plausible. There was a part of me that wanted to drink all the time, and didn't care what had to happen before, during or after.
Once heard a woman at a speaker meeting say "my brain thinks it can kill me and keep going".
Once heard a woman at a speaker meeting say "my brain thinks it can kill me and keep going".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by FindMyselfSober
I actually just got down on my knees and admitted I am POWERLESS over alcohol and asked someone, anyone, the universe whatever (I don't really have any connection to a HP yet) to just help me and please keep me sober today.
IF followed up with a course of vigorous action, you could be on your way to a life better than you can imagine. No kidding.
jasmine
Join Date: May 2009
Location: mandurah Western Australia
Posts: 3
when I went to rehab I immediately went out and drank again because I still didnt think I was done with drinking. Until I had done enough drinking and knew that it was no longer an option I could not stop drinking. I had to be convinced that it was no longer an option for me. I had to be prepared to completely surrender everything to a power greater than myself but I had to be certain my way was not going to work EVER. It was hard butI have not had a drink for 10 years. I wanted to continue but my life was on the line and until I completely understood that I kept hitting my head against a brick wall
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 320
Thank you for your honesty.
My ES&H is that getting into a tx center is easier that getting out of one.
I was given a list of instructions on how to get sober. I am an instruction freak. I sure dont know much about getting sober but I got a list a mile long of stuff that DONT work. I am sure you do as well.
My story is unlike many others. I went to meetings, sorrounded myself with winners (of the same sex) followed them until we became friends. Started by helping out at the meetings with coffee, chairs, tables ect... After the meeting most go some where for coffee or to eat. Invited myself. Listen in the meeting and heard the message not the messenger. Got a list of phone numbers (same sex). Stayed in contact daily with the members.
They helped me walk untill I could stand up on my own. Then I got in line and followed as we all strudged the road to happy destiny. You see...you are the most important person at ANY meeting. Without you I cant stay sober. Luckly this disease you and I have brings lots of new comers to meetings. It is one helping another thing...
The 12 steps is the last thing I tried and the first thing that worked. I would be less than honest if I said it was MY idea to get sober. It wasnt...the consequences of my disease pushed me into the doors of AA via treatment. Thank God it did. cuz many die tring to find the doors.
God didnt open the doors of heaven and let me in...he open the doors of hell and let me out. It will not be easy, but you will be amazed before you are half way through. I was told by you folks that I can recover .
Please give yourself a chance today. Thank you for helping me stay sober today.
My ES&H is that getting into a tx center is easier that getting out of one.
I was given a list of instructions on how to get sober. I am an instruction freak. I sure dont know much about getting sober but I got a list a mile long of stuff that DONT work. I am sure you do as well.
My story is unlike many others. I went to meetings, sorrounded myself with winners (of the same sex) followed them until we became friends. Started by helping out at the meetings with coffee, chairs, tables ect... After the meeting most go some where for coffee or to eat. Invited myself. Listen in the meeting and heard the message not the messenger. Got a list of phone numbers (same sex). Stayed in contact daily with the members.
They helped me walk untill I could stand up on my own. Then I got in line and followed as we all strudged the road to happy destiny. You see...you are the most important person at ANY meeting. Without you I cant stay sober. Luckly this disease you and I have brings lots of new comers to meetings. It is one helping another thing...
The 12 steps is the last thing I tried and the first thing that worked. I would be less than honest if I said it was MY idea to get sober. It wasnt...the consequences of my disease pushed me into the doors of AA via treatment. Thank God it did. cuz many die tring to find the doors.
God didnt open the doors of heaven and let me in...he open the doors of hell and let me out. It will not be easy, but you will be amazed before you are half way through. I was told by you folks that I can recover .
Please give yourself a chance today. Thank you for helping me stay sober today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hello.im 94 days sober today (i didnt get a medal,we dont do that here in the uk!) 
anyways,,i went to AA at the begining of the year,at first i just opened my ears and like you said prayed to whoever! open mind is all you need.ive now got a sponsor and im embarking on the steps ( 3 next) and my life has changed beyond recognition! i am at peace,i like my own company i have no desire for a drink,my compulsion has been removed.i wake up on a morning and cant wait to see what the day has in store for me.and that is me just on tiny tiny baby steps!i drank alcoholically i believe since i first took a drink at the age of 13,it was always for effect and blackouts started very early on etc etc.im 36 now and i never thought i could feel the way i do now.it is a miracle.i hope you dont think im gushing,,just sharing my little bit of ESH! what your saying about your job,if you do feel you can talk to your boss then go ahead.BUT i was told (its mostly just suggested) quite strongly that sobriety must come above everything else,jobs partners,friends etc etc.if we dont have sobriety and when the alcoholism keeps on getting worse and worse (garaunteed!) then we dont have anything left anyway.you are in my prayers,,take care.
anyways,,i went to AA at the begining of the year,at first i just opened my ears and like you said prayed to whoever! open mind is all you need.ive now got a sponsor and im embarking on the steps ( 3 next) and my life has changed beyond recognition! i am at peace,i like my own company i have no desire for a drink,my compulsion has been removed.i wake up on a morning and cant wait to see what the day has in store for me.and that is me just on tiny tiny baby steps!i drank alcoholically i believe since i first took a drink at the age of 13,it was always for effect and blackouts started very early on etc etc.im 36 now and i never thought i could feel the way i do now.it is a miracle.i hope you dont think im gushing,,just sharing my little bit of ESH! what your saying about your job,if you do feel you can talk to your boss then go ahead.BUT i was told (its mostly just suggested) quite strongly that sobriety must come above everything else,jobs partners,friends etc etc.if we dont have sobriety and when the alcoholism keeps on getting worse and worse (garaunteed!) then we dont have anything left anyway.you are in my prayers,,take care.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
