LibertyorDeath

The Lord provided me with a vision of my children today as I have not seen them. My child was invited to a little party for a preschool classmate who was celebrating a birthday. The child’s mother became intoxicated. I saw her child. I looked long and hard at him and for the first time, I really saw my own children.

I feel intense shame and I think that is a very positive thing. I want that shame to drive me so that I can remain sober and shower my children with the love, attention, and discipline that they so need…that they have been denied. How freely I gave to myself at their expense. How silently they endured their mother’s detachment. Forgive me, Lord. Help me make it right.

May God bless all the children but especially the children of alcoholics.

PS- I removed my child from the situation early...we didn't stay for cake.

CarolD

Thanks for sharing...

LibertyorDeath

I am so glad I have a place to share.

I have just come to another realization. I was reflecting on what I had posted...about God blessing the children of alcoholics and it dawned on me that both of my parents are children of alcoholics~

least

Your story scared me and shook me. I have the dubious distinction of being the first alcoholic in my family (that I know of, anyway). I feel such guilt and shame for what I put my daughters thru the last year as my drinking progressed at a horrible rate and I went straight downhill so quickly.

I never want to put them thru that again, and tho the youngest one is 16, she still has memories that will stay with her the rest of her life. I hope that she, and the 18 yr old (the only two still at home) can forgive me.

Thank you for reminding me of an important reason to stay sober!

LibertyorDeath

My remorse was taken to a new level, along with my resolve. Seems as though the same is true for you. I know it is important to move on with our lives, but for me to do that, I have to understand more fully the consequences of my neglectful behavior.(You may have already done that.) I appreciated the harm I caused on a superficial level only. Yesterday, I was able to delve beneath that murky surface. I believe the Lord put me in that house for an education.

My prayer for you this morning is that your daughters offer you full forgiveness and that you offer no less to yourself.

Keep fighting the good fight, Friend! I'm right here with you, scars and all!

least

My past behaviors are a big bad demon. The Big Book says, somewhere, that we didn't want to forget the past or close the door on it, or something like that. That's how I feel, a bit, now as I choose to remember what I've done so I won't do it again.

Thank you again for sharing your experience and feelings. You have really helped me by sharing.

:ghug3