Relapsed- in the blionk of an eye, a year gone.....
trying to get it..
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 286
Relapsed- in the blionk of an eye, a year gone.....
Well where I am again, I was here at this forum oh, 14 months as ago. I got a lot of good advice here..... I started with AA, I got a sponsor and I did the steps. I had a year and 36 days.
Yes had, Saturday I drank. I went to lunch with a friend; we sat there and had wine. Yesterday I made a big dinner and drank again. More than Saturday, which I kept to one bottle. Yesterday I drank 3. I am not drinking now.
I know why I relapsed and I know what I did do and didn’t do.
The community center were I go to meeting 4 times a week was closed over the holidays. Since the 22nd. I went to one meeting only since then.
I have said it and heard it a thousand times, “meeting makers make it”. I didn’t call my sponsor because I let my defenses down and got disconnected from the prgm. and thought, what the heck, I deserve it, I made it a year look at me!!!......yea I know, foolish.
I know I will go back meetings, I know that I have too.
I can confess here because its easy and I am a nameless faceless person here, I don’t think I can stand up at a meeting and when they ask if anyone has 30 days or less, and raise my hand. Not yet but I will have too.
The point is of this rambling post is; go to meetings. Don’t stop. I have a car, I have a meeting schedule pamphlet and obviously have the internet. I could have found another meeting, gone to a meeting, somewhere else, I did once, that one meeting , a salvation army meeting where there were folks who, had hit a bottom I never did, a week ago. Alcohol is, well Cunning baffling and powerful.
AA does work, it did for me and will again. Its were I belong, for those that have not been there or have heard things that have turned them off, let me tell you please, it works, IF you let it.
IF I had not tuned out and had gone to my meetings it would have kept me plugged in and honest and AWARE, that I can slip, and when I went to that lunch Saturday I would to not have drank. I know this in my heart.
Meeting makers make it...meeting makers make it...
I am carl, and I am an alcoholic, and I have to go to meeting to stay sober and this is life......don’t be like me, do your work and get your fannie to a meeting.
Yes had, Saturday I drank. I went to lunch with a friend; we sat there and had wine. Yesterday I made a big dinner and drank again. More than Saturday, which I kept to one bottle. Yesterday I drank 3. I am not drinking now.
I know why I relapsed and I know what I did do and didn’t do.
The community center were I go to meeting 4 times a week was closed over the holidays. Since the 22nd. I went to one meeting only since then.
I have said it and heard it a thousand times, “meeting makers make it”. I didn’t call my sponsor because I let my defenses down and got disconnected from the prgm. and thought, what the heck, I deserve it, I made it a year look at me!!!......yea I know, foolish.
I know I will go back meetings, I know that I have too.
I can confess here because its easy and I am a nameless faceless person here, I don’t think I can stand up at a meeting and when they ask if anyone has 30 days or less, and raise my hand. Not yet but I will have too.
The point is of this rambling post is; go to meetings. Don’t stop. I have a car, I have a meeting schedule pamphlet and obviously have the internet. I could have found another meeting, gone to a meeting, somewhere else, I did once, that one meeting , a salvation army meeting where there were folks who, had hit a bottom I never did, a week ago. Alcohol is, well Cunning baffling and powerful.
AA does work, it did for me and will again. Its were I belong, for those that have not been there or have heard things that have turned them off, let me tell you please, it works, IF you let it.
IF I had not tuned out and had gone to my meetings it would have kept me plugged in and honest and AWARE, that I can slip, and when I went to that lunch Saturday I would to not have drank. I know this in my heart.
Meeting makers make it...meeting makers make it...
I am carl, and I am an alcoholic, and I have to go to meeting to stay sober and this is life......don’t be like me, do your work and get your fannie to a meeting.
trying to get it..
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 286
thank you Bamboozle.....I will...its well, I am laughing at how stupid I was. I know it, and , well, I feel I am starting all over again, but liking it, its fresh again....does that make sense?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome back Carl...
I'm glad you stopped so quickly.
I agree ...meetings are vital for my sobriety.
Use that year as a base for your new life
you did not lose the learning.
Forward we go...side by side
I'm glad you stopped so quickly.
I agree ...meetings are vital for my sobriety.
Use that year as a base for your new life
you did not lose the learning.
Forward we go...side by side
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
DON'T GIVE UP! Get up, dust off, and go back to meetings. Pracice humility and pick up another 24 hour chip. I guarantee you will get a huge welcome and applause. Better than that -- you get another chance at sobriety.
Get busy back at those steps. Leave no stone unturned -- do them all, and get that Spiritual Awakening. Then do it again. Work, work, work. "It works if you work it," and you are WORTH it!!!!
Don't beat yourself up, you're another one of us... I don't know if that is one of my 'yets' or not, I hope not. Congrats on getting back here... many don't.
one day at a time, my friend.
NMB.
Get busy back at those steps. Leave no stone unturned -- do them all, and get that Spiritual Awakening. Then do it again. Work, work, work. "It works if you work it," and you are WORTH it!!!!
Don't beat yourself up, you're another one of us... I don't know if that is one of my 'yets' or not, I hope not. Congrats on getting back here... many don't.
one day at a time, my friend.
NMB.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Thanks Carl
I am really early in my sobriety and your post has been really helpful to me. I think you should be congratulated for your year and im sure you will be celebrating this again early january next year!
:-)
I am really early in my sobriety and your post has been really helpful to me. I think you should be congratulated for your year and im sure you will be celebrating this again early january next year!
:-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Welcome back Carl. I remember you!
I agree that meetings are important. Vital, even. But I think it goes much deeper than that. So you missed a few meetings. I suggest there was much more missing in your program if you relapsed over this.
I'm learning, finally, that it's the spiritual aspect of recovery that keeps me sober; my belief in God or something bigger than me. I'm still very much a newcomer in this arena, but for me, missing a few meetings does not place my recovery in jeopardy.
I am very glad to see that you made it back so quickly, and hope that you continue to share your experiences here.
I agree that meetings are important. Vital, even. But I think it goes much deeper than that. So you missed a few meetings. I suggest there was much more missing in your program if you relapsed over this.
I'm learning, finally, that it's the spiritual aspect of recovery that keeps me sober; my belief in God or something bigger than me. I'm still very much a newcomer in this arena, but for me, missing a few meetings does not place my recovery in jeopardy.
I am very glad to see that you made it back so quickly, and hope that you continue to share your experiences here.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Glad, you didn't post how much you enjoyed your slip
You did more by posting your slip then, someone posting about staying sober today.
I always want to listen to what a guy did wrong so, I don't make the same mistake!
You did more by posting your slip then, someone posting about staying sober today.
I always want to listen to what a guy did wrong so, I don't make the same mistake!
Do or do not. There is no try.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
I always thought the saying goes 'meeting makers dont make it' Meeting makers being those who just go to meetings and dont work steps, dont allow the complete psyche overhaul to occur, dont live in 10, 11, and 12, and dont practice the principles in all their affairs. I have seen many of these meeting makers come and go like a revolving door, infact I myself did for a little bit.
Anyways i guess sayings arent important, what is important is that you are ready to do something about it without letting things get much worse. So do something about it, start the steps over, get back on a good meeting regiment, and im sure things will be good again for you. Good luck.
Anyways i guess sayings arent important, what is important is that you are ready to do something about it without letting things get much worse. So do something about it, start the steps over, get back on a good meeting regiment, and im sure things will be good again for you. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Meetings are important but there's more to AA than meetings. Meetings don't keep you sober. God keeps you sober.
"We are not cured of Alcoholism. What we have is a daily reprieve dependant on the maintenance of our spiritual condition". That's right out of the book Pg85 which is where you should have been instead of the liquor cabinet.
You didn't lose anything. You were sober for a year and you learned a valuable lesson. You are not infallible. You learned that it can catch you with your guard down. You also have something of value to pass on to someone that may need to hear it.
"We are not cured of Alcoholism. What we have is a daily reprieve dependant on the maintenance of our spiritual condition". That's right out of the book Pg85 which is where you should have been instead of the liquor cabinet.
You didn't lose anything. You were sober for a year and you learned a valuable lesson. You are not infallible. You learned that it can catch you with your guard down. You also have something of value to pass on to someone that may need to hear it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: southern girl
Posts: 13
Hi Carl........I know what you are going through. I had five years and felt on top of the world, perhaps a little too proud of myself. Hadn't made a meeting in months and then in October I slipped and have been drinking for 3 months. I so quickly felt the shame, the guilt, the withdrawals just as before. It's been 4 days for me now and I know I have to go back to a meeting. This forum is my baby step. I know how it feels to be sober. I had five wonderful years of it and I KNOW I can do this again with the help of God, prayer and AA. In my heart of hearts I know that when I walk back in that AA door, I will be loved, understood and welcomed. I think you may be like me and feel like you may feel like we disappointed someone - but I am sure they have all walked in our shoes.
God's love and good luck to you. :praying
God's love and good luck to you. :praying
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Recently, my sponsor and I discussed what would have to happen before I had that first drink. We agreed that it wouldn't be a "moment of insanity". It would have to be a process: no longer believing that a life based on spiritual principles will keep me sober, not staying spiritually fit on a daily basis, thinking I could stay sober on self-will alone, starting to doubt that I am an alcoholic…a drink would start to look good again. It’s like there is this huge buffer between me and that first drink – my Higher Power and spiritual growth. Meetings help me to grow spiritually by giving me the opportunity to learn and to help others. Meetings also help me stay focused.
I think that your one year of sobriety is great (I just passed one year). I’m also glad that your relapse was relatively short and you are continuing with your program. I wouldn’t feel foolish though. For me, it took almost two years of failed attempts before everything came together.
Each of us has only one life to live and our experiences will be unique. We all make mistakes along the way. I can't let my past failures negatively affect my actions today. Life is just too precious.
I think that your one year of sobriety is great (I just passed one year). I’m also glad that your relapse was relatively short and you are continuing with your program. I wouldn’t feel foolish though. For me, it took almost two years of failed attempts before everything came together.
Each of us has only one life to live and our experiences will be unique. We all make mistakes along the way. I can't let my past failures negatively affect my actions today. Life is just too precious.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
Originally Posted by Rowan 
Welcome back Carl. I remember you!
I agree that meetings are important. Vital, even. But I think it goes much deeper than that. So you missed a few meetings. I suggest there was much more missing in your program if you relapsed over this.
I'm learning, finally, that it's the spiritual aspect of recovery that keeps me sober; my belief in God or something bigger than me. I'm still very much a newcomer in this arena, but for me, missing a few meetings does not place my recovery in jeopardy.
I am very glad to see that you made it back so quickly, and hope that you continue to share your experiences here.
I agree that meetings are important. Vital, even. But I think it goes much deeper than that. So you missed a few meetings. I suggest there was much more missing in your program if you relapsed over this.
I'm learning, finally, that it's the spiritual aspect of recovery that keeps me sober; my belief in God or something bigger than me. I'm still very much a newcomer in this arena, but for me, missing a few meetings does not place my recovery in jeopardy.
I am very glad to see that you made it back so quickly, and hope that you continue to share your experiences here.
EXACTLY.Our basic text tells us where our dependence should be. As a sponsor I am to "remind my prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon his relationship with people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God"
Meetings are a vital PART, However it is important to be grounded in all 3 parts of the program. Lots of folks fall victim to the everpopular belief that meeting makers make it. If that's all they are doing They don't last long. It's like holding your breath, can't do it forever.
How was your prayer and meditation life like prior to your relapse. Working with the strict disciplines of steps 10-11? Current on ALL ammends, sponsoring others? Carry the message? I get the priveledge of working with a lot of relapser, inevitably they had stopped doing most if not all of the above. Glad you made it back and hope these considerations are helpful to you.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
I second that Rob
carl,onecent,tks for coming by and letting us know it still sucks.That sober time you both had cannot be taken away by booze.We have a illness,and as Rob mentioned,I do what I have too to keep it arrested and find contented sobriety.I would rather be in AA by mistake than out there drinking,suffering and dying on purpose.Welcome back!
Tommy
carl,onecent,tks for coming by and letting us know it still sucks.That sober time you both had cannot be taken away by booze.We have a illness,and as Rob mentioned,I do what I have too to keep it arrested and find contented sobriety.I would rather be in AA by mistake than out there drinking,suffering and dying on purpose.Welcome back!
Tommy
trying to get it..
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 286
Originally Posted by Rob B
EXACTLY.Our basic text tells us where our dependence should be. As a sponsor I am to "remind my prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon his relationship with people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God"
Meetings are a vital PART, However it is important to be grounded in all 3 parts of the program. Lots of folks fall victim to the everpopular belief that meeting makers make it. If that's all they are doing They don't last long. It's like holding your breath, can't do it forever.
How was your prayer and meditation life like prior to your relapse. Working with the strict disciplines of steps 10-11? Current on ALL ammends, sponsoring others? Carry the message? I get the priveledge of working with a lot of relapser, inevitably they had stopped doing most if not all of the above. Glad you made it back and hope these considerations are helpful to you.
Meetings are a vital PART, However it is important to be grounded in all 3 parts of the program. Lots of folks fall victim to the everpopular belief that meeting makers make it. If that's all they are doing They don't last long. It's like holding your breath, can't do it forever.
How was your prayer and meditation life like prior to your relapse. Working with the strict disciplines of steps 10-11? Current on ALL ammends, sponsoring others? Carry the message? I get the priveledge of working with a lot of relapser, inevitably they had stopped doing most if not all of the above. Glad you made it back and hope these considerations are helpful to you.
Yes, Rowan’s comment and yours have struck a cord, thank you….as to not just the meeting but the prgm. that goes with them …I have started to think about that. I agree….there’s more to it than just missing meetings.
I am thinking it through….thanx again to you all…really.
trying to get it..
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 286
I must confess here though, that I have not confessed at meeting level or even to my sponsor…..I am struggling with that….AI have to let go of this…its been 4 weeks…and I have to fess up….I just don’t know how….or, well, just plain don’t want to.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
"just plain don't want to".
self will??
If you are an alcoholic like me, you have a much more urgent problem than telling someone that you drank after being sober. That is just plain pride. Your alcoholism is intact and it will kill you. If you are not convinced of this, there is really no need to go to a meeting anyhow.
You didn't drink again because you missed some meetings - you drank again because you have alcoholism and are unable to "not" drink. Regardless of how many meetings you sit in.
There is a solution, and it has very little to do with sitting in meetings x number of times over n amount of time.
But I bet someone at those meetings knows...maybe call and ask for help, if you want to recover.
self will??
If you are an alcoholic like me, you have a much more urgent problem than telling someone that you drank after being sober. That is just plain pride. Your alcoholism is intact and it will kill you. If you are not convinced of this, there is really no need to go to a meeting anyhow.
You didn't drink again because you missed some meetings - you drank again because you have alcoholism and are unable to "not" drink. Regardless of how many meetings you sit in.
There is a solution, and it has very little to do with sitting in meetings x number of times over n amount of time.
But I bet someone at those meetings knows...maybe call and ask for help, if you want to recover.
trying to get it..
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 286
Originally Posted by sugErspun
"just plain don't want to".
self will??
If you are an alcoholic like me, you have a much more urgent problem than telling someone that you drank after being sober. That is just plain pride. Your alcoholism is intact and it will kill you. If you are not convinced of this, there is really no need to go to a meeting anyhow.
You didn't drink again because you missed some meetings - you drank again because you have alcoholism and are unable to "not" drink. Regardless of how many meetings you sit in.
There is a solution, and it has very little to do with sitting in meetings x number of times over n amount of time.
But I bet someone at those meetings knows...maybe call and ask for help, if you want to recover.
self will??
If you are an alcoholic like me, you have a much more urgent problem than telling someone that you drank after being sober. That is just plain pride. Your alcoholism is intact and it will kill you. If you are not convinced of this, there is really no need to go to a meeting anyhow.
You didn't drink again because you missed some meetings - you drank again because you have alcoholism and are unable to "not" drink. Regardless of how many meetings you sit in.
There is a solution, and it has very little to do with sitting in meetings x number of times over n amount of time.
But I bet someone at those meetings knows...maybe call and ask for help, if you want to recover.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 1,924
Carl,
Welcome back. Like you, I had to experience the return to drinking, again and again. As those above have mentioned from their ESH, I must work the Steps and find some form of mental and spiritual change. Change comes naturally from honesty and diligently working the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Now that you have experienced the joy of one year of not drinking, one day at a time, you can now believe that starting again is not only possible but desirable. Sounds like you are a victim of self will and pride as Sug mentioned above. Find a Sponsor, someone you can confide in, take guidance from and work with. Spend time coming to terms with a power greater than you. Now is the time to do those things you might have put off before as too uncomfortable. I wish you well my friend and if I can help, please PM me.
Welcome back. Like you, I had to experience the return to drinking, again and again. As those above have mentioned from their ESH, I must work the Steps and find some form of mental and spiritual change. Change comes naturally from honesty and diligently working the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Now that you have experienced the joy of one year of not drinking, one day at a time, you can now believe that starting again is not only possible but desirable. Sounds like you are a victim of self will and pride as Sug mentioned above. Find a Sponsor, someone you can confide in, take guidance from and work with. Spend time coming to terms with a power greater than you. Now is the time to do those things you might have put off before as too uncomfortable. I wish you well my friend and if I can help, please PM me.
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