Just need to get this out there..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: South Georgia
Posts: 63
Just need to get this out there..
I haven't gotten a sponsor yet.. not even a temp one, so i don't have any one to call to 'vent' to that will understand.
Today has sucked.
Its the 13th anniversary of my dad's death.
I went to AA this afternoon hoping I'd find peace in it.. the last few days its the one time of the day that I can just unwind, clear my mind and not have it racing at 90 mph. Usually someone will say somethng that resonates with me and reminds me why I want to stay sober. Not today. Not very many of the regular ones were there today and it seemed everyone just mumbled on about nothing. I left feeling worse than when I had came.
Tomorrow is my college graduation. Even though I'm the first in all sides of my family to graduate college, I was basically told by everyone they didn't really give a damn, and they weren't coming to see me graduate.
I'm not gonna lie, i really want to get blasted tonight w/ the rest of the graduates. And i'm pissed off and angry that i can't because i'm an alcoholic.
but on the positive side.. there are 2,300 people graduating tomorrow and we have to sit out in the hot georgia sun from about 9am til one pm til everyone''s name has been read. At least i won't be the one puking because i'm hungover and got overheated out in the 90degree sun (happens to at least one person every year).
Today has sucked.
Its the 13th anniversary of my dad's death.
I went to AA this afternoon hoping I'd find peace in it.. the last few days its the one time of the day that I can just unwind, clear my mind and not have it racing at 90 mph. Usually someone will say somethng that resonates with me and reminds me why I want to stay sober. Not today. Not very many of the regular ones were there today and it seemed everyone just mumbled on about nothing. I left feeling worse than when I had came.
Tomorrow is my college graduation. Even though I'm the first in all sides of my family to graduate college, I was basically told by everyone they didn't really give a damn, and they weren't coming to see me graduate.
I'm not gonna lie, i really want to get blasted tonight w/ the rest of the graduates. And i'm pissed off and angry that i can't because i'm an alcoholic.
but on the positive side.. there are 2,300 people graduating tomorrow and we have to sit out in the hot georgia sun from about 9am til one pm til everyone''s name has been read. At least i won't be the one puking because i'm hungover and got overheated out in the 90degree sun (happens to at least one person every year).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I'm glad that you came here and vented instead of going out drinking.
Congratulations on your graduation - you should be very proud of yourself.
I'm sorry it's been a bad day. Hang in there and keep going to the meetings - things will improve.
Congratulations on your graduation - you should be very proud of yourself.
I'm sorry it's been a bad day. Hang in there and keep going to the meetings - things will improve.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
It sounds like you were sitting in a no solution meeting. Sadly, this often happens. Some AA meetings have turned into this group therapy process feel good deal that does nothing to help recover from alcoholism,
I have sat where you have been, I went to a ton of meetings and never heard a word about the steps or that I could recover,often leaving feeling worse, it almost killed me. Life is not like that today, If you are ready to be done for good and for all there is a solution.
I am sorry to hear about your dad, working the steps has really helped me come to terms with tragic events and has given me peace, my mind is quiet today.
Congrats on your graduation, that's an accomplishment to be proud of.
I have sat where you have been, I went to a ton of meetings and never heard a word about the steps or that I could recover,often leaving feeling worse, it almost killed me. Life is not like that today, If you are ready to be done for good and for all there is a solution.
I am sorry to hear about your dad, working the steps has really helped me come to terms with tragic events and has given me peace, my mind is quiet today.
Congrats on your graduation, that's an accomplishment to be proud of.
down the rabbit hole
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: near Boston, MA
Posts: 321
Stormy, congratulations on your huge accomplishment!
I think all graduations have a level of craziness with them - espeically if family shows up My parents hate each other, yet there they both were - spent most of the day making sure they weren't anywhere near each other, dad probably drunk, my poor grandmother wandering around hugging everyone, exbf there, wearing a huge wool cap in June because his pot was hidden in... certainly a memorable dry.
Just remember, you are doing great and this is a celebration about you and your success, and you can just sit back and enjoy the spectacle with no fear that you will be the girl that pukes!
I think all graduations have a level of craziness with them - espeically if family shows up My parents hate each other, yet there they both were - spent most of the day making sure they weren't anywhere near each other, dad probably drunk, my poor grandmother wandering around hugging everyone, exbf there, wearing a huge wool cap in June because his pot was hidden in... certainly a memorable dry.
Just remember, you are doing great and this is a celebration about you and your success, and you can just sit back and enjoy the spectacle with no fear that you will be the girl that pukes!
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Congratulations, Stormy, on your graduation. Mine is next weekend. I'm the first, too - either side of the family, and I'll be forty in two months. Guess what? Other than my four children, my husband, and my 82-yr-old mother who really doesn't know what I've been doing the last four years, I have no family, including brothers & sisters, I could imagine inviting. And I'm from a family of seven kids, btw.
I lost my dad almost two years ago, and I really wish he could be here for this. He didn't really understand why I started all this so late in life, and he wouldn't know what the hell someone would do with a degree in English & Women's Studies (I never tried to explain, and I wish I had - he probably would have assumed that "women's studies" was some sort of home economics program), but I still wish he was here to see me do it. I wish your dad was for you, too. All we can do is take them with us in spirit.
Hold your head up high and wear sunblock tomorrow, sweetie. Keep your feet on the path.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
I lost my dad almost two years ago, and I really wish he could be here for this. He didn't really understand why I started all this so late in life, and he wouldn't know what the hell someone would do with a degree in English & Women's Studies (I never tried to explain, and I wish I had - he probably would have assumed that "women's studies" was some sort of home economics program), but I still wish he was here to see me do it. I wish your dad was for you, too. All we can do is take them with us in spirit.
Hold your head up high and wear sunblock tomorrow, sweetie. Keep your feet on the path.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
First of all: CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR GRADUATION!
That is one heck of an accompishment!
If I'm remembering correctly you are fairly new in Recovery. This is natually a time where emotions are up and down and all around. You're feeling things for the first time in however many years. Then add to it the Anniversary of your Dad's death. I lost my Dad in Sept. of '06 so I can identify with the feelings on a day such as this. Then add the excitement and pride of your accomplishment that you celebrate tomorrow. I know you will be thinking of your Dad while you are going through the ceremony. Just remember, even though you cannot see him, I truly believe that he's there with you. Whenever I see a bird flying, I think of my Dad sailing peaceful about, watching over me. When I see that one star in the sky that shines just a little bit brighter, there's my Dad, letting me know that he's there.
I also want to applaude you for not going out drinking tonight. That shows a tremendous amt of determination on your part. Society has taught everyone, not just us alcoholics, that a celebration requires drinking, if you are mourning the passing of a loved one, a few drinks will certainly help you through. Us alcoholics drink for any reason, sometimes just because the name of the day ends with a "y" You showed a great deal of strength.
Again, congratulations on your graduation. Hold your head high when you walk up to get that diploma! This is yet another symbol of your determination to improve your life and make your future brighter.
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
Congratz grad!
There will be someone for you to talk and vent to when you ask for someone to sponsor you. You do not have to suffer alone. The foundation of AA is alcoholics helping alcoholics, and it is this foundation that releives the suffering.
As far as meetings, if you feel an AA meeting is straying from the primary purpose, than go to a different meeting. Try Big Book meetings. There have been many times when I have seen newcomers eyes light up when they understand the why and how of the steps.
The tools of AA can solve any problem that comes your way. The willingness must come from you. You obviously show the determination to earn a degree. I KNOW that same determination can earn you soberiety. You just simply have to take the first step forward.
Tom
There will be someone for you to talk and vent to when you ask for someone to sponsor you. You do not have to suffer alone. The foundation of AA is alcoholics helping alcoholics, and it is this foundation that releives the suffering.
As far as meetings, if you feel an AA meeting is straying from the primary purpose, than go to a different meeting. Try Big Book meetings. There have been many times when I have seen newcomers eyes light up when they understand the why and how of the steps.
The tools of AA can solve any problem that comes your way. The willingness must come from you. You obviously show the determination to earn a degree. I KNOW that same determination can earn you soberiety. You just simply have to take the first step forward.
Tom
...for our new Grad!!
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