Why Bother Staying Sober @ Six Months?
determined
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 17
Why Bother Staying Sober @ Six Months?
Last week, I finally had six months sober, the longest I've had since making the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God.
It has not been easy. I'm afraid that I'll go out again.
I've been unemployed since September of 2007.
I hadn't seen my mother in 14 years. She suffered this disease also. The first thing she did after seeing me was offer me a drink.
This was in May, right around Mother's Day.
At the time I had 60 days sober.
I declined the drink the first day.
And the second.
And fought with it the third.
And caved on the fourth.
I was "out" until June 1.
June 2 is my current sobriety date.
My mother died on September 16th. I stayed sober.
In October, I got rejected from the grad school program I wanted to get into. I stayed sober.
In November, I got dumped by the person who originally inspired me to get sober -- the person I wrote about in earlier posts (09/2007). Also found out my sponsor voted for McCain, and I can't stand Republicans. I feel like I can't even talk to her, because she doesn't know where I'm coming from. I stayed sober.
I just found out that I can't even get Unemployment Insurance b/c I don't have any technical "official" work history for the last 12 months. I am still sober.
But I am having a REALLY hard time. I want to feel that burning down my throat, that numbness. I am tired of feeling pain and rejected and hurt and hopeless.
I finished the 9th step, but the as far as I'm concerned, the "Promises" are a load of BS. I still hate people, and have awful economic insecurity. I'm still unemployed. I have nothing to look forward to: no work prospects, no school to go back to. Nothing.
Why bother being sober?
It has not been easy. I'm afraid that I'll go out again.
I've been unemployed since September of 2007.
I hadn't seen my mother in 14 years. She suffered this disease also. The first thing she did after seeing me was offer me a drink.
This was in May, right around Mother's Day.
At the time I had 60 days sober.
I declined the drink the first day.
And the second.
And fought with it the third.
And caved on the fourth.
I was "out" until June 1.
June 2 is my current sobriety date.
My mother died on September 16th. I stayed sober.
In October, I got rejected from the grad school program I wanted to get into. I stayed sober.
In November, I got dumped by the person who originally inspired me to get sober -- the person I wrote about in earlier posts (09/2007). Also found out my sponsor voted for McCain, and I can't stand Republicans. I feel like I can't even talk to her, because she doesn't know where I'm coming from. I stayed sober.
I just found out that I can't even get Unemployment Insurance b/c I don't have any technical "official" work history for the last 12 months. I am still sober.
But I am having a REALLY hard time. I want to feel that burning down my throat, that numbness. I am tired of feeling pain and rejected and hurt and hopeless.
I finished the 9th step, but the as far as I'm concerned, the "Promises" are a load of BS. I still hate people, and have awful economic insecurity. I'm still unemployed. I have nothing to look forward to: no work prospects, no school to go back to. Nothing.
Why bother being sober?
determined
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000 
Ever consider the military?
We're at 9% unemployment here in IL. My son joined for the free college. Got a trip to Afghanistan for the time being.
How do you find money to drink on??
We're at 9% unemployment here in IL. My son joined for the free college. Got a trip to Afghanistan for the time being.
How do you find money to drink on??
I don't drink.
But I've earned some money doing dog sitting. Enough to buy food, pay for my electricity and Internet.
And don't even get me started on those student loans I can't repay.
I have a Master's degree, and it's proved utterly useless.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
PEACE CORP. WOULD BE GOOD.
Holidays are a sad time for many, seasonal depression, lack of money.
Sorry for your loss of your mother.
Not staying clean and sober will only compound your problems though.
How about the Coast Guard? It'd be close to home!
I like the slogan yes we can just to tell you what side of the fence I'm on
Pray harder, hit meetings more. We all help each other around the tables where I'm from.
The struggles all of us endure early on in recovery makes for more determination to stay clean and sober later on.
I believe in my heart, God doesn't give us more then we can handle.
Hugs
Holidays are a sad time for many, seasonal depression, lack of money.
Sorry for your loss of your mother.
Not staying clean and sober will only compound your problems though.
How about the Coast Guard? It'd be close to home!
I like the slogan yes we can just to tell you what side of the fence I'm on
Pray harder, hit meetings more. We all help each other around the tables where I'm from.
The struggles all of us endure early on in recovery makes for more determination to stay clean and sober later on.
I believe in my heart, God doesn't give us more then we can handle.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 517
liongrrl, may I ask what field your degree is in?
I was rejected from all but one grad program and it's tough, but don't take it personally! I am really impressed that you made it through all of those things without drinking. That is amazing! Hang in there!
I was rejected from all but one grad program and it's tough, but don't take it personally! I am really impressed that you made it through all of those things without drinking. That is amazing! Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 413
Looking at it from a purely functional perspective ...
Would drinking suddenly get you a job? Would it suddenly put money in the bank? Would it get you into the grad program you wanted? Would it reverse your sponsor's vote to Obama? Would it qualify you for Unemployment benefits?
If you're looking for a solution, alcohol isn't it.
Would drinking suddenly get you a job? Would it suddenly put money in the bank? Would it get you into the grad program you wanted? Would it reverse your sponsor's vote to Obama? Would it qualify you for Unemployment benefits?
If you're looking for a solution, alcohol isn't it.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I'm sorry you're in such a spot. Glad you're sober, though.
It had to be pointed out to me when I was unemployed and had no heat in November that the promises read "fear of people and of economic security will leave us," not that economic security was insured. You have food, electricity and internet at six months sober! I had a friend who lived in his car until he was three months sober. He got sober in February.
Please don't think I'm not sympathetic. Or, rather, empathetic. My first year had a lot of bumps. As a matter of fact, so did my second--but I had a little more practice with the tools then. How blessed are you that you were able to get through your mother's death without having to drink? (I'm sorry, btw. I lost my father at almost four years sober, and I know how rough that was)
The big question now seems to be: What will improve if you pick up a drink? What will likely worsen if you pick up a drink? Most things get worse. Maybe you'll be able to forget for the evening, but you'll have to remember again the next morning.
Six months is a very big deal when you're six months sober. Hell, it is still a bigger deal to me thinking back on it than is my current mile-marker today. The bottom line, though, is that six months is a tenuous time--for some, not long enough to realize that educational variety of spiritual awakening yet (see "Spiritual Experience" in the BB appendix if you're not familiar with it). You might not see that your spiritual state has anything to do with your financial state, but it does, whether you're a "have" or a "have not."
What kind of master's do you have? I'm just curious.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
It had to be pointed out to me when I was unemployed and had no heat in November that the promises read "fear of people and of economic security will leave us," not that economic security was insured. You have food, electricity and internet at six months sober! I had a friend who lived in his car until he was three months sober. He got sober in February.
Please don't think I'm not sympathetic. Or, rather, empathetic. My first year had a lot of bumps. As a matter of fact, so did my second--but I had a little more practice with the tools then. How blessed are you that you were able to get through your mother's death without having to drink? (I'm sorry, btw. I lost my father at almost four years sober, and I know how rough that was)
The big question now seems to be: What will improve if you pick up a drink? What will likely worsen if you pick up a drink? Most things get worse. Maybe you'll be able to forget for the evening, but you'll have to remember again the next morning.
Six months is a very big deal when you're six months sober. Hell, it is still a bigger deal to me thinking back on it than is my current mile-marker today. The bottom line, though, is that six months is a tenuous time--for some, not long enough to realize that educational variety of spiritual awakening yet (see "Spiritual Experience" in the BB appendix if you're not familiar with it). You might not see that your spiritual state has anything to do with your financial state, but it does, whether you're a "have" or a "have not."
What kind of master's do you have? I'm just curious.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Glitzville
Posts: 334
I'm so sorry that you are suffering, liongirl. Your path has been strewn with many obstacles.
Can you get a new sponsor who is a better fit for you?
Can you seek out a guidance counselor regarding grad school choices, scholarships, etc? Your degree might seem useless right now, but might make a real difference in the long term.
I'm also sorry for the loss of your mother, even though it sounds like it was a strained relationship. These losses and difficulties are traumatic, and take time to sort through and heal.
It's so important that you've dealt with all of this mess and stayed sober. That shows some incredible strength on your part. You know that drinking won't make any of this one iota better, but would rather deepen the morass.
One tiny step at a time, just one.
I'm so glad that you posted here.
You're in my thoughts.
:ghug3
Donna
Can you get a new sponsor who is a better fit for you?
Can you seek out a guidance counselor regarding grad school choices, scholarships, etc? Your degree might seem useless right now, but might make a real difference in the long term.
I'm also sorry for the loss of your mother, even though it sounds like it was a strained relationship. These losses and difficulties are traumatic, and take time to sort through and heal.
It's so important that you've dealt with all of this mess and stayed sober. That shows some incredible strength on your part. You know that drinking won't make any of this one iota better, but would rather deepen the morass.
One tiny step at a time, just one.
I'm so glad that you posted here.
You're in my thoughts.
:ghug3
Donna
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I've got nothing to add really liongrrl - altho I think counselling is a great idea.
when I think like this, I go read my old posts or someone elses....
I may not be always happy, my life may not even be much better or easier - but I'm immeasurably better off than I was a a drunk, and that's not empty sloganeering.
I know it for a fact.
Life is sometimes hard - that's a truism for everyone - it's what we do with it that counts.
We can deal with it best we can, or we can run away back to where we've come from...if you stay sober, your life has every chance to get better - if you drink, it will certainly get worse.
D
when I think like this, I go read my old posts or someone elses....
I may not be always happy, my life may not even be much better or easier - but I'm immeasurably better off than I was a a drunk, and that's not empty sloganeering.
I know it for a fact.
Life is sometimes hard - that's a truism for everyone - it's what we do with it that counts.
We can deal with it best we can, or we can run away back to where we've come from...if you stay sober, your life has every chance to get better - if you drink, it will certainly get worse.
D
determined
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 17
My degrees are MBA and a Bachelor's in Accounting.
And I have a sweet 7 year old kitty. I don't think I could leave my kitty cat by going into the military or Peace Corps.
I don't think I can drink because I'll have too much guilt. I've had way too many relapse dreams during these first 6 months, and it's strange because even in the relapse dreams, I have guilt.
I still want to though.
And I have a sweet 7 year old kitty. I don't think I could leave my kitty cat by going into the military or Peace Corps.
I don't think I can drink because I'll have too much guilt. I've had way too many relapse dreams during these first 6 months, and it's strange because even in the relapse dreams, I have guilt.
I still want to though.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,861
I am sorry you are where you are now. I can offer my ESH. I was unemployable for my first 5 years of sobriety and I did join the Military. Since I had children to feed I could not afford to be picky. It turned out to be the second best mistake I ever made. I have gotten to do more for the poor and suffering than the Peace Corp volunteers do. I abandoned myself to the God of my understanding and I haven't been let down. You said a few things I found troubling:
I have sponsored people from all walks of life, a doctor, a right wing conservative Army Officer, A Homosexual, and a slew of others who come from all walks of life. I mention these three because we used to attend meetings together and were all friends. Our differences only served to make our friendship more interesting. We opened each others minds on so many things. We found out the conservative wasn't so closed minded as the media tends to present them as, the homosexual was a fairly stable guy and the Doctor wasn't a condescending A-hole. What an eye opener for me! I had pre-conceived notions about the three of them. Had I not allowed myself to put aside my own prejudices ( You said you hate Republicans, if one was pulling you out of a burning building would you refuse?) I learned quite a bit about preople.
No one promised an easy ride. The fact that you have the opportunity to go to Grad school is a miracle for a drunk
Also found out my sponsor voted for McCain, and I can't stand Republicans. I feel like I can't even talk to her, because she doesn't know where I'm coming from. I stayed sober.
In October, I got rejected from the grad school program I wanted to get into. I stayed sober.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
Lion Girl
you told us what was going wrong with your life,now you can tell us what is going right in your life if you want to.You seem to have a severe case of the usual negative thinking we alcoholics are famous for.When I am like that,I usually end up sitting on my pity pot.Poor me!When I sit on my pity pot,it leaves a big red ring around my rear.Got a big red ring?
We have a choice today to turn to the Higher Power or ignore the One Who has all Power and take on all of our problems ourselves.When I turn to my Higher Power, I can count my blessings instead of my problems.Got any blessings?
you told us what was going wrong with your life,now you can tell us what is going right in your life if you want to.You seem to have a severe case of the usual negative thinking we alcoholics are famous for.When I am like that,I usually end up sitting on my pity pot.Poor me!When I sit on my pity pot,it leaves a big red ring around my rear.Got a big red ring?
We have a choice today to turn to the Higher Power or ignore the One Who has all Power and take on all of our problems ourselves.When I turn to my Higher Power, I can count my blessings instead of my problems.Got any blessings?
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
You are staying sober because you know that drinking isn't going to solve one damn thing. It'll just give you something else that will drive you nuts.
You've had a hellacious year. Please be kind to yourself.
Welcome to SR, there is a lot of good people, with a lot of good advice.
You've had a hellacious year. Please be kind to yourself.
Welcome to SR, there is a lot of good people, with a lot of good advice.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
I'm sorry you are in such a bad spot. I know that in my time sober I have dealt with my daughter and my best friend being so sick they almost died, had several close people die, have had a nasty relationship break-up due to lies as well as emotional abuse by someone that supposedly had double digit sobriety, and declining health. In the face of these things I have yet to find one thing, not even one, that taking a drink wouldn't just make it worse. Sure it might numb you out and allow you to escape for a bit but eventually you would come to again and all your problems would still be there and they would be complicated by the obsession and craving of reactivated alcoholism. IMHO, nothing is worth that.
I hope things turn around for you soon but in the meantime do whatever it takes to not take that first drink. Reach out here and in person.
Hugs,
Kellye
I hope things turn around for you soon but in the meantime do whatever it takes to not take that first drink. Reach out here and in person.
Hugs,
Kellye
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
If you do a little research about the military....
you will find cash bonuses are high just now.
In the Army...accountants would hold the rank of Warrent Officer.
They do not shoot anyone. It's a desk job.
Usually..the Federal Govt. is hiring accountants.
Check on line for info.
Look into the medical field for jobs.
HMO's and hospitals ...nursing homes.
Hotels..Resaurants...Casinos use accountants.
Insurance companies ...Grocery stores.
Just thinking aloud...
Please do continue on your sober road
Prayer helps me immensley.
you will find cash bonuses are high just now.
In the Army...accountants would hold the rank of Warrent Officer.
They do not shoot anyone. It's a desk job.
Usually..the Federal Govt. is hiring accountants.
Check on line for info.
Look into the medical field for jobs.
HMO's and hospitals ...nursing homes.
Hotels..Resaurants...Casinos use accountants.
Insurance companies ...Grocery stores.
Just thinking aloud...
Please do continue on your sober road
Prayer helps me immensley.
judge only yourself
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: osaka, japan
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by liongrrl
No military. I'd join the Peace Corps before joining the military.
I don't drink.
But I've earned some money doing dog sitting. Enough to buy food, pay for my electricity and Internet.
And don't even get me started on those student loans I can't repay.
I have a Master's degree, and it's proved utterly useless.
I don't drink.
But I've earned some money doing dog sitting. Enough to buy food, pay for my electricity and Internet.
And don't even get me started on those student loans I can't repay.
I have a Master's degree, and it's proved utterly useless.
So I moved to japan to teach english. If you have a degree its easy to get a job almost anywhere in asia teaching english. It pays decent and would definitely get your mind off drinking i bet.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Makanda, Illinois
Posts: 12
What are your Intentions?
Congaratulations on 6 months - a critical Milestone!
If your Intention is to stay sober -
Accept the premise that all choices you make will be either evolutionary or destructive . . .
Each choice you make are made in this moment - not in the past or future -
take responsibilty for your situation without blaming anyone or anything, including yourself. Every problem is an opportunity to take this moment and transform it into a positive benefit.
When you make a choice there are two questions to keep in mind:
1. What are the consequenses of this choice?
2. Will this choice bring happiness to me and to those who are affected by this choice?
Practice non-judgement - the universe is exactly how is should be in this moment - you can intend for things to be differnet but things are now just as they should be.
Keep moving. It just gets better.
If your Intention is to stay sober -
Accept the premise that all choices you make will be either evolutionary or destructive . . .
Each choice you make are made in this moment - not in the past or future -
take responsibilty for your situation without blaming anyone or anything, including yourself. Every problem is an opportunity to take this moment and transform it into a positive benefit.
When you make a choice there are two questions to keep in mind:
1. What are the consequenses of this choice?
2. Will this choice bring happiness to me and to those who are affected by this choice?
Practice non-judgement - the universe is exactly how is should be in this moment - you can intend for things to be differnet but things are now just as they should be.
Keep moving. It just gets better.
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