NoMoBeer

Hey Sales Guy...
NoMoBeer/(aka Ken) here -- alcoholic and "sales guy" too. What a great career, but a tough one to get used to sober! Tough, but possible, I am living proof. Remember:

"If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol."
Quoted from the book...
Alcoholics Anonymous...1st Edition.

So, question is -- are you ready to stop? If so, get to work. Sorry, I heard fear of the future, how you drank, and how you are going to 'try' to quit this time.

Figure out where your bottom is, stop digging, put down the shovel, come up out of that pit (we AAers will be glad to lend you a hand) and get your butt BUSY!!!

I am right here with you, please let me/us know what you need to stay sober today. Just for today. Forget about tomorrow's vacations, next week's household chores, the block party, all that crap. Without sobriety, none of it means diddly squat!

Keep the faith, and keep coming back...

ken

SalesGuy

Well, my first week of sobriety lasted a grand total of 20 hours. I made the concsious decision to drink wine while I was traveling. I summarized on the plane it was not a good idea to try and quit drinking without going to AA meetings, and I was not in a position, due to travel, that I could attend. Rather than risk failure, I decided not to try and went to the hotel bar, and consumed wine at night.

I stayed fairly sober each night, just a couple glasses a night until my last night of travel, Thursday, when I got pretty drunk since my business was done and was somewhat successful, or at least I think it was. Since wine was $8.75 a glass, my tab was nearly $75 the last night. Nice investment in my future.

So I came home Friday, and delved into the Vodka again. I theorized since I am beginning AA this Sunday, what was the harm of another bender? So you know the routine, we all do. I found some of the cheapest Vodka I could find in the liquor store - just always wanted to see what the difference was from Grey Goose and a Kentucky brand Vodka (not much by the way). A big bottle for $9.99 and I also picked up a smaller bottle of gin. I don't even like gin, but it made sense at the time.

The routine this weekend has been fairly pedestrian. Lots of drinking, movies (I watched Tombstone and Karate Kid last night, which entertained me until about 3am). Today, I walked down the street and got Chinese takeout and watched basketball, alone, while taking short naps. I woke up after about an hour mid afternoon and wondered where I was. This has been a typical weekend for a few years now. I truly wonder how the human body can take such abuse.

So anyway, tomorrow starts sobriety. I have been to AA twice before in my life. Once, I had a good routine with AA. But I went back to the bottle thinking I could control my drinking. The second time I went to AA, I knew I could not control my drinking long term, but after a few meetings, I got so sick and tired of listening to this really obnoxious guy lecture the group on "what we needed to do" to stay sober. Man he was obnoxious and he was there every meeting....Hopefully this new group I am attending wont have some self centered jerk lecturing the masses on how to stay sober. For those that are sober, please remember that nobody wants to be lectured. During his lecture, I released a huge "sigh" and walked out...I can only imagine what he said when I left....

Anyway, I am rambling, too much alcohol in a concentrated time. Funny thing is, I don't feel drunk, but I know tomorrow will be a rough day. I am actually looking forward to AA. I am in town for the next 10 days, so I can immerse my free time into meetings...

Will update in a few days...

beingjenagain

What great information you have recieved!
I think I read it all but may have missed this info that I want to share....
I am also 39 and realized that I sure didn't want to turn 40 and not remember much about the last few years. When I quit I felt scared and thirst! Days 3 to 5 were the worst days for my mind telling me a beer would make me feel better. I couldn't concentrate on anything for the want of a drink. I spent hour after hour on this site to avoid drinking. I think that is why so many alcoholics go back to drinking after a couple days. Once you start to feel better you are sure that you can control your drinking this time. But it seemed to me like a set of stairs, everytime I went back to drinking I would start off where I left off not with just a beer or 2 but 18+ right out of the gate!
Keep posting! Jen

warrens

Best to you, SG

I hope you find what you need at AA. The change must come from within, however. The first step is so crucial. It sets up everything else.

For me, quitting alcohol isn't a decision. I don't abstain because of inconvenience, expense, hangovers, etc. I must stay sober to live. To become a whole person who is in charge of my physical and spiritual being. Even if I could control my drinking, the activity of control would control me.

AA won't do it for you unless you truly accept that you are powerless. That your life is unmanageable, even if you function, make six figures, etc. That alcohol controls you.

As a male American, I resist everything that seems to exert control over me. Our lives are predicated on freedom and free will. Your reaction to "lectures" is part of that, I think. We hate to be told what to do and what to think. I'm sure you hate airport security as much as I do. Stupid bureaucratic rules.

But we allow alcohol to dominate us without question. It pervades every aspect of our life. We get p*ssed off when a silly traffic light turns red, but will leave our home and drive miles if we are out of alcohol.

Until we see our lives for what they are, we will not stop. We hate control but submit to it so easily. I hope you see that someday.

warren

Tazman53

SlesGuy in the BB it says:

I had to let go of the idea in my head that some how, some way, I would be able to control my drinking and not have my drinking control me!!!! I had to let go of the idea in my head that I could safely have one drink!!!! It took me a long time to figure out that it was the "First" drink that got me drunk, not the 15th or the 20th!!!! I had to understand that I would not get drunk if I never drank that first drink!

SalesGuy

I went to my first AA meeting in a long time. I have sinced moved so I had to go to a new group. We discussed one of the steps, step #4....it was not a good meeting, in my opinion. The first THIRTY minutes consisted of reading from some book (not the BB), continuously. I am not sure who would put an agenda like this together, but it took every ounce of will power not to walk out. Given that 7 or 8 people left during the reading, or shortly thereafter, led me to believe the meeting truly did suck. I mean, come on, 30 minutes of continuous reading. I understand 5 or 10 minutes (max), but THIRTY. We in the first grade? Only a few people had books.

Then four or five people spoke about step four, on how hard it was to do, but nobody ever offered any explanation on why it was so tough. I am a pretty smart guy and pick things up quick, and I had no idea what anyone was talking about. The common theme was people did step #4 three or four times before they got it right. "Right" was not defined.

This was a "One Step" meeting. Obviously too advanced for a newcomer like me and I will stick to less intellectual meetings. There looks to be a couple less confusing and more interactive meetings tomorrow and Wednesday. I will see how they go. What a dissapointing meeting, and I was not on edge from not drinking. The meeting just sucked.

ClaudePepper77

ive pretty much accepted that alcohol will be the death of me. sooner rather than later.

i just pray to god my son doesnt fall into the the same trick as me.

CarolD

I think attending different meetings is an excellent idea.
I was in D.C. during my early years and shopped around
for my first home group.

I enjoyed starting my day with AA
so I found a daily 7 A.M. Open Discussion

I did Monday night BB Sunday 3 P.M. 12 & 12
as well.

Good to know you are making progress..

Tazman53

Salesguy I had to chuckle, coming into a step meeting as a newcomer can be confusing enough as it is, but step 4 with nothing to lead up to it would have had me totally lost even with about 2-3 weeks sober!!! And then a 1/2 hour reading!!!! Man I would have left!!!! LOL

Try and find a beginners meeting, discussion meeting, or a speakers meeting, those are what I found to be the most helpfult to me early in sobriety. At least those do not involve someone reading for 1/2 hour out of a book!!!!

Ananda

Interesting....My first AA meeting was a step 4 meeting. I was late cause scared to go in...so people were sharing at that point.

It was actually great for me at that time as I heard people talking about that they had done things wrong. I immediately felt the same as instead of different. My second meeting was a gratitude meeting...similar experience.

Yeah sales - just try a different meeting. Carol's suggestions and experience seemed right on track.

SalesGuy

Wrapping up day three. Face still looks "red" from drinking, but I imagine it will take a while - when I say red, you know rosy cheeeks like you have been out in the sun. I went on an appointment today, a sales call, and I spent most of my red-light time looking in the rear view mirror wondering if I looked like a "big drinker". Not to sound vain, but lately (meaning the last year) I found myself looking at myself in the mirror a lot, for no other reason than if I looked liked a drunk...!

Last night I tossed and turned until 4:30, and got up around 9am, which is obviously late for a work day. I found myself thinking about drinking all day. Not so much that I was dying for a drink, but trying to figure out what I was going to do tonight. I mean, for years, my life centered around drinking at night, so not having a bottle of Vodka or wine just seems wierd.

My body is pretty achy - my liver is still a little tender and kidneys a little sore, nothing I feel is a big deal as I show no other other signs of any type of organ damage. Last night when I was tossing and turning, I felt for sure I was going to have a heart attack. LOL, I figured I probably wouldn't but for a couple hours I had to take deep breaths just to calm down.

I took a nap today rather than go to a meeting. I was just fatigued. I should have toughed it out and went but the bed looked too inviting. Of course, I guess I will be up most of the night again because I am wide awake and I have no booze to knock me out. Fun, Fun!

I find myself gorging on food right now. Usually when I was hungry while drinking, I'd just pour a stiffer drink. I am not too concerned if I put on a few pounds right now, once I get used to this sobriety stuff I can take it off. But I do plan on exercising tomorrow.

Onward to day 4. I have no appointments tomorrow so I will have time to hit a meeting or two.

TriHarder

SalesGuy-

I, too, "eat what I kill" (sales). You not having any sales calls this week can be a good sacrifice while drying out. Meetings sound like a good plan. I'm also new to sobriety, yet again, after several half-ass attempts over the years. Alcoholism kinda crept up on me after many years of abnormally high consumption levels...compared to everyone else.

One thing that might help fill your evenings is to get into some serious Continued Education, Professional Designations, or ANY academia. I find that it's fun to learn rather than burn (brain cells). I actually look forward to getting home, getting in a workout, and having some coffee over a textbook session. Just a thought.

Mike

SalesGuy

Good Point Tri....I was thinking, if I completely immersed myself in my work, I could probably make sales I would not ordinarily make and be a star in the industry. I have always been a good sales guy, but hangovers and poor decisions due to alcohol has kept me far from my potential.

I guess I am what you call a solid producer. I have never been fired from any job, and the sales divisions over the years have come to depend on my steady production. Never a star by any means, but never "average" or below either. Like a 7 on a scale 1-10.

What has always kept me from being a star are hangovers and pre-occupation from drinking. For instance, today, I actually had a good meeting despite being sleep deprived. The client and I had a good dialogue, and the buying signals are there after the first meeting, though I need several more good meetings to close the deal.

Now, due to the good meeting today, I would have celebrated by picking up some wine and vodka. It's 10:30pm where I live right now, and I would normally be turning in, likely drunk. I'd wake up tomorrow and be hung over all day and be terribly unproductive. And that drinking would start again the next evening. Instead, I can prospect on the phone for new opportunities, and make a series of phone calls.

I don't mean this to be a brag post. I honestly feel if I continue to drink, my "7" will soon become a "4". My drinking the last couple years has gone from downright heavy, which is manageable, to abusive which I can't manage, or hide physically. I remember about 8 years ago when I began experimenting with Vodka after I downed a few Bloody Marys and liked them, I drank 3/4 of a 1/5th in one night. I woke up with a viscous all day hangover, and thought I set some type of record for consumption. Now my tolerance is such I can knock out an entire 1/5th, along with some wine and shake off a headache by noon.

This is the longest I have been with alcohol in a long, long time, and its a whopping three days. My body is still aching some, but my mind is clearing. This weekend I am going to take a drive, somewhere a couple hours away and just stay away all day. I gotta get out, because my weekends for a long time have been alone, drinking by myself, or worse, at some Casino trying to strike it rich, which makes sense when you are hammered.

Will keep the thread informed.

Tazman53

Sales the redness will go away or at least lessen a lot in time. My reddness and bloating went away after about a week for the most part, within a month I looked my age rather then 10-15 years older then what I am.

Staying busy doing new things and going to meetings were a tremendous help for me, in my early days of sobriety I found that dedicating at least as much time if not more to my recovery as I did to drinking made a huge difference, my performance at work really improved as well.

nolonger

Incidentally, what's that mean? Like you only do enough to get by, and don't stock up extra business for later?

TriHarder

nolonger- "I eat what I kill" just means that I'm not on a salary...just commission...i.e. I don't get to "eat" unless I leave the cave, hunt, kill, and drag it home (metaphorically speaking).

It's a sales saying.

nolonger

Thanks Triharder. I'm a big fan of odd metaphors from people's work lives. That's a peach!

chip

Welcome Salesguy

I'm glad you found us. Congrats on your sobriety!!! Keep up the good work.
chip

SoBearish

Rooting for you SG!! You can do it - Just take it one step at a time.

Peace

CarolD

TriHarder....
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