I feel so friggin depressed!

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06-04-2008, 05:50 AM

# 21 (permalink)

Tazman53

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Join Date: Nov 2006

Location: Fredericksburg, Va.

Posts: 9,730

Jen the line is "She ain't no fun since I quit drinking!" LOL no big deal. I just happened to like the song, my wife laughs now every time she hears it.

06-04-2008, 04:04 PM

# 22 (permalink)

Greeneyes2008

Wishing I could be good!

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Join Date: Sep 2006

Location: Oklahoma

Posts: 59

Quote:

Originally Posted by gerryP

Greeneyes,

My advice to you is to get into a detox facility, if for no other reason than to gain some perspective in what you really want for your life.

The only person you can control is You. Ultimately your boyfriend is going to do what he feels he needs to do. This is about you, not about him.

You are lucky that your drinking hasn't resulted in losing your job, a DUI and everything left that hasn't happened...yet. You are giving him alot of responsibility in keeping you out of more trouble.

I understand the quandry you are in. i've been there. i don't think you have the clarity to connect the dots in what your saying. you are not happy with the prospect of him leaving you because of your drinking, yet you can't imagine life sober being anything but boring and am I correct in saying...therefore it would be more advantageous for you in the long run, if he did stay while you continue to drink, so he can save you from worse conseqences?

Good luck and give detox some thought, for yourself and a chance at a better life.

You hit the nail on the head. I feel like I just cannot figure out what I want from life anymore and I have not been able to let go of the past when me and Robert had fun together and traveled and stuff together. I have NEVER done this. I have never had a problem moving ahead in life and being so confused as to what I want. It just always came my way and fell into place. It is not doing that now for some reason. Today is the 4th day I have been crying depressed as hell and I am always feeling better by now. Perhaps that it is the fact that I am thinking of not drinking this weekend and that depresses me? How lousy is that if that is what it is? We live on 40 acres out in the country with 4 horses and we went out to feed them and I just felt lonely and bored like I wanted to be in in our boat like it used to be around a bunch of crazy people and have fun and drink like we used to. I know that this is bad and I know that it is not fair for someone to take care of me when I am drunk but why do I feel so damned lonely? I know millions of people who would love to have what I have now but I miss the past so bad that I cannot get it out of my head. Its been 5 years since we sold our boat and I still cry. I feel so stupid and childish!!!!!!!!!!!! I am truly trying to have a good time here but I am not sure if I do not know how to without drinking or this is not and will never be my thing. BUT what is? Going out on a boat and getting drunk isn't. I have no desire to go without Robert anyhow or I would not have any fun at all. It is not the same after having your own boat and doing what you want for so long. I miss traveling with him but we have too many animals to travel and be away. He does not want to just leave them with anyone. I must sound absolutely nuts right now and no.... I am not drinking. If I were, I probably would not even be on here bawling and spilling my guts to everyone.

06-05-2008, 04:14 AM

# 23 (permalink)

Tazman53

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Join Date: Nov 2006

Location: Fredericksburg, Va.

Posts: 9,730

You mentioned being lonely, my experience was that feeling kept getting worse the longer I drank and the further I sank into my disease, here is a quote from the book Alcoholcs Anonymous that I can truly relate to for I have been there.:

Quote:

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did -- then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen -- Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!