GrapeApe

If you search my historical posts - you will see that I joined here about two years ago and stated that I had "quit for good this time". I wish it were true as I am right now sitting here drinking a beer in the middle of the day

I obviously didn't do it right last time and I am here looking for advice.

My future wife is returning from an out of town work trip. She has been gone a month and in that time I've tried to quit three times and failed. She "doesn't know" I have a problem. She thinks I drink too much but has said she doesn't think I am alcoholic (I tried bringing it up once but didn't really push the point). I think my life would be easier if she knew I was struggling and could help me. I am just a little nervous about telling her. Does anyone have any good advice on how to tell her?

The next step after that is to go to a doctor. Can anyone recommend a good doctor in South Australia? One that has a handle on alcoholism? I have tried seeing doctors twice and one said I didn't have a problem and the other one went off the handle with worry and scolded me. The doc wouldn't even give me anything to help (campral/librium). That has kind of put me off - for two years actually - so I would like to see an understanding doctor.

The final step is a support program. I think I would really prefer a counsellor to going to AA. I can handle a one-on-one but a whole group is a bit much for me. Any tips on how to find a good one?

CarolD

Sorry ... I have no information on your area
hopefully other members will be of assistance.

There are various recovery programs for you to explore
Here is a link

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Best wishes ...Welcome back...

Dee74

hey Grape Ape (cool nick)

I'm an Aussie, but waay up the other end in Qld - I couldn't find much on the web regarding SA but I did find the website for Drug and Alcohol Services South Australia
Drug & Alcohol Services South Australia

which includes a number for The Alcohol & Drug Information Service on 1300 13 1340 (24 hours), which adds 'if needed, clinical advice from the on-call medical staff is available'. Local call in SA apparently

this page tells you about what to expect from the helpline and also gives you a link to online counselling

Need Help

I've never been to South Australia so I have no ideas on Drs. myself but I think the phone number is a good start

as for your soon to be wife...just tell her. Everything.
Making a clean breast now is the best way.

D

CarolD

Impressive Dee....thank you so much!

GrapeApe

Thanks Carol and Dee.

Dee - That Drug and Alcohol Services site looks useful. It's interesting in all my googling I never came across that. Once I get up the courage I am going to call them and see if maybe they can refer me to a doctor and a counsellor. That would be ideal.

I'm not ashamed to admit I am an alcoholic to a doctor if they will be understanding of my problem. I just couldn't handle another negative reaction.

GrapeApe

I think she will be ok. I just don't know how to break the news. Sit her down and say "I am an alcoholic and need help"? Or something a little less abrupt?

Dee74

I've never had to do it - LOL it was always fairly obvious.

I guess if it were me I'd try to start with 'you know how you said I drink too much? Well, I think I'm an alcoholic because.....' and then list your reasoning....?

Good luck mate
D

Dee74

just thinking tho...the trained professionals on that number just may be the better option to ask about that....

D

GrapeApe

Yeah hopefully they can help. To tell you the truth I am pretty nervous about calling them. I hope they are nice.

Dee74

I think they'd have to be, Grape Ape
You can always hang up

good luck anyway - I'm hitting the sack
night mate

D

Tazman53

Grapeape hopefully what Dee gave you can hook you up with a good doc, I was lucky, my insurance sent me to one that specialized in Alcoholism and Drug Addiction. He was the first person I was ever totally honest with about my drinking..... he sent me to detox!

Detox sent me to AA, well it has been almost 2 years and I am still happily sober. AA is not the only way, hopefully they have a good alcohol and drug counsellor. Just be prepared though, an awful lot of them reccommend going to AA or some other support group. I know for me that talking to a shrink about drinking was a joke, they had no idea what was up in my head as far as drinking went, now other things they did help, but the only place I ever found anyone who knew how I felt and what I was thinking was folks in AA.

In regards to telling your future wife...... well honesty is what makes a good marriege, so if you feel you are an alcoholic, let her know. Just my opinion and nothing more, my wife knew I was an alcoholic long before I did.

GrapeApe

Thanks Tazman. I will see how the counsellor goes and what he/she says. I've been to shrinks before but that was for other things going on at that point in my life. If they recommend AA and I feel ready to go then I will go. It's not totally out of the question - I know when and where the meetings are I just never seem to make it for some reason or another.

In regards to the fiancee I think you're right. She called me from overseas tonight and the first thing she asked was "Are you drinking?". I think she has a clue and just needs to be told. I just don't want to let her down. It's definitely not about being untruthful it's about not wanting to admit it I think. I admitted it to myself 5 years afo - but so far not to anybody else. We have a very honest relationship - she just doesn't really understand alcoholism.

I guess admitting I have a problem openly is a good first step isn't it

Tazman53

If anything it should make her more trusting of you, the main thing I would suggest doing is to let her know you are doing something about it.

Yes sir, and you are starting right here, keep moving forward keeping in mind that the truth will set you free, whether it is painful or not.

GrapeApe

I called the Drug and Alcohol service. They were nice. They said see any doctor and give the doc their number. That way the doctor can understand what treatment I need. They didn't have any doctors to recommend though.

They did recommend me a place for counselling. Funny enough, I have been there before for drug abuse counselling (albeit once and I never returned - fixed that one myself).

I forgot to ask about discussing with my fiancee. I guess I will work that out myself.

Edit - that's the first time I've ever said to someone that I am an alcoholic

Tazman53

Rather freeing in a way isn't it?

I found that there was no way I could work on my alcoholism until I was able to say "I am an alcoholic." People did not shun me, they did not run away, they did not pity me, no bolt of lightening, just a kind of peace, I had come to terms with myself that I had a problem and admitted it.

GrapeApe

In a way it is. I have known and admitted it internally for 6 years I think. I have never said it to someone else though (except the 2 crappy doctors).

I feel like telling my fiancee too.

Tazman53

IMHO that is a good idea, but think and pray on it for a while, just going up to her and saying "Guess what? I'm an alcoholic!" may not be the best way to announce it.

GrapeApe

Agreed. She isn't back for 2 days anyhow so I have time to think. I'll report back on how it goes

beingjenagain

Does your fiancee drink? For her to admit that you have a problem will also change alot of things for her. After 4 months my husband still avoids the conversation like the plague. It has definetly altered our relationship and our socializing. I think for the better but I am not sure he always agrees. I avoid certain people and places and he is forced to go along with it.
Our alcoholic self immportance often leaves us forgetting that this disease affects everyone...some negative and others positive. She may be scared of all that may have to be altered and all that may have be discussed honestly!

GrapeApe

She doesn't really drink at all. I drink more in a night than she has had in the last 2 years.

I've only ever seen her have more than 2 drinks twice.

I think she would be happy if I didn't drink - but I am not sure what she will think about why I don't drink.

Most of our friends are non drinkers, and a few are social drinkers (and a couple of alcoholics).