Stale
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Born in Long Island NY/Mtns of N.C Is my home now
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Stale
Picking up the pieces and doing good as far as the drinking goes, not even really had a craving since my last day. I just feel like i am stuck at a wall and my recovery program is STALE, not sure but i think alot has to do with COMPLETE surrender and my higher power. When i think of my higher power i think of god, I tried ALL different kinds of churches, and there are a few in the bible belt that scared the hell outta me (lol) anyway none of that worked ,so if my higher power wasn't at church to help me why would he be hanging out at the AA meeting ??
Just my thoughts...
Take care,
John
Just my thoughts...
Take care,
John
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
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John I call my HP God and I did not find him in a church, I found him in my heart and soul. Keep seeking in earnest.
Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with Him. As soon as we admitted the possible existence of a Creative Intelligence, a Spirit of the Universe underlying the totality of things, we began to be possessed of a new sense of power and direction, provided we took other simple steps. We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him. To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
I found that power deep down within. The AA literature I am familiar with never mentions finding 'God' at an AA meeting.
I do have one suggestion, you can take it or leave it. You say thinking of a higher power makes you think of God - that leads me to believe that you have some preconceived idea of what God is supposed to be. I did too, raised in the church and left they day I turned 18. When I thought of 'God' I had a definite idea of what that was supposed to be. Do you think it's possible to set aside your ideas of God and just be open to whatever it is that 'God' would have for you?
There is a prayer I said every day for the first 8 or 9 months I was sober - I found it very helpful and it is certainly non-denominational. When I use the word God - please understand that it is just a word that points to something that cannot be described in words. I still use this prayer today - just not as often (usually it will just come to mind to say it quietly, not usually influenced by outside circumstance).
The prayer:
"God, please help me to set aside the things I think I know about myself, my illness, the 12 steps and you. For an open mind and new experience with myself, my illness, the twelve steps and especially You, God - whatever 'you' may be."
~a
I do have one suggestion, you can take it or leave it. You say thinking of a higher power makes you think of God - that leads me to believe that you have some preconceived idea of what God is supposed to be. I did too, raised in the church and left they day I turned 18. When I thought of 'God' I had a definite idea of what that was supposed to be. Do you think it's possible to set aside your ideas of God and just be open to whatever it is that 'God' would have for you?
There is a prayer I said every day for the first 8 or 9 months I was sober - I found it very helpful and it is certainly non-denominational. When I use the word God - please understand that it is just a word that points to something that cannot be described in words. I still use this prayer today - just not as often (usually it will just come to mind to say it quietly, not usually influenced by outside circumstance).
The prayer:
"God, please help me to set aside the things I think I know about myself, my illness, the 12 steps and you. For an open mind and new experience with myself, my illness, the twelve steps and especially You, God - whatever 'you' may be."
~a
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Thanks Taz , will do because i know without that part i will be screwed..
Just wanted to clarify, after re reading my post i in no way shape or form was knocking AA , just wanted to make that clear before someone jumps that conclusion. For me i need AA and the people in those rooms, Plus i need you guy's also....:ghug2
Take care,
John
Just wanted to clarify, after re reading my post i in no way shape or form was knocking AA , just wanted to make that clear before someone jumps that conclusion. For me i need AA and the people in those rooms, Plus i need you guy's also....:ghug2
Take care,
John
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
john,
I think of my higher power as the universe, as creation. when I hear god, I have redifined it for myself to mean 'the universe'. thinking of god as a man up in the clouds with a clipboard and grey hair/beard don't work for me anymore. but I honor when others believe that way, but it stopped working for me and i found the universe in my heart.
now i need to do something with this and get living and stop taking 3 steps back whenever i am "bored", or any other emotion that I don't want to feel.
thanks for sharing this post
I think of my higher power as the universe, as creation. when I hear god, I have redifined it for myself to mean 'the universe'. thinking of god as a man up in the clouds with a clipboard and grey hair/beard don't work for me anymore. but I honor when others believe that way, but it stopped working for me and i found the universe in my heart.
now i need to do something with this and get living and stop taking 3 steps back whenever i am "bored", or any other emotion that I don't want to feel.
thanks for sharing this post
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Yes sugErspun, i also was forced to go to church when i was growing up , and developed a idea of what God is...Making it tough for me to change that conception, but i need to..Ditto ksplash5
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
This theory of thought helped me a bit to reconsider where I stood in the universe...
My higher power WAS alcohol. I worshipped it morning until night. I changed how I lived based upon it, I donated a lot of money to it... It helped me question my "faith" when I looked at what I was doing... I saw the blindness of my ways.
Did I need to convert? No, not really. There are many paths to changing your ways... to find a new higher power. But that higher power can be anything that helps you turn your back on the worship of alcohol. My higher powers have been re-aligned. I have faith in the fact that I will be a small part of this world today, and the belief that if I can do things to make that day better for myself, my family, my friends, you all here at SR... Then I have used my energy in a positive way. And I keep my back turned on my old faith. That faith betrayed me.
So find something that will work for you and don't give up. You will find what you need when you least expect it, just don't drink and keep working for it.
My higher power WAS alcohol. I worshipped it morning until night. I changed how I lived based upon it, I donated a lot of money to it... It helped me question my "faith" when I looked at what I was doing... I saw the blindness of my ways.
Did I need to convert? No, not really. There are many paths to changing your ways... to find a new higher power. But that higher power can be anything that helps you turn your back on the worship of alcohol. My higher powers have been re-aligned. I have faith in the fact that I will be a small part of this world today, and the belief that if I can do things to make that day better for myself, my family, my friends, you all here at SR... Then I have used my energy in a positive way. And I keep my back turned on my old faith. That faith betrayed me.
So find something that will work for you and don't give up. You will find what you need when you least expect it, just don't drink and keep working for it.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
hiya trucker!
I had some of those same problems at first about God
i had to set it all aside and start fresh with nothing,and I later found out the steps and sobriety gave me a very good conception of God.
A exercise to help with this is to get a piece of notebook paper
draw a line down the middle
put your present conception of God on the left
you know,the attributes,like
mean
unforgiving
loves others,hates me
will not help me,helps others
judgmental
sends trouble my way
etc
on the right side write down what you would like God to be,like
good
loving
kind
loves me and will help me
forgiving
merciful
etc
tear the paper in half when you are done,put the "good" side in your pocket or wallet and carry it with you everywhere you go,and throw the "old" side away,and when you think of God or pray,get the remaining piece out and look it over first.
You see,the conception you now have isn`t working,and it is your conception John,you came up with it by your old ideas,conceptions,seeing people,seeing tv,livin life, churchs,etc
here is a tool for you to find a conception you can come up with on your own and one you can start with,made by you ,just for you!
speaking of Churches,I know you live in the mtns of NC
and I know they still have those snake handlers up there
you ever played with those rattlers?
lol
I had some of those same problems at first about God
i had to set it all aside and start fresh with nothing,and I later found out the steps and sobriety gave me a very good conception of God.
A exercise to help with this is to get a piece of notebook paper
draw a line down the middle
put your present conception of God on the left
you know,the attributes,like
mean
unforgiving
loves others,hates me
will not help me,helps others
judgmental
sends trouble my way
etc
on the right side write down what you would like God to be,like
good
loving
kind
loves me and will help me
forgiving
merciful
etc
tear the paper in half when you are done,put the "good" side in your pocket or wallet and carry it with you everywhere you go,and throw the "old" side away,and when you think of God or pray,get the remaining piece out and look it over first.
You see,the conception you now have isn`t working,and it is your conception John,you came up with it by your old ideas,conceptions,seeing people,seeing tv,livin life, churchs,etc
here is a tool for you to find a conception you can come up with on your own and one you can start with,made by you ,just for you!
speaking of Churches,I know you live in the mtns of NC
and I know they still have those snake handlers up there
you ever played with those rattlers?
lol
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
John, While I do believe in God...a mastermind of the human race, I don't believe he "hangs out" anywhere in particular....church or aa. I believe we are born with a spirit that has capabilities beyond our comprehension. Your recovery is as individual as your spirit...Does it require complete surrender? For me the answer is no...for me all that is required is using the gifts that were given to me at birth. Somehow I forgot the strength I held...utilize it and you will see the results.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,861
Hello,
While AA has led me to a path which led me to God, it has not sent me back to an organized religion. But I do not hold any resentment to religion. I have been able to utilize much of religion, I even have several friends who are men of the cloth. I have used a priest to help me with a 5th step and a 6 and 7 step. He did not try to talk me back into religion. We had a great talk about God. I now have a great respect for religious people and do not join in the AA bashing of religion that often takes place in meetings ( not suggesting it has on this thread). I found reading books about God helped to shed some light on it for me:
Sermon on the Mount by Emmet Fox helped immensely
While AA has led me to a path which led me to God, it has not sent me back to an organized religion. But I do not hold any resentment to religion. I have been able to utilize much of religion, I even have several friends who are men of the cloth. I have used a priest to help me with a 5th step and a 6 and 7 step. He did not try to talk me back into religion. We had a great talk about God. I now have a great respect for religious people and do not join in the AA bashing of religion that often takes place in meetings ( not suggesting it has on this thread). I found reading books about God helped to shed some light on it for me:
Sermon on the Mount by Emmet Fox helped immensely
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Thanks all some good points to think about. I know i need to find my higher power and the way i was looking did not work ,so i keep trying new way's.until i get this right.
bballdad, i have heard of those things going on around where i live and even heard a gentleman in the next county over who breeds those darn things, as for me and snakes ?No way no how.....HAHAHAHA I love N.C and the mtn life but, somethings are very different. ? (lol) Guess they said the same about me in LA and NJ.......HEHE Oh well i think its pretty here and plan to stay..
Take Care,
John
bballdad, i have heard of those things going on around where i live and even heard a gentleman in the next county over who breeds those darn things, as for me and snakes ?No way no how.....HAHAHAHA I love N.C and the mtn life but, somethings are very different. ? (lol) Guess they said the same about me in LA and NJ.......HEHE Oh well i think its pretty here and plan to stay..
Take Care,
John
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Bballdad I have handled rattlers before......... but not in a church or in a religous demonstration of faith, I handled rattlers because of the thrill, plain pure and simple.
Oh yea BTW timber rattlers are pretty darn scary, they will strike at least three times before they rattle the first time, so if you are in timber rattler country, never put a body part in a place you can not see!!!
Keep in mind John that AA puts no claim to God, but the steps of AA have led many to a God of thier understanding or back to a God of thier understanding. Anyone who has worked the steps will know exactly what I am talking about.
Oh yea BTW timber rattlers are pretty darn scary, they will strike at least three times before they rattle the first time, so if you are in timber rattler country, never put a body part in a place you can not see!!!
Keep in mind John that AA puts no claim to God, but the steps of AA have led many to a God of thier understanding or back to a God of thier understanding. Anyone who has worked the steps will know exactly what I am talking about.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,861
HAHAHAHA I love N.C and the mtn life but, somethings are very different.
That argument has alot of holes in it, but that is another thread....
The point is " I" had the problem, "they" didn't
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The point is " I" had the problem, "they" didn't
So many of us sober or not are still convinced that if "I see it that way then I am right and the rest of the world is wrong!"
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So many things that are belief's get masked as truth. I am not one of those universalist guys who say "your truth" my truth". I do believe in the truth. 2+2 does not equal potato. But so often I found myself getting wrapped around the rhetoric. Or even in the face of absolute wrong. I have been to bad AA meetings. I know that isn't a popular sentiment with the "head nodders" out in A&A land. But to deny that bad meetings exist is to deny the humanity of our fellowship. How do I react in such places?
1. Do I go to other meetings and spout off how sick that meeting is and FORBID the men I sponsor to go to such a toxic meeting?
2. Or do I try to bring an attitude of love and understanding?
I know option two is not as fun. Nursing a resentment ( what else can you call it) is alot of fun and very empowering. I like to feel better than the next guy ( I still do like it) which goes right back to what I am saying about "I have a problem". If your words caue me so much harm, then I have a problem. It does not imply that you are correct and I am wrong. That gets so twisted in meetings " When anyone says something that bothers you then you must not like looking in the mirror/ BS". If my spiritual program is so fragile that mere words or a lack or social graces cause me to be discomforted then I am in the wrong, because I have allowed myself to experience disharmony.
1. Do I go to other meetings and spout off how sick that meeting is and FORBID the men I sponsor to go to such a toxic meeting?
2. Or do I try to bring an attitude of love and understanding?
I know option two is not as fun. Nursing a resentment ( what else can you call it) is alot of fun and very empowering. I like to feel better than the next guy ( I still do like it) which goes right back to what I am saying about "I have a problem". If your words caue me so much harm, then I have a problem. It does not imply that you are correct and I am wrong. That gets so twisted in meetings " When anyone says something that bothers you then you must not like looking in the mirror/ BS". If my spiritual program is so fragile that mere words or a lack or social graces cause me to be discomforted then I am in the wrong, because I have allowed myself to experience disharmony.
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