Azreal

She's always been concerned about my drinking, which in my opinion is not that bad, but what alcoholic doesn't think like that right? =) I probably average 4-6 beers or a 1/2bottle -1bottle of red wine each night I drink. On average I drink 6 nights a week. I don't drink it fast. I will have the beers while I mow the lawn starting sat afternoon and have my last one later in the evening. I USED to drink a LOT more and have tried to really cut back to what I feel are reasonable/acceptable levels. She is right in saying that no normal person NEEDS to drink that much so often. I can't argue with that fact. I just enjoy it as any alcoholic would. She's of the mindset that if you want to have a drink you should have maybe 1-2 and that's it.

Anyway, she was giving me **** this morning about my cholesterol and saying "Gee, what do you think your doctor would say about the beer and your cholestorol?" And that pretty much started her rant, to which I always agree and say yes, I need to watch myself more closely. But today was the first time she used the word "alcoholism" with me. It was kind of a slap in the face, but was probably needed. I got defensive of course and my blood started to boil, but I kept telling myself that she's only saying these things because she loves me and doesn't want me to be sick or die. It does embarass me to think she talks about me like that to her mother, which I'm sure she does.

That being said, I'm a relatively healthy person, 31 years old, 195 lbs, 6'1" tall, good job, first kiddo is 9 months old, have a nice home in a nice town and just a great life all around. So why do I focus so much on the drink? Why do I get these giddy little sensations when I'm on my way home from work and I know I can kick back with a bottle of wine and watch my favorite show on TV? It's a sickness, I know. It's a mental obsession. I've felt that I can live a good life while still enjoying alcohol, not in excess though. But of course everyone's opinion of excess is different and clearly my wife feels I'm all ready there.

Just had to get that out.

BackToSquareOne

I think the amount is all relative to the effect it has on your life. If I could limit myself to 4-6 beers a day I would not think I had a problem, but that's just how I look at it.

SelfSeeking

The number is not important... The thing is that one of the most important people in your life (if not the most important person), your wife, the mother of your child, is begging you to cut back on your drinking. Can you? If you can, great. If you can't, and it continues to cause trouble with your marriage, and you keep feeling guilty about it, you may want to reassess whether you actually have a "great life". How great can it be if you can't stand it when you're sober?

You may be maintaining your job and the lawn, but I know if I was taking care of a nine month old and watching my husband drink like that every night, I'd be pretty d@mn unhappy in my marriage.

Welcome to the board... Sorry if this sounds harsh. I'm just being honest.

CarolD

Hmm....

I certainly hope you can find a way to
keep your marriage intact.
Blessings to the 3 of you

Azreal

No need to apologize for the "harshness". =)

I do believe I have a great life, yes. I don't believe my marriage is in jeopardy, no. I can limit myself. I've done it successfully in the past and of course my wife, child, life etc etc is worth not drinking as often or at all if that's what it means with her. I know she wouldn't expect me to stop all together, but to limit it to a couple when I do drink and to reduce the frequency.

I appreciate the feedback from you guys/gals. Just needed a place to get it out.

Astro

Amazing. Talk about deja vu. This describes me perfectly 13 years ago, newly married at the time and my son had just been born. I'm a few inchers shorter and at the time I weighed a little less, but it's uncanny how this paragraph describes my drinking habits and lifestyle at the time.

But alcoholism is a progressive illness, my experience was that it wasn't fun and good for very long, after awhile it became incredibly destructive and hurtful to those around me.

If you read my posts you'll find out that as my children grew they suffered "accidents" at my hands while I was drinking. I had a great life and what I thought was a great marriage. The marriage has been over for a few years. I've got a great life as the result of 3 1/2 years of recovery in AA. I had a nice home in a nice part of time. My ex threw me out of that home. I live in a small home in a not-so-great neighborhood, but I'm thankful for the roof over my head. Most of all I'm grateful that I at least have joint custody of our children, but the honest truth is that I'd much rather be with them 24/7. I gave that option away every time I picked up a drink.

13 years ago my drinking was definitely excessive, and I was brushing it off when my spouse told me so. Trust me when I tell you that it got a lot worse.

Azreal

Thanks Astro. The thought of hurting my child or not being near her when I can kills me. That is enough to motivate me to change as well as for my wife.

Astro

I'll apologize in advance if this comes across as a little harsh too.

Your marriage isn't in jepoardy. YET.

You haven't physically hurt anyone. YET.

Maybe you haven't been to jail, hospitalized, or had a DUI. YET.

I was able to say those things back in 1995, by the time I went into recovery in 2005 quite a few of those things had happened to me.

Keep reading these forums and you'll see that limiting, moderating, having "just a couple" etc. rarely works for long for any of us. We are powerless over alcohol, we've lost our ability to do anything rationally when it comes to drinking.

One thing that I share often....I truly believe that people who can drink normally don't question whether they have a problem with alcohol or not, more than likely they wouldn't be posting questions on a recovery forum. You've been a member here since 2007. I hope you continue to come here and seek help in recovery.

Again, I'm sorry for preaching. Just hate to see another person go through what I and many others have endured to get here.

TTOSBT

Welcome to SR Azreal!
Yup, your story sounds familiar to me too, though I am a female

Astro, isn't it the truth that I wish that we could tell our stories and keep all others like us from going any further into the disease.

Azreal, I am only 4 1/2 months sober and I can SO relate to those giddy sensations. That was so me. I did not drink all day but man was I looking forward to it when quitting time came! Only you know if you are an alcoholic but don't let the amount fool you. I only drank a bottle or bottle and a half of wine a night, even at the very end and I am DEFINITELY an alcoholic.

Congrats on your first baby! Trust me, you do not want to miss a minute of that!

Melec

I'm going to second everything Astro said. The problem with being a high-functioning alcoholic is that you have everything that signals the good life. The house, the yard, the blissful baby. But there are cracks. Eventually, everything rots from the inside, and by the time the structure gives way, you are too far into your disease to rescue the things you have loved and worked for. I sincerely hope you don't have to find this out for yourself, but I'm betting, like many others here, including myself, that you will.

Pinkcuda

That's the million dollar question. Can you do that?
To the Alcoholic there is enjoyment and control issues.
When you enjoy it, you can't control it. When you control it, you can't enjoy it.
An Alcoholic can't do both with any sense of regularity.

tennis71

Good post - thanks.

I guess everything will eventually lead back to what you want. Do you want to stop drinking or are you happy with your current use? How long have you been drinking at your current levels and what did you cut down from? Do you still drink more than intended at times?

I guess I have more questions than answer but it is good food for thought.

Stubborn1

If you think you can stop then why not give it a shot for a few months and see how she feels about that. It will also tell you a few things about yourself as well. Worth a shot.

colagirl

Hi Azreal,
My drinking pattern was exactly as you describe... between a half bottle and a bottle of wine every single night. That may not sound like a lot, but for me it was more the control it had over me. It was exactlly like you said... tingly sensations on the way home because I was getting closer to the drink. Usually I started to think about it around noon. If I couldn't drink that night for whatever reason, I was so depressed and annoyed. And every night ended in blackout, crying, drunk emailing, or some other embarrassing activity. If I didn't have what I considered "enough", I would pound it so I would feel it more. At times I would walk drunkenly up to the convenience store because I ran out too early.

I know it was getting worse, and will continue to do so unless I stop for good. I too have all the things that indicate a "great life", and am afraid that I will have to lose them before I see the light. I'm trying really hard not to get there, and I hope you will too.

Good luck!

HopeTo180

Azreal,
Yes, your wife loves you more than you know. I think the world is beginning to realize that alcohol is a trap. You must remember that alcohol is an accumulative poison. The problem with drinking is that you'll always want more. Once it's a part of your routine, you've got a problem. It's already effecting your marriage. She may not be able to explain how but she knows it is. The alkie never sees this because they're under the influence. Driven by the daily "attitude adjustment". I always drank alone, imagine how long it took me to finally see. Don't kid yourself here. Don't do as I did by thinking "I don't have the problems these other people do". Do yourself a favor and quit for 30 days. Notice how much of your routine is consumed by drinking. Prayers

Tazman53

Azreal you say you are an alcoholic, if you are then I highly reccommend you do some research on alcoholism, when they speak of it being a "progressive" disease I can attest to that being factual in my case.

I had my first beers at about 11 or 12.

I got married to my first wife when I was 19, before we celebrated our first anniversary she was already complaining about how much I drank. Well I showed her what really drunk was after telling her she had never seen me drunk. Well that one drunk she saw was bad enough to where it was 5 years later before she said another word about my drinking.

I quit for a year and a half after that when I turned 24. I was quickly back to drinking as much as before if not more. Well after 17 years of marriage to my first wife and 3 children, we got divorced and due to her "temporary" insanity at the time I got custody of the kids.

Well it was not to long after that divorce that I met my present wife, she had given her ex the boot due to his alcoholism about 6 months before we met. His drinking when she gave him the boot was far worse then mine, he made me look like a normal drinker in her eyes! LOL

We got married as soon as my divorce was final and over the course of the next 8 years the only time she complained about my drinking was when I got snot slinging drunk and embarassed her and or the kids. She had no idea how much I was drinking at that time, but as every year went by I was drinking more and more.

One reason I suggested you research the progression of the disease is to where you can grasp what I am about to talk about next. At about the 10 year point in our marriage she was griping about how much I was drinking all the time that I started doing all of my drinking in my garage to where she would have no idea how much I was really drinking.

At that point in my drinking I had already crossed that invisible line into being not only mentally obsessed with my drinking but physically addicted to alcohol. The next thing to happen as I progressed in my alcoholism was my tolerance went hay wire. One day 6-8 beers would have me stumbling and slurring my speech, the next day I could slam beers from sunup to sundown and not even get a buzz!!!

That point in time was when my wife really started getting on me about my drinking, I was totally out of control, I had to drink, there was no choice, but I had no idea how much I could drink with out getting fall down drunk.

My drinking ended very soon after, I had just given up and decided I was just going to drink all I wanted when ever I wanted, my wife was in the process of moving out with the kids, I then had a moment of clarity and saw that I had to stop or die.

Detox to get sober and AA to stay happy being sober and regaining my sanity.

If you are an alcoholic you need to be aware that as long as an alcoholic drinks their disease gets worse, NEVER better, you do not have to die, you do not have to drink until you get worse, the sooner an alcoholic quits drinking the easier it is.

The really great thing about sobriety is that I get to live life!!! I no longer just exist.

TryingSoHard

Astro, it's interesting you say that because that's exactly what I was about to say. When I went to my first AA meeting 2 weeks ago, one of the men in the group said:

I don't know your story, how much you drink, if you've "hit your bottom", or lost anything because of your drinking. I don't know where you've been or what you've been through, but I can tell you what you have to look forward to if you keep drinking.

If you haven't lost a relationship because of your drinking, you will.

If you haven't lost a job because of your drinking, you will.

If you haven't gotten in a car accident or gotten a DUI or some other similar experience because of your drinking, you will.

If these and other, worse things haven't already happened to you, count yourself lucky and be thankful that you're here. This is a progressive disease and it WILL get worse. Whatever hasn't happened just hasn't happened YET. Glad you're here, keep coming back.

Kellye C

YET = You're Eligible Too!

Astro

I've been divorced twice due to circumstances caused by my disease.

Didn't lose my job but that was a "yet".

Didn't get in a major accident or any DUI's in spite of driving drunk every afternoon for 10 years. But my truck had "drunk dings" all over it from hitting and backing into things!

Guess I was eligible!

coffeenut

You get those giddy little sensations for the same reason we all did....we are alcoholic. 4-6 now turn into 8-12...slowly and insidiously.

You have a beautiful 9 month old daughter who will be 19 before you even blink. Do you want to remember her upbringing in a healthy way, or in a haze?

I mean no disrespect. But damn, the drink gets ahold of you and BAM! It's over.