Regret
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Born in Long Island NY/Mtns of N.C Is my home now
Posts: 405
Regret
It seems the longer that i am sober the more i regret the things i have done or the things i did not due, i realize this is a bad place to be as far as recovery but it's something i am having trouble with. I beat myself up over what should have been and why did i do those things, and my favorite why did'nt you do this.
I feel like i have thrown away my life to (enjoy) alcohol and that my friend is a #&*king lot to accept, true i still have a life ahead of me , but all those years wasted haunts me to no end. There are day's i feel like i will never move on from the regret, why should i be able to ? With all the destruction i left behind in my path i feel as if this is my punishment and i deserve evrey last drop.. Sorry just had to vent, doing good other wise..
Take care,
John
I feel like i have thrown away my life to (enjoy) alcohol and that my friend is a #&*king lot to accept, true i still have a life ahead of me , but all those years wasted haunts me to no end. There are day's i feel like i will never move on from the regret, why should i be able to ? With all the destruction i left behind in my path i feel as if this is my punishment and i deserve evrey last drop.. Sorry just had to vent, doing good other wise..
Take care,
John
A new dawn and new chapter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City, Missouri
Posts: 298
I've been obsessing over the trail of destruction I've left behind me over my drinking years. Keep wishing I could go back and change these things or at least go slap the ever loving s**t out of myself But I guess as they say there is no good obsessing over what's already past. No one is perfect and ultimately it's our past mistakes and regrets that we learn from to make our present lives better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 46
john, it's better to look back and feel something, even if it is regret, than nothing at all. the feeling of regret lets you know that you are human....you've made mistakes, and you feel sorry for them. if you looked back at your life and thought everything was perfect, you wouldn't be here now, would you? you have to accept the past as the past and today as the future. you have a great sober life ahead of you and no matter what the circumstances, it promises to be better than any non-sober life. glad you are doing well otherwise.
Erin
Erin
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
John,
Have long have you been sober?
For me, time has begun to heal these wounds. I also believe very strongly that the 12 steps have been a blessing in my life. In the Promises outlined in the Big Book, it says that if we are diligent in our recovery and work the 12 steps, we will come to NOT regret the past or wish to shut the door on it. This is beginning to happen for me!
Have long have you been sober?
For me, time has begun to heal these wounds. I also believe very strongly that the 12 steps have been a blessing in my life. In the Promises outlined in the Big Book, it says that if we are diligent in our recovery and work the 12 steps, we will come to NOT regret the past or wish to shut the door on it. This is beginning to happen for me!
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
This has been a factor for me lately, too. Only recently has some of my old drinking behavior been brought to my attention, and it wasn't pretty. It's awkward for me because I have no memory of most of the things I'm finding out about. Also, every bit of it has to do with hurting the one person who loves me more than anyone else in this world. It makes no sense to me and I can not wrap my mind around WHY I would have acted that way, repeatedly, for so long.
I know that I have to learn to forgive myself - he says he has forgiven me and he is now taking steps to work on his own residual anger and hurt. But HOW do you let that go and learn to forgive yourself? I feel so truly horrible deep down to the core whenever I stop and think about it. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know how to come to terms with it. I don't understand how he can ever look at me the same way again, because I'm not sure I will ever look at me the same way again.
I know that I have to learn to forgive myself - he says he has forgiven me and he is now taking steps to work on his own residual anger and hurt. But HOW do you let that go and learn to forgive yourself? I feel so truly horrible deep down to the core whenever I stop and think about it. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know how to come to terms with it. I don't understand how he can ever look at me the same way again, because I'm not sure I will ever look at me the same way again.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
For me....living with a certain amount of regret keeps me sober. It isn't overwhelming, it's just like a kick in the butt to keep moving forward.
Like others have said, time does heal this. Talking to those you feel you have failed helps, too.
But, keep it in the moment. The most important thing is to keep yourself sober, so you show those same people that yes you were wrong, but you are working to right that.
Like others have said, time does heal this. Talking to those you feel you have failed helps, too.
But, keep it in the moment. The most important thing is to keep yourself sober, so you show those same people that yes you were wrong, but you are working to right that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 5
I too have been realizing my regrets. In this financial crisis, i mainly have been thinking about the money wasted boozing and partying... Aside from the health benefit of being sober, the financial reward is equally satisfying!!
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
John the steps and AA helped me with that stuff.
In the last week,2 guys I know who attended AA at one time or another have died.One died from alcoholism,the other died last night from a pistol bullet to the head.
They was once brother in laws too.
You,my friend,are alive,sober,above ground and living.You can do something about that stuff,and you never have to live like that again.It`s your choice
hang in there trucker-be safe out there
In the last week,2 guys I know who attended AA at one time or another have died.One died from alcoholism,the other died last night from a pistol bullet to the head.
They was once brother in laws too.
You,my friend,are alive,sober,above ground and living.You can do something about that stuff,and you never have to live like that again.It`s your choice
hang in there trucker-be safe out there
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Early on in my Recovery, when I would hear the Eleven Promises read at Meetings, I didn't think there was any way that I would, " . . .Not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. . . "
As others have said, working the 12 Steps is such a healing process. I imagine that when people continue to hear me (or others) say to go to Meetings, work the Steps, they think we're pushing AA down their throats. But there is a very good reason for this. By working the Steps, I was able to let go of the guilt and shame but always keep these things in the back of my mind as a reminder of what is waiting for me if I pick up again. I need to remember the things I did, but I no longer beat myself up over them.
It takes time to let go, after all it took time to get as messed up as we were when we admitted we were powerless and our lives were unmanageable.
Another good reason One Day at A Time is so often used in AA/NA. These things take time and patience. As an addict and alcoholic, I had zero patience.
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