back again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: wheatridge colorado
Posts: 26
back again
I'm back. I made it 29 days and then I drank. I drank harder then I ever have, felt worse then I ever have. And finally after about three weeks or so decided that I couldn't live like that. Plus I had alcohol poisoning. This time around I'm not as happy as I was the first time around. I think I feel defeated. I feel like I have no control. This is it. I make it this time or I think I'll die from drinking. It's been eight days sober now. The proud of myself feeling of last time I did this is gone. Now I'm trying to scrape by one minute at a time. I want my life back. I'm living off of coffee and skittles. I'm losing weight, motivation, determination, all of it. I don't know if I wrote this in the right place or not. I don't mean to unload but just writing this down and seeing it infront of me makes me feel real. I miss feeling real. I just miss feeling. August78
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
What are you willing to do to be rid of that feeling you have now? 8 days without a drink and it doesn't sound like you are doing so well. I know exactly how it feels.
It doesn't have to be this way. It is possible to live a happy, sober life...
It doesn't have to be this way. It is possible to live a happy, sober life...
Pure Radio Rental
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Off course, of course.
Posts: 952
Gone since January
This is my first post since January of this year. Although I stopped posting when I fell off the wagon, I would always check in now and then and lurk, and learn, and hope.
Not much changed for me, I just drank steady as she goes, never getting falling down wasted, just going through most days buzzing, some more than others.
I even stopped drinking sporadically, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a few weeks.
No one told me what to do, no one said I had a problem. I didn't go to jail, I didn't hurt anyone but myself.
But the cycle is the same. I always end up like this.
- Cold turkey,
- Sad,
- Guilty,
- Sleeping bad,
- Easily annoyed,
- Angry at myself,
- Aware of my selfishness,
- Aware I am in danger,
- Tired,
- Disjointed,
...and on and on.
The only time someone said something, (it was my best friend and soulmate)--
was when I went back to drinking gin. It was soon after that when I realised I need to step back and stop the downward spiral.
My problem is, I simply cannot think "I am never drinking again".
But each day I show that I have the power not to, I am a little more happy.
I can't predict what's going to happen. But I need to be very careful.
It's good to write again.
Not much changed for me, I just drank steady as she goes, never getting falling down wasted, just going through most days buzzing, some more than others.
I even stopped drinking sporadically, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a few weeks.
No one told me what to do, no one said I had a problem. I didn't go to jail, I didn't hurt anyone but myself.
But the cycle is the same. I always end up like this.
- Cold turkey,
- Sad,
- Guilty,
- Sleeping bad,
- Easily annoyed,
- Angry at myself,
- Aware of my selfishness,
- Aware I am in danger,
- Tired,
- Disjointed,
...and on and on.
The only time someone said something, (it was my best friend and soulmate)--
was when I went back to drinking gin. It was soon after that when I realised I need to step back and stop the downward spiral.
My problem is, I simply cannot think "I am never drinking again".
But each day I show that I have the power not to, I am a little more happy.
I can't predict what's going to happen. But I need to be very careful.
It's good to write again.
Helping Others, Helps Me
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 481
Yeah, I simply take it one day at a time. It seems so simple, but I think I finally got it. One day, if I am having a craving, just not drink today!
I find that when I get sober I WANT to take better care of myself, eat well, exercise. But the problems I have caused by my drinking will not go away with being sober for a couple days, they need time to be worked out. Best of luck and do it one day at a time.
I find that when I get sober I WANT to take better care of myself, eat well, exercise. But the problems I have caused by my drinking will not go away with being sober for a couple days, they need time to be worked out. Best of luck and do it one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
Welcome back.
Consider this - sobriety takes action, what do you plan to do differently this time to increase your chance of success?
Keep taking it a minute at a time, they do add up after a while!
Consider this - sobriety takes action, what do you plan to do differently this time to increase your chance of success?
Keep taking it a minute at a time, they do add up after a while!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Time to find a structured program of recovery.
That is what worked for me...
I use AA but there is a list on the sticky post
above...#4 for you to explore.
Good to see you again...
That is what worked for me...
I use AA but there is a list on the sticky post
above...#4 for you to explore.
Good to see you again...
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