SelfSeeking

I for one will not be watching intervention. I'm on day 4 and the idea of watching anyone get smashed does not appeal to me, even if they look like he11 whilst doing it. When I was watching, it "helped" me to minimize my own habit, because I wasn't prostituting myself or living under a bridge, and certainly no one in my life was about to hire a professional to get me into rehab. And I second the person who said it's depressing to them, and depressed---> drinking. Mm-hmm, me too.

Rimmy

Don't overthink the things that work as triggers when in early recovery. Almost ANYTHING would be a trigger to me... a sunny day, watching The Honeymooners, mowing the lawn, boredom, etc...

Just keep your focus on getting through the day in positive ways and pass on the drinks. I'm in the middle of doing this now, and staying positive and secure in my beliefs makes not drinking much easier.

BTW, is this day 5 now??? How you doin' ?

Texasblind

I absolutely hate that show. I won't watch it. Addiction is not something to be filmed and presented to the world. The show is pure exploitation and it makes me mad and sick. It takes advantage of the addict and their state of mind. I always feel for those people...when sobriety hits, they will hate the fact they were on that show.

God bless the treatment and the recovery they get, but don't film the ******* thing. It's bad enough. All those VH1 Sober shows too.

SelfSeeking

I'm doing really good, Rimmy, thanks for asking! I'm a little on edge, but I have more energy today and kinda *bounced* outta bed. My body feels better.

I'm thinking way too much about NOT drinking. I believe this is called white-knuckling? I'd like to get past that but for now, I'm just so happy not to be hung over. Ahhhhh.

How're you doin?

Rimmy

doing pretty good... I didn't get into any long or heavy binge after a decent time not drinking, so getting my head back on is not so difficult... I know where I am headed and am looking forward to it.

But I will never forget the horrible attempts I "tried" to make... I truly wanted it, but couldn't find it. Try not to overthink it... focus on where you are going and not where you have been. Life is a long journey... my grandmother has had 4 husbands, each for over 10 years. Change the stage of your life and see how you like it. Get through these tough days, and stay tough.

SelfSeeking

I am going to an AA meeting now... first ever... anxious *just a touch*. I just need sober company and my SO is doped up after an outpatient medical procedure. It's legit, prescribed drug use but it's kinda getting to me all the same, I'd just love to get a little oblivious.

SelfSeeking

Well, that meeting sucked. Now I will make strawberry shortcake... edible therapy, yum.

kj3880

SS,
what sucked about the meeting?
KJ

SelfSeeking

I realize I'm in a negative frame of mind right now, and that it must have influenced my perception. But what bugged me... it was almost all men. Most people there were older than me by decades. There was so much God-talk, especially about how integral the HP is to recovery, and I am an atheist who's tired of feeling so much pressure to "find God". I started feeling like, ok, I guess I'm just destined to pickle my liver, 'cause the whole HP thing ain't happening. And the whole crowd was just so JUMPY. Everyone getting up every other minute for coffee or a smoke or to walk around or were sitting there bouncing in their seats. It was driving me crazy. Well, crazier.


I was looking forward to that feeling of relief and acceptance that I found on SR two days ago, only BETTER b/c it's f2f! But ended up feeling more alienated and down than when I started... So I'm doing a kitchen project. Baking is a pretty guaranteed feel-good activity in my experience.

doorknob

Word. I could have written that myself. I've had that experience quite a few times. And every so often I feel the need to go back for another dose. Now that's insanity!

DK

nandm

Self seeking, you are not alone with your beliefs. Please feel free to check out our secular forum. There are many people who have also struggled with the God issue while trying to work a 12 step program. I am one of them. I have found a peace that works for me but it did take a long time to get there. I wish you the best.

bostonluv

VeritasAequitas

Meadow, if you're anything like me - you'll look for any excuse to drink again. You know that saying, "Drink for the wake or the wedding."

I love Intervention because I don't say to myself, "I'm not THAT bad." I say to myself, "I could be that bad if this continues." My gf knows of my disease and we watch the shows together every week and it's a very special time for me, of course YMMV.

I'm not that big on AA, I'm glad it has helped and continues to help so many. I've looked for the similarities not the difference and all the rest. To me AA is my trigger if you can believe that. I very much believe in God after searching for a long long time as an atheist/agnostic and I'm fortunate to not have the HP burden. I just don't like romancing over alcohol in groups or alone for that matter. Why say, "I didn't drink today" when you can say, "I played with my kids today." It seems to romance the small positives rather than the larger picture of this life.

I'll get off my soapbox - oh and I did (at the request of my gf) start seeing addiction specialist who believes heavily in CGT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and I really like her - a connection is so important in that regard.

For those interested in something like that and if you don't have insurance - call up a few local churches - the typically have pro bono services (you can even have Mickey Mouse as your HP and they'll still help you).