Greetings after a long break!
A.M.D.G.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 49
Greetings after a long break!
Hello Friends!
I have been away a while, but I have a computer again for the moment and I have been dropping in to see how you are all doing. I think I must be more of a reader than a writer (though I'm glad I finally did post when I did). Still, I wanted to wish everyone a happy (late) Easter and say thank you once again for your encouragement.
I have been working hard following directions and now I have just barely over 4 months sober.
I am taking a short break from living in a sober facility for clergy and religious. I promised that I would spend a few weeks at my parish over the Easter celebration. So here I am. It's my second favorite liturgical season.
I did have one near miss right after treatment. I had returned to my parish and a man confessed to me about his troubles with alcohol. I felt so blessed because I could really help him now. It was all I could do to let him finish and I was shaking as I granted absolution. I was sure God had sent him to me so I could fix him. And I was going to! Whether he wanted it or not.
I don't think I need to tell the rest of the story. Obviously he is still out there. I was so disappointed. I'd blown my chance and for a week there I just couldn't see the point of what I was doing. Maybe I was happier when I was drinking. Maybe God was trying to make a point to me about my overzealous attitude.
I think I am at my worst when I second guess God's intentions for me. That's when I decided I wasn't ready and made the move into the sober living facility. I plan on staying a bit longer.
On a completely different subject, has anyone seen a television show called New Amsterdam? I have never been much of a television watcher, but it is the story about an immortal police officer who is an alcoholic (he gives his sobriety in days, 15 thousand something). In each episode is a little history lesson, which is why I liked it. One show was about how he got sober in the 1940s/the murder of a sober addict and he uses the AA steps and traditions as clues to solve the current mystery. You can see it on the internet I think. (iTunes maybe?)
Thanks to you all again for being there when I needed you.
Your servant
Dietrich
I have been away a while, but I have a computer again for the moment and I have been dropping in to see how you are all doing. I think I must be more of a reader than a writer (though I'm glad I finally did post when I did). Still, I wanted to wish everyone a happy (late) Easter and say thank you once again for your encouragement.
I have been working hard following directions and now I have just barely over 4 months sober.
I am taking a short break from living in a sober facility for clergy and religious. I promised that I would spend a few weeks at my parish over the Easter celebration. So here I am. It's my second favorite liturgical season.
I did have one near miss right after treatment. I had returned to my parish and a man confessed to me about his troubles with alcohol. I felt so blessed because I could really help him now. It was all I could do to let him finish and I was shaking as I granted absolution. I was sure God had sent him to me so I could fix him. And I was going to! Whether he wanted it or not.
I don't think I need to tell the rest of the story. Obviously he is still out there. I was so disappointed. I'd blown my chance and for a week there I just couldn't see the point of what I was doing. Maybe I was happier when I was drinking. Maybe God was trying to make a point to me about my overzealous attitude.
I think I am at my worst when I second guess God's intentions for me. That's when I decided I wasn't ready and made the move into the sober living facility. I plan on staying a bit longer.
On a completely different subject, has anyone seen a television show called New Amsterdam? I have never been much of a television watcher, but it is the story about an immortal police officer who is an alcoholic (he gives his sobriety in days, 15 thousand something). In each episode is a little history lesson, which is why I liked it. One show was about how he got sober in the 1940s/the murder of a sober addict and he uses the AA steps and traditions as clues to solve the current mystery. You can see it on the internet I think. (iTunes maybe?)
Thanks to you all again for being there when I needed you.
Your servant
Dietrich
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Augustine)))
I'm SO glad you checked in with us and that you are doing well!! I've been wondering how you were!
It is hard to watch someone else not want recovery when we are working on our own recovery. Don't take it as a personal failure. I still remember the very people who told me things when I first sought recovery. I wasn't ready to listen. When I DID become ready, the things they told me had so much more meaning and I am very grateful to them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm SO glad you checked in with us and that you are doing well!! I've been wondering how you were!
It is hard to watch someone else not want recovery when we are working on our own recovery. Don't take it as a personal failure. I still remember the very people who told me things when I first sought recovery. I wasn't ready to listen. When I DID become ready, the things they told me had so much more meaning and I am very grateful to them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Augustine.
You know - just yesterday I was wondering if we were gonna get an update on how you were doing (no joke - came to mind for the first time since before Christmas when I was following your posts so closely).
Thanks for the update, glad to hear you are sober and doing well.
You know - just yesterday I was wondering if we were gonna get an update on how you were doing (no joke - came to mind for the first time since before Christmas when I was following your posts so closely).
Thanks for the update, glad to hear you are sober and doing well.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Wow Dietrich.....it's great to see you again
and what awesome progress you are sharing!
Relax and allow His blessings to flow.
You plant the recovery seed
and then let God do as He will.
That is exactly what you did.
No...I have not watched the show.
Sounds interesting.
Congratulations on your sober time!
and what awesome progress you are sharing!
Relax and allow His blessings to flow.
You plant the recovery seed
and then let God do as He will.
That is exactly what you did.
No...I have not watched the show.
Sounds interesting.
Congratulations on your sober time!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Dietrich like sugErspun, I was thinking of you yesterday, I am ecstatic to hear you are doing well.
Dietrich I was the same way in early sobriety, I had the solution and when presented with someone who was seeking a solution for the same problem I had I was overjoyed, I was going to save every alcoholic who gave me the opportunity!!!!
Well I have come to find that even though I may have the solution for my problem, I am not God, I can only be there to share the solution I have found to those who are seeking a solution, all I can do is plant a seed, accepting the fact that I am not God, I have to simply turn over to God the time that the seed I planted will start to grow. Gods will for me that day was simply to plant a seed, a seed of hope. God will take care of when it will grow or not. Many times I have found that Gods will for me is simply to plant a seed for the future, Dietrich you did God's will that day, you planted a seed in that man, God will take care of things for now. Who knows, it may be God's will in the future to allow you to help the seed you planted today to grow in the future, just stay in today and keep yourself fit to be ready one day at a time.
You are not alone in that feeling, I know that every time I try to second guess God's intentions for me I wind up with a resentment or dissappointed, I have found that as long as I am working on maintaining a fit spiritual condition that I am able to see many things God has intended for me that I was blind to before.
I try to simply be a tool in God's hands, I watch and listen for things that he gives me to do and I am slowly coming to accept that what I do today that is his will I have no idea what it will lead to, except that it will be okay.
Thanks for sharing your walk with us Dietrich, your experience, strength and hope help all of us.
4 months!!!! Wow it seems like yesterday, I hope you will be able to give us updates more often, but if you can't, that is okay, you will be in my prayers.
I did have one near miss right after treatment. I had returned to my parish and a man confessed to me about his troubles with alcohol. I felt so blessed because I could really help him now. It was all I could do to let him finish and I was shaking as I granted absolution. I was sure God had sent him to me so I could fix him. And I was going to! Whether he wanted it or not.
Well I have come to find that even though I may have the solution for my problem, I am not God, I can only be there to share the solution I have found to those who are seeking a solution, all I can do is plant a seed, accepting the fact that I am not God, I have to simply turn over to God the time that the seed I planted will start to grow. Gods will for me that day was simply to plant a seed, a seed of hope. God will take care of when it will grow or not. Many times I have found that Gods will for me is simply to plant a seed for the future, Dietrich you did God's will that day, you planted a seed in that man, God will take care of things for now. Who knows, it may be God's will in the future to allow you to help the seed you planted today to grow in the future, just stay in today and keep yourself fit to be ready one day at a time.
I think I am at my worst when I second guess God's intentions for me.
I try to simply be a tool in God's hands, I watch and listen for things that he gives me to do and I am slowly coming to accept that what I do today that is his will I have no idea what it will lead to, except that it will be okay.
Thanks for sharing your walk with us Dietrich, your experience, strength and hope help all of us.
4 months!!!! Wow it seems like yesterday, I hope you will be able to give us updates more often, but if you can't, that is okay, you will be in my prayers.
A.M.D.G.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 49
Thank you all. Prayer is powerful! I have no doubt that your intercessions contributed greatly to what I have managed ot accomplish thus far.
It DOES seem like yesterday doesn't it! And some times it feels like five minutes ago. And others, it feels like years. Sometimes I wake up feeling like "Am I still doing this? Oh. Yes. I believe I am." and other times I wake up feeling like this is what I was always doing.
I know exactly what you mean Martin, about doing God's will and leaving it at that. I think, at the time, my greatest fear was that I had unintentionally hurt this person with my naive good intentions and that instead of being angry with me (which I could live with) he would be angry with God instead. Sometimes I take things a little too seriously, but I think perhaps this might simply be the difference between a job and a vocation.
Oh, and New Amsterdam is a show in the US. It's on the Fox network. I'm sure you can watch it on the internet.
Pax Christi,
Dietrich
It DOES seem like yesterday doesn't it! And some times it feels like five minutes ago. And others, it feels like years. Sometimes I wake up feeling like "Am I still doing this? Oh. Yes. I believe I am." and other times I wake up feeling like this is what I was always doing.
I know exactly what you mean Martin, about doing God's will and leaving it at that. I think, at the time, my greatest fear was that I had unintentionally hurt this person with my naive good intentions and that instead of being angry with me (which I could live with) he would be angry with God instead. Sometimes I take things a little too seriously, but I think perhaps this might simply be the difference between a job and a vocation.
Oh, and New Amsterdam is a show in the US. It's on the Fox network. I'm sure you can watch it on the internet.
Pax Christi,
Dietrich
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
So good to hear from you Dietrich!,
I too was thinking of you last week. Your news is very uplifting to me! I am delighted that you are 4 months into soberiety. You are always an instrument of God's will.
Thank you~
I too was thinking of you last week. Your news is very uplifting to me! I am delighted that you are 4 months into soberiety. You are always an instrument of God's will.
Thank you~
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Sometimes I take things a little too seriously, but I think perhaps this might simply be the difference between a job and a vocation.
Angels can fly because they can take them selfs lightly!
A.M.D.G.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 49
Well. I'm certainly not an angel.
I do have a computer of my own now, however. A new macbook. Black of course, so we match.
I've just used it to complete my taxes (For the first time ever. The parish used to do it.)
It's certainly a good thing I'm not drinking anymore. I don't think I would have made it otherwise. (I'm resident alien clergy - It's so complicated I still don't know if I figured it out. I suppose if the IRS comes to my door, I'll know. Not to mention I really did put it off until the very last minute!)
Oh, it's not that I am a big fan of the show New Amsterdam, I was just surprised to see AA in a TV show where it was not treated as "a room full of losers". I thought it was neat to see it not only presented as a positive thing, but used to solve a mystery. (Other episodes of the show were not as good.)
Pax,
Dietrich
I do have a computer of my own now, however. A new macbook. Black of course, so we match.
I've just used it to complete my taxes (For the first time ever. The parish used to do it.)
It's certainly a good thing I'm not drinking anymore. I don't think I would have made it otherwise. (I'm resident alien clergy - It's so complicated I still don't know if I figured it out. I suppose if the IRS comes to my door, I'll know. Not to mention I really did put it off until the very last minute!)
Oh, it's not that I am a big fan of the show New Amsterdam, I was just surprised to see AA in a TV show where it was not treated as "a room full of losers". I thought it was neat to see it not only presented as a positive thing, but used to solve a mystery. (Other episodes of the show were not as good.)
Pax,
Dietrich
...DietrichFollow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Well. I'm certainly not an angel.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
It was not until I was able to admit I was far from perfect and was fully willing to turn my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding that I was able to not only stay sober, but to change into a better person by working on spiritual progress rather then perfection.
Dietrich my heart sings to see the change in you, I would love to have known you in person both before and after sobriety, I am sure those who do know you personally are truly amazed to see your progression, I can feel it just by your writing.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Good to hear from you, Father -- and very good to hear from you sober. I missed this thread when you first created it. Things have been very busy for me, and my life seems sometimes to belong to someone else. Now that I think about it, it's probably very true! 
Regarding God's will, I'll share the guideline I use: I do what's in front of me to do, and however that turns out, that's God's will for me -- whether I like it or understand it. Not always, but sometimes, I'm shown later on down the line why something worked out the way it did. Sometimes, I just have to have faith. If you would like to see where my philosophy comes from (you may already know), turn to the story, "Acceptance was the Answer," in the back of your Big Book. If you've got a 3rd edition, it will be entitled, "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict."
I wish you well. I have worked with many non-alcoholic clergy in our district, and they've become great friends of AA and have embraced the 12 steps as a good and helpful way of living, not at all in conflict with the teachings of their faith. As an alcoholic clergyman, you are in a position not only of helping your parishioners with knowledge and resources in AA, but also, whether they realize it or not, a deeper understanding. Please don't be disheartened by one man who is not yet "fixed." It's only our job to plant the seeds. Something much greater than us helps them grow -- when we become ready.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Regarding God's will, I'll share the guideline I use: I do what's in front of me to do, and however that turns out, that's God's will for me -- whether I like it or understand it. Not always, but sometimes, I'm shown later on down the line why something worked out the way it did. Sometimes, I just have to have faith. If you would like to see where my philosophy comes from (you may already know), turn to the story, "Acceptance was the Answer," in the back of your Big Book. If you've got a 3rd edition, it will be entitled, "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict."
I wish you well. I have worked with many non-alcoholic clergy in our district, and they've become great friends of AA and have embraced the 12 steps as a good and helpful way of living, not at all in conflict with the teachings of their faith. As an alcoholic clergyman, you are in a position not only of helping your parishioners with knowledge and resources in AA, but also, whether they realize it or not, a deeper understanding. Please don't be disheartened by one man who is not yet "fixed." It's only our job to plant the seeds. Something much greater than us helps them grow -- when we become ready.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
A.M.D.G.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Tazman53 
I am sure those who do know you personally are truly amazed to see your progression, I can feel it just by your writing.
I look back at my old posts and cringe! I am a terrible speller in English becasue it feels like I am leaving letters out. I guess, while drinking, I got a little bit carried away. (I use a spell check for anything 'official' I need to write.)
And I do like that story "Acceptance is the Answer". It helped me get over my "why did this happen to me" roadblock and start thinking: "So it happened. Now what are yougoing to DO!" And so far, that has made the most difference. (Well, that and God. But that goes iwth out saying.)
Pax,
Dietrich
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
