ccommer

Hi Karen--
I can relate, I just relapsed after several years of sobriety, the important thing is just to get it back together and work your program....
A quote I am finding helpful these days is, "it's not the falling down that makes us fail, it's the staying there!"
Personally, going to meetings, and in the beginning alot of meetings is invaluable to me, keep trying to find a meeting/s that you enjoy. When they ask if you are new or are new in sobriety, stand up and let it be known, people really do want to help.
The last thing I would say and that I am working on is action...get involved, help out, read your books, start a gratitude journal, call people. You do not have to do this alone.
Good luck on your journey.
Chris

TryingSoHard

Hi Karen,

First of all... *hugs*. Secondly, I drank on Saturday night, too. Your day 1 and my day 1 are the same now.

I want you to know that I know EXACTLY how you feel when you said:
I only had 5 sober days built up when I drank, but for me that was a lot. And nothing "triggered" it... I just made up my mind that I wanted to drink, and I didn't fight it. I gave in to the weakness and the addiction, and I did so pretty willingly. Friday night I struggled. I came here and posted, I thought it through, and I made it - I did not drink. Saturday I did none of those things and I wound up sloppy drunk, blacking out, and feeling like CRAP on Sunday.

Jules, a lot of what you said in your post really hit home, too. Not only do I feel like the outsider who will never get that "xx" number of days sober, but it's just too darn overwhelming to admit I just can not drink again... ever. It's scary. It's huge. It... certainly can't be ME, can it??

I have thoughts like, "If I only drink once or twice a week, how does that make me an alcoholic? I can cut back to just drinking one or two nights... lots of people do that! See, I can be normal!"



Anyway, sorry for the long post. I just wanted to say, Karen, you are not alone.

Trisomy21

Yeah, talk to your doctor. Mine prescribed me some lorazepam which produce CNS-depressant effects like alcohol. The added bonus is, you sleep REALLY well and
don't wake up with a hangover. Of course, this isn't an alternative to alcohol, nor should
you ever mix the two. It is however a good way to prevent withdrawals, even serious ones like seizures etc.

And after a week or so on them, you lower your dose and ween yourself off them. Definitely go see your doctor.

KarenOskie

Hi everyone. I'm on day 5 now and it was a pretty good day up until I spoke with my sons. I'm too tired to go into all that, but it was tough. I am sober tonight and in spite of my problems, almost all of which are directly related to my years of drinking, I'm feeling good about just staying sober. I feel like if I can keep doing that, someday I will be able to look back on the difficulties of today and they will seem small.
I just wanted to say that I appreciate so much all that you've shared with me. I have been going to AA, trying different meetings and looking for a really good fit. It was really hard for me to get involved in AA again, but I know that for me, it's the best thing I can do. I'm lucky to have so many meetings in my area. I'm working on the steps and looking for a sponsor. I would not have gotten to this point if it weren't for all of you. Thanks for being here, everyone.

bostonluv

I am so glad you choose to stay sober tonight Karen! I know it must have been hard but you did it without picking up a drink afterwards. I'm proud of you for that.

KarenOskie

Thanks you guys! Normally I would post this on the 'less than two weeks' thread, but I am very short on time and couldn't find it.
I want everyone to know that I am leaving Sunday around noon for a class for work. I won't be back until Thursday. Unless I figure out to put internet access on my computer (I'm using my son's now and he got home early this a.m.) I won't have much chance to log on here until then.
I feel really safe going to this meeting. My roommate (yes, my company is too cheap to pay for everyone to have their own room) is someone I know who doesn't drink. I guess she does sometimes but never has around me and doesn't at workshops, I know because I roomed with her before and it ticked me off. lol.
I'm doing fairly well. Sons home and lots of difficulty surrounding that, but I don't have to solve it all today and am not letting it get to me too much. I'm glad, really, that I'm getting out of here for a few days. I'm off to a meeting and running really late.
I'll be thinking of all of you, and if there is a computer at the hotel I can use I'll send a note.
Love an hugs to all -