Triggers are getting strong.
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
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Triggers are getting strong.
I've been to only one AA meeting, been anxietic about going again. Everything has been okay, taking Paxil Cr, and have been feeling pretty good for a while. Went with my husband this time on a seperate plane on his business trip, he goes about every other week it seems. On the plane, I felt so tempted when they offer drinks!
It was So tempting, those kalua and bailey little bottles, sorry for saying it. But, I knew my husband would know first thing, and knew it would be hell again, not with him necessarily, but myself, whatever nutty thing I'll end up doing and that awful feeling of hell afterwards of depression. And him being so distant. So, I didn't do it. Then after being there for a week, and coming back. I got a bill, saying that I own $2,225.00 for this colonoscopy that I had done that the doc. said I needed to have cuz of family history, and the bit of bleeding I came in there for in the first place (Which was all due to constipation
), I thought that since he said I needed to have it done it would autimatically be taken cared of by insurance. The Hospital bill said they've already submitted it to my insurance and they said I am fully responsible. Anyway, my husband freaked, and threw it on the floor and walked away. I felt So bad, and dumb! I should of known to check with the insurance first before going through with it. But, the way I felt, I honestly wanted to drink SO BAD!! I felt abandoned or something, like he didn't love me, and that feeling of all the sudden being not loved, and disappointed with my stupidity again, if there was something in the house, even if it was niquil, (alcohol first), or even sleeping pills , something to take me away from that feeling, I hated that feeling, I felt like I was SO alone, and discusted with just having me. Like Im no good for nothing, it be better off that I didn't exist or something. But, at this point in my life, I don't know what would of happend, if something was there for me to drink, I don't think my husband deserves to be put through that, but at the same time, when the second he was hating me was happening, I think of that as a, "drink it, or take it". I'm scared about it happening again! I want it so bad, cuz Im tired of feeling like sh_t! IT seems to take that away completely for the time being. Im getting sicker and sicker of feeling so low, hopeless, lousy, dumb, lonely, bored, all these negative feelings and emotions! Im thinking about getting a stronger dose of antidepressants.
It was So tempting, those kalua and bailey little bottles, sorry for saying it. But, I knew my husband would know first thing, and knew it would be hell again, not with him necessarily, but myself, whatever nutty thing I'll end up doing and that awful feeling of hell afterwards of depression. And him being so distant. So, I didn't do it. Then after being there for a week, and coming back. I got a bill, saying that I own $2,225.00 for this colonoscopy that I had done that the doc. said I needed to have cuz of family history, and the bit of bleeding I came in there for in the first place (Which was all due to constipation ), I thought that since he said I needed to have it done it would autimatically be taken cared of by insurance. The Hospital bill said they've already submitted it to my insurance and they said I am fully responsible. Anyway, my husband freaked, and threw it on the floor and walked away. I felt So bad, and dumb! I should of known to check with the insurance first before going through with it. But, the way I felt, I honestly wanted to drink SO BAD!! I felt abandoned or something, like he didn't love me, and that feeling of all the sudden being not loved, and disappointed with my stupidity again, if there was something in the house, even if it was niquil, (alcohol first), or even sleeping pills , something to take me away from that feeling, I hated that feeling, I felt like I was SO alone, and discusted with just having me. Like Im no good for nothing, it be better off that I didn't exist or something. But, at this point in my life, I don't know what would of happend, if something was there for me to drink, I don't think my husband deserves to be put through that, but at the same time, when the second he was hating me was happening, I think of that as a, "drink it, or take it". I'm scared about it happening again! I want it so bad, cuz Im tired of feeling like sh_t! IT seems to take that away completely for the time being. Im getting sicker and sicker of feeling so low, hopeless, lousy, dumb, lonely, bored, all these negative feelings and emotions! Im thinking about getting a stronger dose of antidepressants.
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming Summer
Posts: 821
It's perfectly normal to feel nervous when you first start going to meetings.For that matter,it's pretty normal to feel like you do when you first get sober,regardless of how you do it.You are putting your body and your mind through some heavy duty changes.Time is going to help,if you just hang in there.Going to meetings would give you some valuable tools and support.The anxiety will fade as you get to know people.Take care,
phoenix
phoenix
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
(((Nors)))
Have you thought about trying a Womens Meeting?
Meetings are where I learned how to rebuild my self esteem as well as enjoy sobriety.
You Can Do This...Keep Trying :shades:
Meetings are where I learned how to rebuild my self esteem as well as enjoy sobriety.
You Can Do This...Keep Trying :shades:
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
I have thought about womans meetings. I know I need find one to go to, Im just fighting with the anxiety, and I need to look one up and go. I am feeling stronger about it I really am! I do feel quite pathetic, though, it just seems so silly, making such a big issue with it! Feel like a wimp
I guess you can say that I am right now, but it's only with having to do this for myself.
I need all the comfort and pushing words you can give me in this state of mind Thanks.
I really am! I do feel quite pathetic, though, it just seems so silly, making such a big issue with it! Feel like a wimp I guess you can say that I am right now, but it's only with having to do this for myself. I need all the comfort and pushing words you can give me in this state of mind
Thanks.
learning
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
Strength
Nors,
What has always helped me is perspective. You seem to think that you are a wimp because trying to quit drinking is so hard. Let me assure you that you are anything but a wimp. In fact people who quit drinking after having a problem with it are the strongest people in the world. Hang in there and keep fighting.
What has always helped me is perspective. You seem to think that you are a wimp because trying to quit drinking is so hard. Let me assure you that you are anything but a wimp. In fact people who quit drinking after having a problem with it are the strongest people in the world. Hang in there and keep fighting.
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Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
I mean, about getting my butt up and making it happened, going to an AA meeting that is, ignoring the anxiety. I know that having to keep from drinking is really hard, and it takes a lot of willpower being an alcoholic to not drink.
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
I've also been seeing a phsycotherapist, he's been okay, kinda like a paid for friend that pushes me to do good. I don't know if thats as good as it gets, but what else can they do? Cow prod me every second that he gets, I wish. But, he says I am a co-dependent. I wonder if thats just another label. Im kinda sick of all these labels. I have to constantly listen to myself and see what it is that Im doing to make sure I'm not fooling myself and others somehow. And he also told me that, that's why in AA they use the same sex as a sponsor so co-dependents don't stay in their comfort zone, and are forced to get real. Does that make sense? I can understand. I just never knew how manipulating I can be.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Riverside, Ca.
Posts: 388
Nors
Quote
I've been to only one AA meeting.
I know its hard sometimes, but believe me, being a drunk is harder.
if you really want it, make yourself get to some meetings, what you are doing now is white nuckling it, and there is too much help available to settle for that.
Quote
I've been to only one AA meeting.
I know its hard sometimes, but believe me, being a drunk is harder.
if you really want it, make yourself get to some meetings, what you are doing now is white nuckling it, and there is too much help available to settle for that.
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Nors *first you need a hug, *hugs**
You really should force yourself to a meeting, I know truly it can be hard. But the more you fight it the more you need it! You need to get some of these feelings out into the air and let it go. Yes you can do that here and hope you will continue to do so! The womens meetings are my saving grace each week, I wish there was more of them. So try to get to one of those if not an open meeting.
Another thing, the insurance thing. I have had similar bills happen to me and I was furious. Most insurance companies have an appeal policy. If you get a letter from the doctor saying you were referred for this procedure it should be partially taken care of by the insurance if not all of it. You have to take the time and write a letter of appeal and send it along with your doctors orders for the procedure. You have nothing to loose at this point and you may be surprised at the result. Colonoscopy's are covered by most insurance company yet they try to balk at paying for them. On all occasions my bill was paid 80-90% after I wrote a letter of appeal. Good luck!
You really should force yourself to a meeting, I know truly it can be hard. But the more you fight it the more you need it! You need to get some of these feelings out into the air and let it go. Yes you can do that here and hope you will continue to do so! The womens meetings are my saving grace each week, I wish there was more of them. So try to get to one of those if not an open meeting.
Another thing, the insurance thing. I have had similar bills happen to me and I was furious. Most insurance companies have an appeal policy. If you get a letter from the doctor saying you were referred for this procedure it should be partially taken care of by the insurance if not all of it. You have to take the time and write a letter of appeal and send it along with your doctors orders for the procedure. You have nothing to loose at this point and you may be surprised at the result. Colonoscopy's are covered by most insurance company yet they try to balk at paying for them. On all occasions my bill was paid 80-90% after I wrote a letter of appeal. Good luck!
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Actually, I called my insurance and found out that its all paid for, and to ignore the bill sent from the hospital.
I couldn't believe the hospital put in there that MY insurance said I was responsible for all of it. Would you believe that. What a lie. I even called twice to make sure from two different people at my insurance co. and got both of their names and the time called.
I was so happy.
Im doing much better than I was then:shades2: It was an extreme low, now Im about level. Up and down with these moods. Like a rollercoaster.
I have a therapist appointment tomorrow, and Im planning to tell him that Im not going back. Because it's $82.50 each week that I go, and I'm not doing what he tells me. I know what I need to do, and he gave me so many little assingnments. Affirmations, letters to family members or people that really effect me in my life, one thing that I would usually not do, once a week, AA meetings. I've been to comfortable here at home. But unhappy and lonely. I am so difficult.
So, until I go on and start doing all the stuff, I have nothing to talk about with him, exept for not doing anything. I think all I need is AA meetings and friends that want a life style that doesn't have to do with drinking.
I just keep telling myself, that I wasn't put on earth to just sit at home and not let anyone know me, or me know them. And only have my husband in my life.
Thanks for the *Hugs* Chy! A Big *Hug* back to you from me!
I couldn't believe the hospital put in there that MY insurance said I was responsible for all of it. Would you believe that. What a lie. I even called twice to make sure from two different people at my insurance co. and got both of their names and the time called.
I was so happy.
Im doing much better than I was then:shades2: It was an extreme low, now Im about level. Up and down with these moods.
Like a rollercoaster.I have a therapist appointment tomorrow, and Im planning to tell him that Im not going back. Because it's $82.50 each week that I go, and I'm not doing what he tells me. I know what I need to do, and he gave me so many little assingnments. Affirmations, letters to family members or people that really effect me in my life, one thing that I would usually not do, once a week, AA meetings. I've been to comfortable here at home. But unhappy and lonely. I am so difficult.
So, until I go on and start doing all the stuff, I have nothing to talk about with him, exept for not doing anything. I think all I need is AA meetings and friends that want a life style that doesn't have to do with drinking.
I just keep telling myself, that I wasn't put on earth to just sit at home and not let anyone know me, or me know them. And only have my husband in my life.
Thanks for the *Hugs* Chy! A Big *Hug* back to you from me!
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Good news!
SOOOO GLAD that bill was taken care of for you, just didn't seem right to me, insurance companies.... that could be a whole new thread!
As for your therapist only you know if that's the best thing for you. And anyway you can get just as much support and help at AA and it's FREE!
But don't be afraid or anxious okay? I know it's easier said then done. But the more meetings you go to the easier it WILL get! Besides that you'll get out of the house and eventually make new understanding friends ... and maybe even a sponser! ( Okay will back off now
) I just know in my heart this will be good for you. I am relativly new at this sobriety AA thing myself and know you have to take baby steps.
But I am here with you! So you do something good for yourself tonight. CHOCOLATE?
As for your therapist only you know if that's the best thing for you. And anyway you can get just as much support and help at AA and it's FREE!
But don't be afraid or anxious okay? I know it's easier said then done. But the more meetings you go to the easier it WILL get! Besides that you'll get out of the house and eventually make new understanding friends ... and maybe even a sponser! ( Okay will back off now ) I just know in my heart this will be good for you. I am relativly new at this sobriety AA thing myself and know you have to take baby steps.But I am here with you! So you do something good for yourself tonight. CHOCOLATE?
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
:tongue3: I wish I had some right now, yummm, those big symphony milk chocolate bars.
I'll have to get some tomorrow. It's too late, 1 am It is orgasmic like eating it.
I will be going to AA, all womans AA.
I guess I've been afraid to meet really good friends, finally, just to have to leave. We're likely, leaving Ga. and going to Washington state, possibly by Christmas time or a little later. I'd be broken hearted, after not having friends for So long. But, my co-dependent mind could be working on me, making me think that is the real reason, when really, Im just scared
About the insurance, Im glad I didn't have to get mad at them, cuz really, I have a hard time connecting with that emotion when it comes to strangers, weird huh. I was told by my councilor, that it's post truamatic stress. I would of had to act mad, but then if the person started having an attitude or talking to me like I was dumb, then my real anger might just come out. It's like sellected stuff my mind works with.
Okay, going on again.
Thanks
I'll have to get some tomorrow. It's too late, 1 am
It is orgasmic like eating it.I will be going to AA, all womans AA.
I guess I've been afraid to meet really good friends, finally, just to have to leave. We're likely, leaving Ga. and going to Washington state, possibly by Christmas time or a little later. I'd be broken hearted, after not having friends for So long. But, my co-dependent mind could be working on me, making me think that is the real reason, when really, Im just scared
About the insurance, Im glad I didn't have to get mad at them, cuz really, I have a hard time connecting with that emotion when it comes to strangers, weird huh. I was told by my councilor, that it's post truamatic stress. I would of had to act mad, but then if the person started having an attitude or talking to me like I was dumb, then my real anger might just come out. It's like sellected stuff my mind works with.
Okay, going on again.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Good morning Nors!
Glad your gonna give those meetings another shot! I know what ya mean about being afraid of making new friends. I have a REAL hard time with women relationships and really have not ever had a circle of friends I could just go play with, that's why my drinking was done home alone.
Last Sunday they invited me to lunch with them and though they are so great to me and we have really good meetings I made some lame excuse why I couldn't go. Just working those baby steps back into social situations. So I understand. If you do move you can plan on making more new friends at meetings and your circle of friends will have widened
Hey I wanna a Symphony bar too when you go to the store!
Glad your gonna give those meetings another shot! I know what ya mean about being afraid of making new friends. I have a REAL hard time with women relationships and really have not ever had a circle of friends I could just go play with, that's why my drinking was done home alone.
Last Sunday they invited me to lunch with them and though they are so great to me and we have really good meetings I made some lame excuse why I couldn't go. Just working those baby steps back into social situations. So I understand. If you do move you can plan on making more new friends at meetings and your circle of friends will have widened
Hey I wanna a Symphony bar too when you go to the store!
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
Oh I forgot the Symphony bar, I just got home. I am going to go get one, wish I can pass half of it through to you!
I changed my mind about telling me therapist I don't plan on coming back til I get my head out of my ass, I think Im looking for another excuse, since he's been puting pressure on me.But, I don't lool forward to seeing him cuz I haven't been doing anything and feel bad about coming in with no work done. He said, that's good then, that Im feeling pressured. I know, maybe I gave in also..Whats new. It's only $, right. But really, I think I wanted it easier on myself with being in my comfort zone, it feels safer. But I get So tired of just existing. I know Im okay right now, but the problem is, it doesn't stay that way, and it's very boring!
I learned a lot from him though, about myself. I've not really learned how to socialize maturely, and I feel very vulnerable, and am. I've always drank in social situations that didn't have anything to do with work.
I always make excuses also. I feel so bad every time I do that! I would know that I just blew an opportunity for growth.
It is very uncomfortable, but it really helps to get stronger, so that it starts to get easier and you actually start looking forward to stuff like that. That's what I was told, Im sure you were told that a lot also.
Wish it can just be installed into our brains easily. But no... we have to initiate ourselves through it over and over til it clicks, I guess.
I'm also afraid of being taken advantage of, I wouldn't know how to handle that. Any type of confrontation, besides with my poor husband, is extremely hard for some reason, not that Im afraid of them physically, more emotional for some odd reason. It's such of fear, more on myself being so disconnected with my feelings.
You should ask them when the next lunch outing is , and make up for Yourself. Fight it, fight it! And don't end it there, keep it up! You're lucky that you are that far, wish I was there already.
But, I do understand the baby steps. So, would that mean the next step is: Yes?
Im going to have my husband help me find a the location of another AA meeting I want to try. I know, Im being all co-dependent. I did find the eye clinic I have an appointment with in Aug. on my own. I usually don't trust myself to find something, I end up lost a lot. LOL.
The one AA meeting I went to before, and Im sure I already told you and everyone, there was just too many woman that were there cuz of court order. And a lot of them were so street wise, harsh and loud. I just felt uncomfortable. Felt extremely anxietic.
Got to go get some CHOCOLATE! Wish I can share with you!
Bye
I forgot the Symphony bar, I just got home. I am going to go get one, wish I can pass half of it through to you!I changed my mind about telling me therapist I don't plan on coming back til I get my head out of my ass, I think Im looking for another excuse, since he's been puting pressure on me.But, I don't lool forward to seeing him cuz I haven't been doing anything and feel bad about coming in with no work done. He said, that's good then, that Im feeling pressured. I know, maybe I gave in also..Whats new. It's only $, right. But really, I think I wanted it easier on myself with being in my comfort zone, it feels safer. But I get So tired of just existing. I know Im okay right now, but the problem is, it doesn't stay that way, and it's very boring!
I learned a lot from him though, about myself. I've not really learned how to socialize maturely, and I feel very vulnerable, and am. I've always drank in social situations that didn't have anything to do with work.
I always make excuses also. I feel so bad every time I do that! I would know that I just blew an opportunity for growth.
It is very uncomfortable, but it really helps to get stronger, so that it starts to get easier and you actually start looking forward to stuff like that. That's what I was told, Im sure you were told that a lot also.
Wish it can just be installed into our brains easily. But no... we have to initiate ourselves through it over and over til it clicks, I guess.
I'm also afraid of being taken advantage of, I wouldn't know how to handle that. Any type of confrontation, besides with my poor husband, is extremely hard for some reason, not that Im afraid of them physically, more emotional for some odd reason. It's such of fear, more on myself being so disconnected with my feelings.
You should ask them when the next lunch outing is , and make up for Yourself. Fight it, fight it! And don't end it there, keep it up! You're lucky that you are that far, wish I was there already.
But, I do understand the baby steps. So, would that mean the next step is: Yes?
Im going to have my husband help me find a the location of another AA meeting I want to try. I know, Im being all co-dependent. I did find the eye clinic I have an appointment with in Aug. on my own. I usually don't trust myself to find something, I end up lost a lot. LOL.
The one AA meeting I went to before, and Im sure I already told you and everyone, there was just too many woman that were there cuz of court order. And a lot of them were so street wise, harsh and loud. I just felt uncomfortable. Felt extremely anxietic.
Got to go get some CHOCOLATE!
Wish I can share with you!Bye
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
*munching on chocolate coins*
Nors,
I am glad you made some progress today. If you feel the therapist is gonna help then by all means hang in there.
Okay, okay will accept the next invitation for lunch * french silk pie* ooops...
You keep checking out the meetings you'll find one your comfortable with. I was at my first meeting earlier this week with the prison gals and guys myself... was a bit awe struck myself. But I let go and listened and some wise things came out of their mouths. Just one of those character defects of mine ! It's hard enough for me to be in the rooms with the people I am getting to know and then wham another population comes in. But we're all acoholics and we all will learn to beat this thing together right?
I felt so bad for some of those women, I just wanted to give them a big hug, cause I know I very well could of been just like them had I not found sobriety when I did.
Gots to run the ribs are a burning I think!
*hugs and girl power to ya*
Nors,
I am glad you made some progress today. If you feel the therapist is gonna help then by all means hang in there.
Okay, okay will accept the next invitation for lunch
* french silk pie* ooops...You keep checking out the meetings you'll find one your comfortable with. I was at my first meeting earlier this week with the prison gals and guys myself... was a bit awe struck myself. But I let go and listened and some wise things came out of their mouths. Just one of those character defects of mine
! It's hard enough for me to be in the rooms with the people I am getting to know and then wham another population comes in. But we're all acoholics and we all will learn to beat this thing together right?I felt so bad for some of those women, I just wanted to give them a big hug, cause I know I very well could of been just like them had I not found sobriety when I did.
Gots to run the ribs are a burning I think!
*hugs and girl power to ya*
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Charleston S.C.
Posts: 1,461
Hi Nors, I am glad you are still working at recovery. I am glad about the insurance. I work at a hospital and I think they bill people in hopes that some will pay automaticly without question.
I had a friend that worked for an auto insurance company. He said they would send out double bills like that. Their thought was that if they could just get 2 out of 10 to pay the bill it was worth it. This especially works with the elderly because they tend to pay everything that is sent without question, due to the way they were brought up.
Anyway, triggers can be a problem. what helps me is trying to stay away from places that I can act on thoughts or triggers. If, I have one when I am in a hardware store, candy store or a meeting there is a good chance I won't drink. I have found
in the past that if I am in a VFW or a bar drinking coke and I have a thought or trigger I drink. I try to keep myself in safe places with safe people. I might add that during early sobriety I don't consider myself a safe person to be alone with. As far as AA is concerned, or any meeting for that matter, there is a big difference in going to AA and belonging to AA. This is only my opinion and experience. Even going to the the VA program I have experenced and seen the difference in going to the program as being a part of the program. I must involve myself in my recovery to be successful. To me, that is joining
a group, participating in my AA or VA discussion group and even on these boards talking to people like you and others. When you talk to people on these boards do you feel a pat of it? Well, the same thing happens be it AA/Smart/RR or what ever.
I feel the difference in my recovery is me. I need to show up. I don't always feel like meetings or even posting sometimes. I don't feel like drinking more. I have the most difficult time if someone says or post something I don't like. Then I start this I'm not going anymore, I'm not posing anymore. I'm taking my ball( Bottle) and going home. The bottom line is that alcohol has had me living in a make believe world. The real world has other people besides myself. I am sober because what I have done today, if I drink today it is also because of what I did today. The train I road tody again was full of Bud signs, today I continued to read my paper. Hang in there Nors!
Sometimes the answers are within us, we just need to look in the mirror to read them. Don W
I had a friend that worked for an auto insurance company. He said they would send out double bills like that. Their thought was that if they could just get 2 out of 10 to pay the bill it was worth it. This especially works with the elderly because they tend to pay everything that is sent without question, due to the way they were brought up.
Anyway, triggers can be a problem. what helps me is trying to stay away from places that I can act on thoughts or triggers. If, I have one when I am in a hardware store, candy store or a meeting there is a good chance I won't drink. I have found
in the past that if I am in a VFW or a bar drinking coke and I have a thought or trigger I drink. I try to keep myself in safe places with safe people. I might add that during early sobriety I don't consider myself a safe person to be alone with. As far as AA is concerned, or any meeting for that matter, there is a big difference in going to AA and belonging to AA. This is only my opinion and experience. Even going to the the VA program I have experenced and seen the difference in going to the program as being a part of the program. I must involve myself in my recovery to be successful. To me, that is joining
a group, participating in my AA or VA discussion group and even on these boards talking to people like you and others. When you talk to people on these boards do you feel a pat of it? Well, the same thing happens be it AA/Smart/RR or what ever.
I feel the difference in my recovery is me. I need to show up. I don't always feel like meetings or even posting sometimes. I don't feel like drinking more. I have the most difficult time if someone says or post something I don't like. Then I start this I'm not going anymore, I'm not posing anymore. I'm taking my ball( Bottle) and going home. The bottom line is that alcohol has had me living in a make believe world. The real world has other people besides myself. I am sober because what I have done today, if I drink today it is also because of what I did today. The train I road tody again was full of Bud signs, today I continued to read my paper. Hang in there Nors!
Sometimes the answers are within us, we just need to look in the mirror to read them. Don W
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
Hmmm, french silk pie sounds yummy! And those ribs too! Hope they didn't burn!Father in law coming to see us Sat., think I'll marinate some pork ribs and my husband can grill them.
You are right about us all being the same with being alcoholics. I know that if I had grown up in the city, I really don't even think I'd be in some of them hard womans spots, knowing me, I think I'd be dead, instead. I've been lucky not to be exposed to the real hard drugs, cuz I know I would of splurged like crazy. Not saying that the alcohol wouldn't of killed me. I almost died So many times!
I mean, I floated ashore one day from the ocean after a night of losing myself in alcohol, and was found by some guy, luckily, he wasn't a bad guy, and he carried me out of the water, finding my purse, and ID, then called up my mom. I was still passed out. I was surprised I didn't drown. And stupid stuff, like climbing over fences on cliffs, walking on the edge. Trying to climb out of a car, while my drunk friend was driving really fast and trying to get on top, in traffic. And going home with men after being drunk all the time. I had sexual issues also, but it only came out when I was drunk. I was just like a wild animal!
Im not planning to be that way again!
Girl power back!
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
Thank you Don.
Im always inspired by your words. I am starting to find some of that out about myself, some of the deeper strengths.
I completely understand about having to be active, then just to go and not really get involved. It is going to be hard work, but I really look forward to discovering myself and to enjoy true, healthy friendship with people that don't want to depend on alcohol or being around that kind of lifestyle. I don't like being around people that drink anymore, I don't like seeing it, it's actually sad to see, to me. And it has nothing to do with me not having it.
It would be nice if there was no such thing as anything that is mind altering. I know we would all be having much better lives. Im sure there'd be a lot more people still alive too.
Thanks.
Im always inspired by your words. I am starting to find some of that out about myself, some of the deeper strengths.
I completely understand about having to be active, then just to go and not really get involved. It is going to be hard work, but I really look forward to discovering myself and to enjoy true, healthy friendship with people that don't want to depend on alcohol or being around that kind of lifestyle. I don't like being around people that drink anymore, I don't like seeing it, it's actually sad to see, to me. And it has nothing to do with me not having it.
It would be nice if there was no such thing as anything that is mind altering. I know we would all be having much better lives. Im sure there'd be a lot more people still alive too.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Charleston S.C.
Posts: 1,461
Nors, I know it is hard work but, your worth it.
Have you checked out the PTSD board. Many of the issues you speak of are addressed there. I am not a doctor so you should ask one but, many people feel that PTSD is related to war and the milatary.
My wife had a perforated colon and 3 surgerys because of it. She thought the doctor was crazy when he told her that she had PTSD. I myself have PTSD from Vietnam but, also from sexual and physical abuse as a child. In many cases like mine, alcohlish goes hand and hand with PTSD. The next time you see the doctor bring up the subject of PTSD. I think you'll be surprised the more you learn about it. Knowlage and action is a key element in our recovery. Your doing well keep up the hard work. Don w
Have you checked out the PTSD board. Many of the issues you speak of are addressed there. I am not a doctor so you should ask one but, many people feel that PTSD is related to war and the milatary.
My wife had a perforated colon and 3 surgerys because of it. She thought the doctor was crazy when he told her that she had PTSD. I myself have PTSD from Vietnam but, also from sexual and physical abuse as a child. In many cases like mine, alcohlish goes hand and hand with PTSD. The next time you see the doctor bring up the subject of PTSD. I think you'll be surprised the more you learn about it. Knowlage and action is a key element in our recovery. Your doing well keep up the hard work. Don w
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
Actually, you are right on the dot mentioning PTSD
I was told that I do have that by my councilor. Also, my psychiatrist I was seeing before.
I use to see a lot of things that I shouldn't of seen at a young age (sexual), and also was touched. I was also emotionally abused by my mom, they were heavy drinkers, alcoholics, and my single lifestyle was full of disasters, til now.
But then again, when growing up, there was always those great times together too together, that were just so memorable and great. Thats what made it even harder when I was young and confusing! It was So up and down.
Makes it hard to stay stable now.
I realize that, and know I need to work on those disfunctions(hate that word), but it is disfunctional.
I was told that I do have that by my councilor. Also, my psychiatrist I was seeing before.
I use to see a lot of things that I shouldn't of seen at a young age (sexual), and also was touched. I was also emotionally abused by my mom, they were heavy drinkers, alcoholics, and my single lifestyle was full of disasters, til now.
But then again, when growing up, there was always those great times together too together, that were just so memorable and great. Thats what made it even harder when I was young and confusing! It was So up and down.
Makes it hard to stay stable now.
I realize that, and know I need to work on those disfunctions(hate that word), but it is disfunctional.
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