beach101

I hope everyone had a good and safe Halloween and weekend – I did. I was the DD for a bachlorette/shower, so I was full of sobriety and diet coke, but all in all it was a good evening for me – no headaches, no regrets, no big bar bills (diet cokes are free at the bar and I don't have to pay a cover for being DD), no memory-loss, no drama – just fun (the others had a different story and horrible hangovers on Sunday).

Anyway – my main point is that I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday and she is about a year into recovery, and we somehow began talking about driving while intoxicated. The past 6 months I have been in my recovery, I have been the DD any time I’m out with friends, and I’m ok with that. What I’m not ok with and what I feel terribly guilty and shameful about is all the times when I wasn’t sober and I was driving. Even when drinking, I knew it wasn’t good – I knew it was a big no-no, but I still drove – from being out at bars, from dinner, where we’d split 2 bottles of wine, but because I was always ‘fine’ or ‘ok’ or I had the least amount to drink so I could drive home.

When I sit down and seriously think about all the times I’ve driven without any regard to others, I cannot express enough how grateful, thankful, indebted, that no one was hurt. This may come off as ‘oh, I’m glad it worked out’ but in all sincerity, I know how bad and how different the outcome(s) could have been. While I didn’t make it a habit, it was definitely more the norm and the driving 'occsasions' were a huge part of my reasons for going into recovery/deciding drinking wasn't worth it.

This is just a way to apologize (a small gesture, I know, but I don't know what else to do) and to know that something/someone was looking out for others when I was behind the wheel.

I don’t know if this makes sense, but this weighs heavy on my mind.

CarolD

Glad to know you are continueing to move forward...

Astro

Makes perfect sense to me beach. I'm grateful too that a Higher Power must've been doing the real driving.

I always drove drunk, but for the last 10 years that I drank it was a daily ritual to drink before I left the office and drive home intoxicated. Many times my children were in the car with me. I'm grateful to my HP for keeping all of us safe.

Doll

I drove drunk all the time too. It didn't matter how drunk I was, I would do it anyway. I almost got my friend and I into a serious accident going 55 mph on the highway, and I still drank and drove the next day. I am damn lucky nothing ever happened, and I deeply regret it. Probably one of the biggest sins of my life. So I feel ya Beach. At least we're sober now.

Tazman53

Beach I know what you are talking about, the steps allowed me to forgive myself and also to be thankful that my HP kept those with me and those around me safe from my own selfish stupidity drinking and driving. I have made amends to those I endangered that I could, I can not change yesterday so I accept what I did and I thank God no one had to pay a price for my drunk driving except me.

NewDayNow

Weighs heavy on my mind as well Beach. The memory of it helps me stay sober.

Ed

gravity

Once I start drinking, I don't know what will happen.

I am capable of some dangerous stuff, that's for certain.

We can only learn from our past mistakes, try to make amends, and move on with life. Initially, my recovery was fear & guilt based. Today, it is more about living a good life and helping others. Keep working hard at your recovery. It is so worth it!

Dan Dare

I am very, very, lucky that I was never arrested. I still can't believe it sometimes...
I am suprised I haven't died riding my motorcycle....

And the thought of injuring or killing someone else because of my selfish addiction is unbearable.

Harley3801

I know exactly how you feel. Whenever I think about the times I drove drunk, I cringe inside. Sometimes I even duck . . . like I'm about to be hit.

I drove with my sister's kids in my car . . . that's the absolute worst. If anything had ever happened to them . . . well I don't know if I could be responsible for what I would have done to myself.

I also thought about what I could do to make amends for driving while I was under the influence . . . . a friend of mine suggested that I make a donation to MADD. So that's what I did.