Texasblind

Good lord, 100% commission is what put me over the edge. Not knowing where my paycheck was coming from is what (I think) led me over the top. i.e. I'd rather get drunk on my days off and forget, rather than spend them worrying where the rent is coming from. Twisted, but true in my case. I just couldn't handle the idea of a no-budget lifestyle.

I came from a non-profit (arts) background, and those businesses are totally unpredictable, but I'd do it again anytime before another 100% commission job. Humans just aren't equipped for that.

God bless any of you who sell cars, furniture, boats, advertising, whatever for a living. I've been there and I know only the fellowship of some/any program and the people will help.

SalesGuy

Greetings. Well, when I wrote this before, I figured it was mostly BS and I would go out and get drunk soon, which I did. I might have gone a couple days not drinking when i wrote this, and only went to one AA meeting. Needless to say, I slipped further and further into the abyss right after I wrote my last entry last month. Depression and grave thoughts entered my mind after one particular bender. I still have a hard time comprehending how much Vodka I drank that one weekend.

But the story has taken a turn. I have been sober now for almost a week. I decided I was too young to die, which given my intake of booze, seemed something that was near. I have immersed myself in AA meetings since Monday. Going to 1-2 a day, all over where I live - I am finding I like the meetings in churches more that "cluhouses" but that is merely a personal preference. Every time I have the urge to drink, I go to a meeting and the mood passes. Though, the mood before the meeting for me is intense. Especially when I am driving past liquor store after liquor store. Of course, its not the store's fault.

I was skeptical about AA, because of the strong religious theme. But I am finding AA to be somewhat of a sanctuary. A fellowship. I enjoy it. Right now I am doing nothing but listening and drying out physically and mentally. My participation begins after the meeting talking to other people, but during the meeting I am simply looking and listening. There will be a time to speak, but for me, now is simply the time to listen and reflect.

I am not making any bold statements, other than I am going to a 7pm meeting tonight and two meetings tomorrow. Thanks. Salesguy.

CarolD

Thanks for checking back with us....

Forward we go...side by side

Ananda

Salesguy - it is so great to see you back....i remember the day you posted this thread. AA has been part of my answer to recovery. The HP stuff has ended up being open enough to include my understanding of an HP tht is not god...so not to worry .... you can find a way!

I hope you will continue to post here at SR. I need live face to face interaction, but this site has added such a strong recovery tool to my sobriety.

Welcome Welcome and keep coming back

SalesGuy

Thanks...went to a meeting tonight and it does give great therapy for sure. I went out to dinner aferwards. I just got a salad. Normally when I get "just a salad" I'd wash it down with 4 white whines. My tab tonight? $10. Normally it would run $35.

Who says being sober doesn't pay?

thrownasunder

I to drink alone 95 percent of the time and enjoy it more since I dont make as terrible a spectacle of myself. I only drink a couple times a week but that is always about 5-10 beers when I do drink. My days seem meaningless and empty and I hate my life and am in a deep depression and I was drinking daily for a while before but could stop for a couple weeks, but now this month ive vowed to stop drinking about four times and I just get that craving and nothing can stop it. Nothing can stop the amount I drink either. I have a daughter and I put her in danger with my reckless behaviors and even seeing this I cant stop it. I dont want to go to aa, and I dont have any friends, and I am so god awful lonely and despariring that drinking has become a vicious cycle to forget, to socialize (im pretty much handicapped socially in meeting new people otherwise besides the internet who are just men who prob want sex) and I just hate everything.......im bitter and hateful and sometimes I dont care about anything except that drink, so I also dont know how the hell I am gonna manage to stop drinking for good either. Im pretty sure ive crossed over into dependent drinking, as opposed to good old fasioned alcohol abuse.

Sorry if this is really depressing and whiney sounding but thats just my personality lol..hence the reason i probably dont have any friends.

CarolD

thrownasunder......I see you started your own thread
so I will reply there.

Rusty Zipper

SG, i'll address the boring issue..

if all your life, you put your right shoe on first, why not try puting the left one on first!

ya might get used to it, and come to like it...

SG, you almost told my story, cept i got a few more years on ya!

good wishes SG

rz