Busy

Hi, my name is Tracey have been readin the boards alot but haven't posted in along time.I have been back and forth and in and out of meetings the last couple of months, lord knows i'm not making this easy for myself.Anyways sometimes i feel i shouldn't or don't have the right to post when i'm doing this crappy but i think i'll take a chance here.I seem to like to think i know what everyone is thinking which has been causing alot of problems for me.Like at the meetings i just kept thinking they won't want me here because i just can't get it right or even here on the boards.But the last couple of weeks have been hard the rollercoaster i've been on has gotten me pretty depressed and pretty much wished i could die but something i me wants to fight so i got to my doctor and she put me on antidepressants to help with the anxiety.Also will be getting sometime off work and going back to the counsellor.Used one of the numbers from the meetings yesterday and had a good talk with this lady i have formed a friendship with.I have felt like such a failure because it has taken me so long to just get this far, i'm trying to just let a be okay and keep trying.
Tracey

CarolD

I too had trouble staying in recovery.

What worked for me..I read a book that proved to me I suffer from a progressive and incurable and fatal disease.

"Under The Influence" by Dr. J. Milam can be ordered from Amazon.

I took that info added it to my AA program and have stayed sober ever since.

Cheering you forward...

Anna

Tracey, welcome back! You are always welcome here no matter what your situation is. Congratulations for persevering and please do not feel like a failure because it has taken you so long to get this far. Shame and embarassment gets in the way of getting better. They bring us down over and over again and are so much a part of this disease. I know it took me a long time to be able to stop drinking and I was completely overwhelmed by shame and embarassment - to the point where I could barely move sometimes. I'm glad your doctor is involved and the antidepressants may help you considerably. For me, antidepressants were the key and it was as if a light was turned on. You will make it and I and others on this board will be here to talk to you when you need to. Keep coming back and I'll be thinking of you.
With love,
Anna

Busy

THANKS for the replies, feeling kind of alone today and it helped alot to here some encouraging words.
Tracey

Busy

Well, I almost lost my dad today.He was driving and blacked out and crashed into a building in his small town.The first thing he did was phone me from his cell phone, he was scared and disoriented but phoned me, i called an ambulance but had no idea for awhile if he was okay because i couldn't get him again.Finally they got him to the hospital, he was lucky and only was very bruised but their keeping him to find out why he blacked out.The people said he was lucky because the van was totalled and he shouldn't have walked away.i haven't been able to see him because of the whole SARS thing here in Canada so feeling pretty sad.And the saddest is my heart is breaking i can't help him and i really need a drink.
Tracey

Anna

I'm so sorry to hear your bad news. You must be feeling so worried and anxious. My heart goes out to you. You want to do something to help and that just isn't possible right now. But, having a drink - that's not going to help you or your Dad. The only thing you can do right now is to stay on track. Your Dad would want that for you too, wouldn't he?
I'm sure that your Dad will recover and be just fine and the doctors will find out what caused him to black out.
Can you try to do something else at the moment to relax yourself a bit. What about lighting some candles, having a bath in sweet-smelling water, listening to some great music - or - just talking to us. I'm here for you and will be around to check on how you are doing. You can make it girl and you'll feel stronger for doing it. My best wishes and prayers to your father and to you. Keep in close touch.

Love, Anna