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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Born in Long Island NY/Mtns of N.C Is my home now
Posts: 405
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Just been really busy and stressed, the divorce is getting ugly and i can't understand how my wife can just turn off her feelings for me like a switch. Maybe she has hated me for awhile, but she has shown me with her actions here latley that she does not care about me at all. Just very hard to deal with all this, i am glad there is no limit on using the serenity prayer or i would be in trouble..... Ok im off the soap box, sober today, and thankfull.
Take Care,
John
Take Care,
John
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
John I am sorry you are going through this, however (yep there is that 'but' lol) I do understand the other side (your wife's).
You see I too destroyed the love and trust that others had for me by my actions during my drinking career. Some of them were bitter as I had put them through the wringer many times. I had to learn in recovery that these were the CONSEQUENCES of MY ACTIONS.
Now, that is not to say, that as I got further into recovery, worked the 12 steps, and did my amends that their attitudes didn't change because they did. It was a long, slow, agonizing process but it did happen. Today, they trust me. Today I believe some if not all of the love has returned.
I hope you have someone, like a sponsor, or a guide in recovery that is helping you get through this.
There is a line in the BB of AA that has stuck with me from early recovery:
"Our troubles we think are of OUR OWN MAKING." Dang I didn't want to hear that. I can tell you that IF you continue in recovery, working on you, changing you, that LIFE in general does get better. Not all relationships can be fully repaired, but many can. You don't know what your future holds and neither do I, but I have seen some folks get back together after the afflicted one is in recovery and working a good program of recovery.
In the meantime, hang in there, keep us posted on how you are doing as we do care very much. You can ALWAYS come here to rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh. It does help tons to get it out and here is a safe place to do that.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
You see I too destroyed the love and trust that others had for me by my actions during my drinking career. Some of them were bitter as I had put them through the wringer many times. I had to learn in recovery that these were the CONSEQUENCES of MY ACTIONS.
Now, that is not to say, that as I got further into recovery, worked the 12 steps, and did my amends that their attitudes didn't change because they did. It was a long, slow, agonizing process but it did happen. Today, they trust me. Today I believe some if not all of the love has returned.
I hope you have someone, like a sponsor, or a guide in recovery that is helping you get through this.
There is a line in the BB of AA that has stuck with me from early recovery:
"Our troubles we think are of OUR OWN MAKING." Dang I didn't want to hear that. I can tell you that IF you continue in recovery, working on you, changing you, that LIFE in general does get better. Not all relationships can be fully repaired, but many can. You don't know what your future holds and neither do I, but I have seen some folks get back together after the afflicted one is in recovery and working a good program of recovery.
In the meantime, hang in there, keep us posted on how you are doing as we do care very much. You can ALWAYS come here to rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh. It does help tons to get it out and here is a safe place to do that.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 40
Best advice I can give is not to punish yourself. Biggest mistake I always made was I'd have an argument with someone, then start drinking as if I was doing something to hurt them. But of course, it was hurting me, not them.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
When my husband and I were going thru
our divorce we had little to no verbal
communication at all. That way we
kept the emotions out of it.
Are u and ur spouse separated right now?
My spouse and I were and in different
states.....Him in Tx and me in La.
We kept our communications via email
on computer and between lawyers.
Everything went so smooth and without
complications.
With all that we ended our 25 yrs marriage
6 days shy of 26.
Hi im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to take a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and U I am truely grateful.
our divorce we had little to no verbal
communication at all. That way we
kept the emotions out of it.
Are u and ur spouse separated right now?
My spouse and I were and in different
states.....Him in Tx and me in La.
We kept our communications via email
on computer and between lawyers.
Everything went so smooth and without
complications.
With all that we ended our 25 yrs marriage
6 days shy of 26.
Hi im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to take a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and U I am truely grateful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: basking ridge, nj
Posts: 37
Hi, Just felt compelled to share. I stopped drinking andusing the program/steps of AA about 6 months before we got seperated. Stayed sober for 18-20 months up until 2 weeks before the divorce was final. I cracked, got drunk with my then girlfriend who had never even seen me smoke or drink in the 8-10 months we had been together.
Drank daily since.
Stay connected, talk with others who'v ebeen ther. I'm just now trying to sober up and hope that God's grace will give me my forst 24 hours tonday/tonight so that tomorrow I can say I'm two days sober. I dread the next few days and weeks but I know I have to lean on my higher power, and friends, and the support of a fellowship if I'm going to have any chance at all.
I WANT to be alcohol freee and thinking back I wish I had done something different, made different choices because is the last few years have brought me so much unnecessary misery.
Keep the faith. Stay connected, stay strong. DOn't make the mistakes I made...
Drank daily since.
Stay connected, talk with others who'v ebeen ther. I'm just now trying to sober up and hope that God's grace will give me my forst 24 hours tonday/tonight so that tomorrow I can say I'm two days sober. I dread the next few days and weeks but I know I have to lean on my higher power, and friends, and the support of a fellowship if I'm going to have any chance at all.
I WANT to be alcohol freee and thinking back I wish I had done something different, made different choices because is the last few years have brought me so much unnecessary misery.
Keep the faith. Stay connected, stay strong. DOn't make the mistakes I made...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Born in Long Island NY/Mtns of N.C Is my home now
Posts: 405
We are seperated right now, but with no closure it is hard to deal with it like that, i would feel better if she just came out and said she hated me, but there has been no communication between us directly.
I realize now how hard it is to deal with life on lifes terms, i am a screwed up person and i need to learn these things like some kinda child. I don't want the drink, i don't wanna be that person anymore.Geez i will make it through this i now it, but it's just hard.
Thank you all for the reply's.
Take Care,
John
I realize now how hard it is to deal with life on lifes terms, i am a screwed up person and i need to learn these things like some kinda child. I don't want the drink, i don't wanna be that person anymore.Geez i will make it through this i now it, but it's just hard.
Thank you all for the reply's.
Take Care,
John
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