shugabooga

no, not to drink........there is no alcohol in the house.

but before things went haywire and we were so happy last feb-may, one night we were at home relaxing with some elvis presley on the stereo playing softly and the lights dim.

i had on my digital camera taping us........i was lying on the couch with my feet in his lap......he was kissing my feet gently and singing gently...he loves that song........i can't believe this man turned into such a monster.

then he fractured his patella in april. major pain. couldn't work. couldn't be operated on. made sex painful for him. he didn't always want me to be on top........

then he was arrested May 23 for riding his bike on the side walk and held for 36 hours in jail and then had to go back to court to prove that the meds he had on him were his prescription meds.....he has scoliosis and is entitled to pain meds.

then he was accused of a purse snatching July 19 and that court case is still pending. i know he didn't do it.

then his old landlord threw out all his belongings (a lot of nice stuff) without ever serving him an eviction notice........changed the locks on the doors so bryan couldn't get his things out........with the fractured patella he couldn't do it in time and couldn't find help and wouldn't let me pay for help. that's when he turned into a monster. he just spiraled downward right before my eyes and started shoving and pushing me and finally bloodied my nose and yanked out some of my hair. that's when i had him arrested.......and he had me arrested too. you can read more about it in the women's only forum if you like or any of my other posts.

also, he found out one of his best friends has liver cancer, then his father had heart surgery twice this summer.

there was a time when this man was my angel and would do anything for me........my cat hated him but he still bought him food, treats and cat litter whenever he needed it. he really tried to win my cat over. he loves animals. even took a seagull with a broken wing to the vet. he was always helping other people in need.

he hated me smoking but would go buy me cigarettes and never complained.

what snapped in his head? i urged him to get counseling or speak to his priest........i suggested couples counseling but he turned to beer and vodka instead.

i did a lot for him too. cooked all the time. visited him in the hospital and took him food when he was in for detox, high blood pressure and shortness of breath (he has asthma) for five days. bailed him out of jail for the purse snatching. wrote a letter to his attorney and helped him obtain video tapes of his whereabouts of the time of the alleged purse snatching.

maybe he is in the hospital now and not in the ocean. or at a friend's. he isn't supposed to call me by court order, but he would do it anyway if he could find one quarter somewhere.

i am so tormented. i just want to scream f*ck as loud as i can but i don't want to scare the cat or the neighbors. so i am crying again and will look like hell at work tomorrow again.

Eleison

I hear you. I've read, and I care. It sounds incredibly tough.

Can you describe what the weak moment was, to help me understand some more? I'm hearing that maybe you're referring to your anger, frustration and grief around the whole situation, but maybe I'm on the wrong track?

navysteve

My prayers go out to you

walt55054life

Ill pray to my higher power for you and if you want i'll let you borrow him and you can pray to wlats higher power if you don't have one--->also I know your struggling becasue your trying to get sober and dealing with not only the struggles of yourself but the struggles of some1 else!
Keep yourself sober

shugabooga

it was a weak of moment of deep sadness for something that had once been so wonderful and the weakness made me cry again. where did this wonderful man go? that is what is so perplexing.

i am staying off the alcohol everybody. my sister-in-law is in town and she tells me that my brother's drinking is so bad that he is blacking out and she doesn't care anymore if they stay togeether. and their children know it is the alcohol.

my other brother's marriage is over as well because of his drinking.

so i know i cannot (i am the youngest) continute to be a drinker. and i will have to change jobs (i am a bartender) because I am so sick of being around drinkers all the time. i love my co-workers, especially the other two bartenders, they are so good to me , with good hearts and personalities, and i hate to leave a group of people that i have been with for so long. we treat our customers like family and hug them and shake their hands and kiss their cheeks. we know their wives, husbands & children's names & ages........their interests, where they work, everything. gosh dang it!

thank you everybody who has responded to this post.

walt55054life

One thing I have been reminded by people is that if people truely loved me before I quit then they will leave me alone and wait for me until I'm ready to speak and hang with them again!